s h a n e
a/n: i apologise in advance
'fuck me, my head is pounding.' i complained under my breath, stretching as much as i could despite the fact a body was laid across my stomach. from my curled up position on garrett's living room couch, i squinted my eyes at the scene around me. the majority of the people from last night had left, only those who were close to us left over, laid amongst the empty red solo cups.
joey and daniel were sprawled across the love seat, limbs intertwined, long and messy bedhead hair in a purple disarray. drew was slumped against the side of the sofa, snoring softly with the majority of the buttons on his shirt undone. dan and phil were both on the couch, the smaller brunette boy nestled into the arms of his counterpart, who had his face buried in his shoulder blades.
ryland, however, caught my eye in particular. he was laid on the carpeted floor on his back, hair messily brushed upwards, a bottle of vodka cradled in his hands. his eyes, a soft baby blue, blinked slowly, vision not faltering from the plain white ceiling in which he was staring at.
'go back to sleep.' garrett groaned from on top of me, not even opening his eyes, blonde hair tickling the stubble on my chin. glancing at the clock, i checked the time. it was ten past eleven in the morning, and my mom needed her car three hours ago.
'fuck, fuck,' i muttered, pushing garrett off the couch. he hit the ground with a groan, stretching and causing ryland to snap out of his reverie. 'everyone who's getting a lift with me, wake up. now.' i said loudly, staring in the mirror with tired eyes as i looked at all the hickeys down my neck.
joey and daniel begun to stir, sighing as they muttered under their breath. i rushed around the house trying to find my phone, my head aching with every move. at this point, i'd checked everywhere, but the only places i'd been was the kitchen and the lounge. i had no reason to go anywhere else.
wondering if maybe someone had picked it up by accident, i decided to check upstairs, heading towards garrett's bedroom door. i clicked open the handle, eyes captivating on my iphone 7 which lay buried on his desk, next to the plain white walls.
shit.
i breathed in sharply as he pulled my boxers down, looking up at me through glossy eyes, making me whip my head back in satisfaction. my hands tangled into his hair as i pushed his head down, little moans escaping our lips.
images started flashing through my head and i winced at the memories. was i really that wasted? at least no one noticed. even if i was off my face, i would remember someone walking in.
it had been a while since garrett and i had hooked up. sometimes it was a physical thing, and we were both just horny and bored, other times it was an emotional thing where we were both just sad and insecure, but it was okay because we trusted each other.
i pressed my home button and the screen lit up, revealing a flurry of missed calls and texts from my mother, along with my father, as well as being tagged in multiple instagram and facebook posts. the time, displayed at the top of my phone, reminded me that with each minute i was getting into deeper shit.
i ran down stairs and into the lounge. ryland hadn't moved, still staring at the ceiling, bottle still in hand. i was still kinda upset about what he said yesterday. i was so wrong and naive to think we were ever something. phil was half awake, dan pressing soft kisses onto the base of his neck. garrett lazily grinned at me, whilst drew was still fast asleep.
'let's go mother fuckers.' i yelled, pulling dan and phil apart. as much as i'd love to leave them to do... whatever they were going to do, they had no way of getting home. they stumbled after me, whilst ryland exhaled deeply and threw the half full glass bottle to garrett. he struggled to catch it, clutching the neck with both hands and preventing it from breaking his nose. the blonde boy narrowed his eyes at ryland, who just stormed off after us.
the car ride was slightly awkward for ryland and i, but phil was happily making conversation with all three of us, despite dan nudging him to stop. he clearly could sense the awkward atmosphere.
i chatted amicably with them both, instead focussing on the road as my mind started experiencing multiple flashbacks from the night before. why had i drunk so much? checking my hair in the rear view mirror, i noticed that my hair was a complete mess, but aside from that i actually looked alright for someone who had drunk several shots of vodka last night.
oh god, i thought, the cherry flavoured blowbacks. vividly, i saw myself kiss drew as he blew smoke into my mouth, which i then repeated to garrett. my hangovers were the worst, i would always remember strange images from the night previous over the first few hours of waking up. however at each party i still drink again. it's fun, just messing around with your friends, all of your cares obliterated.
'bye!' they cheerfully said as i pulled up outside phil's house, dan tugging him away from the car as he still attempted to hold a conversation with me. ryland had stayed silent for the whole journey so far, staring out the window. i waved them off, side eyeing my beautiful next door neighbour who had somehow managed to hurt me so dearly without even realising.
i started the car again, and for the next three minutes neither of us spoke; the only sound was his multiple sighs. it was a long drive back to our houses since we diverged to drop dan and phil off. i have no idea why ry was upset with me. i should be the one upset with him. rain was falling steadily on the glass as i had a mental argument with him inside my head, water smacking against the windows. maybe he was upset with me for being upset with him. that makes my brain hurt.
ryland let out a sigh for what must of been the fourth time, making me sigh irritably in return and clench the steering wall in my hands.
'you slept with garrett.' he said bitterly, not breaking his eyes off the water droplets with streamed down the windows.
oh. well that makes sense. how the fuck does he know that? someone must of seen us, i guess? my heart started beating fast, slightly nervous for what was to come next. but then i realised, surely this is somewhat of a privacy invasion?
'no i didn't.' i replied truthfully. sure, maybe i was dodging round the fact that garrett and i had hooked up, but we hadn't exactly slept together.
ryland scoffed. 'oh my god, you liar! i literally saw you go up with him, hand in hand, and come downstairs with your shirt on backwards. your shirt is still on backwards, shane!' he exclaimed, turning his head to face me, breaking his long held staring contest with the weather. i glanced down at my top to realise that it was, in fact, on backwards.
shaking my head, i turned the car around. it slipped on the roads as it squealed to a halt, making me get out the car in anger. i couldn't concentrate when i was angry, and the roads were dangerous in this rain let alone with two boys arguing with each other. i slammed the door and ryland followed me, muttering that i was a coward for ignoring his question and running off.
'i can't drive like this! i didn't fucking sleep with him, ryland!' i screamed. the field we were in was completely empty, the rain soaking our whole bodies.
'let me guess, you just played dress up?' he shouted back, water dripping down his face.
i ran my hands through my hair, shaking with anger. 'he sucked me off, okay? i don't see why that's a problem, seeing as we're "not dating" and we're "not exclusive", right, ry?'
'stop being so fucking childish, you literally used garrett!' ryland stormed through the wet grass after me as i walked away, trying to compose my self. claps of thunder echoed through the air. he grabbed my shirt and stopped me from going, roughly tugging me back.
i spun round to face him, pushing his shoulders back. 'i didn't use him, we used to hook up all the time before you came here!' ryland's face distorted. 'but no, i stopped getting some because i thought we meant something! but no, we're not exclusive!' i screamed, my voice bouncing off the trees.
'just shut the fuck up and stop acting so immature!' ryland shouted, shoving me back and squaring up to me, putting his forehead against mine. he seemed like he wanted to fight, yet i knew inside he was too fragile to do anything of that nature.
he was shaking against me. conflicted, i leant forward and pressed our lips together. angrily, our mouths collided, but as soon as they touched i was pushed away.
'what are you doing shane? don't fucking kiss me!' he exclaimed, face red with anger despite the blue weather around us.
'what do you mean? what d'you what from me, ry? stop giving me conflicted emotions, one minute i write you a song telling you that i'm in love with you and you say you feel the same way! but then, oh no, we're not exclusive, we're not dating. and then, ryland, you're upset becuase i let garrett blow me off, all of a sudden i've hurt you! i'm the one in the wrong.'
i felt tears welling up in my eyes, yet no one would notice them due to the fast falling rain. 'what d'you want from me ryland?' my voice cracked, feeling sick to the stomach.
his face turned crestfallen for a few seconds, but he quickly recuperated himself with a blank expression. 'not for you to kiss me, you dick. due to recent events, i don't know where it's been? i mean, how often do you sling your hook around? what do you want, shane?' he spat, and i widened my eyes in disbelief.
'i don't want you to break my heart.' i cried, 'i'll drop you off home. get in the fucking car and don't ever speak to me again.'