"NASA KANTO AKO."
After I received such message at this hour where everyone was asleep, I immediately get my jacket on top of my study table. With ease trying my best not to make any noise, I sneaked out.
Dad will really kill me if he finds out.
I grinned.
Soon as I closed the gate, I replied, 'On my way.'
In a blink, the cold wind touched my skin. I shivered as I put my hands inside the pockets of my jacket, seeking a familiar warmth.
Within few steps, I saw a familiar figure standing in the corner of the street. From there, I noticed that the orange light coming from the nearby light post was the only light guiding him away from the night's total darkness.
As I scanned him, I noticed he was wearing his weary and overly used black jacket he had been using since high school.
He waved his hand soon as he saw me. I smiled.
"What's with the sudden text?" I asked, smiling.
He smiled back.
"I just wanna see you. Why? Can't I?"
Beat.
There was something wrong with his smile. Instead of his signature cheerful and bright smile, it turned into a bitter and weak one. He looked so exhausted, seemed like he aged a lot when in fact he was just 19.
"You speak as if I'm your girlfriend when I am not," I jokingly said, trying to lift up the atmosphere. "May problema ba?"
"Do I seem problematic?" he asked, acting like he was offended.
"You always are," I joked.
We ended up laughing.
"How's school?" he asked soon as we went back to our senses.
I grinned.
"Well, just so you know, girls from different departments are asking where you are and when are you coming back. Even Lady Snorlax, she misses you."
We laughed again, making fun of our professor who openly showed her sexual desire for him.
"So, kailan ka nga ba papasok ulit?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I doubt that. Siguro, mag stop muna ako."
My eyes widened. Between the two of us, s'ya itong ganado parati mag-aral.
"Why?" I asked, worry could be seen on my face. "M-May problema ba?"
He smiled bitterly as he met my eyes.
"It's dad..."
I felt my heart took a sudden leap. His dad had always been his problem since we were children. He was, and still is, being beaten up for apparently no reason at all.
His family was once a wealthy family in our city, not until his alcoholic and gambler dad ruined things for them.
His mom had no choice but to accept random cleaning jobs for years until my dad personally hired her to do our laundries and that's when we became friends. We often played, colored our books, and re-enacted famous scenes from the TV series we both loved to watch. I had witnessed how his mom will ask dad for advance payments for them to at least have a meal for the day.
Not just that, I witnessed also how his dad beaten him up: by hands, broom, hangers, and even through a belt. I had seen his scars and bruises. I was a witness of how traumatic his childhood was.
Nevertheless, he turned out to be a tall and smart man as we grow up. My dad sponsored his school tuition and expenses in exchange of him tutoring me for free. I'm a bit dense, you see. He was both the salutatorian in Elementary and High School, when in fact he can be the Valedictorian himself. Well, only if his dad was supportive enough.
In college, he took BS Biology as his pre-med course while I took Political Science as my pre-law. He was a consistent dean's lister and his popularity in school because of his intellect and face was insane.
It was fine at first until he lost his track again. His father was no longer assaulting him physically but now, mentally. His mom became his dad's recent punching bag. I told him we should report it to the authorities but his mom didn't want to.
Left with no choice, I witnessed how he lost interest in his studies. He was forced to take countless part-time jobs just to earn money so his mom won't be beaten up anymore.
I gulped.
"W-What's with your dad?" I asked with anger arising within me. "Your mom got beaten up again?"
He smiled weakly and he looked down.
"He didn't. This day, he didn't..."
Astounded, I looked at him. "Wow, Traise! Bago 'yan, ha!"
He smiled shyly.
"Courtney, isn't it a piece of good news? It's the start. Mom won't get slaps and bruises anymore."
Confused, I forced a smile. "Dapat lang 'no! Ako bu-bugbog sa tatay mo, eh!"
He laughed. "Now you sound like a mad girlfriend."
"Do you want me to?" I jokingly said.
"I'd love to."
Flabbergasted, I looked at him.
No, he was not joking this time.
He looked down and let out a sigh. "But I can't and I should not."
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
"I know you like me," he said. He was smiling when he met my eyes. "My body might have been numb from all the beatings I got from my dad but my heart isn't."
"Since when?" I asked. My eyes were alarmed. "Since when did you know?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt like you like me."
"How?" I asked with nothing but determination in my eyes.
He looked at me and it was clear that he was seeking if there's still a way out.
"Tell me, Traise," I said eagerly. "How did you know?"
When he realized I won't stop unless he'll give me the explanation I wanted, his face started to soften. He stared at my eyes intently and suddenly, his lips curved a small smile.
"When you started giving me the look I gave you the moment I first laid my eyes on you..."
My jaw literally dropped. My heart just skipped a bit and I felt the entire zoo inside me.
How should I respond to that when he was looking deeply at my eyes and with a smile on his lips?
His smile widened. "I like you too."
I literally bit my lower lip. Matagal ko nang pinangarap marinig sa kaniya iyon pero ngayong narinig ko na bakit parang gusto kong tumakbo? I can even feel my cheeks burning red.
However, before I could answer his sudden confession that never did I expect, he smiled weakly.
"But I should not," he followed. "I must stop."
"Why not?" I asked. A mixture of love, pain, and fear could be seen in my eyes. "You know I like you, you want me too. So why not? Why make things complicated for us when everything is mutual?"
"It's not that easy," he said. His eyes started to be emotional. "I'm...too messed up."
"So what?" I asked. "You know I like messy things."
"You... You don't understand," he argued.
"Then make me understand," I eagerly replied.
"It won't make sense," he responded.
"Then make it makes sense."
He looked at my face again and he was probably looking for an escape. When he ensured that I won't let this go unless he'll give me a valid reason, Traise heaved a sigh.
"Sobrang gulo ng buhay ko," he started. "My family, my dad, even me, myself. My mind was exploited even at a very young age. I got all forms of beatings from dad that made me numb of it. I also saw how complicated life is for my mom, working her ass off 24/7. I saw how my dad abused her, time won't pass that she won't be getting a bruise or a slap."
It caught me off guard. I never knew that the reason could be this deep.
"See, Courtney? Kahit na gustong gusto kong subukan, I'm... I'm too complicated for you. I want the best for you but I will never be the best. I'm just...one of those filths that might ruin you. With the dirt in my hands, I don't wanna ruin you. You're too precious for that."
"Then I'll fix you," I said. "If you want, I'll hold your hand while you fix yourself. I can always wait, Traise. You know that," I said and my voice broke. I felt tears building up in my eyes. Desperate as it may seem but I don't care anymore.
"You have no idea of what you're saying. No one can save me," Traise said and he looked directly at my eyes. "Not even you."
That created a bang in my chest I couldn't handle.
"That's actually why I went here," he said and tears were visibly forming in his eyes too. "I'm saying goodbye."
My eyes grew bigger. "What... do you mean?"
He gave me a weak smile. "I know I've said goodbye for too many times, but this time... it's real."
Just then, his tears fell.
"Farewell, the best thing I never had," he said while looking at me. My tears fell on my cheeks. "'Til we meet again..."
In no time, he turned his back. I watched him as he walked away. It created a deep pierce in my heart both literally and figuratively.
In this melancholic moment, he came to me like a thief in the night, carrying my own heart with him as we parted ways.
I started to cry so hard that even my sight got blurry due to my tears. With my chest feeling a lethal pain, I turned my back as well.
I can't watch him slowly fading in the dark.
I just... can't.
I started to walk but just when I was about to reach our gate, I heard noises-really loud noises as if it was an emergency or something.
Bewildered, I looked back again and that was when my roots were about to disown me.
There were cars, plenty of them—which were police mobile cars and all the police came out from it. In my horror, they gathered around Traise and pointed their gun at him.
"PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!" one police said. "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!"
My eyes widened.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
Faster than I can, I ran in their direction but I was too late—he was caught and was pushed against the car as they tried to handcuff him with his hands on his back.
"You have the right to remain silent," the police said. "Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to have a lawyer present during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided to you if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time. Do you understand?"
I got stupefied. The next moment I knew, he was being arrested and was forced to go inside the car.
Just then, our eyes met.
He stopped, he smiled weakly, and he mouthed, "I love you..."
That broke me.
When the police car closed, things came clearer to me as if I just got splashed by cold water.
I tried to come near him hysterically but the police did not allow me. Until the car departed and I was left standing still while crying.
"Kakilala mo ba 'yun?" a police asked me, watching the car departing as well. "Grabeng bata. Nakakatakot!"
I looked at him, confused. "B-Bakit po?"
But what I heard left me dumbstruck.
"Pinatay ang sariling ama."