Sometimes, happy memories hurt the most.
Especially whence the person who gave you most of them, becomes one.
Yes, he did often get lost on the road of life, but this road, a one of possibly no return, an endless loop that can drive any being crazy, a tempting but dangerous choice, the road of memories.
And Kakashi, for the hell of it knew that's what happened to the Nohara back in the hallway.
Because it happened to him too, memories, they blend into dreams that give way to nightmares.
Kakashi sighed, and looked up to see the full moon, magically unhidden by the layers and curtains of leaves, from the thick branch that was right in front of a window, her window.
Countless nights, he would sneak up the window, lightly tap one glass three times.
Then, she would open her bedroom window.
It used to be perfect,unreal, a fairytale amids the harsh reality.
They used to sit here for hours, sometimes all night.
Sun, rain, snow, day, night did not matter in the least. They would talk like age old friends, because each knew how the other felt like .
Rin knew Kakashi better than he would have liked. She was able to tear away throuh his walls before he could build them.
Right now seemed so familliar yet uncommon, he half expected Rin to open her window, as she did, and sit beside him onto the branch of this old tree.
Everything had changed since then, he had joined and left the ANBU, seeing things that can't be forgotten, Minato-sensei and Kushina-sensei had died, the Third had joined them, Lady Tsunade was the Fifth, He had three gennin to look after, the Kyubi attack and sand-sound Invasion had changed the structure of the village and yet...
He leaned back his head, the trunk supporting his head and releaving his heavy headache even just for a while and closed his eyes, relaxing his stiff musceles and let out a sigh he had been holding for years.
"KYAA!! KAKASHI-KUN WAIT FOR US!!!!"
Running from crazy maniacal creatures, fangirls, was just another day for the 5 year old hatake.
He did feel sorry for them, a few minutes on the real battelfield and they would be dead before you know it.
Besides, give him a break! He is only five!
So when he came to a dead end, he had no choice but to jump over the concrete wall to avoid those rabid....creatures.
"Ouch!"
He looked down immediately to the petite voice that came from under him.
"Gomenasai." he apolagized.
He crawled away, and took a good look at his landing 'cushion', that actually turned out to be a small girl.
'Oh no, another fangirl' he thought.
But contrary to predicaments, she did not start emitting squeals of horrifying frequencies or squish him in a tigh hug, rather a frown marred her face, which soon morphed into an expression of relief as she inspected the flower beds.
Although, after getting up and dusting himself he did feel guilty in the least as he almost squashed the neat strawberry garden in the yard of this non-fangirl.
He held out his hand in te least, helping the brown haired girl to her feet.
She assesed him for a brief moment and said with ear splitting grin,"Hi there! I'm Rin Nohara. What brings you to my humble backyard?" giggling slightly at the last part.
He found himself reciprocating her gesture , "Um...I am Kakashi Hatake, Nice to meet you. Sorry about your garden, really."
She offered him an other smile, which made him a little warm and fuzzy inside, and said,"Nah, It's all good. See?"
She bent down to her knees and gently plucked a ripe fruit from the crawler and motioned it towards him.
"Strawberry?"
He slowly took the fruit from her, and also noticed, that her hands were caked with a bit of mud, patches adorned her clothing and gardening tools lay scattered all around the soil.
"Thank you, do you like gardening?" He asked.
Her choclatey brown orbs lit up instantly. She said, "Yes! My favourite is the strawberry crawlers. I simply love strawberries. My dad says I have a talent for this, but I want to be a medical ninja like my mom when I grow up." She seemed to be the chatty type, and had at some point started fiddeling with the shovel, evening out the land surface around.
Then it clicked, 'She is going to be a shinobi'.
He asked, "So, are you joining the academy this year?" She exhuberantly nodded affermative.
"Well then, see you at the academy Rin, I must get going, my dad just came from his mission. Amazing strawberry though" He said with a small polite smile.
They bid each other goodbye and went their own way.
As he walked through the gates, he knew that this was something special, she was an interesting girl who he wasn't going to forget anytime soon.
Kakashi sighed, wondering how he managed to conjure a beloved memory from back then.
Ever since her death, he had kept the majority of his childhood locked away and stowed in some deep corner of his heart, but as he came to tread in these well waters, those memories seemed to float up and resurface even after nearly two decades.
He leaned over to the left, till the corner of the house was visable.
He gave a humorless chuckle, as he saw the dark patches, indicating they had been dug up and used for something.
The very spot he met Rin Nohara almost twenty years ago.
As he looked around, every corner of the house seemed to have bought up a ghost of the dead past.
In an instant, he remembered everything.
He remembered meeting her in the academy the day after.
He remembered how she was one of the only people he talked with after his father's sucide.
He remembered, years later when they were on the same team, how his newly developed shinobi-rules complex and rough exterior crumbeled near her.
He had no clue as to why, and it scared him.
So, he kept pushing her away, along with the rest of the world. Being the stupid pre-teen he was, he remained ashamed of his father, afraid to give into connections in the fear of turning out like him.
He remembered the first time he actually made he mistake of ignoring his conscience, choosing to abandon her, his teammate, to complete the dumb mission.
It had left him feeling bitter, hollow. Like someone wrenched his heart out and stabbed him.
Luckily, he had obito to beat some sense into him.
'Obito...' Kakashi thought.
To the world, that was just another name in the memorial stone, another deceased Uchiha.
But to him, he was his best friend.
The reason the Third Great Ninja war ended.
The originator of his sole code.
"In the ninja world, those who abandon the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are far worse than scum!"
Another reminder of the numerous mistakes he make. The said boy's descent another of his personal faliures.
Obito opened his eyes to the world, about his father, and his team.
Heck, he did much more than save his worthless life.
His dying gift completed his signature move, making him one of the most feared shinobi in the elemental nations.
Without Obito's sharingan and his words, he would most likely be drowning in a pool of his own blood in several different countries.
He had never again felt the true weight of guilt as he did while exiting that cave leaving obito's body behind in Kusa.
Obito practically fixed his life previnting it from going in a thousand wrong directions.
Even after he trated the boy horribly when he was still aive and breathing, apart from the last few hours of that mission to rescue Rin.
And for all he was worth, he couln't even keep the one promise, he made to the dying boy.
Rin.
Now Kakashi was clear with the individual relations he maintained and cast to each his teammates, but taking two was severly complicating the equation. He just didn't know what to do with it.
More so when one of them was still alive.
It was no secret Obito had formed an astronomical crush on Rin.
Rin, had remained oblivious and seemed to foster the same to himself.
He had not realised the latter until she was millimeters close to telling him.
Looking back at the event, he knew that if she said it out loud that day, he would have hugged her and broken down at the battelfield, just like she was, Thus desecrating Obito's death in mere minutes.
Yes, he concluded it after some pondering, but here was whatever a thirteen year old Kakashi could make sense of that situation.
Obito loved Rin, but Rin had been crushing on him. He loved Rin (But didn't know that) so he subconsiously took refuge in degrading Obito who always seemed to be hanging around her.
Kakashi felt a small smile tugging on his lips as he stumbled on the memory of this discovery.
It was a celebratory Night, the Stone and Leaf had signed a treaty and the third great war was finally over.
They streets were buzzing with life, Shinobi and civillians alike dressed in colourful clothes and making some noise, while other ninja chose to sit in bars and drown their sorrows away.
Minato-sensei had a date with kushina-nee, so that left Kakashi and Rin to their own devices.
It had almost been a month, since they had come home from...that mission.
About a month since Obito Uchiha had deceased.
At first they had opted to be aimlessly roaming through the streets, while 'politely' invited for some dango by Anko.
Kakashi much preferred soltitude at times like this, but Rin said that they wouln't mind some dumplings.
He sighed, and let himself get dragged to the group in the tea house by the brunette.
"YOSH!! Kakashi!! My enternal rival! Rin-chan!! My YOUTHFUL LOTUS!!!" Gai cried out, mildly freaking Rin out.
'Rin-chan' Kakashi thought, seething in anger.
That moment, he knew there was something wrong with him.
'Come on....It really isn't true.....'
He was NOT crushing on Gai.
Shaking off eerie thoughts, he decided to help himself to some Dango.
"O My Kami Rin!! I really can't thank you enough!!" Kurenai said, loud enough attract a few passerbyes.
He couldn't quiet hear what his teammate said, but that caused the other weird girl- Anko if he remembered correctly to start gaping like a fish.
"Who would have thought! Dang girl, you are a schemer, ya hear!!" Anko exclaimed.
Then the three girls lapped back into normal conversation, quiet inaudible from where he was standing.
A few minutes later, as he finished his red bean soup and kept the cup next to a few wooden skewers with dango sauce, he felt Kureai sit beside him, ordering another round of her usual.
She turned to him, red eyes reflecting anticipation.
"Hatake, we need to talk." she said, her gaze unwavering.
He mentally groaned, 'Not another fangirl, please kami-sama'.
But what she said caught him off guard.
"About Rin."
"What about her?"
Kurenai glared at him, and narrowed her eyes.
She spoke through gritted bared teeth, "Now answer honestly Hatake; What are your feelings towards Rin Nohara?"
He was confused, his feelings towards Rin?
Well that woman in front of him wanted truthful answers, and he had no qualms in giving her exactly that.
"Rin-chan.." He started, his heartbeat going eratic at himself using the suffix.
He looked up to the wooden celiing, searching for answers. (A habit he had picked up from his late father)
"She, is my only living teammate, The sweetest girl in the elemental nations, a person who I promised to protect."
Kurenai raised her eyebrows. She was NOT expecting this.
When she asked Obito the same, she listened to a two hour ratteling of 'how pretty' and 'how kind' the girl was.
"Tell me Hatake, why do you want to protect her? Would you throw away your life for her?" Kurenai asked gravely.
"It was Obito's dying wish. And yes Kurenai-san, I would in a heartbeat." He said earnestly, his voice slightly craking at the mentioning of his fallen teammate.
But those words, they sounded like lies even to his own ears.
Yes, he did promise Obito, and he was going to keep that no matter what, but it inexoribly wasn't the only reason.
His eyes widened in distress, the deplorable reality of the matter daunting him.
He choked on his own words, as he said, "I..I-I Lo-ve Rin..."
Mischief glazed over the genjutsu user's eyes , "Ah, so you see. I must say, you were quiet slow to catch on."
He excused himself, their sensei had told them to reach somewhere before Nine, and did use the very excuse to save himself by the bell.
On their way, he couldn't help but keep glancing to the girl beside him, the girl he loved.
It all just seemed phanasmagorical, even more so that it was real.
They had reached the location, that was the clift right above the great stone faces.
"Hm...The village looks beautiful from here, Ne kakashi-kun?" Rin said, a small smile gracing her lips.
He froze, she looked so serene that moment, it made him want to tell her the truth, the important one he discovered less than an hour ago.
Suddenly, the sky burst in a myraid of colours, fireworks of the festival forming a picturestique view for the two shinobi.
The fireworks lasted for half an hour, and someway through a tired Rin had given a taking to resting her head on Kakashi's shoulder.
"I wish Obito-kun could have seen that" she whispered, trying not to yawn.
Rin, had started healing in long shifts at the hospital fot the past month. Up before the crack of dawn, to bed long after midnight.
Most likely because she got Nightmares, just as he did.
It would seem both of them liked to drown their sorrows in work.
"I am sure he did." Kakashi whispered to her.
He felt her regular, relaxed breathing, and knew it as in indication that she as asleep.
Careful not to wake the sleeping girl in his arms, he carried her bridal style all the way to her house.
As usual, she had left her window open.
He carried her all the way to her bed, Lying down her sleeping form softly on her matress.
Then, as if it were the most tenous act he had ever done, he gently pulled the covers over her.
In that moment, as a soft breeze blew from the window, any doubts he had about his affection for Rin had scattered to the four winds.
Chestering feelings for Rin was a complication he had wanted to avoid, as it was almost an uncanny disgrace to Obito... who unlike him, truely deserved her.
And he had indirectly killed the boy, so it was only right he deserved it.
"Kakashi-kun, do remember; the tragedy of life is not death, but what you let die inside yourself while you live."
He turned to the older figure in the doorway, to see Tamaki Nohara, Rin's mother with a worried expression on her face.
He gave a light nod, before shushining away.
As he walked to his empty home, He decided that, No, he would not dissolve his feelings, only hide them.
He would keep his feelings hidden, justifying his actions to Obito's words, leaving none the wiser.
Kakashi hopped down the branch, deciding not get 'lost on the road of memories'.
It was a dangerous one.
He had, after a lot of pursuation from his 'friends' and Sensei, ended up asking Rin on a date.
But not walking her home was one of the worse mistakes he ever did.
Alright then, that's why he couln't have good things. The first and only time he falls head over heels with someone knee deep, he forgets to walk her home like a gentleman, and there...
Kiri kidnaps his date and makes her a unstable jinchuriki, and she being the loyal and honorable shinobi dies with honor.
He kills her.
He sighed for the upteenth time, and his hands in his pockets, made his way to check on his gennin and 'client'.
This time he wouldn't fail his team.
He didn't ever wonder, what might have been, if he had been with her that night, if she didn't get kidnapped or dead, if she would have lived.
After all, Kakashi Hatake understood death better than love.
A/N: How was it??
I feel it could have been better..
Oh and next chapter is when things really get in motion and the plot thickens.
We have like one more flashback (It is NOT angsty or fluffy, but very crutial to the story.)
Question: What is yor favourite Naruto pairing??
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