(Start on the beaches of the third isle. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN are walking.)
Cuphead-I've never really been one for the beach. The sand always gets in my shoes.
Mugman-Well, the water looks pretty.
Cuphead-I thought you didn't like the water.
Mugman-I like the water just fine. It's boats I don't like. I get-
Cuphead-Seasick. Right. Why are we even here? We're getting distracted.
Mugman-Look at you, talking about getting distracted!
Cuphead-I'm just saying we need to have a little talk about battle strategy. We need to figure out how to do as much damage as possible.
Mugman-Actually, there's something I've been thinking of. You know how we've only been shooting with one hand at a time?
Cuphead-Yeah.
Mugman-What if we start using both hands?
Cuphead-That's an idea.
Mugman-And I've figured that Charge shot takes four seconds to charge fully, so if I shoot every two seconds alternating hands, I can get double the shots in and therefore double the damage.
Cuphead-Here you go, talking about Charge again.
Mugman-I've already told you, Charge is-
Cuphead-Holy ship!
Mugman-Cuphead, language!
Cuphead-No, I mean there's an actual ship.
(He points at a tall, red pirate ship docked nearby.)
Mugman-Oh, ship!
Cuphead-Let's go check it out!
(He runs off.)
Mugman-Cuphead, wait!
(He runs after CUPHEAD.)
Mugman-Do we always have to run towards the big thing?
Cuphead-We've been running towards the big thing for the past two days. I'm surprised you're not used to it. Besides, every time we've run towards the big thing, we end up finding a contract.
Mugman-Touche.
(They approach the ship. They see CAPTAIN BRINEYBEARD on the ship's deck. BRINEYBEARD sees them as well.)
Brineybeard-Why, ahoy, mateys!
Cuphead-Ahoy, Captain...
Brineybeard-Brineybeard! Captain Brineybeard!
Cuphead-Ahoy, Captain Brineybeard! (a pause, then referring to the fact that there's no crew to be spoken of) Captain of what?
Brineybeard-Why, the S.S. Silver, of course! It's only the finest ship to ever sail the seven seas!
Cuphead-It is indeed a fine ship. You mind if we take a closer look?
Mugman-Cuphead, if you're trying to do what I think you're trying to do-
Brineybeard-Why, of course, you can!
Mugman-No. Cuphead, please. I don't want to-
Cuphead-(to BRINEYBEARD) Forgive my brother. He's a landlubber.
(MUGMAN rolls his eyes.)
Mugman-"Landlubber?" Cuphead, I'm serious.
Brineybeard-Well, bring him aboard, too! I'm sure we can change his mind.
(CUPHEAD and MUGMAN board the ship, MUGMAN reluctantly. As soon as they get on board, MUGMAN notices something strange about BRINEYBEARD.)
Mugman-You have two peg legs? How do you walk?
Brineybeard-Much practice, me laddie! Now, what are we waiting for? Adventure awaits!
Cuphead-Aye aye, Captain!
(MUGMAN sighs, an annoyed expression on his face. He keeps this expression as the camera fades to him with a mop in hand "swabbing the deck", as they say. That's when CUPHEAD comes into view wearing a nifty red scarf.)
Cuphead-Hoist the main sail! Swab the poop deck! And other boat things!
Mugman-(bitterly) Nice scarf, Cuphead. Where did you get it?
Cuphead-The captain gave it to me. He says I'm his "first mate".
Mugman-Wait! Why do you get to be first mate?
Cuphead-Because I'm older.
Mugman-By seven minutes!
Cuphead-Those are seven very important minutes. For all intents and purposes, I am older.
(The ship suddenly begins rocking back and forth. CUPHEAD swings his arms to prevent from falling over.)
Cuphead-Whoa! It sure is choppy all of a sudden!
(MUGMAN puts his hand over his mouth, as if he's about to throw up.)
Mugman-Uh, Cuphead, you know how I was talking about why I don't like boats?
Cuphead-Yeah.
Mugman-Well, I think I'm gonna-
Cuphead-Do it over the edge of the boat.
(MUGMAN runs off. The camera angle changes to show him in the background bent over the edge of the ship.)
Cuphead-Hey, Captain, is the anchor still in place?
(BRINEYBEARD gives the chain holding the anchor a tug.)
Brineybeard-Seems tight to me.
Cuphead-Then it must just be the winds.
(He looks up at the sails, which are still furled.)
Cuphead-Okay, now I'm confused.
(Cut to the edge of the ship. BRINEYBEARD is looking through a telescope. CUPHEAD watches him. MUGMAN is looking at the list.)
Brineybeard-And remember, the most important part of being a pirate is to always be on the lookout for treasure.
Cuphead-How? We haven't even left the dock.
(MUGMAN taps CUPHEAD on the shoulder.)
Cuphead-(to MUGMAN) What is it?
Mugman-(whispering to CUPHEAD) I think I just realized why his name is so familiar.
Cuphead-(whispering back) Why?
Mugman-He's on the list
Cuphead-He is?
(He opens the list and points at Brineybeard's name at the very bottom.)
Cuphead-Oh. Well, that'll teach me to start at the top of the list.
Mugman-Should we tell him?
Cuphead-Well...
Mugman-I'm telling him. (to BRINEYBEARD) Hey, Captain!
Brineybeard-Yes?
Mugman-Is there a reason this boat's called the S.S. Silver? Other than silver being a precious metal, one you'd find in buried treasure?
Brineybeard-That is indeed the reason, Mugboy.
Mugman-And the only reason you have any treasure is because you've had some sort of help from a Mr. Lucifer?
Brineybeard-No! All of my treasure was found fair and square!
Mugman-You're a pirate! Pirates are inherently not fair and square! You have a soul contract, and we intend to take it.
Brineybeard-You know what else is silver?
(He draws a silver sword.)
Brineybeard-My sword!
Mugman-Run!
(CUPHEAD AND MUGMAN run off the ship and onto the pier.)
Cuphead-No. We can't run. The contract is in there.
(They turn around. The ship now has eyes and a mouth. BRINEYBEARD is standing at the bow. He pulls out a pink octopus and uses it to shoot pink and yellow projectiles. CUPHEAD parries a pink one and gets hit by a yellow one.)
Cuphead-I guess that's how we're going to play. Shots out!
(They begin shooting. MUGMAN is using Charge.)
Cuphead-Mugman, are you using that Charge shot again?
Mugman-Yes! I'm telling you, it's an awesome weapon! I think you're just jealous that you don't have it.
Cuphead-Maybe I am! You know what, we can't talk about this. We have a battle to fight.
(They continue shooting. A barrel comes down from the top of the screen dangling from a rope.)
Mugman-How do you get a barrel to hang from all the way up-
(The barrel slams down on the deck directly above MUGMAN. MUGMAN dashes out of the way in time and straight into CUPHEAD, who is busy dodging octopus projectiles.)
Cuphead-Hey! Are you trying to disturb my groove?
Mugman-Sorry. It's just that...
(He points up at the barrel.)
Cuphead-Alright. Apology accepted.
(BRINEYBEARD whistles. Dogfishes jump onto the pier and scurry across. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN have to jump over them.)
Cuphead-Jeezum! One thing I don't like is having to jump over things really low near the ground.
(The ship shoots cannonballs out of its mouth. These cannonballs stay low near the ground.)
Cuphead-And that makes it worse.
(BRINEYBEARD gets his octopus out again. CUPHEAD jumps to parry a projectile.)
Cuphead-You shouldn't even bother with the pink bullets. As you can see, your pink projectiles become my pink parry power!
(BRINEYBEARD whistles again. MUGMAN sees a shark fin poking out of the water.)
Cuphead-A whistle, huh? That means we should be expecting-
Mugman-Shark!
Cuphead-What?
(A shark jumps onto the pier. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN run away screaming.)
Cuphead-The unexpected. That's what we should be expecting.
(The ship shoots another cannonball.)
Cuphead-And could you please stop doing that?!
(The ship opens its mouth wide, turning into a narwhal-like creature. BRINEYBEARD is knocked off and starts flying through the air.)
Cuphead-Look at him go!
(The ship shoots a giant pink laser beam out of its mouth. MUGMAN ducks beneath, but CUPHEAD gets hit.)
Cuphead-Really? A giant beam? A little warning would have been nice, Mugman.
Mugman-I don't think you've fully grasped the situation.
Cuphead-What? Why?
(MUGMAN grabs CUPHEAD by the shoulders and turns him to face the ship. The ship stares back at him.)
Cuphead-Wow. Now, remember that double-hand Charge strategy you were talking about earlier?
Mugman-Yeah.
Cuphead-Well, I think we're going to need it.
(MUGMAN begins shooting at the ship with Charge shot, alternating between both hands.)
Mugman-You gonna back me up, Cuphead?
Cuphead-Hold up, Mugman. I need to get my bearings, figure out where I need to shoot.
Mugman-I think it's safe to assume-
(CUPHEAD switches to Chaser. The bullets home in on the barrel still hanging above.)
Cuphead-Oh, the barrel! That has been a pain in the neck.
(The barrel slams down on CUPHEAD, but he dashes out of the way in time.)
Mugman-Shoot the ship, Cuphead!
(CUPHEAD switches to Peashooter and aims for the ship. It shoots another pink beam. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN duck.)
Cuphead-Wait a minute. That beam was pink. You know what that means?
Mugman-Cuphead, we are not-
Cuphead-When it shoots another beam, we both parry it a bunch of times and then finish it off with a double Super Attack.
Mugman-I thought you couldn't use that attack.
Cuphead-Why not?
Mugman-I thought you traded it in for invincibility.
Cuphead-Well, let's believe in miracles, shall we? For the time being, however, we need to focus on...
(He points at the ship.)
Cuphead-That.
(They resume shooting. One of MUGMAN's shots is less charged.)
Cuphead-Hey, what gives, Mugman?
Mugman-Look, it takes a lot of concentration to shoot with both hands, especially if you're alternating between them, and time for concentration seems to be a luxury here. It also turns out that if you hold a shot too long, it'll start to un-charge, which makes no sense. I'm switching to one hand.
(He shoots with only one hand.)
Cuphead-Will you survive?
Mugman-Cuphead, we've been surviving.
Cuphead-Fine, now wait for the beam.
(The ship spits looping fireballs out of its mouth. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN have to jump and duck around them.)
Cuphead-Dangit! Now, where's the beam?
(The ship closes its mouth to charge another pink beam.)
Cuphead-It's charging up! Finally, here it comes! Mugman, prepare for a parrying spree.
(MUGMAN sighs and rolls his eyes.)
Mugman-Fine, but there's no telling if it's going to work.
(The ship opens its mouth and shoots another pink beam. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN jump above it and parry it repeatedly. CUPHEAD goes straight into an Energy Beam, but MUGMAN lands on the dock without firing.)
Cuphead-Why didn't you fire?
(MUGMAN shows CUPHEAD his Super Meter. It's only four spades full.)
Mugman-I couldn't.
Cuphead-Fine, but you need to amp up your shooting.
(MUGMAN nods and returns to shooting with two hands, but instead of alternating, he shoots with both at the same time. The last spade fills up quickly.)
Mugman-Ha! I knew using both hands was a good idea.
(He jumps up and fires an Energy Beam. The ship tilts left and right while groaning in pain, signaling it is defeated.)
Mugman-Yes! Mugman saves the day!
Cuphead-I think we can get to the contract now.
(Cut to the captain's quarters. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN are searching for the contract.)
Cuphead-Keep your eyes peeled, Mugman. The contract could be anywhere.
(MUGMAN snickers. CUPHEAD finds a rolled-up parchment crushed behind a book on a bookshelf.)
Cuphead-What's this doing here?
Mugman-I don't think that's how you properly treat parchment.
(He takes the parchment and opens it to smooth it out. It's titled "Soul Contract: Captain Brineybeard".)
Mugman-Cuphead, this is the contract.
Cuphead-Swell!
(He gets out the box.)
Cuphead-Put 'er here.
(MUGMAN puts the contract in the box.)
Cuphead-Now, let's blow this pop stand. We don't want you getting seasick again.
Mugman-You said it.
Cuphead-Now, how do you suggest we do that?
(Cut to the dock. CUPHEAD and MUGMAN are walking back to shore. CUPHEAD narrates.)
Cuphead-(voice only) Well, that's fourteen down, three to go. I think we've had enough boat adventures for today. Given we've only had one, but it was enough for today. Between getting a sword pulled out on us and having to fight the boat, I think we can safely say we are never going on a quote-unquote voyage with Captain Brineybeard again.