Chapter one:
I sliced the skin feeling nothing but guilty plessure. I watched the blood fall and takes on it's former shape. My tree house was full of blood stains as my wrist were full of scares. My blue eyes meet the new screaming blood as it driped. My pale arms felt joy. The bleeding didn't stop yet but it will sooner or later. I took my knife and carved joy into the wall with a talley next to the word. I slamed my back againts the wall and whispered "lost". a knock hit my door. "Japser! Jasper sweetie open up please!" It was my "sister" Cassie. At first I ignored her I really didn't want to talk to anyone not now. Till the knocking got louder and harder. "JASPER SHAY CANZE!" Cassie yelled.
I ran towards the door. "Go away Cassie!" I howlered. I heard her walk away. "No use mom the door is locked." she told my "mom". I layed on the floor I wanted to cry. Why did they care so much my real mother didn't care! That's why they gave me away that's why I'm adopted. Man I hate me life. I know beging of the story and I am in a mager depersion. I stayed in my tree house for a while and let my self bleed a little longer then I unlocked the door and went inside.
My house was small and as soon as you walk in through the back your in the living room. The rug warmed my feet after my d.c's got socked in snow. I took off my big plade winter coat off and put in the closet. When I closed the door I was face to face with Cassie. Cassie has dirty blonde hair that had big curls she was wearing a evry dressy black gown and black eyeliner. Her hazel eyes meet my bright blue ones. "Jasper! We are going out to dinner with family and you look like you are going to school."Cassie was a fashion queen but also the capitain of any girl sports team.
"I don't what the problem is... I look fine." I didn't raise my voice even though i wanted to. "What ever just get changed!" She didn't even listen to me. I really wasn't in the mood to fight with her right now. So I ran upstairs and into my room. Here is my question why dont they make like pretty long sleeve dresses?? i found a white dress what comes down to my knees and comes with a jean jacket. I put that on fast I didn't want to change my gray skinny jeans and sweater sounded fine to me! But I didn't care i through on my jacket and ran to the bath room. Luckly while i was cutting everyone eles was getting ready. After I was done I ran down staires.
"Honey don't hunch you look inpoilet." My mother told me as she walked out the door. I fixed my stands and entered out side. "Mommy mommy it's soooo cold!!" Lizzy yelled she is in 2nd grade and looks just like cassie. She was breathing along with Ray a 3rd grader really hard to see her breath. I jumped into the van you think with 10 kids it would smell like shit right? It smelled like roses something I hate. Well the thorns I don't mind. I sloched in the back row along with Cassie Nikki Damien Mike and Annie. Then in the front row Maggie Stevie Ray Lizzy and little Joey. All of them with dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. It felt good to let go of some steam when my fore head meat the frozen window.
"Jasper you know basketball try outs are in two days and you put in your sport physical you should try out!!" Cassie was not good at whispeing. "Cassie.... just... just no! I only did that to shut mom up kay." I looked at her than to the window. "Ohhh Jasp that sounds like fun! You are great at sports you should try out!" My momther told me. I can't belive it no matter how many times I said no they said yes. "Also we are trying out with the boys maybe... you will see... Hayden." Cassie told me. I wanted to punch her in the trought everyone knew I liked Hayden scene the 4th grade.
"Don't worry Jasp Hayden isn't trying out this year he is working mostly on his band for the talent show." Damien reashured me. Damien and Hayden have been best friends scene 1st grade so I guess I could count on him. My sister Nikki who is in 12th smiled at me. Here is everyone grade order 12th nikki 11th damien 10th Cassie and I 9th Mike 8th Annie 7th Maggie 6th Stevie 3 Ray 2 Lizzy and 1st Joey. Good "family". My phone vibrated and I took it off my lap.
"Heyy cousin!" It was from my cousin Jakey. He is 20 and i love him like he really was my cousin. I replayed he made me feel normal and I can't live my life with out him. We arrived at the italin resturant. I walked in and as soon as we walked in we sat down. I sat next to brown haired Jakey and little Joey. We had just ordered drinks and I just shoved a bread stick in my mouth when Cassie kicked my leg. "Okay not all pain brings me joy!" I told her. I was about to kick her back when she her head gave me the look turn around. Just then my heart was about to pop when i layed eyes on me. He waved and with bread in my mouth I waved hi back like an idot. "Haileyyy!!" My mother yelled at Haydens mom. While Hayden smiled at me I felt like a turtel. While my mom ran to Haydens I turned around with a bright read face.
"That's Hayden??" Jakey asked as he was about to eat I don't even know what. "Yeah.." i whispered. Jakey laughed and smiled at me with his bright whites. I hit his brown hair. "Your an idoit!" I laughed just then my mom sat back down when Haydens mom sat next to her. "Ohh no!" Is all my dumb mind could say. "Hayden you can sit here I'll sit next to Josh!"Josh little Joey told him.
I gave Josh that I'll get you back look. "Thanks Josh hi Jasper." Hayden told us. I smiled at tried to say hi but nothing came out. Then my phone vibrated and I looked at the text from Jakey "Your such a nerd!" I laughed. "You look real nice to day.." Hayden smiled his bright white smile. "Thanks so do you." I smiled at him wearing those shirts you wear over a tank and baggie jeans. He has dark brown hair and peach skin. I wanted to lean in and just kiss him with his peach lips.
My heart pounded hard when I sat there with him. But it wasn't bad. He really acted like he liked me. Which made me happy for once in my life. We were eating our dinner when all of a sodden my hand thought it was a knife. It began to cut the pale skin which tingled a little. No not now! It can't be I'm with the guy I love. Why must this always happen. The feeling wouldn't go away. It wouldn't Cassie kicked me and gave me her eye. The eye of don't make Hayden feel awkward. But that wasn't what was happing here.
I grabbed a near by steak knife and slipped it into my pocket. I sat up and turned around. "Where are you going?" Cassie asked. I had to think fast so my mom wouldn't worry. "Bathroom." I told her. "Oh I have to go to let me join!" She got up quickly he pink dress looking speechless as always. "One minute Hayden we have to go to the little girlies room!" She squeaked. Then grabbed my arm and rushed to the bath room.
We passed a lot of people. They all giving me some strange look. The emoella look I always got in school or on the block. That made me want to tear up. Just then about to cry which made cutting easy. When we got to the bathroom I ran to the stole. I ripped the knife out and heard Cassie humming while she peed which was weird in general. I took off my jacket and looked at my arms. They were full of cuts I couldn't go over just yet. "No!" I thought. Then it came to mind. What about my legs? I rolled up my dress and saw pale skin that just needed to be sliced.
I took the knife and ran it across the skin. That felt good real good. It was like my high and I just wanted more. But than it began to hurt. Sting a little. Did I love it so much it hurt? Was that possible? No it wasn't it couldn't be right..... I love cutting always have ever science 5th grade. It my thing what I do. As if I was rudely awakened by a mom. "Jasper are you okay?" Cassie asked. I wasn't in my tree house even if I wish I was.
"Yeah um I'm fine.." I shoved the knife in my pocket. Rolled down my dress and flushed the toilet. "Stomach hurt a little." I said while I opened the door. "I know when I'm around a guy I like I get tummy problems." She smiled. I wanted to laugh but I didn't. I washed the guilt away then we walked back to the table. I smiled at Hayden but he looked surprised. "Jasp..." Jakey said.
"Yeah?" I asked. 'Do you have your lady problem...??" He asked. I looked at my leg my lap was full of blood. "SHIT!" I yelled and stood up the knife fell out of my pocket. "Jasper!" My mother yelled. My face was bright red. I guess I couldn't hide it from anyone any longer. "What? Yes I'm a cutter! I cut my arms and legs for joy and release stress! I'm not going to hide it anymore look and see! I'm your emoella!" I yelled and I showed my arms and everyone looked at me.
Fear anger confusing filled there face. I looked at Hayden's sister Grace who smiled a witch smile. "Jasper I don't approve." My mother told me. Tears filled my eyes and I ran out. Crying hard and long not whipping. I sat on the bench out side and rested my head in my hands. The cold air hit my arms and chilled me. "Jasper.." Someone told me. I didn't look up. He rubbed my arm. "I don't want to talk go away!" I yelled at Jakey. "Okay if your mom ask I your amazing cousin Jakey helped you with what ever." Jakey told me and leaned back. I couldn't help but laugh.
"I see a smile!" Jakey told me I turned to him and hugged the teddy bear. "Okay Jasper let me tell you wise words my friend Jamie's mom told me when I was seven and I wanted to be superman..... What some people see as a puddle you see as a lake." I looked at him I was so confused by that. "It means what people may see you see different and even if yours idea might seem crazy doesn't mean it's not right." I smiled and whipped my eyes. "Now put on your jacket on it's cold." which was right and I did. Jakey was like my real family. I guess I did love him I had to he was kind of just like me. He has like brown hair that was short and made all the girls love.
It made me laugh how much everyone loved him and hated me. He loved me and while everyone else was against me he wasn't going to give up but help. Which may not work. I love who I am shouldn't that matter. I guess it doesn't matter when you lie to your self.