4:00 p.m.
Victor's 5th time picking up the phone from the wall
Come on, Victor.
Don't be such a fucking pussy.
I repeated these words in my mind over and over again........
Every time, my hand reaching up to grab the dark blue phone attached to the wall, and the coiled wire dangling against my chest as I dared to touch the dial.
But something always stopped me.
Something always made my hands fall down to my side and my forehead lean against the tiled kitchen wall as a deep sigh escaped my lips.
God, I'm so hopeless.
I held the almost navy phone delicately in my hands as I scanned over the cassette tape in the other.
Call me, lover boy.
702-287-3943.
This should be so easy for me.
I remember having to pick up the phone day by day from all of Alice's calls.
Calls that invited me to party after party, invited me to her house just so she could kiss me and touch me like it was the last thing she'd do.
Even though all I would do in return was waste time and affection.
And those invitations were to places and events that I never wanted to accept an invitation to.
I just wanted to stay home and watch Back to the Future on repeat with popcorn in my mouth and Makkachin on my lap.
Swooning over how effortlessly adorable Marty Mcfly was.
But of course, that was rarely ever an option.
And so why was it so nerve racking for me to finally pick up a phone and call someone in return? To call someone that wouldn't waste my time or affection?
And yes, to call someone who was effortlessly adorable.
It was only 10 digits and a conversation......
How bad could it possibly be?
But as I hopelessly tried to convince myself otherwise, I couldn't stop thinking about the scary part of picking up that phone.
The scary part would be having to hear Yuri's voice over that scratchy speaker.
Because every time he spoke, whether that be on the roof of my car or through a cassette tape in my mind........
It made me weak.
It made me helpless.
It made me, completely and utterly, breathless.
And it was also scary because Yuri was my Marty Mcfly.
He made me feel things that a desperate blonde over the phone couldn't.
So of course, it would be hard for me to call him.
For me to call Yuri Katsuki.
But once again........
I needed to stop being such a fucking lovesick pussy.
So I turned the dial.
And I listened nervously to the sound of the phone ringing and ringing and ringing.......
The sound reflecting off of each and every wall in my house........
My mind between wanting him to answer and not wanting him to answer.
But it's not really like I had a say in the matter.
So of course he answered.
"Hello?" that smooth-like chocolate voice said over the phone as I tried desperately not to pass out.
"O-Oh, you answered. I....um.....
Hi.
It's Victor....."
All I could hear was a deep sigh and some quiet laughter through that speaker as my ears blocked everything else out, except the sound of his voice.
"I figured just as much. The stuttering gives you away Nikiforov," and I could still make out his smirk from the other end of the line.
"I should have known you'd tease me over the phone, Katsuki."
"I'm unpredictable, aren't I?"
"W-Well, can your answer to coming over not be unpredictable?" I asked nervously as I practically fist bumped myself, that smooth comment dripping off of my lips like honey.
"That depends."
"On what?"
"Like I said, I want to learn how to surf, fish boy," he said in an almost excited, hopeful voice, a voice that put a smile on my face. "Does that offer still stand?"
"Hm, I don't know if you're quite cut out for the sport, Jersey boy."
"Oh, shut it. I bet you a strawberry milkshake that I can catch a better wave than you can."
"You really are cocky, aren't you?"
"Not cocky, darling. I just believe that I'm more capable of catching a sick wave, dude."
He was obviously teasing me about the act I had put up with in front of Giacometti and the blonde bombshell.
The mask that I put on every time in front of them, like a habit.
A habit that was desperately trying to hide the truth, trying to hide what was under that mask.
But hell, I couldn't blame him.
Even I would make fun of myself.
"Look, about that whole....."
"Spare me the explanation, Nikiforov. I get it, you're a jock," he said with a laugh that sounded almost like pure humiliation. "You're popular."
"I'm not a jock, a-and popular is too cliché of a word."
"Whatever you say, dude."
"God, please spare me of my own mistake, Katsuki."
The line went almost silent as I listened to his laugh die down and his breathing turn steady........
I could have listened to it for hours.
His voice was like my favorite Beach Boy's record.
The record that I played for hours and sang along to on my pale yellow rooftop.
The song that was always waking me up and carrying me to sleep.
"Hey, Victor?" his voice coming back as I perked up, hanging onto his every word like I was falling.
"Yeah?"
"You're much more charming without the act, you know."
What's funny about his statement is that there was no misleading tone.
It was genuine.
He wasn't teasing me.......
Or giving me a hard time.
He just............meant it.
"You know, I don't put up the act around you," I said as I leaned my head against the kitchen tile, the coiled wire twirling around my fingers as I practically swooned.
This boy had me daydreaming.
"And that's exactly why I'm on my way over.
Meet me down at the water?"
"Try not to drown."
"And I'll try not to drown you."
"You are so cocky........"
★
The sand under my feet was a painful burning sensation against my skin.
The sun was still shining down as if there was no tomorrow and I looked up into the sky, a sky that was still absent of puffy, white clouds.
And instead of tourists now, the only people you could see at 4:30 p.m. were me, Summer, and Makkachin.
And the soon to be presence of Jersey boy.
"You two are such a cliché summer romance," Summer said as she tipped her chair back, her sunglasses falling down and her feet crossed. "Flirting at the pool, dancing together in night clubs........"
"Can you even call it a romance?" my tone of voice distracted as I waxed down two surfboards, my fingers trailing from the nose to the tail. "It's just me pining for a cute boy."
Per usual, I was riding with baby blue today.
But I couldn't set up Yuri for failure, as much as I'd like to have the satisfaction of proving that no one can catch a wave like me.........
So I pulled out another surfboard I had made a while back, it's build being safer and wider.
Because the last thing I wanted was for the cutest boy on planet earth to drown on my account.
"You wanna surf with us Sum?" I asked her as I laid out on top of baby blue, my eyes closing as the sunlight fell down on me, it's rays caressing my skin with warmth.
"I would much rather watch you two make out in the ocean while I lay out and tan," teasing me as she leaned up and gave me a wink. "Besides, I don't make for a good third wheel."
"Making out in the ocean is an unrealistic idea."
"How so?"
"The only thing you'd be shoving your tongue down would be a jellyfish's asshole."
"For fuck's sake, you are such a boy!" she said as she basically gagged, her recovery being longer than usual.
If I knew anything, I knew that Summer's biggest fear was jellyfish.
"Hey, I can be a boy when I want to be."
"God, now you're just acting like a child."
"Your insults are killing me, really and truly."
"Ugh, shut up."
Next thing I knew she had flung her magazine on top of my face, the paper smacking me out of my sunbathing trance.
Jesus Christ........
"Oh, and don't think I didn't notice you lifting weights before you came out here V," she said out of nowhere as I turned the dial on our radio.
I would never hear the end of this conversation.
"I was not!"
"Don't give me bullshit, mister."
"I wasn't lifting weights, I was.........warming up."
"Pfft, warming up my ass."
I gave up on that fight.
It was obvious that I was the farthest thing away from winning.
"You caught me."
"Mhm."
I rolled my eyes through tinted shades as I leaned myself up on the palms of both hands, my feet playing with the sand that decorated the surface of my board.
And as I tried to get lost in the sounds of the radio, I heard Makkachin barking somewhere distantly on the beach.
My entire body snapping in the direction of the sound, with my eyes wide open......
And my heart beating out of my chest at the fact that Yuri was walking down that path.......
The path that brought him onto the sand and closer to me......
At least until Makkachin had pounced on him and left him buried in the sand.
Which, in return, left my face buried in my hands as I tried to not lose myself in complete embarrassment.
"Your dogs trying to steal your boyfriend," Summer said as I shot off of my surfboard and started running across the scorching sand.
"Not on my watch."
I could hear Yuri's almost angelic laugh escaping through his lips as Makka covered him in sloppy kisses.
His caramel skin now being decorated with dog slobber and love.
"Makka, for god sakes!" I shouted as I gently pulled him off of Yuri, who was now coated in sand.
His white v-neck t-shirt was wrinkled and his sunglasses were crooked on his face, like the paintings at the art gallery down the street.
"I figured you were a dog lover," he said as he slowly stood up, his midnight hair sticking out in every single direction like a compass rose.
"What gave it away?"
"The moppy, poodle hair," he said as he waltzed up to me and ruffled my hair, his feet kicking sand at me as he practically ran towards the water.
"You asshole!"
"Language, Nikiforov!"
I couldn't help the smile that made its way onto my face as I watched Yuri look back at me through those sunglasses, the sun hitting them, and his eyes glowing.
It had barely been 2 minutes and I was already drowning, drowning in the feeling of hopeless longing.
But I figured I should at least stop standing there gawking and instead, function like a normal human being.
"Hey, wait up!"
I ran towards them as Makkachin followed me, his dog collar chiming and mocha fur flowing as we made it over to the sun kissed teens.
And I couldn't get over how good Yuri looked in that god damn v-neck.
I swear on my life he was trying to drive me crazy.
"Long time no see darling," I heard Yuri say to Summer as she sat up with a smile, her floppy hat crooked against her curly, brunette hair.
"God, what could have possibly driven you to want to hang out with golden boy again?" her voice holding nothing but pure sarcasm, and my eyes rolling at the sound.
I watched as Yuri looked at me with crossed arms and a popped hip, his smile much more warming and addicting.
It was like nicotine.
"He's not all that bad, I guess."
Don't blush, Victor.
Don't fucking do it.
But not even I could take my own advice as I dared to look into his eyes, my skin becoming flushed from something other than the scorching sun.
I was practically stuck to the sand.
"Hey, fish boy?" Yuri said suddenly as I watched him circle around one of the boards, his eyes lighting up with curiosity as his hands gestured towards them.
"I-Oh, yeah?"
"You gonna teach me how to catch a wave or what?"
I laughed at how confident he sounded, as if he didn't have a care in the world when he thought about having to balance on moving water.
Most people lost their minds at the idea.
But not Yuri Katsuki, of course.
"Sure, unless of course you catch a case of cold feet instead, Katsuki," walking over to him as I lifted the board up from the sand, which fell off of it like a waterfall.
"How could I possibly do such a thing when the sand is hotter than the sun itself?" he said, my eyes noticing him as he let his t-shirt fall off of his skin, his hands tossing the white cotton into my own hands.
I practically dropped the board on my toes as I watched him cross the line where the water hit the sand, where the powder turned into smooth cement........
His toes dancing with the waves and my eyes dancing over his silhouette.
I turned back around to only find Summer looking at me through her shades with glinting eyes, my mind already predicting what she would say.
Because a look like that said it all.
"Oh, you've really gotten yourself into deep trouble, haven't you V?"
"If that's the case, then I don't ever want to be safe again."
★
"Okay, lay the board down."
"Lay the board down?"
"Yes."
"Why the hell would I do that?"
Yuri Katsuki was a lot of things.
Stubborn, much to my surprise, being one of them.
"What, did you really think I would just throw you in the water and let you flap your arms without motive?" I said to him as I stood there with crossed arms, his feet tapping the surfboard impatiently.
"Without motive? God, you really do sound like a high school teacher right now."
"Do you wanna learn how to surf or not?"
"Fine, fine. Carry on, Jedi Master."
I couldn't bring myself to say another sentence after what he had just done.
"Did you seriously just reference Star Wars?" I asked as I watched him step onto the board, his legs trembling and the board wobbling.
"I-I, wouldn't be a true, woah, 80's kid if I h-hadn't," his words strained and his voice struggling just as much as his balance.
I couldn't help but feel dignified at his discovery of the sport not being as easy as he had made it out to be.
"Having a hard time, Katsuki?"
"Oh, don't look so smug Nikiforov. I'd like to see you try."
"Professionals don't have to try, we know."
"Well, I know you're an asshole, if that counts."
My eyes rolled all the way to the back of my head.
Hell, they probably rolled all the way back to the Crescent Shores Public Swimming Pool.
"Alright Jersey Shore, since you so desperately believe that you're a surfing star, how about we just cut right to the chase then?" I said as I hoisted baby blue under my arm, my back towards the water as I danced into the waves.
My feet were already swimming in the water as I pushed off of the ocean bed, my stomach pressing against the surface as I paddled through shore waves.
Leaving Yuri on the shore with big, brown eyes looking at me.
"Hey, wait for me!" he yelled as I watched him pick up his board with a struggle, his legs still wobbling as he fell into the water and attempted to do the same.
When I reached a still break in the water, I pushed off to sit on my board, waiting patiently for Yuri to paddle over to me.
And of course, he eventually got there.
But not without swallowing at least a gallon of ocean water.
"Jesus fucking Christ," I heard him slur under his breath as he finally floated beside me, his weak arms pushing off the board so he could sit upright.
"You really have a talent."
"God, I'm this close, this close, to drowning you."
"You've already drowned yourself, honey."
I didn't miss how his own eyes had rolled back in frustration, a scoff leaving his lips as he leaned his elbows on the board and pouted like a kid.
"So, can I continue teaching or will you interrupt me with a snippy comment?" I said as I watched him through my soaked hair, the platinum strands glued to my forehead.
"Just get on with it, Mr. Popularity."
"Sure thing, young Padawan."
If he thought he'd get away without me making a Star Wars reference in return, he was bat shit crazy.
But the way he looked up at me with ocean water brown eyes and a salty smile was all he needed to do to make me go crazy in return.
My stomach feeling like it had its own tidal wave inside as I tried to recover at the sight.
"I knew you were a nerd," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair, the strands no longer draping over his eyelids.
I could feel my arms giving out at the way he looked with his hair pushed back, his face exposed and being endlessly fascinating.
Every time I looked at him, I got that feeling similar to a kid on the playground when their eyes fell upon someone else.
That feeling of experiencing that first crush, or that awakening of admiration, kicking in almost immediately when your eyes met.
And god, did I love that feeling.
It made me feel like I was walking on air.
At least until I broke out of my trance.
A trance that brought me back to reality.......
A reality in which a wave was coming right towards us.......
A wave that was too close to avoid and too big to survive.
"Victor, watch out!" was the last thing I heard before I had been submerged underwater, the current flowing over my body as I watched my board disappear.
My eyes pushed close by saltwater as I tried desperately to swim up to the surface for air.
After countless moments of struggling, I had reached a spot in the water that was calm enough to let me through, and back up into the summer air........
Hoping that Yuri had done the same.
I took in a gasp of air as I felt the wind hit my skin, my eyes snapping open as I scanned around me, my board gone and Yuri gone with it.
But it didn't take long for that ebony hair to pop out of the ocean with water dripping from his skin.
I could feel myself let go of a sigh of relief, my mind chanting thank god, over and over again.
I immediately started to swim over to him as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up onto his board, watching him as he coughed out water from his lungs.
His arms desperately holding on to, surprisingly.......
Baby blue.
"Yuri, are you okay?!" I said as I held his board close to my chest, watching him as he slowly rolled over onto his back......
While I grew increasingly sick with guilt and worry.
He wasn't moving, or breathing as I watched his eyes stay closed peacefully...........
"Yuri!"
I waited for a response, but nothing came, not even a single movement.
At least until he started hysterically laughing.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
"Wow, very funny," I said as I let go of his board and slid baby blue out from under his tight grasp, my heart fluttering at the fact that he had been so determined to hold on, but furious at his act. "Jesus."
He was such an asshole.
It was drawn out seconds before he finally found enough oxygen to speak, his laughter dying down slowly......
"Oh, I had you good," he said as I pulled myself back onto my board, my mind having to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of saltwater up my nose.
"That was not funny! You could have been seriously hurt!"
"Hey, it was your fault daydreamer."
"Wha...how the hell was that my fault?!?"
Yuri had a teasing look on his face as he swung his legs over the side of his board, pulling them in so he was sitting criss cross comfortably.
Not even my anger could ignore the fact that he was oblivious to how cute he was.
"You just zoned out all of a sudden.
You know, you do that a lot."
Because how could I not?
How could I not lose myself in the feeling of being taken away by you?
How could I not lose myself in a daydream?
"I...uh...I don't know."
He just laughed.
"You really are something, you know that?" he said, his head tilting in adolescence as I watched him closely, his smile lighting up the sky.
I didn't have enough willpower to respond, too afraid that it would come out as a stutter, or a slur, or a mistaken word.......
So all I could do was splash ocean water onto his already soaked skin, his eyes wide in surprise as the water hit him.
"Oh touché!"
"That's what you get, asshole."
The rest of my insults were silenced by Yuri's splashes as we got lost in competition........
The only sounds that I could hear being the way he laughed like he was the happiest teenager in the world........
And the waves that, hour after hour, got softer and quieter, the current disappearing and the flow reappearing.
Yuri and I surfing and talking all the way into the late hours of the sunset.
It had taken try after try to get him caught in a wave, his feet finally being able to keep him upright so he could be carried to the shore.
And I swear I had never seen someone scream out in accomplishment like he had.
It was like he had won the lottery.
So, in celebration, we had played on the beach for hours, throwing frisbees with Makkachin and living off of lemonade from Summer's cooler.
Listening to song after song as I lay in the sand, watching Yuri as he swayed in the wind, without a single care or damn in the world to give.
The air turning cold as Summer left to catch up with Eric, Yuri begging me to take him back out on the water.
And how could I say no to those brown eyes?
So that's how we had gotten here.
We were sitting side by side on baby blue out in the ocean, watching as the sun disappeared into the horizon.......
The waves carefully swaying back and forth as I relaxed into the feeling.
And in this moment, I felt like I had won the lottery.
"So, what is it for you?" I heard Yuri say suddenly as I looked at him, his hands resting on the surfboard as his head lay back gently.
The sunset shining against his skin as my heart beat lost all of its control.
"What?"
"What is it about surfing that makes you love it so much?"
That was a good question.
It was one that I knew the answer too.
And I spoke to him without hesitation.
"Well, it's like you said.
You said when you had listened to that song for the first time that it just.....felt right.
That you felt like it put everything into perspective and gave you this idea of what you wanted and who you wanted to be.
I guess that's what it is for me.
But....it's almost different.
Because, out here........
I just feel free.
I feel like I don't have to know what I want to do or who I want to be......
And I love that feeling.
I love being caught up in a single moment.....
Where it's just me, the water, and my board......
And all I can feel is the water and the sound the waves make when they hit the shore.
And no one can tell me that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm not good enough.
No one can tell me anything.
I feel like I can be myself out here."
Yuri was quiet for awhile.
It seemed like he had to think about what he was going to say next.
Or like he didn't know what to say.
But his silence was better than most people's noise.
"You know, you're really relieving to talk to," he finally said as I looked at him, leaning back so he could lay down on the board.
My body turned so I was now sitting at the bottom of the board, watching him as the soft shore breeze ran itself through his hair.
But I couldn't shut out the butterflies as they came back into my stomach at his choice of words.
"R-Relieving?"
"Yeah.
I like the way you say things........."
His tone was so soft and delicate, like he was falling asleep........
And all I could do was doubt him.
"I'm sure you do, Katsuki," sarcasm in my tone as I leaned back on my hands and watched the sun completely disappear.
Moonlight had now taken over.
"I'm serious Victor," all of a sudden Yuri sitting up as I looked over to see him facing me, his eyes holding this genuine feeling........
I was speechless.
"Every time you say something, it makes sense.
You just.......I don't even know.
I feel like I can let go with you.
You're different.
And you know, we just met like two days ago.....
But you feel more familiar to me than most people.
So, I don't know why you feel the need to doubt yourself.
Or why you always pretend to be someone else in front of people.
Why is that?"
I didn't know what to say.
What does he even want me to say?
Does he want me to tell him that I put up that pretend act in front of people to hide the truth?
Does he want me to tell him that I'm nothing like what he thinks I am?
That I am a lie, and that I have to keep it that way?
I have to keep lying to avoid the painful feeling of the truth.
"Yuri, you don't want to know why. It's nothing," I said, almost defeated, as I refused to look into his eyes, eyes that made me weak.
"Victor, I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know."
"Well then, I don't want you to know."
"Why?"
"Why do you keeping asking the why questions?
Do you really care that much?
And dear god, why is it such an issue that I act different in front of people?"
The way he looked at me was in a way of pure frustration.
As if he hated what I was saying.
Like it tasted like poison when it left my mouth.
"Because I feel like people deserve to see the real you."
Yuri, you're so wrong......
No one wants the real me.
Not even you......
"They don't want to see the real me."
I didn't miss how Yuri had shifted closer to me, the feeling of his skin against mine was distracting and every inch of me was fully aware.
It lit me up like a cigarette.
I was a burning flame.
"I want to see the real you."
Before I could control what I was doing, his words and his eyes had taken away my willpower.
I could feel myself leaning in........
Closing that space between us, closing in on the water and the surface of the board.......
I couldn't ignore the feeling.
I desperately wanted to feel Yuri's lips against mine, to be that close to him.......
I needed to feel what it was like to not waste time and affection on someone.
I wanted to feel something real.
I wanted to feel something real for once in my life.........
But the only thing I felt was a raindrop against my skin.
And the only thing my ears could hear was the crack of lightning as it lit up the sky with the warning of a storm.
"Shit!" I yelled as I slid into the water and began pulling the board towards the shore, Yuri still stuck on it with an unreadable expression on his face.
I hated myself for thinking for even a second that I could take control of that moment.
He would never want something like that.
He would never want to feel what I want to feel.
And.......
He'd never want to feel anything with someone like me.
"Yuri, we should get inside. It's not......" I started to say before he finally snapped out of his coma, his eyes looking at me with disbelief.
"O-Oh, yeah, n-no I.....we should probably get out of here," and he slid off of the board, avoiding eye contact with me as he helped swim us to shore.
You're so stupid, Victor.
You're so god damn stupid............
Eventually, I felt my feet touch down onto the sand as we pulled the board out of the water and ran up the shore, the rain pouring down on us at this point.
The sand soaked and the wind blowing in the palm trees as we ran into my yard and inside the shelter of my screened in porch.
The door slamming open as we finally let out a sigh of relief.
But all I could feel........
All I could do..........
Was hold my breath.
Because I couldn't let Yuri inside of my head.
I couldn't let him see the truth.
I couldn't let him see anything.
I won't...............
I won't let him in.
★
yikes.
once again, I apologize if it seems like this story is moving too slow.
I don't want to rush it.
and hopefully you guys liked this chapter.
I really struggled to write it for some reason and a part of me feels like it didn't turn out as good as I had hoped it would.
but all I want is for you guys to enjoy it so hopefully you did.
make sure to vote and comment, they are so helpful and let me know that I'm giving you guys writing that you want to see.
I'll stop talking now....
much love💋
~audrey