Cover by: @lyspynen
Chapter 1
2 years, 10 months, and 19 days later
L i n d a
I watch as she takes notes. Her green eyes trailing from me to her notebook, which lays perfectly on her lap. She makes no move in starting a conversation, and neither do I. I guess I'm used to this, sitting still and keeping quiet while she writes things she claims she knows about me.
Things that now describe me and the reasons I'm here for. What she doesn't know is that on the outside I may look okay, back to my usual self as anyone would put it, but in reality, I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be no matter the days, weeks or years I've been here, I'm still the same.
I still cry when I wake up, I still see him in my dreams; I still see my parents crying and walking away only to never return. I still see and live what happened that day over and over again. The cuffs, the trial, evidence that seemed to be against me, the cold expressions from everyone around me, from those who watched me grow, but she doesn't need to know that or anyone else for that matter.
She finally clears her throat, drawing my attention back to her.
"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" I keep my expression closed off as I shake my head. What more does she want me to say. Every single word that has passed my lips is written down in her precious notebook. Can't see just look at that and draw her conclusions. Its not like anything changed.
She lets out a sigh at my silent response.
"Well if that's it, I should get going. I don't want to worry Rose when she sees I'm not in my room."
I give her a brief smile and rise from my chair, but I just shes not having it because not a second later she places her notebook on the table beside her and leans forward, grabbing my hands that lay on my knees.
I try not to shift at the contact, but by the way her hold loosens shes clearly noticed.
"Linda, I'm not going to force you to open up, but I need to make sure you're okay, and in order to do that you need to let me in. At least a bit."
So she has noticed.
"With all due respect, I'm fine. I don't think there's anything to talk about." I explain.
She doesn't buy it, and her next words are proof of it. "Let's not forget about that time I found you curled into a ball in the corner of your room." I flinch at the memory. One that to this day still hunts me.
Before I can protest, she speaks again. "I know that happened months ago- years now, but things like memories and images" she point's to her head "- don't go away that easily."
I can't meet her eyes, damn it she's right, and I hate that she is. She lets go of one of hands and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a photo and handing it to me.
My fingers slightly shake as I grab it, and my eyes begin to water, causing my vision to become somewhat blurry.
There he is, just like this morning, just like every night, and every time I see him the reaction is always the same.
His brown hair messy as always, that smile that he carried along with those brown eyes that would melt anyone's walls. Except here, he looks younger just like the girl standing beside him, me.
I can feel her eyes on me as I take in the photo, "You still miss him, and that's completely normal."
My grip tightens a bit, "don't close yourself off, Linda."
My eyes finally meet hers, and a smile appears on her face. I'm starting to believe she wants to see me like this.
"Maybe you won't open up to me, or perhaps you are all right, but open up to those around you at least."
My brows narrow in confusion until realization hits me. Its visiting day.
I stand and let her hands drop, but she doesn't seem to mind this time. We stop in front of her office door and hands me an envelope I hadn't realized she was holding.
"Here, you'll need this when they come to pick you up."
"Pick me up?" She nods and opens the door, letting me out first.
"Yes, you're heading home."
*****❣️*****
I glance at my room as I stop by the doorway. Looking back at the plain walls that have witnessed more of my inner self than Rose and the other nurses who came to check on me, at the window with the chair beside it, one I've sat on countless of times during my stay.
This is it. I'm leaving.
I gently close the door behind me and walk through the halls, my breathing quickening with each step I take, and the closer I get to the main reception the more their voices grow louder, and I can't help but slow my pace.
Maybe I'm not ready to leave. No. It's too early- way to early. I'm not supposed to be out yet-
I shake my head. No, I am ready. I was never supposed to be here to begin with. With that thought in mind, I come into the clearing and there they stand, smiling as I step closer to them.
"Linda." Her arms wrap around me before I have a chance to take in everything, but not a second later, I'm leaning into her embrace, now realizing how short I am compared to her.
"Brenda," I whisper out, scared that this is a dream - a joke even. I'm the first to pull away, taking in her features. Her caramel hair that now stops by her shoulders, her amber eyes that shine with happiness as she stares back at me.
Other arms wrap around me as well, ones I recognize as her parents. "Oh, Linda." Mrs. White says as she pulls back first, moving a strand of hair from my cheek.
My eyes trail behind Mr. White, searching, hoping that perhaps they're here too, but like expected. They're not, and even though a part of me knew. The other part of me can't help but feel disappointed. I guess that night also changed the bond we once had- if there was ever one.
****
I stare at the two-story house, one I haven't seen in years. The home that I should have been expecting to stay in.
"Come on Linda," I glance at Brenda who steps out the car, me following suit.
Everything is the same as I remember when I step inside, all expect the walls. Which are now coated blue instead of yellow, and the pictures, which have changed to a more current Brenda than the younger toddler one.
I follow her upstairs and into a room, which I suppose is mine.
I step in and take in the furniture, the bed, the view of the outside window that leads to the road out front. Everything, and for some reason, this all seems too much to handle.
What happened to my home, my room, my stuff.
I walk to the wall covered in photos. Ones I remember from pictures I took; ones of me, my friends, and some of Jacob, one of them which matches with the one in my pocket.
My eyes trail over each one until landing on the last one that consists of Jacob, me, and another boy I can't recognize. His hair is like Jacobs yet darker slightly longer and his eyes are grey instead of brown, and instead of staring at the camera, he's looking at me.
"If you want I can take them down," I glance back at Brenda who looks guilty- as if she had done something wrong.
"No, it's fine. Thank you." I tell her as I sit on the bed.
She lets out a sigh of relief and walks over to me, taking a seat beside me.
"It's good to have you back." For the first time in a while I smile.
"It's good to be back."
We stay quiet, each of us lost in our thoughts. Then she clears her throat and reaches for the nightstand, pulling out a folder and placing it on my lap.
"We figured this was best." I glance through the documents, each one with a new name, with a new identity, a new life.
Of course, nothing will be the same. I have to follow the rules. I guess that explains my early release.
I can't think of anything to say but Brenda does. "Come on. Let's go eat... Amanda."
Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.
Please vote, comment and share it would mean a lot to me:)
Until next time - booknerd