Alex is sitting across the table from me looking shocked. He literally hasn’t said a word since I told him. After a few more minutes, I’m tempted to call an ambulance because he’s still not speaking. Is it possible to go into shock like this?
Finally he speaks, “so when are you leaving?”
“I start after the 4th of July so I’m going to start packing up some stuff and moving it there. I’ve already been given time off from work so I can start the transition. Most likely by week’s end you can start moving your stuff back into the condo and I can stay with Lisa until I leave.”
“Wow. I’m really happy for you Kayla but are you going to be okay by yourself up there?”
Not really, I think. I’m scared because I’m going somewhere I have absolutely nobody and I’m pregnant to top it off. Oh and by the way, it’s yours. I don’t say this out loud of course.
“Yeah I’ll be fine. I’m all grown up,” I say shrugging my shoulders to convey how confident I am even though I’m scared shitless.
“Well like I said before, I’m really going to miss you but we can keep in touch right?”
“Yeah of course.”
“Just let me know if you need any help moving stuff.”
“The company has paid for movers and a moving van and everything. I just need to get it packed.”
“Just let me know okay? And we’ll have to get together before you leave, yeah?”
“Of course. I should really head back because Eva’s leaving in a few hours and I want to spend some more time with her. Thanks for…being you Alex.” I get up and kiss him on the cheek and walk out of the café.
I walk back to the condo feeling like such an idiot for not telling him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m okay with this decision, Eva not so much.
“Why didn’t you tell him? You’re such an idiot sometimes Kayla!” Only my best friend could get away with talking to me like that…and she’s not so far off from the truth.
“I just couldn’t Eva. Please respect my decision. I can’t tell him and then expect him to drop everything and move to Boston for us. Or worse, I don’t want to know if he didn’t plan on being with us. It’s just better this way.”
“Well if you ever need anything, you know you can call me and I’ll be there in a jiffy.”
“Yes I know this and I really appreciate it. Now you should really get going so you don’t miss your flight. I’ll see you on the 4th anyway.”
“Okay sweetie. You take care of yourself and that little one and I’ll see you soon.”
And then she was gone. Just as I’m about to walk out of the door so I can visit my parents, Matt is arriving.
“Hey Matt. What are you doing here?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“I’d like that but I was on my way to my parents’ house.”
“Okay then, I’ll drive you. Stacy and Ty are there also and I’m sure Lisa will be there.”
“Umm…okay.”
So we start the hour plus drive to my parents’ house in complete silence. I’m admiring the scenery and thinking about how much I’m going to miss making this drive. I start to tear up just thinking about it. Leave it to me to get emotional over the smallest things.
“I was being serious last night Kayla about helping you with the baby.”
“I know you were Matt but I’m not going to let you do that.”
“Why not? We could get married and live in the house you have in Boston or I can buy us a new one. Either way Kayla, I’m in.”
I take a deep breath to try and calm my frantically beating heart. “Do you love me Matt?”
“Yes, you know I do.”
“Or do you love the girl from 2 years ago? Do you love the idea of me...of us? Think about it. I slept with you and Alex at around the same time and I got pregnant. Could you really love a girl that does that?”
He’s silent for a long time I guess contemplating everything I just said.
“I didn’t think so,” I say more to myself but Matt heard me. We’re silent the rest of the way there and as we get closer to the house, I start getting more and more nervous.
Matt can sense this and he grabs my hand and holds it until we pull up outside of the house. I feel oddly more confident because of this gesture.
“I’ll always be your friend Kayla and I will always love you-even if it isn’t in the sense that you deserve.”
“I’ll take whatever kind of love I can get from you Matt. I love you just the same and I believe that we will always be friends.” And we get out of his Tahoe and walk into the house holding friends like the friends I know we’ll always be.
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Telling my family isn’t as easy as I had hoped it would be. And that was only the part about me moving to Boston. I hadn’t even begun to tell them about me being pregnant. My dad and Ty were the only ones who being supportive of me moving to Boston to further my career. Even Stacy was angry and she’s traveled the world for her career!
I opted not to tell them about the pregnancy since they were struggling enough as it was with the move. Lisa said I could live with her once I moved everything out of the condo up until I left. And of course my mom wanted to have a going away party for me.
The ride back was much more peaceful than the ride to my parents’. I felt oddly more at peace and Matt seemed to be at peace also.
“Hey I don’t want to be rude or anything but what happened to Erin at the wedding yesterday?”
“I kind of broke up with her.”
“Not for me right?”
“No. It was a long time coming. She’s way too clingy and possessive. She even gets jealous when I hang out with my guy friends. It was too much. And I think she was expecting me to propose. It was just time.”
“I’m really sorry Matt. You seemed to like her a lot if not love her. I thought you were great together.”
“I thought I loved her but I think I was just trying to get over you. But it’ll all be okay. I feel oddly at peace now.”
“Me too.” And that was the honest truth. I hadn’t felt this liberated in a long time. I was moving to Boston to further my career and be a mommy. Life wasn’t turning out how I thought but it was still good.
I spent the next few days boxing what I didn’t desperately need with me because the movers were coming on Friday. Luckily, I didn’t have much because I still hadn’t completely replenished everything since Alex left me. Some things are truly a blessing in disguise.
On Friday when the movers showed up to take away everything, Lisa was there with me for moral support. I was going to stay with her until Wednesday and then I was going to use the next 2 days to drive there so I’d have my car with me. I wanted to take my time driving and if all went well, I’d arrive there on Friday afternoon.
“You’re sure about this?” Lisa asks me. “There’s no shame in backing out.”
I smile at her because she’s being an overprotective big sister and I love her for it. “I’m absolutely positive. Everyone can come up for Christmas and maybe we’ll finally have a white Christmas.”
“But you hate the cold sweetie.”
“I do but I’ll get used to it.”
And then she was crying.
“Lisa, don’t cry,” I say hugging her. “We’ll still see each other all the time! We can Skype and talk everyday and email. It’ll be fine. I’ll rack up frequent flyer miles so I can visit you all.”
“Okay,” she says sniffling.
“Am I interrupting?” a male voice asks. I look up from my sister’s shoulder to see Alex standing there.
“No, it’s fine,” Lisa says wiping her tears from her face. “I’ll see you at my place okay Kayla?”
“Yeah I’ll be there soon.”
Lisa leaves and Alex and I stand there staring at each other awkwardly.
“I haven’t had a chance to give the place a really good clean but I promise I will before I completely turn it over to you,” I tell Alex as I walk around the completely empty condo.
“No don’t worry about it. I hired a cleaning crew.” Leave it to Alex to hire someone to do the dirty work…literally.
“You don’t have to spend your money. I can clean it.”
“No, it’s not that. I want it clean because I’m selling it.” Shocker!
“Why are you selling it? Where will you stay?”
He pauses momentarily as if he’s nervous. “Okay hear me out before you say anything.” He pauses and looks me square in the eye until I nod my head at him confusingly. “I love you Kayla and we both really f**ked up last time but I know we can make it work this time. We were young and dumb and we don’t even have to get married, we can just be together. Do you remember the time we got stuck in that rain storm outside and instead of trying to find shelter, we just played in the rain like idiots and then we both got crazy colds and we spent the next couple of weeks taking care of each other? That’s love. And I don’t think I’ll ever know that kind of love with anyone other than you. Neither of us is perfect but together we’re nearly close to that. I promise to do everything in my power to come close to perfection for you. I want us to work Kayla. These last few months without you have been hell and I don’t want to go back there.”
I stand there completely dumbstruck not knowing what to say. It was a lot to process but oddly it was exactly what I wanted to hear. I had always thought that Matt was my perfect guy but I had perfection all along. I went looking elsewhere when he had been in my life this whole time. I’m the biggest idiot.
“Please say something.” This whole epiphany had taken me a few minutes to digest so I must have made Alex really nervous. I walk up and stand right in front of him and look up into his eyes.
“I have something to tell you,” I say with a smile on my face.
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Ok...sorry if you started reading and then didnt get to finish the chapter because I posted it without everything! Just the epilogue left! Thank you to everyone for reading. Please vote if you feel its worthy or comment. I'd really like some feedback! Enjoy!