Sarah's POV
I ran out after Killian immediately.
I still couldn't dissolve what just happened.
He had been crying. Actually crying. I wasn't sure why but now I couldn't stop the tears that actively flowed down my cheeks. When I had finally caught up with him, he was sitting on the back stairwell that lead up to the roof access.
His eyes were puffy now, but he had successfully wiped away the tears. His eyes were different though. The mixed raw emotions I had seen earlier were still there. So much pain was now present in those pale irises.
"Killian." I whispered, taking a seat on the staircase besides him.
He gave me a weak smile. It broke my heart in two.
"I'm sorry I ran out." He mumbled. I chuckled dryly.
"Don't apologize. Ever. The fact that you came out tonight meant the word to me. It meant the world to everyone in that room. It meant the world to your mother..." I whispered that last part.
Killian didn't say anything, but instead, he did something so incredibly unexpected. He laid his head gently into the crook of my neck. This was probably the most physical contact both Killian and I had ever had.
"You're the sister I wish I could've had earlier... could've known earlier." He whispered back to me finally. Tears were streaming down my cheeks at this point, and I wasn't sure my heart could take any more pain. All I could think about was the stories my parents had told me many years ago.
Everything that had happened to Killian before he had stumbled into our lives...
I just couldn't believe his strength. Strength to move past that. Strength to live past that.
How was it, even in this moment, I felt as if the person who was really being comforted here was me? It was always me.
Killian never failed to watch over me, even if it was my job as the older sister.
"Hey Sarah?" Killian asked, breaking up my thoughts.
"Yes, Kil?" I replied.
"I love you." He whispered. His voice broke at the end there, and I couldn't help but lean my head against his.
"I love you too." I whispered back.
-
Killian's POV
I felt the wind flip back my suit jacket as I leant against the edge of the roof. The cool breeze felt nice against my tear stained cheeks.
I wasn't sure what I was thinking about in this moment.
Everything just... hurt.
It all hurt.
I had ran out of the memorial service after singing. I didn't want be seen like this. The pity in Sarah's eyes hurt, but I also felt a warmth when she had found me. Sarah always cared. Sarah would always care. In many ways, she reminded me of what a mother would've been like. A mother who hadn't of lost the love of her life, and found her escape in substances...
I heard the rooftop door open, then close. I hadn't bothered to look back at who had joined me, but as soon as I felt his warmth against my shoulders, I leant into him. He wrapped his long arms around me and said nothing else as we stayed there for a while.
I couldn't help but think the city of New York had some charms. Even from the memorial building, you could see the skyscrapers on the horizon. As funny and contradictory as it seemed, I really didn't want to leave this place.
"Any news about school?" James asked after a few moments.
"I sort of told my dean to shove my PhD program up his ass." I replied. I could feel the vibrations from his chest as he let out a low chuckle.
"What was the very first thing you wanted to be when you were young?" James asked.
I paused to think about it for a moment.
"Watching my dad fight was always exhilarating. Before the accident, I wanted to do underground fighting just like him." I replied.
I still couldn't get over it.
Talking about my dad so casually... it seemed like only yesterday, I couldn't get past that lump in my throat when it came to talking about my parents.
"What about after?" He asked me. It took me another minute to think about that.
"I didn't foresee myself having a future." I whispered finally. James's hold on me tightened.
We stayed like this again, just listening to the busying streets of New York.
But during this silence, I heard more than I could've from words. There wasn't much else I wanted besides him here besides me.
I turned around to face him finally.
He's looked like he aged 10 years within the 20 minutes I hadn't seen him for. "What the fuck happened to your hair? And face?" I asked, running my hands through his strands before massaging his cheeks.
"You happened." He replied. I gave him a weary smile. I must have really stunned everyone. Crying, then bolting like that.
I just really needed the fresh air after that panic attack I experienced on the stage. I was sure Sarah was now apologizing profusely to everyone that came out to remember my mother.
James's hand reached out to push back some of my loose curls behind my ear. His eyes were as warm as the first night I saw them in the precinct.
His smell was the same.
He was the same.
Regardless of how fucked up he learnt my life was.
"Hey Killian?"
"Yes James?"
"I think I'm falling for you." He whispered down to me. I felt my heart do that thing again where it forgot how to beat and pump blood and shit. His hands slowly slid down to the nape of my neck, before tangling themselves in my hair.
It didn't take long for me to close the distance between our parted lips. Mine were probably chapped and bloody from how hard I had bitten them, but James didn't seem to mind.
"Hey James?" I murmured against his soft lips.
"Yes Killian?" He groaned back.
"I've never fallen for someone before, but I like the way you smile at me. I like the way you hold me. I like the way you fuck me..." I trailed off as his fingers tugged lightly on my hair to create access to my neck. He bent down and connected those bold lips to the soft skin right under my jaw bone. "I-I like the way you kiss m-me..." I tried to get out, but it sounded like more of a moan when James began nibbling and leaving love bites.
"Let's go home." James mumbled against my neck. I gave him a weak nod as I let him lead me back into the building.
I just thought it was funny, because being here. Right now. With him... I'd never felt so at home.
Was that what love was, then?
When home went from a place, to a person?
Fin
••