“W-w-what’s this for?”
“It’s just a myth, right?”
“No. No, you...you can’t...I can’t...Aiden it’s just a myth! It doesn’t actually work!”
“Chris? Chris, did you hear me?”
I blinked slowly once, twice, and then rotated my head slightly from where it lay nestled against my mountain of pillows. Derek’s familiar dark stubble and mesmerizing hazel green eyes swam into view as the tears dried on my cheeks and I reluctantly dragged my thoughts from that day.
“Hm?”
“I asked if you were hungry,” he repeated slowly, but my eyes glazed over the anxiety in his.
“No.”
“It’s been six days; you have to eat something. It’s not good for the bab-”
“I don’t give a fuck what’s good or not good for the damn baby.”
Derek’s expression morphed from one of concern to a nonplussed, mildly disgusted mixture of horror and complete shock. Without another word, he unfurled his legs and left the room, leaving the door open a crack on his way out. He had let all of the little rats running around our house convince him that if I was truly left alone, I would try to kill myself, so the door remained open at all times, along with a steady rotation of guard wolves day and night. Lucky for me, not a single one of those bastards cared one single bit what happened to me, so I usually got my privacy.
“I’m not going to kill you, Aiden! Hell, even if I could get every single thing I’ve ever wanted out of life, it wouldn’t be enough! Not without you. Aiden you are my best friend and you’ve saved me more than anybody else in the world. I owe my life to you...I’m sorry but I could never-”
“But you have to, don’t you see? There’s so much more out there for you, but me...my life was over the minute Ethan died. I don’t have redemption in store for me, Chris, at least not that kind. It would be an honor for me to die with a purpose. I want to die so that you get a chance to live! Please, Chris.”
“No, no, I can’t! Aiden, I-I love you. I jus-I CAN’T, okay?”
“You can. It’s okay, Chris. Everything’s gonna be okay,”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I love you, Christina Laymen. Make sure your daughter knows who I was, okay?”
“I love you, Aiden. And she will love her godfather just as much as I do.”
“Thank you.”
“Knock knock,” a mocking voice boomed, accompanied by two loud knocks on the already-open door. Gunshots. The blue fading into brown. His open-mouthed grimace. Falling to the ground. So much noise. Screaming. Running footsteps. Blood. Seeping out of Aiden like-
“Eah-!” I yelped when tight hands closed around my upper arms, and I flinched, the shooting pain underneath my skin jerking me out of the nightmare that wouldn’t stop plaguing my mind. Drake was standing against the wall, arms crossed and scowl firmly in place, while Stiles was kneeling on the bed beside me, his brown eyes scanning over my pathetic state with his usual hasty efficiency and wit. When Aiden and I hadn’t shown up for school, Stiles and Lydia had gone looking for us and eventually found me, curled around Aiden’s dead body in the middle of the empty field beside the bar, our clothes soaked through from the storm and Aiden’s blood mixing with the mud and rain water that ran in streams down the field.
“Chris what are you guys doing out here?” Lydia shouted as she and Stiles ran forward, they’re steps stumbling as their eyes took in the blood covering Aiden’s chest and soaking into my clothes, the wracking sobs tormenting me, and the gun lying half a foot away from us.
“Oh God, what happened?” Stiles shouted, running forward to grab the gun and spinning a full circle, as though trying to find whoever had shot Aiden and protect me from them.If only he knew.
“I-I killed him,” I whispered brokenly, clenching Aiden’s lifeless body more tightly in my arms as my forehead fell to his dripping shirtsleeve with a squelch and a stream of fresh tears from me. Without even looking, I could feel Stiles and Lydia both take a small step away from me, could picture the wary look in their eyes like “Is our friend losing her mind?”
“You...you can’t be serious. There’s no way…” Stiles trailed off as I whipped around to glare at him furiously, scrambling to my feet and snatching the gun out of his hand. Aiden flopped to the ground by my feet as I met my friends’ concerned expressions with wild rage and searing guilt.
“And you know what the best part is? IT DIDN’T EVEN WORK! I was supposed to be human again,” I roared, brandishing the gun in Stiles’ face furiously. Neither of them knew what the hell I was talking about, but there was no stopping the self-hatred coursing so fast through my veins that I wanted to put the gun to my head right then and there. I killed my best friend. I killed him, in cold blood. Shot him. Before either of them could do anything, I put the gun to my wrist and pulled the trigger for the second time that day, the boom echoing around the field as Lydia shrieked in surprise and Stiles grabbed her in his arms, both of them ducking as though suddenly under attack.
“What the HELL was that?!” Lydia screamed, all three of us watching as the gaping hole began to close up in my arm. The veins laced back across the muscle, the skin reknitted itself and the scar faded all in the span of fifteen seconds. Dropping to my knees over Aiden’s body, every ounce of my energy drained out of me as though it had all gone into healing the gunshot wound.
“I was supposed to be human again.”
The rest of the day passed very much like the others had. Once I woke up, I stayed in bed until somebody came in to check if I was awake, and then I had to deal with Derek’s persistent attempts to get food down my throat, to no avail. After that the TV was put on, my laptop, books, and iPod were all scattered on the bed around me in case I needed something to entertain myself, and then I was left alone for about three hours. The peace and quiet was only broken by the ritual phone call from Stiles at lunchtime, which I ignored, and then Derek was back to try to get me to eat once more.
“Come on. Our baby is nearly five and a half months old - she needs food. Chris, honey, please-”
“I said no. This baby is the reason Aiden is dead,” I snapped back, my voice monotone and my expression unchanging even as Derek’s hands stroked my cheeks, brushed my hair back, and rubbed my baby bump.
“No, you’re the reason Aiden is dead. And the sooner you accept that the better,” another voice came from the doorway, and Derek’s head whipped around so he could shoot a glare at Virgin, who’s glittery pumps click-clacked down the hall as she left. Tears filled my already aching eyes, which never ceased crying at the slightest reminder of Aiden, and I yanked my chin out of my husband’s grasp.
“Please leave,” I mumbled hoarsely, a single hot tear tracing the groove in my cheek as it rolled down and dropped off my jaw, landing on the comforter tucked around my torso. I could feel Derek’s eyes on me as he leaned over and set my iPod up on the dock beside our bed, hitting a few buttons before “So Cold” by Ben Cocks came on.
“I know your ‘Sad Songs’ playlist usually helps you work through what’s going on. I hope this helps,” Derek whispered, pressing his lips to my forehead gently.
“You think some slow songs can help me get over murdering my best friend?” I muttered in disbelief, anger starting to creep in over the grief.
“Would you stop lashing out at me? I’m just trying to help you, Chris!” Derek exclaimed, his deep voice and furrowed brow making me even more furious. Like he has anything to be upset about.
“Help me what? Forget about the fact that I shot down my best friend in cold blood on the off chance I could become human again and survive this pregnancy?”
“I didn’t make you shoot him!”
“God, don’t you think I know that? I know that I screwed up. I know that I’m a selfish, worthless piece of shit. Because guess what? It didn’t even work. Aiden wanted to die for a purpose, and I couldn’t even give him that! I’m still a werewolf, and I’m still gonna die in four months. So there you go - one stupid selfish bitch and one amazing selfless friend, both dead by graduation. I guess you’re right, Derek. I guess my playlist is gonna help me get over that,” I scoffed, my throat closing up as I broke into tears, my face crumpling. I ducked under the blanket, burying my face in the cotton and bawling noisily as once again, I realized just how truly awful of a person I was.
*** *** ***
Two weeks later
Nothing had changed in the passing weeks, except that Derek had amped up my guard detail from one werewolf to two. They stayed in the room with me all day, even when I moaned and cried and kicked around in agony, twisting myself up in the sheets. Everything just felt numb; I hated myself, and I hated the world that I was now living in. I hated the person I’d become.
“I just wanna go back. I just wanna take it all back,” I sobbed miserably to Derek, whose arms around me felt like wood. I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t let myself open up and feel even the smallest amount of pleasure around my husband because if I did...then I’m off having fun while my best friend is dead. Aiden’s dead because of me. Derek killed Ethan, and I killed Aiden. What a delightful couple we must be. I’d considered all the ways I could try to dodge my security and off myself, but in the end, I knew that it wouldn’t do any good. Might as well push through another few months and die with meaning than kill myself now. Over time, I’d begun eating again and caring about my baby girl, mostly under duress from Derek. Because ultimately, I’d done it for my baby. For her, for us, for our family. And Aiden’s death would be more pointless if both me and the baby died needlessly.
Once Derek had gone, I was surprised to find Gracie enter the bedroom, eyes puffy but head held high. Apart from me, Aiden’s death had been the toughest on her, and I hadn’t been around to help her through it. The guilt that rammed through my heart every time I saw another person mourning Aiden’s death made the desire to take out my claws and gouge my own heart out almost too strong to resist.
“Gracie…,” I began, but tears choked up my throat, and I met her dull gaze with glassy eyes and a watery frown. Gracie sat down across from me on the bed, and I leaned all the way up, the hot tears dripping down my cheeks nothing compared to the absolute look of pure misery that seemed plastered onto Gracie’s features.
“This is so hard for me...because I love you, Chris...but I loved Aiden too, and - you killed him. And trust me, Derek’s explained to me a hundred times why you did it, and I understand. I need you to know that. I really do understand why you did it,” Gracie cried through her tears, but I scrunched up my eyes and tried to hold onto my sanity as the pain permeating every molecule of air in the room threatened to suffocate me.
“Don’t. Don’t say that you understand, because I don’t even understand. What kind of-of monster kills their best friend? What part of me got so damaged along the way that I was even capable of taking that gun and pulling the trigger?” I sobbed, dropping my head into my hands as my shoulders shook with sobs and my blood boiled with guilt and hatred. Hatred for myself. But Gracie’s hand on my shoulder made me look up, and she took my hands in hers.
“You did what you thought was best. Aiden...Aiden was always selfless, and brave, and caring, and strong, but never more so than with you, Chris. I’ve never seen anyone care about another person the way that Aiden cared about you. He would’ve done anything to save you, and I could see it in his eyes. Every day that you were miserable, he was devastated. Every time that you complained about being a werewolf, the guilt tore him up inside. And even though I loved him...he was never going to be able to let go of that guilt. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if you died in four months because of his mistake, because he turned you.”
“Then how am I...supposed to live with myself when he died because of my mistake? How am I supposed to go on knowing that...if I’d chosen differently, Aiden would still be here. My best friend would still be alive if I could just go back and-”
“No. He wouldn’t, Chris. His only way out was to save you, one last time. He wouldn’t have made it past graduation if you hadn’t let him do what he did. He sacrificed himself for you, but you need to make it matter. You need to make it count. You think he was willing to die so that you could hole up in your bedroom for three weeks and cry?” Gracie’s red-streaked cheeks and glossy eyes met mine again, and I tried not to let my bottom lip tremble as I digested her words and struggled to dredge up some last bit of strength from deep within me. Come on. Gracie’s right. Aiden wouldn’t have wanted this.
“No. He was willing to die so that I could be human again. He was willing to die so that I could live, and have my baby, and go out in the world and change lives. But in case you haven’t heard, it didn’t work. I’m still a werewolf! I’m still going to die in four months!”
“So what? Go out and change lives now. Find a way. To survive, to give birth, I don’t care. But don’t you dare lie around feeling sorry for yourself. Honor him.” And without another word, Gracie got up and left me to wallow in my newfound guilt over not only killing Aiden, but wasting away for weeks when all he wanted was for me to live my life.
A few hours later, Quinn was sent into the room with a bowl of soup for me, which was my dinner now as I eased my way through the end of the second trimester of my pregnancy. My vision blurred as I struggled to keep the loud, painful sounds of despair inside of my chest until Quinn was gone, the pressure from the built-up wails increasing with every passing second. I didn’t know what to do; I couldn’t see any hope in the future or find any strength to do what Aiden and Gracie wanted of me, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing nothing or I would just be disrespecting Aiden’s memory and his sacrifice. Quinn set a glass of water on the bedside table, leaning over me with the tray as her hazel eyes narrowed with disgust. Ugh. As she was handing me the soup, despite my protests that it had to cool down first, her hand slipped, and the hot liquid splashed all over me, burning my exposed chest and arms.
“Whoops,” she smirked, grabbing the tray back and setting it down on the floor as I let out a scream of agony, my skin bubbling and hissing unpleasantly. Almost instantly, Derek came running into the room, shoving Quinn out of the way and wrapping his arms around me fireman-style. He lifted me out of bed, his eyes frantically searching for any more burned spots, even though we both knew they’d be healed in a second.
“I’m so sorry, Chris. Do you want to sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight? Or I could just have Quinn redo the bed sheets and stuff tonight,” Derek offered breathlessly, setting me down on the couch in the corner of our bedroom and rubbing his hands up and down my arms. My thoughts had been shaken loose from the sharp and unexpected pain, but I slipped right back into my slump as soon as I was out of harm’s way.
“I don’t care. I just want to go to sleep.”
“It’s only eight o’clock-”
“I don’t care. I just want to go to sleep,” I reiterated tiredly, and after a few minutes of hushed arguing, I felt the room go silent and a blanket being lain on top of my body. My soggy t-shirt was stripped off of me and replaced with a different one, and then Derek was gone too. Letting my eyes drift closed, I knew without a single doubt that I would hear the fated gunshot again. Every damn time I close my eyes. Because my nightmare wasn’t just a bad dream...it was my life, and for the past week, I hadn’t been able to distinguish between the two.
I was rudely awoken by hands shaking me by the shoulders gently, and when I cracked my eyelids open, I was met by my husband’s excited gaze. It wasn’t much darker out, which meant I hadn’t succeeded in sleeping through the rest of the day like I’d hoped. Dammit.
“I have good news,” he said quietly, the note of happiness lingering in his tone very subtle and very Derek. This must be big. But then I remembered that I didn’t deserve a husband like Derek; I didn’t deserve my baby, I didn’t deserve a family, and I certainly didn’t deserve any happiness. I didn’t deserve to be alive.
“Whatever it is, I don’t care. Just let me go back to sleep, plea-”
Without warning, Derek suddenly reached out and slapped my chest, right above my boobs, not too hard, but I still let out an agonized hiss as my burned skin screamed in protest. Wait. My eyes dropped down to my chest and arms, hope making my heart pound faster as my gaze brushed over the angry red skin and bleeding blisters that covered my upper body.
“Oh my God,” I gasped, the first spark of joy lighting up my eyes for the first time in an entire week. Jumping off the couch, I ran into the bathroom without hesitation, Derek right behind me. Digging out my pair of nail scissors from one of the drawers, I sliced a nice long cut across my palm, waiting with bated breath for it to heal and my dream to end. This can’t be real. There’s no way this is real. But as we watched, Derek’s hands coming to rest on my waist, the cut remained open and bleeding, five whole minutes passing before I turned in Derek’s arms and stared up at him in amazement.
“It worked. It really worked. I’m...I’m human again.”
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YAY CHRIS IS A HUMAN AGAIN :O :O What did you guys think? I know this is just sort of a follow-up chapter but dont be fooled...Aiden's death/Chris killing Aiden will remain an important part of this book until the very end. Did I fool any of you guys into thinkng Chris would actually stay a werewolf forever and Aiden's death would be for nought? Because as a matter of fact, I originally wrote this chapter with a different ending, and Chris did not become human again, but then I decided that ultimately Chris is a human. Always has been, always will be:) Aiden's death has to mean something, and for that, she has to be a human. All will be explained (about the myth and how it works) in the next chapter, so stay tuned! thanks everybody, PLEASE leave me a comment telling me what you thought of this chapter! Also CHECK OUT THE TRAILER I MADE FOR NLMG ON THE RIGHT! I worked really hard on it and I've just recently gotten the hang of making trailers for my stories, so leave me a comment if you like it!
And as we approach the last few months in Chris's pregnancy, does anybody have any baby name suggestions? Now you know it's a girl :) Thanks for reading! xoxox