Seokjin's
“I wanna talk to y'all about.. things.” I said, smiling at them awkwardly.
I observed them one by one, from Namjoon who is squirming from his seat, to Jimin who's just smiling at me, to J-Hope who looks so confused and curious, to Taehyung who kept his box smile plastered to make me feel comfortable, to Yoongi who can't even look straight in my eyes, looking guilty and uncomfortable of my presence, lastly, to Jungko– wait!
“Where's Jungkook?” I asked with my brows narrowed.
And Namjoon immediately answered me, “His doctor just unbandaged his eyes and he's resting for now, when he woke up, he might see things again.” He said with a smile, showing his lovely dimples.
“Alright, let's just wait for him to wake up then?” Yoongi suggested, already standing up from his seat and was about to take his leave when Jungkook suddenly appeared in front of the door.
“I'm already here.” He announced his presence, eyes fixed on me, a warm smile etched on his lips, muttering a soft ‘i miss you’.
Then he blurted, “I'm happy I can see you.”
So I smiled at him, nodding my head and pointing the chair where he can sit.
He pulled Yoongi with him, eyes not leaving mine until I looked away to smile at Namjoon. The others nod their heads in understanding.
“Okay. S-so, as you can see, I just came back from being gone for weeks, right? And I wanted to say sorry for all of these bad things I caused especially this freaking accident–”
“It's not your fault, okay?” Yoongi butts in, interrupting my speech.
I released a deep sigh before shaking my head, “Yoongi, I am the one to blame. Don't just assume you're the reason when you're–” not.
Again, Yoongi beat me to it. “Don't argue with me anymore regarding this topic, Jin.” Is what he mumbled with finality on his voice.
So I just nod, sighing deeply, again. It's not like I'm going to win against him cause I never did.
Deafening silence...
No one talked, for a moment.. Everyone and everything was quite.
Then Taehyung spoke, someone finally broke the awkward silence that's slowly enveloping us.
“Just to clear things, hyung.. why did you leave us?”
His question made me look down. “Because I'm afraid–”
“Whatever his reason was, at least he came back, right?” Jimin, with a sheepish smile said.
Instead of feeling relieved, I just felt more guilty..
Why did I left them when they need me the most?
I'm the oldest member so I need to act mature yet I'm the most selfish and childish.
I only thought about myself, thinking that I need more time before I face them.
I didn't think about the possibility that they're just okay, that they won't blame me. I became a coward, right. Right.
But not just because of that, I needed time cause I don't know how to ignore their intense gazes and their beating heart.
I don't know how to acknowledge their feelings more properly. Properly– so that no one will be hurt.
“Jimin, let Jin-hyung speak.” Namjoon strictly commanded the younger who just sadly smile.
I inhaled and exhaled, “I'm afraid. It's because I don't have any confidence and strength to look at y'all when you guys wakes up. I want to stay away so that I wouldn't cause troubles anymore. Sufferings– I don't want to see you guys sad. I want you all to move on, to start a new life..” I explained and realized that I was holding my breathe that's making my heart feel constricted.
“Start a new life?” Hoseok chuckled slowly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you crazy, hyung?” He snorted, smirking at me.
“Hoseok!” They all shouted in unison, all eyes pierced on him while I just look down.
“WHAT?!” He shouted back, frustratedly pulling his hair. “What's wrong with what I'm saying?! Cause, hello! He wanted us to start a new life– without him?!” He shouted again, looking at me. “That's so fucking unbelievable. Knowing that he knew our feelings for him–”
“THAT'S IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANY OF YOU OR TO REJECT YOU ALL CAUSE I WANT YOU GUYS TO BE HAPPY! I want you guys to fucking move on and stop wasting time on me. I AM NOT WORTH IT. Stop it.”
I don't know how did I do that. I shouted at Hoseok, at them. I pushed them away with my words.
It's like I'm a volcano.. and I finally erupted.
Though I know they'll be hurt, I still did. So, I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I don't wanna cry in front of them, not when I'm acting strong.
“HYUNG..” They called so I look up and stared back at them again.
I saw Yoongi biting his lower lip, harsh and strong, he's nervous. “For all the things that had happened, I want to apologize.”
My jaw dropped at his words.
“Why are you apologizing? I should be the one doing that.” I said, confused and frustrated.
“I started all of this so let me.” He muttered. “But you shouldn't dictate us to stop loving you. You should be sorry for that instead.” And with that, Yoongi stood up and walks out of the room, leaving us wordless.
“I'm going to talk to Yoongi.” Namjoon said, clearing his throat before walking out of the room too, with Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok on his side.
I heard my heart broke..
And it was so silent that I can hear my breathing being even and my heart being annihilate badly.
I am not being insensitive or heartless but I'm just concern about what they will feel if I choose one of them and reject the others.
I don't want to hurt them.. I never wished and planned to.
“So, hyung.. I-It's just you and me now, eh?”
I was startled when someone spoke, I thought they all left me since they wanted to talk to Yoongi, right?
Ah, Jungkook. He didn't move from where he's sitting since he entered the room. Right.. he stayed.
I smiled at him, sadly. “Your eyes..” I said, almost like a whisper.
“D-Don't worry, hyung. It's already fine. I can see your beauty clearly now.”
“Silly.” I chuckled before rolling my eyes.
“How about you, hyung? Are you okay?” Jungkook suddenly asks, looking at me intently.
“If I'm going to be honest, my answer would be NO.”
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a/n; eyy what a boring chapter we have here. sorry, luvs! let's all be together till the end of this book and that'd be very soon. ilyy!! sorry for the typographical and grammatical errors. v