Lance found it nearly impossible to sleep that night, his brain was distracted. To full of what if’s and what about. Lance wanted to trust his friends and he did with every fiber in his body but something was telling him that not everything would be perfect.
Everything is going to be okay, nothing will go wrong. I need to have faith in my friends, everything will be okay. But would it? Lance couldn’t be sure, he wasn’t no prophet, he couldn't tell the future.
Lance groaned as he rolled off his bed, his feet catching him before he fell on the floor completely. He slumped down on his knees and faced his bed, resting his elbows on his bed, lowing his head.
How long ago was it since he prayed? He couldn’t recall, since he met Keith? No he prayed after that, since the kiss? Yeah, Lance stopped after that, he didn’t know why either. He was still religious, but was he really? He liked to call himself religious and devoted to God but was that just for comfort? Or did he actually still believed in God?
Lance shook the thoughts out of his head, he knew what he was. He was still religious, he was still Catholic, he still believed in God, he just wasn’t that devoted anymore. He loved the idea of religion, he just despised the hatred that came with it. I wasn't made to hate, I don’t want to hate.
Lance intertwined his fingers and leaned his forehead against them, clearing his head with a few deep breaths. Dear God or whoever is listening right now, sorry I haven't been around much, life has been a bit difficult for me at the moment. But I’m sure you already know that. Lance paused, feeling his throat tighten slightly. I’m sorry I pushed you aside and I haven’t been following you exactly but I need help now. I need it desperately. His throat felt like someone was choking him and his eyes started to burn. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love Keith, I’m completely infatuated with him but I know that I can’t love him. So why did you make me love him? Why did you put me with him? Lance stopped again, the tears finally falling from his eyes, streaking his face with hotness. I don’t understand! People say that you don’t want boys to be with boys and girls to be with girls and yet you pair us up together and make us fall in love with things we can’t have! Anger started to consume Lance and he felt his arms shake slightly. I thought when Camillia got her soulmate she was doing right by ignoring her and when she snapped and went with her I hated her. I hated her for being weak, I hated her for disobeying what you wanted! I hated my sister because I thought you wanted me too but do you? If you hated gays and lesbians so much then why do you pair us up with the same gender? Is this some kind of sick game to you? Lance wiped his eyes, new tears immediately replacing the old ones. Do you like watching people be at war with themselves as they attempt to figure out what they want? Do you like watching them destroy themselves from the inside out, never being at peace with themselves? Lance lifted up his head, taking in a few deep breaths, striving to collect himself. I wish you could answer me, but you never had. I’ve had that amazing story where you spoke to me, you’ve always ignored me but I’ve blindly followed you without question. But now, Lance took another deep breath, but now I need you to tell me what to do. I need you to tell me to go with Keith or stay with my family? I just want a straight answer not a maze. He paused again, please, just help me.
Lance broke down crying and curled into a ball on the floor. Why is this so hard? Why did this have to be my problem? He broke into a full on sob, hoping nobody would wake up to check on him and he simply rolled back in forth on the floor. None of his questions receiving any answers.
---
Lance felt like a zombie when he woke up the next morning. His back screamed out in pain whenever he moved and his head throbbed with tiredness. He barely even remembered getting dressed or sitting down at the breakfast table, unconsciously spooning cereal into his mouth. He could feel all of his families eyes on him, their questions and concerning looks as Lance kept his eyes down casted.
“Lance? Are you feeling okay?” He felt soft fingers gently touch his shoulder. Lance nodded, focusing simply on eating. Yet his mother persisted, “Honey, are you alright? Do you need to go to the doctors?”
Lance shook his head, “I feel fine, just a little tired that’s all.”
“Do you want to skip school?”
He shook his head again, “no I want to go to school.”
“Lance! If you’re mother is telling you to stay home, don’t fight her.” His father’s voice rumbled throughout the room and Lance slammed his hand on the table, immediately regretting his decision.
“What’s wrong with me going to school?! I feel fine….just get off my case!” He pushed himself away from the table, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the house, ignoring everyone's frantic calls for him.
---
The walk to school didn’t calm Lance down at all, irritation still crawling over his skin. When he pushed the doors opened to his school, people rushed out of his way, some kids even asking him if he was okay, nobody had ever seen Lance look that upset before.
He turned the corner, making eye contact with Keith, ignoring how his heart fluttered when Keith stood up from where he was sitting. “Hey, Lan-are you okay?”
Everyone turned and looked at the tanner boy, their smiles dropping when they noticed how upset he looked.
“Lance, why do you look so...irritated?” Hunk wanted to reach out to his best friend but he knew better. Lance’s hands were in his pocket, his body was tense and he was chewing on his bottom lip indicating that he was fuming with any emotion that fell under the negativity label.
Lance stiffly nodded his head, his eyes glaring at the ground. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You seem exhausted, we can wait until tomorrow to go on with the plan.” Pidge looked up at her friend, giving him a small frown.
“No! I’m fine, we.. we have to d-do this today. We have to.” Lance closed his eyes as soon as he snapped on Pidge. “I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed.” He ran his hands through his hair, fighting the urge to just rip it out.
“Shh Lance, everything is okay. You’re safe here.” Shay gently wrapped her fingers around the frantic boys, pulling them off his head. Lance nodded slightly at what she was saying. Shay gave the boy a small smile, rubbing small circles on his knuckles. “Just a few more hours.Then it will all be over.”
Lance bobbed his head and Shay dropped his hands, giving one final smile before stepping away. Lance looked over Keith, he wanted to hug him. Every fiber in his body was telling him to reach out and burying his head in his neck but he didn’t. None of his friends, excluding Hunk really knew how close Keith and Lance had gotten. They all had their suspicions but they didn’t know what was true or not. Keith gave Lance a pained look and Lance had a feeling he wanted the same thing Lance did.
Lance turned his gaze towards the ground. He probably hates me. Memories from last night's conversation came flooding back to Lance and he bit the inside of his cheek. Especially how I broke his heart's, no our hearts last night. Maybe that’s why Lance was so annoyed, he had never had his heart broken before. He hated how it made him feel, he felt weak. He felt off. It felt like someone was taking his stomach and squeezing it, he felt like his heart was just pulled out of his chest. Nothing felt right anymore and Lance didn’t like how it made him felt, he could only imagine that Keith felt the same way.
Hunk seemed to noticed both of the boys struggle, “hey Lance how about you go to the restroom and splash your face with some water?”
Lance nodded and started to make his way towards the men’s room, unaware of the world around him.
Lance turned the corner and Shay looked towards Keith who was staring at the wall. “Keith, go make sure he’s okay.”
Keith nodded, moving his legs forward.
---
Lance barely register the door opening, only focusing on the cold water that he kept moving over his face.
“Hey man, you okay?” The person moved closer, leaning against the sink to Lance’s left.
Lance smiled slight, straightening up, graciously taking a paper towel from Keith’s hand and wiping his face down. “I swear if one more person ask me that I’m going to scream.”
Lance turned slightly, throwing away the paper towel and Keith chuckled slightly. “We’re all worried about you Lance, so we’re going to ask a lot. Or until we know why you’re so pissed.”
Lance sighed, placing his forehead against the cool hard wall. Only focusing on the coolness that moved from the wall to his skin. “It doesn’t matter.”
Keith frowned slightly and stepped away from the sink, towards the boy. “Why doesn’t it matter?”
Lance shook his head, “because it’s stupid. Like really stupid.”
Keith took another step towards the boy, glancing down at his forearm, staring at the blue ink that etched across his pale skin. “Lance, no problem of yours is stupid.” He took another step, standing right behind the boy and slowly wrap his arms around him. Bringing him upright and hugging him from behind, his face burying between Lance’s shoulder blades. “You’re problems are valid and you have the right to be mad if you need to be. I understand if you don’t want to tell me what happened but I want you to know that I'm here if you need someone. Yet I understand if you don’t want to tell me, I won't hold it against you.”
Neither of the boy moved, the only movement being done was Lance turning around so he could properly hug Keith. Lance buried his face in the crook of Keith’s neck and hugged him as tight as he could. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Keith nodded slightly, “you’re not going to hell.”
Lance shook his head, “that’s not it anymore. He didn’t help me.”
Keith was quiet, letting the words sink in, “who?”
“God. I asked him, I prayed for help and he didn’t answer. He simply ignored me an-and I don’t know wh-what to d-d-do any more.” Lance broke into tears and Keith hugged him harder.
“Well I don’t know about religion really, but I think he didn’t respond because he wants you to figure it out.” Keith started to stroke Lance's head, running his fingers through his hair. “This is something you need to figure out and I think you need to listen to your heart, not the voices in your head.”
Lance pulled away slightly, wiping his eyes quickly. “I don’t believe in hate. I can’t hate, and when I go to church and everyone is preaching hatred it makes my skin crawl but I can’t just abandon my religion for love.” Lance grabbed a paper towel and blew his nose. “But I also want to make myself happy.”
Keith smiled at Lance, “do you know how to do that?”
Lance frowned slightly, “not yet but hopefully one day I will, and in all honesty if it was between you and my family, I don’t know who I would choose.”
Keith smiled, giving Lance’s hand a small squeeze before kissing his injured knucles, “Hopefully you won’t have to make that choice anytime soon but if you do, I wish you luck. Now we got to get to class before Mr. Brown kills us.”
Lance laughed slightly and headed towards the door, praying that Keith didn’t see the blush that overtook his skin.
---
Lance groaned silently as he watched the clock slowly tick on. Time felt like it was moving so slow and Lance couldn’t deal with it any longer. He was restless. Tapping his feet, spinning his pencil in his hands, bobbing his head, he was doing anything to stay active. He glanced at the clock once more, placing his head on his desk. Why is everything moving so slow? Lance stared out the open door, watching the empty hallway until a figure blocked his path.
Lance traced the person's feet all the way up to their head, gritting his teeth at how was blocking his vision. Rolo.
“Lance! Pay attention.”
Lance lifted his head off his desk and smiled at his teacher, “sorry Mrs.MacKay. Won’t happen again.”
She gave him a small smile and returned her attention towards what ever she was talking about and Lance glanced out the door, Rolo long gone.
---
Lance slumped into his usual seat at lunch, smiling at Keith as he sat down next to him, their thighs touching more than they needed too.
Pidge, Hunk and Shay sat down a few seconds later, smiles plastered on their faces. “Are we all ready for 8th period?” Pidge whispered across the table, everyone nodding along eagerly.
“Are you ready Lance?” Hunk ask as he took a bite of his sandwich.
Lance slowly intertwined his fingers with Keith’s under, giving them a small squeeze. “I think so.”
---
Lance stared at his hand as he signed his name on the notebook, releasing him from his study hall and he walked out of the room, meeting Hunk, Shay and Keith down the hall.
Hunk clapped his hands together, “are we all ready? We can back out now if we want.”
Lance stared at the floor, debating what to do but eventually he looked at his friends, nodding. “Let's do this.”
So they were off, breaking off into their different sections. Lance moving down the hallway towards the art room where photography class was held. He knew he didn’t need to rush, Rolo was always late to class no matter what it was. Keith followed about twenty feet back, attempting to not make it obvious that he was following Lance.
Hunk headed down a different hallway, reaching the art room before anyone else and immediately started to sweet talk the teacher, asking her about her new baby and things like that.
Shay casually made her way towards Coran’s room, asking him if he had time to talk about something bothersome.
Pidge was already on the computer she needed to be on, pulling up files and sifting through them.
Everyone made sure to look unsuspicious and Lance felt his throat go dry as he turned a corner and saw Rolo casually stroll down the hallway, hands in his pocket. “Rolo! Got a second?”
Rolo stopped in his tracks turning to look at the boy who called his name. “Lance! What a pleasure to see you again.”
Lance put on the best smile he could mustered and took a few more steps forward. Okay you got his attention, now keep him occupied. “I wanted to….thank you.”
Rolo looked like he was visibly slapped and his mouth hung open like a fish out of water. “Fo-for what?”
Lance took the remaining strides forward, praying Keith stayed closed to him, from where ever he was hiding. “For talking me to your church. It really...opened my eyes and showed me….the truth.” Stop pausing.
Rolo smiled slightly, “that spoke to you?”
Lance nodded, his neck stiff with the lies he was pushing out. “Yeah, it really showed me what I was doing was wrong. Being gay is a sin and should be punished as one.” Lance felt bile moved up his throat but swallowed it down, keep it together. He can’t know your true intentions.
Rolo didn’t seem to catch on to what Lance was doing and pulled the tanner boy in for a hug. “I’m really glad Lance. I am, if only your sister listened to the church.”
Lance blinked a few times, letting the words sink in as he attempted to remain calm. “Y-you took her to the church?!”
Rolo nodded as he pulled away from the boy. “Yes, it was one of the last things I tried to do, but as you know it failed.”
Lance nodded, staring at the floor. Please almost be done. “Well it really changed my mind.”
Rolo nodded and gave Lance a thumbs up. “I’m glad! That makes me happy to hear.” He turned and started to walk away and Lance reached out for him.
“He-Hey, do you think we could hang soon? I think I still need more....convincing?” Lance wasn’t sure why he ended it like a question but he silently swore at himself when Rolo raised his eyebrows at him.
He gently brushed Lance’s hand off his shoulder, “what are you up to?”
Lance started to panic, his eyes searching the hallway for anything. “Nothing, I just want more convincing, so I'm really sure.” He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and nearly cried out in relief.
Rolo gave the boy a stiff nod, “you’re a weird boy, but sure whatever you need. Now I gotta get to class.” Rolo waved at Lance and continued his way towards his class.
Lance waved back, pulling out his phone as soon as Rolo was out of sight.
(1:43) Pidge: Done and done. I hope everything went well with all of you guys.
(1:46) Lance: Yes, everything went well here, thank you Katie
Crap, come on, get it together Lance.
(1:46) Lance: Pidge*
(1:46) Lance: Sorry about that. Won’t happen again.
(1:47) Pidge: It’s cool, I know you’re trying!
“That could have been a shit storm.” Keith slowly came out of his hiding place, bumping his shoulder with the tanner boys.
Lance nodded and felt his knees start to shake. Am I free finally? Is Rolo finally off my case?
“Lance? You alright?” Keith’s finger gently brushed across Lance’s cheek and Lance grabbed his hand, smiling at him wildly.
“I’m free! Well not completely, but now I can make my own choices!” He pulled the paler boy in for a hug, running his hands through his hair, letting the raven locks move through his fingers.
Keith hugged Lance back, his fingers making small pattern on his back, “I’m so happy for you.” Keith pushed his face into Lance’s neck and Lance tightened his arms around him.
“I hope I’m not disturbing something.” Coran twirled his moustache, while Shay hid her smile behind her hand.
Lance pushed himself away from Keith, patting his shirt down and glared at the floor. “Hey Coran, sorry we were, um we we-”
“Having a bonding moment.” Keith crossed his arms, looking Coran right in the eye.
Coran nodded, “well I’m happy you two are getting along.”
“Me too!” Shay smiled and intertwined her fingers in front of her.
“Is that why you two weren't in class? I won’t hold it against you guys if you were talking.” Coran gave them a proud smile and Keith opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a scream down the hallway.
Lance felt his phone vibrate again, Pidge?
(1:53) Pidge: So I may have accidently deleted all of Rolo’s pictures, including what he needed for his final project….I would run if I were you.
Lance re read the message a few times, shaking as another screamed was released down the hallway. “I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!”
Lance wanted to run, he really did but by the time he convinced himself to move his legs, Rolo was running down the hallway, pointing at Lance in pure rage. “I don’t know how you did it Lance, but I really don’t care.” Lance attempted to step back, Rolo grabbing his collar before anyone could pull him away. “I told you to stay in line but I guess not listening runs in the family, huh?”
Keith attempted to pull Rolo off, barely succeeding until Coran stepped in to help, Shay taking a few steps back. “Rolo get off him!” Coran pulled with Keith and eventually pulled the older boy of Lance, Lance falling to the ground, grabbing his neck, staring at Rolo in complete fear. Shay running to his aid, gently grabbing him by the shoulders.
Coran pushed Keith back, telling him to stay down and stared at directly at Rolo. “My office now.”
Rolo looked at Coran and then back at Lance, giving him a small snarl. “You’re going to regret this McClain.” He turned down the hall, shaking Corans hand off him.
Lance stared at where Rolo stood a few seconds prior, letting the shakes consume his body as Shay attempted to calm him and Keith angrily paced the hallway, his hands clenching and unclenching in resentment.
Shay pulled Lance in for a hug, sending Hunk a quick text and ran her soft hands through his hair. “It’s going to be okay now. You're safe. He’s not going to hurt you.”
“What did he mean?” Lance’s voice was barely above a whisper and that alone got Keith to stop pacing, returning his attention towards his soulmate.
“What?”
Lance swallowed, staring at the ground. “What did he mean when he said I would regret this?”
Shay gave Keith a pained look and lowered her head, neither of them knowing the answer.