Whispers.
I was woke up to whispering but I couldn't make out the word's. This wasn't English I was hearing, it was Italian. Without opening my eye's I strained my ears trying to pick up on anything I might understand. I knew one of the muffled voices was Staveno's. That's when it all came rushing back to me.
The three girl's kidnapped me. Staveno's men kidnapped us all. They drugged me. Staveno came and killed the women. He squeezed my pressure point and made me black out. Not knowing or caring where I was or who was around I bolted up and released a ear shattering scream.
Staveno and his men jumped and Staveno rushed toward me. I shrank back from his touch and cowered in the corner of the couch. "A-Am I next? I sobbed out. "Are you going to k-kill me now?"
A grim look crossed Staveno's face and he gingerly brushed the back of his knuckles across my cheek. It seemed as if a sadness filled his eye's as he spoke softly. "No love, never".
Even though he looked and was acting like the Staveno I fell in love with, I couldn't erase his gruesome actions from my mind or not fear him. I tilted my head away so he could no longer touch my face. I seen hurt paired with anger flash across his features and he jerked away from me. Without another word he walked out of the cabin door leaving me alone with his men. I continued to sit still as my eye's roamed the cabin. The spot where the women had perished was spotless. No signs of their blood or any evidence that a triple murder had recently taken place. It was all gone, wiped clean. Then another thought occurred to me... what did they do to the bodies? All sorts of thoughts came to mind and I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know any if this. I wish I could rewind the past few day's. Had I not ventured out duiring my lunch hour there's a huge possibility none of this would have occurred. I'd still be wrapped in my perfect little bubble thinking what a great man Staveno was and I should be lucky. I wouldn't be sitting here a bundle of nerves thinking my life was ruined if I even walked away from this at all.
True, Staveno said he'd never harm me but how could I be so sure after witnessing this ordeal. What if I made him mad one day? What if he snapped? What if his other enemies came after me? Was loving him worth all the risks?
That's the odd thing though, even after seeing him at his worse and commit these crimes I still had love for him. I couldn't just turn my feelings off like a faucet, but I was terrified of him now. I didn't know what I was suppose to do next. Any sane woman would run for the hills but I was scared now. What if I ran? What if I broke thing's off with him? I would surely join those three women. In the past I took his threats as just jealous rantings. This, this is an entirely different ball game now. I understood now.
I remained glued to my spot on the couch not moving, not making a peep and Staveno finally stepped back in. Worry etched his face and his hair was disheveled from running his hands through it in frustration. He barked at his men to get out and immediately they followed his orders. Without looking at me he sat at the opposite end of the couch. We sat in silence for several moment's before he turned toward me causing me to jump. "Your scared of me aren't you? He asked softly.
Tears slid down my cheeks as I wondered what the right answer was. Should I tell him and risk having a bullet lodged in my head as well. As if he read my mind he spoke soothing. "Be honest love. Your always safe with me".
I bent my head down to stare at my trembling hands placed in my lap. "Y-yes". I stuttered.
Staveno took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands in pure exhaustion. "That's exactly what I feared". He mumbled.
He continued on. "You was never suppose to see this side of me. I wanted to protect you from it. Those women would have killed you JJ and the thought of losing you... I couldn't handle it. I had to get rid of them. I'll get rid of anyone who threatens you or my business. I know you don't understand this lifestyle but it is what i do JJ. Nothing will ever change that, not even my love for you. If I was to give it up my enemies would still come for me. It would never stop".
Staveno kept rambling on and all I wanted to do was scream shut up. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to know his truth. I shook my head as I sobbed trying to wish it all away. Fast as a snake Staveno slid next to me and I tried to inch away but he wouldn't allow it. "Listen to me love". He said warmly yet with a demanding tone.
"I want do this to you. I love you more than you can imagine and I just knew that you were my one but it's obvious you can't handle the real me, the mafia me. It hurts knowing that your scared of me and see me differently. I'd never, ever harm you. I'd cut my own hand off before I hurt you. However i can't hold you to me knowing this. I can't force you to stay by me knowing you'll only hate me in the end. I do love you Jacey but I must let you go.".
At those word's I looked up at him for the first time. Yes, I was shocked especially after the hoops he went through to get me or how he acted when I broke up with him. For a moment I thought it was a joke and I was waiting for the punch line. I had no word's, no word's at all. Then as I realized he was serious my heart ached more so but I didn't know what to do. This was all to confusing. I needed time to think and sort my feelings over it all but I wasn't given that option.
Suddenly Staveno was standing and making all the decisions for me, calling all the shots. I had no say so but even if I did what could I say at this point? Staveno was making my decisions for me. He didn't offer me time to think things over or to digest all of the happenings. Before I knew it I was nodding along agreeing to his terms even if I half understood what he was saying. If was if I had a sudden bout of adult ADHD. I saw his mouth moving but I didn't clearly acknowledge what was going on because my mind was crashing with a thousand thoughts. I had absolute zero focus, I was numb. I need time, give me time to make sense of it all I kept screaming in my head but he just kept speed talking and I couldn't keep up.
I recall him saying to me. "This is it love. My men will safely return you to your home and you'll never hear from me again. What has transpired must never be discussed with anyone. You have never met me, know nothing of me. You will live normally and never speak of this or us again. If your friend's ask we simply broke up over the distance. I need you to tell me you'll never tell anyone about what happened here?"
Like a robot I nodded my head. He said a few more thing's and the next thing I recall was being ushered out the door... away from Staveno.
Wait. Give me time my mind pleaded with him as I gave him a finally look before I was tucked in a car and took away.