PART TWO
THE WAR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Twenty-One: Astoria
August 1997
The death of the greatest wizard known to man took a huge toll on the British wizarding world. It had meant the end of a great era to many. To the Death Eaters, it had meant a time of fortune. But to most, it had meant that all hope has truly been lost.
It had been complete and utter chaos in July. With Dumbledore gone, Death Eaters were far more rampant than usual. While the Ministry was trying to detain stories of missing families or the deaths of some muggle and muggle-born families, Astoria knew too much from her father that they were fornicating lies once more to avoid civil unrest. But despite the Ministry's efforts, Astoria and many others knew that it was dark times—and vigilance is the least that would help them these days.
News even reached France, to where the Greengrasses have fled momentarily for most of the summer. But with all the resounding closeness of most of Britain and Ireland, it was impossible not to hear one or two about what was happening in England. No one in their right mind would even come close to traveling there. Everyone will have already fled out of fear for their lives or for their lack of proving their true blood status.
Generally, it had not been easy—the unrest. The morning when the students had awoken to Dumbledore's death, parents flooed to Hogwarts to drag their children out of school. Many of those parents included Astoria's. Cassandra and Cepheus Greengrass wasted no time taking her and her sister Daphne back to the manor; then many hours later, out of Britain and into France where they were much "safer".
Cassandra had considered sending Astoria and Daphne to Beauxbatons. It was not a bad school, if Astoria were being perfectly honest. But she had known Hogwarts for so long. It was her home. How could she simply abandon it just because Dumbledore was now gone?
Too much has happened since. It was impossible for Astoria to sleep at night knowing what was out there. Dumbledore was gone. The Death Eaters have won. There was simply no hope to it. There was a small part of her that kept wishing for something futile like a miracle. But the days grow darker, and Astoria wondered how long she could keep holding on to her false sense of hope before tragedy unfurls before her.
Fleeing to France seemed like the best solution at that time. Granted, the Greengrasses were now branded as cowards since anyone in the Sacred Twenty-Eight surely would be in their right mind to stake their claim in the wizarding world now, more than ever. Cepheus had passed off the family going to France as a little family vacation, still keeping in touch with the Ministry as always. But little do people know that the Greengrasses might not ever step foot in Britain again.
Until now.
The second day of August touched her days unlike any other. It felt even gloomier, and Astoria feared that Dementors had reached Montpellier like it had in Dover. The Greengrass Manor in Montpellier, France was nothing short of smaller than the one they had back home. It was more home-y, but antique-like and intricate in style. But it was lonelier and colder than it normally was. She wasn't quite sure if it was the dread of the times, or simply the weather. Either way, it gave Astoria no comfort.
Even more so when she went down to breakfast that morning, clad in a summer dress to outshine the sleet of dark and gloom that's emanated the manor. Her family sat on the circular table in the dining hall while being served by their house elf, Briseis.
Daphne was poking at her food mournfully, the usual air of bright and sunny happiness to her had dispersed in the past month—though Astoria doubted it was because of her wedding's delay. In fact, Daphne had been thrilled quite briefly after finding out that her parents had delayed her wedding to Theodore Nott due to the unpredicted times.
But no sooner into the month did Daphne finally fall into a pattern of silence and moments alone in the garden. Astoria often worried whether they should have her sister checked, fearing for the worst that she might soon turn up to have the same condition as her.
"You might want to sit down, Astoria." Cassandra announced just as Cepheus placed the Daily Prophet that he had been occupying himself with earlier. Daphne didn't look up.
Astoria sat beside her sister as Briseis placed a plate of strawberry crepes before her.
The grave looks on her parents' faces were enough to send her on edge.
"What's going on?" Astoria asked carefully, as though if she had said it any other way that it would set off some sort of trigger.
Cepheus and Cassandra eyed each other briefly before the Greengrass heir spoke.
"Your mother and I will not be sending you and Daphne to Beauxbatons this coming school year." Cepheus started gruffly, trying to meet Astoria's gaze but failing miserably as his eyes flitted from his daughter to the paper before him constantly. "I fear... I fear you must go back to Hogwarts next month."
Astoria nearly jumped from her seat when Daphne bolted off her chair, shock crossing her older sister's features for the first time in months. She didn't know it had been possible to see her sister look anything other than passive until now.
"What?" Daphne sputtered lividly at their parents. "Have you gone mad? You specifically said we won't be going back to Hogwarts... ever! That we'd live our lives more quietly in France since You-Know-Who is nobody but Britain's problem now! You promised!"
"Well, thank goodness we haven't the idea to do an Unbreakable Vow over that sentiment, then." Cepheus replied with a frustrated sigh as his fingers fumbled for the pages of the Daily Prophet. "Circumstances have changed, Daphne. Vol—The Dark Lord has, unfortunately, has taken over the Ministry."
A sharp gasp escaped Astoria's lips. Daphne stared at her parents in horror. Cassandra looked forlorn, avoiding her family's gaze as she shoved mouthfuls of crepes into her mouth.
And it seemed that just like that, every shred of last hope she had left in her had completely gone. The Ministry had always remained a strong front despite their white lies, and never has it been taken over by anyone other than that of official power. But it so happens that if Death Eaters outnumber uncorrupt politicians—which aren't plenty these days—there was simply no question to it.
It felt as though history was being rewritten in the most brutal way possible. Astoria could not possibly imagine a world where the Dark Lord had taken over. She had heard stories from her father about the possibility of it happening so many years ago, years before she was born. Something of that manner had almost happened before. It was only stories to her then, but now—it has become a reality she wished not to face.
"Rufus Scrimegeour is dead. They're... they're changing things at the Ministry. I'm being called back there for staff meetings and whatnot. But it's not just that..." Cepheus ran a frustrated hand through his dark locks. "Going to Hogwarts now is an... immense requirement, especially for pure-bloods like you two. To not go to Hogwarts next month would mean a death sentence to our entire family. The two of you must go with no further questions."
"But father—" Daphne started heatedly just as Cassandra looked up. "We can't! We simply can't! The danger we would be in! Can you not imagine—mother—" Daphne glared at their mother as though it was all her fault. "Please talk some sense into him. This is outrageous! I care little for immense requirement—"
"Daphne, please, just let it go," Astoria finally found her voice in the midst of all the shock. She stared at her sister pleadingly, hoping for her to shut up now that the stakes of their danger were so irrevocably high.
"Let it go?! Aren't you the poster child now when I need your defiance the most?" Daphne berated scathingly at Astoria. "How are you okay with this, Tori?! They would be sending us off to our deaths. We'd be pigs for slaughter at Hogwarts—"
"They wouldn't be stupid enough to kill pure-bloods, if that's what you're so worried about." Astoria told Daphne impatiently this time. Granted, it was not the best idea to go back to Hogwarts. But if there was one thing she earned for a trait as a Slytherin, it was self-preservation. And if self-preserving means appearing at Hogwarts to stake claim to their pure-blood heritage, then it's what needed to be done. "They've gone completely mad over the prospects of pure-bloods. They wouldn't dare touch a hair on you—"
"But they would on you!" Daphne's eyes flashed considerably now. "You practically scream blood traitor! If they find out your avocation to those filthy muggles, they'll have your head! But if you're so keen on dying—"
"That's enough, both of you!" Cassandra howled as she, too, stood up. Her eyes swept her two daughters glaringly, immediately shutting the two of them up. "You will go to Hogwarts whether either of you like it or not. Quite ironically, it is the safest place for you now more than ever. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will suspect something off if two girls born of the Sacred Twenty-Eight doesn't attend Hogwarts. He will think you're both hiding something, and Merlin help me if they capture either of you for torture. I've seen this happen before... I will not have my daughters make the same mistake!"
Silence filled the dining hall save for the city buzz short miles away from the manor. Astoria avoided her mother's gaze before her eyes landed promptly on the Daily Prophet situated on the table. The headline said so much in such a short sentence.
Students required to attend Hogwarts by order of its new Headmaster, Severus Snape
Astoria suddenly remembered Draco, and the last time she's seen of him. He was with Professor Snape, fleeing, for whatever reason, to Merlin knows where. Until the morning after when she realized why Draco and Snape had to flee. There were implicative rumors about who murdered Dumbledore that night in the Battle at the Astronomy Tower. Names were given out in the Daily Prophet and Astoria had to seize her heart physically when she saw Draco's name on there.
Did Draco kill Dumbledore? At the time of the article's release, Astoria could not believe even for a fraction of a moment that he would have done it. She finally knew what he was being told to do—and it was certainly far worse than anything she had ever imagined. Draco was still so young... although having turned seventeen; he was still so young to be committing murder. Astoria had thought for a moment that he had done it—to preserve his life, his family's.
But then she could remember the look of fear in his eyes the first time she came across him in the bathroom. How the very prospect of murder was killing him inside more than he was to kill Dumbledore. And Astoria's plea for him to give himself the privilege of resistance—did Draco heed her words? Or were they simply words to him without much meaning as his life and his family's mattered more than Dumbledore's and the advice of a fourth year girl?
Astoria feared to ask him those very questions for when she sent him letters. At least once every week, she sent out an owl to check on Draco. Her letters were fairly short but full of concern. No doubt her letters were being intercepted, so she was as vague as she possibly could be. She asked how he was, and where he was. But even as the month ended, she simply received little to nothing from Draco Malfoy. Either he was completely terrified of what she thought of him now, or he was truly and with the most finality avoiding her at all costs.
And Astoria didn't know what could possibly be worst between either prospects.
"The lot of you must stay neutral in all of this." Cepheus warned before shooting a furtive look towards Astoria. "Especially you, Tori. I will not have this muggle-loving nonsense once you come back to Hogwarts. I implore you to be careful with your words, with the people you associate yourself with. Merlin forbid if you're ever found on the wrong side of things there."
Astoria frowned this time. She didn't give a damn about being a blood traitor. Everyone already knew much of it. She doubted she could ever hold herself back from helping anyone that might need her help there. Perhaps going back to Hogwarts wasn't such a bad idea... if it meant keeping some peace... if it meant shedding some bit of hope between the bouts of darkness.
But she dared not to voice it out loud. Instead, she sealed the "promise" with a slight nod. Daphne was still fuming, but has calmed down slightly since. Their mother's words truly rang more truths than the Daily Prophet could put together in one page. There was no point in resisting now.
They had to go back to Hogwarts. And Astoria feared what was to become of the school now that Dumbledore would not be there to protect them all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 18, 1997
The 18th of August had always been a special day for Astoria simply because she gets to celebrate her birthday. She had just turned sixteen and touching into her fifth year at Hogwarts. That meant O.W.L.S. to worry about, but most of all; it meant having to shoulder a responsibility she wasn't quite sure she could handle.
Astoria's Hogwarts letter, along with Daphne's, had arrived on the day of her birthday. And while Daphne's were mostly parchments of the letter and books required, Astoria's was that of the same only a gleaming green Prefect badge tumbled out noisily onto the dining table that morning.
Her parents were positively thrilled, but no more than Daphne—who had been bouncing on the balls of her feet in celebration. It was quite a shock for Astoria to receive something so greatly honorary, but her parents found it little to no surprise. Astoria is, after all, the smartest girl in her year. She held an air of responsibility for most group projects, and was one of the earlier, younger members of the Slug Club. The credentials to her being Prefect were unlikely to be questionable.
Astoria pondered the prospects of being Prefect all day since. To celebrate her sixteenth birthday and her being Prefect, she simply asked for a day out with her family in Paris. While her parents were off setting arrangements for lunch at the Eiffel Tower, Astoria was being dragged around the streets of Paris towards every clothing shop possible by her sister, Daphne.
Daphne seemed more enlightened now despite the news of the Dark Lord taking over the Ministry. She's finally dropped her vexation at going back to Hogwarts and rather felt much more focused in asserting her newly entitled position at the school for being a pure-blood. Apparently, being pure-blood at Hogwarts these days was as close to royalty as anything. And to Daphne, that meant power unlike any other—something her older sister did not have much until now.
"You know, I quite like you being Prefect now. I mean, I'm pretty jealous of course. Prefect Bathroom privileges... using your new position to get away with things, but now—it's all hard work, isn't it? Too much work, in fact." Daphne explained as she took a red dress off one of the clothing lines and pressing it against herself. "I'd rather have you doing all those things around because then you can dock points from those stupid Gryffindors."
"That's not what Prefects do, Daphne," Astoria laughed softly as she nodded at the dress. "It's perfect on you. You should try it on."
"Rubbish, it's your birthday, silly!" Daphne shook her head before shoving the dress in Astoria's hands. "You try it on! If it looks pretty on you, I'll buy it as your gift... among all the other gifts, of course."
For the first time in months, Astoria laughed heartily before sauntering towards the changing rooms. Astoria had already received a number of gifts from Daphne that day. She had gotten a large box of macarons from Laduree as well as a gift box of all the Honeyduke's sweets available in Hogsmeade.
Daphne had claimed to have gotten Astoria the best presents. Although, it was not to say that she didn't enjoy her presents from others as well. Her mother had gotten her some lovely emerald drop earrings. Her father, on the other hand, passed on to her one of many Greengrass family heirlooms: an emerald ring with the Greengrass family crest on it, which was mainly a large cursive G entwined by green vines. Luna sent in a mysterious-looking plushy of a creature whose name she couldn't quite pronounce, let alone spell.
But she supposed the most astonishing gift was from her Aunt Cressida. The gift had nearly given her mother a heart attack when a white Persian cat hopped off the little basket a house elf delivered at their French manor. The cat, of which she had recently named Snowy, immediately leapt towards Astoria's arms when they first encountered each other. Ever since then, she couldn't quite get Snowy out of her sight; much to her mother's allergic dismay.
As Astoria wedged herself into a changing room, she heard Daphne speak again.
"All I'm saying is that you have more power in your hands than you did last year." Daphne said haughtily as Astoria began to undress. "I think it's just about right. Only pure-bloods should be eligible for an esteemed role like that. Can you imagine a mudblood being Prefect? From what I've been hearing, that Granger girl has gone off the radar with Weasley and Potter. Off for a little adventure, are they? Or simply running off? Either way, I'm glad she's done for. Scum like her don't deserve titles like that."
"Well, of course she does!" Astoria argued as she shimmied herself into the red dress which fit her quite well. She had to hold her tongue from scolding Daphne for using the offensive word most pure-bloods call muggle-borns, but she simply could not when Daphne degraded Hermione for simply being muggle-born. "I'm sure she's earned it quite well! She is the smartest girl in your year, after all. All that hard work paid off to her being Prefect."
"Oh, that's a load of waffles, if you ask me," Daphne scoffed while Astoria smoothed the folds of the dress down. "She's still a mudblood and deserves little to no respect."
Astoria tore the curtain of her changing room off angrily this time as she marched towards her sister. "Stop using that word, Daphne!"
Daphne rolled her eyes. "Oh, please! I reckon it'd be thrown around so flippantly at school these days now that those stupid mudbloods have to go through a registry just to check if their magic wasn't stolen."
"Ridiculous!" Astoria fumed this time. She's heard about the Muggle-Born Registry and the Ministry's claims that muggle-borns had stolen magic from other wizards. It seemed the Dark Lord would go through any lengths to prove that muggle-borns were just as bad as muggles, or perhaps worst scum than they are. It was absolutely repulsive.
"Astoria, you must remember what father said," Daphne warned, eyes narrowing. "You must stay neutral. It's your key to survival at Hogwarts."
"Well, maybe I don't want to stay neutral!" Astoria proclaimed unashamedly, finally releasing all the defiance she kept in her small body. "Maybe I want to help those muggle-borns that are forced to come to Hogwarts! Merlin knows Snape won't protect them and knowing what's about to happen, I reckon that they'll receive fates worse than death. I don't mind standing by their side if it meant to save their lives!"
"Astoria!" Daphne snapped; looking very on edge as her eyes flitted from Astoria to the people around the changing room. "That is exactly the kind of thing that will get you killed at Hogwarts if you don't shut your bloody trap!"
"Pure-bloods are as close to royalty as anything these days." Astoria mock-quoted Daphne for when her sister proclaimed it not too many weeks ago. "If I'm such royalty, I doubt they would touch a hair on me. And even if they do, I don't care! I can't believe you would stand for all of this. Those muggle-borns are just as human as you and I with the same amount of intelligence, perhaps even more considering their experiences in the muggle world. To treat them like scum and torturing them for "stealing" magic just shows how prejudiced and bigoted the system those Death Eaters are promoting!"
Daphne was red with anger now. Astoria knew that Daphne had always been cautious of her own words, but now it seemed her sister had truly, finally, chosen a side despite their parents' warning of staying neutral. It was as clear as day that Daphne Greengrass had become the pureblood supremacist their mother had always wanted her to be.
"I don't know how on earth you'll survive Hogwarts this year," Daphne breathed out angrily. "But for your sake, I hope you know that I will not acknowledge you as my sister if you keep up this act at school."
Astoria looked affronted. Daphne couldn't possibly mean that now, did she? Surely, her sister was simply trying to one-up her to win the argument. It was so much like Daphne to release words into the air without much meaning for the sake of getting the upper hand. But the look on her sister's face completely says otherwise.
"You don't mean that, Daphne." Astoria's voice softened this time, the fire from earlier dissipating into a small flame. "Surely, you don't?"
Daphne's lip twitched into a menacing smile before casting Astoria a disgusted look. Astoria's resolve weakened. Her sister had never looked at her that way before.
"I meant every word of it." Daphne drawled on harshly before turning her back on Astoria and stomping out of the store in a heap of anger.
Astoria slid onto the nearest chair, looking very indisposed as she watched Daphne leave the store without even a second glance.
These were dark times, indeed. And Astoria wondered, for a fraction of a moment, if there would be anyone out there who shared the same convictions as she did—or if she was the only one left. After all, who in their right mind would go around saying what she just did these days? It meant a death sentence, though nothing she probably hadn't already thought of with her unusual illness.
These days, it would seem that death would be kinder to anyone who wished differently of the times.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: As promised, I am back from my month hiatus to bring you PART TWO of If I Lose Myself. Here's a little insight chapter on Astoria's plummeting relationship with her sister and the severity of how the war is starting to build from the nasty ground up. I should have updates out every other week, so stay tuned! Please leave a review on what you expect to happen during part two! I always do love hearing all your theories and suggestions. If you want to keep reading, please give this story a VOTE for more updates!
Thank you so much for reading, and for your impeccable patience as I bring you Draco and Astoria's story!
See you soon,
EMPG22HoPe