Stars, he was such a coward.
He'd been sitting in his car for almost two hours, trying to work up the courage to walk down the block, turn the corner, and climb the many steps up to Cinder's apartment. The only break he'd taken from sitting in his car had been to go the bathroom and get a coffee at the nearest café. It hadn't actually been very close, since they'd been to the nearest café together and Kai hadn't been quite ready yet to face those memories without her at his side. He'd never seen Cinder come back from work, but he was sure that he must have missed her during his coffee-bathroom break, because he'd memorized her work schedule while they were dating and he knew—he knew—that she would have come home by now.
Stars, he was such a stalker.
Kai rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants, a constant reminder of why he hadn't gone in yet, despite knowing she must be home. The energy spike he'd gotten once landed and safely away from Levana had been gone since he'd arrived on this street. His manic driving to get here was laughable now.
Cinder didn't want to see him, let alone talk to him or even return the many texts he'd sent her. Kai was, once again, desperately waiting for text messages back from someone he cared about. But unlike the situation with Thorne, Kai knew he had to tread carefully with Cinder. He had screwed everything up so badly and he knew it.
The past three months had haunted him while in Venice. The seclusion of the gondola rides he'd taken with Levana reminded him of a twisted version of every romantic moment he'd had with Cinder. The abundant shops with the masks that they sold year-round for the carnival season had mocked him from their displays. They had whispered Masquerade Ball at him in Italian, even though he'd never even learned a word of the language. Meal upon meal of pasta, meats, and specialty desserts had made him want to call Cinder and laugh with her about how full his stomach was. And the architecture. Great stars, Cinder would have loved the architecture.
But there was nothing now. He had ruined everything.
Hitting the dashboard once, he tried to jolt himself back to the task at hand. He had ruined everything, but he could—no, he would—fix it. And he couldn't do that on the phone if she continued to ignore him. He had to go in person. It was too bad that the streets were so much different than the windy, water-filled alleys of Venice. If only he could show up on a gondola boat with rose petals strewn inside, singing some sort of Italian romance ballad that would make any girl want do nothing else but jump into the boat with the guy. The thought annoyed him. Those guys had it so easy.
Kai glanced at the back of his car. He had done his best to make a grand romantic gesture, but now that he was ready to leave the car, twenty bouquets of roses really didn't seem like an ideal thing to carry all on his own. Not only was he a coward and a stalker, but he was a privileged idiot too, having let Nainsi and some of her secretary fans load his car for him. He could manage maybe four at once. That was still a pretty good amount of bouquets for an apology, wasn't it? Then again, he'd never really planned on apologizing this profusely to a woman before. Hence, twenty bouquets.
Maybe, on second thought, that was going overboard too. Maybe Cinder would think he was being too showy, or acting too "rich." He really was an idiot, wasn't he? She hated when he bought her things. She probably just hated gifts in general too. Slamming the driver door, he opened up the back and decided on just three bouquets of different colors. It was manageable enough to carry, and didn't look overly ridiculous either. He walked slowly, reciting the speech he'd crafted carefully. It wasn't as full of declarations of love as he had imagined it would be, but it was raw and real and painful. It was a risk, but it was the truth, and that was what Cinder needed now, not some glossed-over version of what he wanted her to hear.
The steps up to her door were just as annoying as ever, and when he reached the top he was out of breath from physical exertion and building nerves. He considered walking back down again, but finally plucked up some courage. Bending down, he placed two bouquets on the corners of her welcome mat, and held the last one in front of him. He choked down the urge to smile as he rang the doorbell, knowing that Cinder wouldn't take him seriously if he looked too happy to see her.
The door opened almost immediately, but before he could even greet her, Cinder slammed it shut again. He heard a lock click, and his entire being deflated. No! No! No! No! This was not how it was supposed to go. Cinder was supposed to linger just long enough for him to begin talking so that she would hear him out. She had to hear him out!
He rang the doorbell again, but there wasn't even any indication of footsteps on the other side of the door. He tried knocking, but she didn't respond to that either. He tried waiting patiently but after a few minutes, he didn't want to wait anymore.
He began banging on the door. "Cinder! Please open the door! I have to talk to you!" He paused, his fist hovering just over the door. When she didn't respond again, he continued. "Please just hear me out. I have to explain everything to you, Cinder. I'm so sorry for hurting you but I promise there is an explanation!"
Kai was gripping the bouquet with such force, he was sure that a thorn would stab through his palm soon. But he wouldn't let go. He would not leave until she came back to talk to him. Because if she didn't come out...well, he wouldn't think of that now, because this was Cinder and she loved him too and she would come out if he just waited long enough.
He banged again. "Cinder, please! Hear me out!"
The door suddenly opened, causing Kai to nearly fall into the doorway, but it was not Cinder who stood there. It was a man, tall and muscular and blond and blue-eyed. He looked a bit like the guy who had played Hercules on a TV show when Kai was younger, but something about him was familiar. It took him a moment to process what was happening as he shoved Kai back from the door and stepped into the hallway with him. The man shut the door behind him and crossed his arms, veins popping in his arms in that intimidating sort of way that Kai himself was never able to pull off.
The man glared as Kai's heart dropped to his stomach. "What do you want?"
"I...I..." he stuttered. "I didn't realize Cinder was...with someone else."
"You don't realize a lot of things, apparently," the man hissed. "Like when a woman clearly doesn't want anything to do with you anymore."
"Cinder!" called Kai. "Cinder, please!"
The man took a step towards Kai. "I'm talking to you right now."
"I have to see Cinder," said Kai. "I have to explain."
Something flashed in his eyes. "You and Cinder are done, do you hear me?"
"No, I—"
"Done."
"If you just—"
"You're not going to give me any trouble now, are you?" The man sneered and uncrossed his arms, flexing his fists. "Anyone who hurts Cinder answers to me. In fact"—he took a step closer until he was almost glaring down at Kai—"you already did hurt Cinder. So I don't know why we're still talking."
Kai took a step back and held the bouquet lamely in front of him, as if it could protect him. "Wait! It was a misunderstanding. I love Cinder."
"Save me your sappy speech and get out of this building."
Something in Kai's mind clicked. A photograph. A smiling couple. "You're—you're Jacin! You're Cinder's cousin's husband."
Jacin's eyes narrowed. "Get out of this building."
Kai wanted to laugh with relief. Cinder wasn't dating someone new. She hadn't moved on. Maybe her cousin was here because Cinder needed some support during what she thought was a break-up. Only Kai wasn't breaking up with her. And he wasn't going to let Cinder break up with him until she heard him out.
"Okay," he said. "I'll go. Please just tell Cinder that I love her and that it's not what it seems. Levana is my fiancée only because my parents entered into a business arrangement with her family. I don't want to marry her at all. I love Cinder."
Jacin's stony expression didn't change, but he turned back to the door, surveying the bouquets Kai had laid outside her door. "Looks like you're preparing for a funeral, genius." He opened the door to Cinder's apartment again, and a stunning girl with a worried expression on her face peaked over Jacin's shoulder before he slammed the door behind him. It must have been Winter, Cinder's cousin.
Shaking, Kai leaned against the wall across from her door. What would he do now? What could he do?
He would fight for her, that's what.
For once, he would find a way.
It only took him fifty minutes to get there in traffic. Instead of the usual sense of relaxation he felt when he went to Thorne's house, worry filled his lungs with every breath. They hadn't spoken in forever. Maybe he wasn't even home. It didn't matter; he would wait on the doorstep if he had to—or in the car, if the Spring weather cooled down too much to allow him to be outside. And unlike Cinder, Thorne would hear him out, wouldn't he? Once he knew what happened, he would come around like he always did. He would probably even cheer him up. Only Kai wasn't sure what to expect anymore. Thorne having a girlfriend who he protected so fiercely that he would shut out his lifelong best friend was new territory for Kai.
He didn't answer the door, which initially made Kai curl his fists in frustration. He punched the door once, then let out a slow breath before trying the doorknob anyway. It was open. "Figures," he muttered. The familiar hallway entrance greeted him with a few rays of sunshine that fell onto the floor. He decided to walk to the living room and take a nap on the couch until Thorne came back. After all, he was still fairly jetlagged and furthermore completely drained from the whirlwind weekend and putting up with Levana, not to mention the encounter with Jacin.
A sound stopped him. There was music coming from upstairs. He cocked his head and listened—it was a familiar song, one he hadn't heard in many years. Not since the two of them had tried to get into the emo scene (with great failure on both of their parts). His lips shaped the words silently without hesitation, the lyrics coming back to him as if he had just listened to the song yesterday, reminding him of so many people and places from his past. It was a song of complete agony, but when it was over, the song started again. Frowning, Kai bounded to the second floor, taking the stairs two at a time.
Just in time to see Thorne sprawled on his bed, facedown, muttering, "And this bottle of beast is taking me home."
Kai did a double take as he surveyed the room. It was messy, with clothes on the floor and bottles of beer lining the bookcase and nightstands. The door to his massive closet was wide open with more of his precious outfits strewn on the floor, as if someone had just plowed into it with the intent of causing as much destruction as possible. His bed was unmade, but the most unmade of all was Thorne: he wore only boxers coupled with a hoodie, mismatched socks, and his normally groomed hair stuck up in all directions.
Kai cleared his throat loudly just as Thorne sang—rather pathetically—"I hope you're as happy as you're pretending."
Thorne shifted slightly, only to notice Kai and then slam his face back into the pillow. "You were right. Cress was my downfall. Come here to gloat?"
Kai walked over to the stereo and turned the volume down just a bit before plopping down on the bed too. He wrung his hands and stared up at the ceiling. "No."
"Go away," said Thorne.
"Not gonna happen. You clearly need me."
"I'm fine."
Kai snorted. "Don't insult me. You're listening to Dashboard Confessional and you look like you haven't showered in days."
"Correction," was his muffled response. "It's the Legion of Doom mash-up."
"Right," said Kai. "Even worse. So—"
Thorne moaned into the pillow. "Your hair...is...everywhere..."
"Yes, I remember the words—"
"SCREAMING INFIDELITIES AND—"
Kai smacked him. "Thorne!"
Thorne grunted, sighed, and finally rolled over. Kai was relieved to see that his eyes were not rimmed with red, so at least he hadn't been crying. That would have been an entirely new territory that even Kai wouldn't know how to cross.
"Turn the music off," he said.
Thorne reached for the remote at a glacial pace, but finally turned it off.
"So..." said Kai. "What happened?"
Thorne put his hands over his face. "What happened is that I'm an idiot."
"Well, I could have told you that."
"Ha-ha. Cress wanted commitment and I ruined it."
"You gave her the friend speech?" he guessed.
"No, she broke up with me after I pretended to be cheating on her with Darla."
Kai shot into a sitting position. "What!?"
"I told you, I'm an idiot."
"But...you like Cress, don't you?"
Thorne shrugged. "She's okay."
Kai laughed and gestured around the room. "Sure. Because a girl who's just okay makes you lose your mind."
"Kai, she said she loved me! Loved me!" Thorne's blank eyes finally filled with some emotion.
"Is that so terrible?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. All I want is for Cress not to be mad at me anymore. She won't return my calls, you know. I thought I would feel better if I stopped calling her but I know I won't feel better until she forgives me. Then I can move on, knowing she's okay."
"Doesn't look like you want to move on." Kai waved at the room again, but Thorne looked around the room as though he didn't even notice the chaotic state it was in. Kai was pretty sure that Thorne's feelings of sadness wouldn't end at just earning Cress' forgiveness. Despite the circumstances, the thought made Kai want to grin. Oh, Thorne. The poor guy just had no clue, did he? "I don't know much about Cress," he said, "but you were obviously attracted to her, anyone could see that."
Thorne rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm attracted to her."
"And do you enjoy hanging out with her too? Talking to her?"
"Yes."
"Friendship plus romance is a pretty great formula for love," he said casually, not daring to meet Thorne's eye.
"Thanks for that clarification, Dr. Kai. I'm not in high school anymore."
Kai smirked. "You're the one listening to Dashboard."
"They are timeless," Thorne insisted. "Besides, you forget that for two people to be together, they have to want the same thing."
"And what's that?"
"To be together. Cress wants that, not me. She wants princes and true love and happily ever after."
Kai stared at Thorne. "And you don't want that."
"No. Especially not the princes."
Kai got up off the bed. He rubbed his hands together and then stuffed them into his pockets. He kicked at a pile of clothes on the floor before turning back to Thorne. "If you didn't want all that, then you wouldn't be all depressed right now."
"What are you even doing here?" said Thorne.
"I got dumped too," he said, kicking at the pile with more intention.
"Get out! You and Cinder didn't make it?" Kai glanced at Thorne, who was now sitting upright and watching Kai intently. His eyes suddenly widened and he pointed at him. "You did something! I see it all over your face. That's guilt, man! That is guilt!"
"She found out about"—he cringed—"Levana."
Thorne jumped up. "No! You hadn't told her?"
"No."
"Holy spades, Kai! This whole time I thought that Cinder was just that cool and loving and understanding that she was willing to overlook the fact that you have an evil fembot for a fiancée! It never occurred to me that you would leave her in the dark. That's twisted."
"I'm an idiot too, okay?" he burst out. "I was waiting for the right time."
Thorne shook his head. "Not cool, Kai."
"You pretended you were cheating on Cress!"
"Pretended," said Thorne. "Does Cinder...does she think you're sleeping with Levana?"
Kai blanched. "Probably! I don't know! She won't talk to me. I was just there and this blond bodyguard of a brother-in-law wouldn't let me talk to her, so yes, she probably thinks the second I leave her I run into Levana's arms. Oh, and she's seen Levana."
Thorne's eyes bulged. "Shit. She's...well, you know what I think of Levana from an objective, purely physical point of view."
"Yes, thank you Thorne, I know Levana is beautiful. That doesn't mean I would choose her over Cinder!" Then he folded his arms. "Hey, Cinder is beautiful too."
He waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean."
"What am I supposed to do?" said Kai.
"You have to tell her that it's just a business arrangement and that once you're married you have no intention of ever even being in the same room as Levana again."
"Easier said than done. As long as the brother-in-law is around, I don't stand a chance of approaching her."
Thorne nodded and looked around the room, until his eyes fell on a pair of jeans in the corner. He hastily pulled them on and attempted to smooth back his hair in the mirror. "You need a relationship expert. A woman." After studying himself more intently, he sighed and finally threw his hood over his head. "You need Scarlet."
Kai stared at Thorne. "Now?"
"Well, why not? Time is not a friend to guys who screw up royally with their girlfriends."
"But what about you? What about Cress?"
Thorne took a deep breath. "I just need to...snap out of it. Yeah. This will help. Give me a purpose. Let's go."
Kai hesitated. "Thorne, sorry I overreacted about Cress."
A nod of recognition. "Sorry I shut you out."
A/N: The song Thorne has looped is called The Quiet Screaming by The Legion of Doom. It is a mash-up remix of Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional and The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows by Brand New. All lyrics that were quoted (in italics) in this fic were from Dashboard Confessional. To anyone who has not heard The Quiet Screaming, I highly recommend doing yourself a favor and listening to it on Youtube so that you can 1) enjoy a fabulous song remix full of agony and 2) get the full picture of Thorne's pain (lol). This song came out in 2006. Considering that the guys are 26 in this fic(at the time of writing it), this song would have been popular when they were in high school.