I open the door...
"What are you doing here?" I ask surprisingly. He look at my face for some second but never answer, his eyes look away from me to my behind.
I follow his gaze and I notice he's staring my room.
Without saying anything he walk into my room. Seeing him standing like that after so many years feels uncomfortable.
"It looks same." He says looking at the walls cautiously.
"You aren't welcome here Alexander." I tell him, folding my hands in my chest.
"It's not like I need your permission. Things between us aren't same like earlier but it's still my second home." He says shrugging his shoulder like it's not a big deal.
"For your information it's my room and you fucking need my permission to come here." My nose flares with anger. I know for sure that he's planning something again in his thick head.
He winks at me and lay down himself on my bed closing his eyes. I clench my fists and ready to give him a piece of mind, I grab his right leg and pull him but he didn't even budge a slightest.
"Get out Alexander before I scream."
He opens his one eye and raise his eyebrow. From his face it looks like I'm entertaining him.
I'm fucking mad at his reaction just then I look at the water jar beside on my bedside table. I was just going to grab it before...
A hand reach for me and grab the end of my loose shirt. I fell face on hard something as a sudden yelp escapes from my lips. When I look I see that I'm not lying on my bed but on someone's hard chest. And that someone is none other than Alex.
"Leave me right now."
He just stare at my eyes as I'm trying hard to freed myself from his grip. But his deathly hold is only letting me barely move.
"Leave me damn."
When I compose my breath to scream my life out, he suddenly put his hand over my mouth and turns ourselves upside down. Now I'm beneath him.
Panic runs through my veins as I start to kick or punch in air, closing my eyes tightly.
"Ssshh Mia, it's only me Alex calm down." He hushs me as I open my eyes.
"Now I'm gonna take my hand off from your mouth but don't scream." He whispers. I can't believe his words as I fell like I'm in my dreams. I look at the person silently as he removes his hand from my mouth. I feel pressure but more I feel like its increasing and I begin to feel like the water is thicker, like soup. I glance upward to the surface and my heart rate rises. Warmth radiating from his body towards me.
'oh God it's real, it's not a dream.'
'I need you'
'It's not right Alex are drunk.'
All those memories are running in my mind as I pray with my all that It's all my dream.
"No it's not a dream." He again says in a low tone. I think I'm looking at my old Alex once again with same intensity.
" Memories are flashing. Isn't it dear?" He says as his look changes into hatred.
"Just how you make me fool that day when you said you loved Robbin and never listened to me for once." Pain drips from his voice. But I couldn't say him that sorry, i wanted to hear him out but all I had done those cruel things because I couldn't let myself depend on him when he didn't even loved me.
I didn't want anyone's pity, not even from him.
"What I had done was best for both of us." I look away from my eyes not wanting to meet them.
"Why are you doing this now Alex?" I find my voice undertone.
"Because It's fucking hurt to see you with others but I couldn't let myself bring to love you like earlier." He says in a grieving tone. I'm shocked to hear his confrontation. I see his eyes glistening as my core shatteres.
"I know I had make mistakes but you punished me in a way that no one could repair me." Tears are forming in his eyes. My inner voice is telling me to cup his cheek and console him, comfort him but my hands are tied by our fate.
"I hate myself for hating you this way Mia, I never thought in my life that we will be ended up like this."
"I just hate you with my all."
I remain silent as he says his heart out. I know this is my old Alex blaming me for my sins but there is nothing left for me to repair.
We are over with each other a long time ago.
Nothing is left between us.
" I think you should leave. What I had done was my personal matter, my own choice. You choose Julie over me and I choose Robbin over you. Everything is over and equal between us. Now leave." I ask him in a cold tone, no emotions in my voice. I have to push him away otherwise everything will turn upside down again and we aren't alone this time. I can't risk that.
"I'll leave but before that...." He mumbles as he brings his nose on in my collar bone. I try to freed myself again but he pinned my hands on both sides of my head. Now this is the sudden change. He's playing dirty again but what surprises me more is that I remember his cologne this time clearly.
'Get well soon baby.'
"I know only this way I can make you feel disgust with yourself." Suddenly his tone changes into hostile.
"All I want you to feel hatred towards yourself for what you had done to me."
"You're sick Alex."
"Get out right now." I give him a nasty look.
"Not more than you." He says in a detest as he get up off me as I feel sudden chills. He storms away from my room. I keep looking at the ceiling on the where glittery stars are shinning in their own charms.
"what is it Alex?" I asked him while trying to open the wrapper from the gift box with my small fingers.
"Open it Mia." Alex says. I know he was tensed about wether I'll like his gift for me on my birthday or not.
When I opened it I saw all shinny glittery stars.
"Awww this is so beautiful." I was stunned. I had never seen something so shinny ever in my life before.
"This is for you, when you'll wake up from a bad dream just stare at them in your celling and you'll never feel afraid." He said as I jumped into his arms with happiness. I love this guy so much.
I bring my knees upto my chest as I try to create the warmth for me. His scent is still in my room and I don't know for some reason I feel lonely and broken. This is the second time he was grieving over the previous part of ours. It broke me to see him like that till now but how can I put him together when I'm broken myself. It's better to be in this way.
It's better.