Killian's POV
The next couple weeks went by with something of a blur.
My connection with James grew stronger, but he had insisted we take things slow.
Painstakingly slow.
I knew he wanted to respect the fact that this was my first anything really, but I couldn't help the attraction I felt towards him every time I saw him.
"What's sex like?" I had asked Rosie one day as we were both laying lazily on my bed. She sprung up almost instantly at those words.
"Well wouldn't you like to know." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Were you thinking of Marvin Gayeing and getting it on with Mr. Handsome?"
I glanced away, thinking of how to answer that.
"I-I'm just wondering." I replied. I was incredibly embarrassed now. These were not conversations I was used to.
"Well I mean it's pretty fucking amazing but I'm not sure about sex for guys... but I mean guys wouldn't do it if it didn't feel good right? Let me message one of my gay friends and ask him what he likes-"
"No no!" I cut in instantly. There was no need for her to pry that deep on my behalf.
She gave me a large smile, but it faltered slightly.
I could already tell why the mood was shifting as realization dawned on her.
"The date is coming up, you know." She spoke finally. I suddenly became interested in the loose thread of my sweater.
I had pushed that memory so far into the back of my head, I thought I could've almost forgot it.
Almost.
"Will you go see her?" Rosie asked quietly. She knew she was trespassing on private grounds now.
"I'm not sure." I replied honestly. My mind wandered back to the conversation I had with Sarah a few nights ago...
I had heard a faint knock on my door, pulling me from my cell biology textbook I was now reading for the second time. It seemed to be the only thing that helped the nights pass quickly.
"Come in." I called out. Sarah pushed the door open a few minutes later with a cup of her signature sleepy time tea. "Thank you." I spoke gingerly, as I set the cup down besides the night stand.
"Nightmares?" She asked. I gave her a nod.
I never wanted to trouble her anymore with these things, but that was just how Sarah was. She'd known me too well by now to know when something was up.
"Hopefully the tea helps." She replied. A few minutes passed.
I could tell there was something on her mind almost instantly. She looked conflicted.
"You've been spending a lot of time with James." She continued. "I'm glad. I don't think I've seen you this happy in a very very long time. Just- Just don't forget I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, okay?" She asked me. I gave her a nod.
"What else is on your mind?" I asked finally. Something else had been bothering her.
"The anniversary... it's coming up." She whispered quietly.
I felt my stomach clench.
I had tried to hard to forgot over the years, but even after death, my mother remained unforgettable.
"Will you please go?" She asked.
I shifted up in bed, setting the textbook aside.
"She's gone, Sarah. Why should I dwell on that any longer?"
"Because you never dwelled on it in the first place, Killian. You buried that so deep inside, the only time she was ever brought up was on her anniversary." Sarah argued.
I gnawed the fucking hell out of my lip.
I could see Sarah was close to tears now.
This was the first time since the O'Hara's were alive, where I'd been in New York around the time of the anniversary. Every year since then, I made sure to stay away.
A tear finally broke the sealed surface of her eye lids as it slid down the side of her cheek. My heart felt heavy.
"Okay." I whispered finally. "Okay, I'll go."
"It's the first year you're actually in the city for it. I think you owe it to you to give yourself some kind of closure." Rosie spoke, breaking my thoughts.
"I promised Sarah I would go." I replied. Rosie gave me a nod of approval.
And we carried on a new conversation just like that. Rosie knew when to stop prying, and I couldn't be more grateful about that.
My mother wasn't something I wanted to think about right now.
-
James finally managed to get another day off and I knew that I had to be up early to get ready for the memorial, but I couldn't help feeling happy I got to see him before it.
He was just getting a movie set up in his living room when I arrived. I think it was some new alien one that he was super excited about. I, on the other hand, didn't really give a shit about it but whatever made him happy made me happy.
It was still all so crazy...
...I was happy.
Who knew that could ever happen again.
"Come here." He patted a spot on the couch, and I slipped my shoes off before curling up besides him.
His hand stroked patterns into my arm as he held me tight against him.
He usually rambled during movies but today he was uncomfortably silent. It felt... wrong.
"What's the matter?" I asked finally, sitting up. He looked down at me with a weary smile.
"Sarah told me tomorrow's a big day for you..." he started. "I just wanted to see where your heads at with it all."
"I don't know where yours is, but mines right here." I replied coolly. Before he could react to my sharper tone, I sat up and position my legs on both sides of his waist, straddling him on his couch. I could visibly see his breath hitch.
"Killian..." he whispered, but I was too busy placing butterfly kisses on the side of his neck. He smelt like old spice and chamomile, something that had now intoxicated my senses. At this very moment, I wanted to be as near to him as possible.
He finally gave in, wrapping his hands around my waist. I started sucking a little harder, nibbling on his neck.
His hands tightened against my waist as he let out a strangled moan.
"Killian I'm serious, I'm los-losing resolve here." He panted.
But tonight, I wasn't going to take no for an answer. Tonight I wanted him.
"Lose it." I whispered against his ear. I felt him shudder. "Don't hold back anymore."
He pulled me back gently, searching my eyes for any unsureness that I was positive he wouldn't find. He set his lips on mine again, but this was different. This kiss coaxed a moan from my lips as all his lust began to unravel around me.
Before I knew it, I was being picked up and transported to his bedroom.