“Get off her!” Erik’s outraged cry sent horror coursing through me. He thought Loki was attacking me! In four giants strides he was across the room and towering over us, and Loki’s weight was yanked off me,
“Settle down…” Loki began, and then Erik lunged at him, tackling him to the floor.
I shot up off the bed, “Erik, stop!”
Neither of them seemed to hear me, they were grappling with one another, rolling over on the floor, each trying to get the upper hand. Erik managed to flip Loki over and jam a knee in his chest. He swung at his face, and Loki caught his fist in one hand and yanked his arm sideways.
Footsteps thundered in the hallway suddenly. The noise of the brawl had brought more people. Just as Loki landed a punch on Erik’s face the doors burst open and guards flooded in. With astonishing speed they ringed the two men in a circle of shining spears. Erik sat back, looking woozy but triumphant, and Loki stuck his hands in the air,
“Alright,” he said, “I’m giving up, see? Don’t jab me with one of those.”
I was about to open my mouth to protest, to tell them to back off. To tell them he was with me. But I shut it just as quickly. If I told them that I’d be branded a traitor. I’d probably end up in the dungeons with Lief. I stayed quiet for the moment, chewing on my nails anxiously.
One of the guards, the amazon woman from the night before, stepped forward and pulled Loki up by his shirt collar. She was tiny compared to him, but she still glared up at him, as if she was daring him to give her any trouble.
“We have to take him to the Queen.”
Panic was starting to freeze my chest, and tears were collecting in my eyes. Erik scrambled off the floor and pushed past the ring of guards, he took my arm gently,
“Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”
I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head and looked up at him miserably. Why did I have to forget he’d been coming that night? I’d promised him we’d go on that star light walk, now I remembered, for all the good it did me.
He must have mistaken my tears for fright, because he patted my shoulder, “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.”
I shut my eyes, frustrated I couldn’t say anything and terribly afraid for Loki. What would they do to him?
“Come on, let’s go,” the woman snapped, and she tugged on Loki’s shirt. He probably wouldn’t be budged an inch by her if he didn’t want to be, but he began to walk forward, surprising me by dropping a wink over his shoulder. How could he be so calm?
There was no way I was going to sit here and wonder what was going on. I staggered off the bed, following the soldiers on watery knees. Erik looked sideways at me, but didn’t say anything. The procession met Charlotte and Davin in the hall. Charlotte’s eyes went huge and round when she saw Loki being dragged past. I shot her a warning look and she nodded slightly, face worried. She stepped into the procession right behind me, Davin following in her footsteps.
The walk to the throne room was like I was walking to my own execution. Every step was an effort, like I had lead in my shoes, and a tempest was brewing in my stomach. What would she do when she saw him? What would she say? Finally we were at the throne room doors, the guards were pushing them slowly open. All I could see was the back of Loki, his dark curls and the brown servant’s clothes he wore. In spite of the woman pushing him forward he walked casually, hands in his pockets like he was going for a stroll in the park. What was he thinking right now? Was he scared?
There were only fifty or so people in the throne room, since it was starting to get late. They stood in clusters on the sparkling ice floor, glasses of wine in their long pale fingers, false smiles on their faces as they exchanged niceties. All the noise died away as we entered. My heart flew into my throat the moment I laid eyes on the Queen. Ice, it’s like she’s made of ice. Somehow I knew she wasn’t going to be merciful.
Queen Eira stood up abruptly, her furs pooling on the floor around her feet, “What is this?” Her voice dripped with contempt.
“We caught this scum in the princess’ bedroom,” the woman shoved Loki forward, “bow before the Queen.”
“I’d rather not,” Loki shrugged, “bad knees, you know.”
I winced as one of the guards thrust the butt of his spear into the back of Loki’s leg, and he went down heavily on one knee. Tears collected again, blurring out the Queen’s face as she descended the stairs toward Loki. When she drew close she bent down, her face inches away from his. She reached out and seized his face with one hand, “You were planning to kill my daughter, weren’t you? Assassinate her.”
“No,” Loki’s voice sounded strained, he was in pain. Was it from his knee, or was the Queen doing something to him that I couldn’t see from back here? I felt ready to burst in frustration. My lungs swelled with the air it would take to scream, my body wanted to scream, needed to. I wanted to run forward and yell at the Queen. Don’t touch him! Let him go!
But Erik’s hand was suddenly on my shoulder, a gentle pressure that startled me. My head snapped back up as the Queen spoke,
“How did you get into the palace?”
Loki’s voice was defiant, “If you didn’t treat your servants like they were less then animals, I wouldn’t have. You ignore them, and teach them to act like they don’t exist unless you want them. So they practically become invisible. You shot yourself in the foot, your majesty. You seem to have a habit of doing that.”
Queen Eira’s face went pale, and her red mouth firmed into a hard line. She drew her arm back, and the crack of her hand hitting Loki’s face echoed through the throne room. This time I tensed forward, about to cave into my need to run up and stop her. Erik’s hand suddenly slid over onto my other shoulder so that his arm was circling around me, holding me back.
“Throw him in the dungeons tonight. He’ll be executed at dawn.”
My knees finally gave out. The room seemed to be spinning in dizzy circles. Erik’s arm tightened, pressing me against his chest, holding me up. He moved sideways, practically carrying me with him as the guards dragged Loki past. The Queen turned abruptly, striding towards her throne, passing it and heading for a door behind that I hadn’t even noticed, it blended into the wall so seamlessly. Servants scurried to follow her. Clearly she thought she was too angry to be seen by her subjects right now.
“Come on,” Erik murmured in my ear, ‘let’s get you back to your room.”
I tried to tell him on the way back. I think it was guilt that made it spill out. Guilt that I hadn’t stood up for Loki, even if it would get me killed too.
“He wasn’t going to kill me,” tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother wiping them away, “he just wanted me to run away with him. He likes me.”
I expected him to be angry, but instead he just looked down at me sadly, “Amora, he might be lying. He was supposed to kill you, right? You told me so yourself.”
“That was before,” I knew it sounded pathetic when I said it, like I couldn’t accept the truth.
Erik sighed and ran one hand through his blonde hair, making it stick up like crazy, “I’m sorry to say this, but Loki is known for being a trickster. He’s an excellent liar and a skilled battle tactician. He’s all about fooling the enemy.”
My voice came out in a sob, “he doesn’t think I’m the enemy!”
We had reached the door, and Erik looked down at his hands. The look he gave me was full of pity, like I was a foolish, impulsive little girl. My hands curled into fists and for a split second I felt like hitting him. After all, he was the one who’d burst in and caught Loki in the first place. I glared at him,
“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not true. I’m not overly trusting or stupid. I just have to weigh my options here. That’s always how it’s been, ever since this whole mess started!” My voice was starting to grow louder, charged by frustration, “I never know who to trust, Erik. And just when I think I’ve settled in or I’m beginning to think I can trust one person, I find out something else, or someone tells me that person is a liar. What am I supposed to do? All I can do is make the decision that I think will keep me alive!”
Erik nodded, he wouldn’t look at me. He continued to stare at the floor, “I’m sorry this happened,” he mumbled. Finally he looked up at me, eyes full of anguish, “please believe I only want to protect you.”
The anger drained out of me, leaving me totally exhausted, “I believe you.” I shut my eyes, running both hands over my face with a groan, “she’s going to kill him tomorrow. It’s my fault. He snuck in here for me.”
Erik frowned, but he didn’t say anything. We both looked up as a voice rang down the hall,
“Megan!” Charlotte was charging down the corridor towards me, there were tears in her eyes, and when she got close enough she practically threw herself at me, crushing me in a tight hug, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
I gave her a watery smile when she finally released me from her vice-like grip. Then I darted a look over her shoulder at Davin, who stood a careful distance away. Could I trust him? The thought made the anger flare back up. Would I ever be able to stop asking that question about people?
“I…think I’m just going to go to bed,” I said shakily.
Charlotte nodded, her face sympathetic, “Of course. Do you want me to go with you?”
“That’s okay,” I smiled at her again, forcing the expression, “you come to bed whenever you want. I just need some time to think.”
I backed up into the doorway, “thanks guys.” Then, without waiting for an answer I shut the doors with a bang.
I thought it would take ages to fall asleep. I thought I would thrash around and cry my eyes out and worry about Loki sitting by himself on the cold dungeon floor. But it was like my body was shutting down in spite of my frantic thoughts. Like it had sensed an emergency and was powering down to conserve energy. As soon as I lay down, curled up beneath the sheets and shut my eyes, I began to drift. At first, traveling into a darkened dream state, pictures and sounds flying by, aware I was beginning to dream. Finally the void began to clear away, replaced by a snowy landscape….
The snow is packed down under my knees, creaking as I move. The wood under my throat is rough, full of splinter and knots that stick into my skin. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything. I am numb. Crushed by my own betrayal, weighed down by guilt. The man standing in front of me is reading off a long scroll in a somber voice that drones on and on. The crowd below us looks bored, arms folded, feet tapping.
“…and for betrayal of her people. On this day she will be put to death.”
He finishes at last. Behind me comes the ringing of a sword being sharpened. My executioner is readying himself. I try to keep myself steady, to keep my face from showing fear. I have been spared the indignity of a blindfold, which is something at least. I can keep my eyes on her, watch her until they do it. She is on her dais, as she is for all executions, watching carefully, overseeing it all.
My mother in all her cold splendor. Sitting as ridged as ice on her throne. Her pale fingers are curled tightly around the end of the arm rests. The only sign that she has any emotion at all. I look up at her, and say softly,
“I will never forgive you.”
Just before I hear the whistle of the sword descending I see her eyes widen. She has heard my message. Then there’s a terrible impact, and light explodes before my eyes.
A scream tore my throat as I jolted upright, gasping for air, clutching at my neck. Charlotte sat up beside me, asking frantically, “What’s the matter? Megan? What is it?”
My body was frozen, panic seizing all my muscles. Any minute now, I would hear footsteps in the hall, guards would burst in again. Charlotte’s voice was softer, “Megan? Was it a dream?”
My fingers curled around the bed sheets, and I had to force the words out, “Yes, a dream. A terrible, horrible dream.”
Still no footsteps, and I started to relax. Nobody had heard me. No one was coming. I couldn’t stand to face any of the frost jotun, not after what that dream had just told me.
“What was it?” Charlotte asked, “what was the dream? Why was it so bad?”
“I think…” my body was starting to tremble now, shaking all over, “I think the Queen had her own daughter executed.”
There was no answer from Charlotte. I bent over, folding myself over my knees, trying to gasp in more air, trying to breathe deeply and calm myself down. I wished I could see Charlotte right now, but all I could see was darkness pressing in on all sides, crushing me.
“Charlotte,” I gasped out, “we have to get out of here.”