Today's the day. I'm going to see my father. After another long conversation with Doctor Bryan about it I had her set up the visit. When I told my mom that I'm going to see him she told me to be careful.
Carmen and I left early this morning because it's a four-hour drive to the prison. Tony is driving us and he is going to stay with us for the visit. When we told him what we're doing he wouldn't let us out of the house without him. We have been on the road for about a half hour now and I'm still tired. I cuddled into Carmen's side more and fell asleep.
I felt the car jerk forward and I hit against the seatbelt. Now I'm up. I opened my eyes and looked around.
"We're here. Sorry I got cut off." Tony said pulled the keys out of the ignition.
"It's okay, you ready babe?" Carmen asked as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"No" I said and climbed out of the Escalade.
I looked up at the prison. Fence and barbed wire surrounded multiple building. There are three different fences to go through before we got onto the grounds. Security here is insane. It took us a half hour to get through. They took everything from us, even my belt which I got annoyed at.
Doctor Bryan got us a private room to see my dad. Three guards escorted us there. One of them has to stay in the room with us. We are led into the room, which has a metal table and three chairs at it. We took our seats at the table and waited. Tony stood behind us. The room kind of looks like an interrogation room like the ones on all of the crime shows on TV. There is a mirror behind us and I'm pretty sure it's a two way.
Carmen took my hand and intertwined our fingers. She is keeping me calm right now. I don't know what I would do without her. My heart is about to beat out of my chest.
It felt like forever past until the door opened. One guard came in followed by a guy in an orange jump suit and two more guards. The guards pushed the man into the chair on the other side of the table and removed his handcuffs. The guards locked his leg cuffs to the floor and left us alone.
I looked at the man sitting in front of me. It's hard to believe this man sitting in front of me is my dad. He looks so different from the last time I saw him. His green eyes look dull instead of the bright green they used to be. He has stubble on his face when he is usually clean-shaven and he has lost a good amount of weight.
I just can't really believe this is my dad. I don't think I will be able to get over the fact this is him. The last time I saw him was the last day of his trial.
"I thought you never wanted to see me again?" He asked. My nerves died down a bit.
"Well I almost dead twice in the last year and I kind of have to get stuff off my chest before I do die." I said back.
"What are you talking about?" Well that got his attention.
"A tree fell on my car and some asshole drugged me at a party. But that's not point." I said.
Dad reached across the table for my hand and I don't pull away. He takes my hand in his and I flinch. Carmen squeezed my hand under the table and I squeeze it back.
"Why did you do it? Why couldn't you let the police handle things? It was only a matter of time before they caught up to Greg." I said.
"When you have a daughter you will understand that if something were to happen to her then you would do anything to make the bastard pay for what they did. I didn't want the police to find him before I did." Dad said trying to keep his anger at bay.
"We needed you, I needed you. I was in pain for months after what happened. My medical bills were so high mom needed to get a second mortgage on the house so we could survive. Sal and Luca both dropped out of college to help mom take care of me when I got out of the hospital." I said and clenched my jaw.
"I'm not going to apologize for what I did Gabby, I never will. Greg disserved to die for what he did." My father said and I pulled my hand away from him.
I rubbed my head with my hands. Carmen put her hand on my back and I moved out of her reach.
"Don't Carmen, I'm not in the mood." I said and started with fire in my eyes as I stood from my chair.
"Gabrielle please sit down." Dad said. That was it. I couldn't keep it in anymore, I blew up at him.
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO DAD! HOW CAN YOU SIT HERE AND JUSTIFY MURDER? MURDER?!" I yelled.
"I did what I thought was" I cut him off.
"I'M NOT DONE!" I yelled again. "You weren't there when I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming because I had a nightmare about Greg did to me. I wouldn't sleep for days at a time and when I finally did get to sleep I would have a nightmare and wake up a few hours later.
"Sometimes I didn't even have to fall asleep to have a nightmare. My sense of reality got so warped, I felt like I was losing my mind. I developed PTSD from what Greg did. I would have constant nightmares. Mom didn't know what to do. She finally took me to a shrink and I finally started to get better. But it was hard, because she still had to be a mom to the twins as well. We moved from Virginia to South Carolina because I couldn't go anywhere without people looking at me with pity. The twins helped when they could but they were only 18 at the time.
"They both dropped out of college to help mom and me. Luca is so smart and got full rides to so many different schools just on academics alone and then you factor in soccer, he was on track to make the national team. Sal was another soccer star and got multiple athletic scholarships but both of them dropped everything to come home and help mom take care of me and get us out of financial ruin."
I had to stop to take a break. Everything I have wanted to say for the past two years is coming out in full force right now and I needed to take a second because I was working myself up.
"We needed you and you weren't there. I needed you and you weren't there. You were the only one who would be able to get me to calm down whenever I went into panic. All of a sudden my rock was gone and I didn't know what to do." I said and fell into my seat again.
"It took me so long to get to a place to even entertain the thought of coming to see you. I get to see all of my friends have their families together and mine has been shattered since that day." I said as I felt more tears stream down my face.
This is too much. I shouldn't have come here. I needed to collect myself and try and walk out of here with my head held high. I can't let him see me like this weak little girl anymore.
"I grew up broken and I had to piece myself back together piece by piece. We are in a place now were we aren't struggling anymore and I'm finally getting to live in peace. I'm playing soccer for the University of Florida and I'm so good at it." I said and wiped away the last of my tears.
Nobody said anything as I fully collected myself. Carmen played with her necklace and Tony stood silent behind me. I spun the ring around on my finger and took a few calming breaths.
"What ring is that?" Dad finally asked.
"A promise ring from my girlfriend Carmen." I said pointing to her.
"Oh" Was all he said.
"Do you have a problem with that?" I asked raising my voice.
"No I don't." He said.
"Good because your opinion doesn't matter to me anyway. I love her." I said looked at her back. Carmen blushed slightly and smiled.
"Can we go now?" I said quietly to Carmen. She nodded and we stood up.
"Wait" Dad said and stood up.
The guards went next to him and Carmen stood in front of me. I never thought that he would lay his hands on me but right now I'm daring him too. He will have one hell of a beating rain down on him if he tried.
"I hope that one day you will see what I did was because I love you and I felt like I failed as your father by letting Greg abuse you and did nothing. I'm sorry for leaving you alone to face the world. I know I won't get your forgiveness but I just hope that one day you would consider coming back to visit me." My father said looking defeated.
"Thank you so much for coming to see me Gabrielle. I love you so much." Dad said.
I watched as the guard handcuffed my father and unlock his leg chains from the floor before pushing him out of the door. Once he was cleared we went back to security and they gave us our stuff back. We left the prison and made our way home. On the way home we stopped at a diner because it's already after 4pm and I was really hungry so I got a double bacon cheeseburger with fries and a vanilla milkshake. I ate everything. The food was good but not as good as my diner.
We chatted during dinner and were back on the road home again. Nobody brought up the events of the visit and I wanted to kept it that way. We got home a little after 9 because there was a lot of traffic and we stopped again for a snack and bathroom break.
When we got home Lauren and Ali were snuggled up on the couch together. Carmen and I went to our room and showered. Once we were done I sat down on our bed and picked up my cell phone.
"I'm going to call my mom." I said and got up off the bed.
"Sure babe, take your time." Carmen said and got into bed.
I got up off the bed and walked into the living room. Lauren and Ali must have gone to sleep or at least there room because they aren't on the couch anymore. I hit number one on my speed dial and sat back on the couch. Mom answered on the second ring.
"Hi honey, how was it?" She asked and I sighed.
"There was a lot of yelling." I said.
"That bad hun?" Mom asked.
"Yea when I saw him I just let everything I had out. I didn't realize how much I had on my chest that I wanted to say to him until I saw him sitting there chained to the floor." I said trying not to breakdown over the phone.
I took a few deep breaths and tried to push away the tears I knew wanted to escape. I cried enough tears today; my father didn't deserve anymore.
"Are you going to visit him again?" Mom said.
"I don't know, maybe, but not now. I have enough going on with school and soccer season starting to get in full swing. I need to be focused on soccer." I said.
"Thank you for telling me the baby. You should go because it is getting late. Call me tomorrow though okay?" Mom said.
"Io farò. Mi manchi mamma."
"Mi manca anche voi Gabby." Mom said.
"Love you"
"I love you too Gabby." Mom said and hung up the phone.
I did the same and went to my room. Carmen is watching TV when I crawled in next to her. She put her arms around me and I fell asleep to the beating of her heart.
A/N: *Io farò. Mi manchi mamma.* - i will. i miss you mom.
*Mi manchi anche voi Gabby.* - i miss you too Gabby.