A shower was the best reward after a day of intense training. As soon as she got back from the scouting mission, Jira was sent to train with Rixel, giving her no time to relax. Now that the day was nearly gone, she trudged her way back to the barracks to wash up. Her mind went over the plan with Allura, over and over; she hoped that she was wrong about Shiro, but as the time grew closer for her to go to the castle, she had difficulty fighting back her nerves. She had never been wrong about someone's intentions before, and she doubted tonight would be any different.
On her way to the barracks, Jira spotted Keith speaking with Omek outside. As she neared them, Keith turned and gave her a timid smile once he noticed her. Jira played with the end of her braid and gave them a small wave. She hadn't seen him in over a day, but she wasn't expecting to be nervous around him. Yesterday before she left, they had spent some time together, but she didn't think too much about beyond enjoying his company.
"We heard about your mission," Omek said. "Glad everything went well."
"It was a pretty standard one," Jira smiled. "But it's good to be back." Her thoughts went back to the tunnels for a moment and she fought off a shiver that crept up her back.
"Where have you been since you got back? Keith asked.
"Training... I'm just gonna hit the showers," she said, now self aware of how tired she must have looked and she didn't want to dwell on how much she probably smelled too; she stepped away from Keith and Omek and awkwardly cleared her throat. "Goodnight."
Keith raised an eyebrow at her. "... Goodnight."
She picked up her pace and raced up the stairs once she was upstairs. "Why am I like this?" she muttered to herself as she got ready to shower. She took her time washing her hair and recounted her conversation with Allura. She was even more anxious about things than Jira was, and with good reason. Jira didn't want to let her down, but she knew it was something that she needed to do. If she were in the same position as Allura, she would want to know too.
After her shower, Jira changed and plopped down on her bed. She'd have some time to at least take a nap before having to leave, so she bundled up in a blanket and happily closed her heavy eyelids.
Soon after Jira had gotten comfortable, she heard a soft knock on her door. She suppressed a groan and opened her eyes.
"It's open."
The door opened and Chalna popped her head in.
Jira sat up, a little surprised to see her there. "Hey, mom."
Chalna sat on the edge of the bed and leaned back on her hands. "I talked to Allura tonight," she said. Jira glanced away, fearing what they had spoken about. She didn't think Allura would say anything about what they were planning on doing tonight, though she did know why having her mom find out would bother her.
"About what?" Jira asked hesitantly.
"She told me about the details of the mission. It's great that you're able to use your ability to help, but it sounded like you guys ran into a little trouble at one point."
Jira's heart sank. "It was nothing, really." Chalna frequently expressed her concern when it came to her children being invited on scouting missions and this time was no exception. Now that the triplets were officially Elites and no longer children, they had their own choice as to whether or not to join Wunrik. Jira had always wanted to join Wunrik's troop of Elites, but she knew that her mom would disapprove and she didn't want to fight her about it. Even still, Chalna knew that Jira wanted to follow in her father's footsteps, so it was usually a touchy subject between them.
"What was it like being in a tunnel?" Chalna asked in a soft voice.
"It was... harder than I expected," Jira admitted, looking down at her hands. She didn't want her mom to think that she couldn't handle going down into the tunnels, but she couldn't hide from the fact that she only thought of her father while she was there. Chalna shifted closer to her and put her hand on Jira's knee.
"But do you regret going?"
Though it brought back memories of her father and reminded Jira of her loss, she felt useful and valued and it gave her the taste of adventure that she longed for. Jira shook her head, sensing the hint of hot tears coming to her eyes.
Chalna ran her fingers through Jira's wet hair and smiled. "That's what I thought... I know your dad would have loved to have been there with you."
Jira looked up at her mom and smiled through her tears. Chalna seemed to have a harder time talking about her husband to her children than she did with others, so it wasn't very often that Jira and her brothers got to talk about him with their mom.
"What was it like? When you met him?"
Chalna laughed. "Hmmm... well honestly, things were a bit tense at first, what with the Galra coming to Eioa without warning. Many Eioans didn't want us here, which I can understand their worry. But they were admittedly fascinated with us; your dad included. But they had only known the bad things that the Galra had done. It was an adjustment for everyone."
"How did dad act when he first met you?"
"He had just gotten back from a scouting mission- he was new to the Elites at that time- and came back to Cadamur where we had met with Drundlo." Chalna smiled to herself as she spoke. "He warmed up to us quickly and was curious as to what we were doing there. He offered to escort us to the Kafa after things with Drundlo went well. But for a while after coming to Eioa, we always had security around because there were still those who didn't want us there. Your dad was stationed at the Kafa for that, and that's how we got to know each other."
Jira pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She loved talking to her mom about her dad; it actually helped ease the pain of losing him.
"What was he like when he was younger?" Jira asked.
"I see a bit of him in you and your brothers," Chalna said, her voice thick with emotion. "He was curious and dutiful, and intuitive... and he loved making people laugh."
"When... when did you know that you loved him?"
"He never treated me differently because of my race," Chalna said softly. "... I loved him long before I admitted it to myself or him."
"Why didn't you tell him sooner?"
"Because that sort of thing is complicated," Chalna smiled. "Even when it seems straightforward... but if I've learned anything, it's that you should tell people how you feel about them, because you'll always regret it more if you don't."
"Hmm." Jira started braiding her hair. While she was still young, she had a couple of relationships in the past. It was nothing serious with any boy, and looking back on it, she knew she never talked about them in the way that her mom spoke about her dad. She wanted that. She wanted to know what it was like to feel that kind of love for someone else. Jira was glad that her mom had opened up to her more because she craved her guidance and wanted to talk more about her dad. She also wanted to bring up to her that she had been thinking a little about the Blade and what it could offer her, but she feared to ruin the precious moment that they were sharing; she would save that for another day. Jira leaned forward and hugged her mom.
"I love you," Jira said as her mom brought her arms around her.
"I love you too," she said, pulling away and kissing Jira on the forehead. "You've had a long day so I'll let you get some sleep." Chalna stood and made her way to the door.
"Alright... good night," Jira said, waiting for her mom to turn off the light. Once Chalna left, Jira fell back into her bed, knowing that she didn't have much of a chance of sleeping now. She thought of her dad and how he had always told her growing up that she would go on twice the adventures that he experienced; that she would find those outside of the Kafa. What had Jira sacrificed to maintain a good relationship with her mom? And with the arrival of the Blade and Voltron, was this her chance to finally live out the dreams that she and her dad had once talked about?
***
Allura waited in the dark on the bridge for Jira and tried not to let her nerves stop her from going through with their plans. She paced a bit, clenching her fists as the mice followed her back and forth. The door finally opened and Jira stepped inside.
"Jira," Allura sighed with relief and hurried to meet her. "Thank you again for coming and doing this."
Jira nodded, but the trepidation in her face was clear. "Of course," she said. "Ready?"
Allura took one last breath to steady herself and led Jira down the hall. They crept silently past the paladins' rooms, taking extra care when passing Hunk's since he was sleeping with the door open. Shiro's room lay at the end of the hall and Allura hesitated once they had reached it. She had never been in his room before and now felt like she was prying into his privacy, even if she thought she was doing the right thing.
"Allura?" Jira whispered, waiting by the door. Allura clenched her jaw and looked at Jira. She opened the door and the two of them stood in the threshold, both afraid to move forward. Shiro's head poked put from beneath the blankets, his breathing slow and heavy. Allura slowly followed Jira as she edged herself to the side of the bed. From the dim light of the hall, Allura could see Jira's hands shaking slightly as she reached out towards Shiro. Jira bent down and laid a timid hand on his shoulder; she closed her eyes and furrowed her brow in concentration. Allura held her breath as Jira stood over the bed, her expression quickly souring. Jira gasped, almost in pain, and retracted her hand swiftly, which caused her to stumble backwards.
She fell to the floor, her eyes wide, and covered her mouth to keep from crying out. Allura found herself caught between wanting to help Jira up and not wanting to move and make more noise. Shiro shifted under his covers and rolled onto his stomach. Allura looked to Jira and offered her hand, but Jira shook her head; in suspense they waited until Shiro's breathing slowed again.
Jira allowed Allura to help her to her feet and they left the room as quickly as possible. Once safe to speak out in the hall, Jira fell against the wall and steadied her breathing.
Allura laid a hand on her shoulder, fighting to stay calm. "What happened?" She asked in a sharp whisper.
"I... I don't know, it was-" Jira shook her head slowly and put her hands on her knees.
"How bad was it?" Allura asked, though she really didn't want to hear the answer. Jira looked at her with the same fearful expression.
"... They've done something to him," Jira said in a brittle voice.
"Zarkon?"
"He's being used as tool for them, I...I don't know, it involves Quintessence, but it's not like the Quintessence here on Eioa" Jira looked away from Allura. "....They're using him to get the Black Lion back. What does that mean?"
Allura reeled away from Jira, her head spinning. Of course, it did made sense, but to think that Zarkon had the capability to do that to Shiro... How did Zarkon do it?
"Allura?" Jira stood up straight and held Allura's arm, bringing her back into focus.
"How..." Allura shook her head. "What did they do to Shiro?"
"I don't know..."
"Were any of his intentions... violent?" Allura asked meekly.
"No. No, just that he's being used as a way to re-establish the connection between Zarkon and the Black Lion. Does that mean that the more Shiro flies it, the stronger that connection gets?"
"That's what I fear... " Allura said, anger starting to replace her concern. "If that's the case, then it's a good thing that Shiro hasn't flown the lion since we've been here. We could risk Zarkon coming to Eioa if he found now to be the best time to try and reclaim it... You said that they used Quintessence with Shiro?"
Jira nodded.
"The Galra use a form of refined Quintessence... if they used that to alter Shiro in some way..."
"-Then what would a different form of Quintessence do to him?" Jira finished.
Allura sighed, suddenly feeling emotionally drained. "It may be a long shot, but... Perhaps we could help him?"
"But how do we bring this up if he seems to have no idea what's going on?"
"I don't know... Maybe we just observe him for now... " She racked her brain, trying to think of something useful. What did she know about the Quintessence on Eioa that could help them? An idea sprung to her mind and she held onto it hopefully. "Pidge!"
Jira gave her a confused look. "... What?"
"Pidge... yesterday I spoke to her about the Wells. She said that in places where the Hauhet had made its home, were places thought to have more concentrated and refined Quintessence."
"Right, the Wells are the best example of that." Jira smiled. "We could work with that. We'd have to be extremely careful though. Being too reckless will have the Hauhet on our tails."
"It's not much to go off, but... if that Quintessence can help him in someway..."
"We can bring it up to my mom tomorrow. She could help."
Allura nodded eagerly. "That would be wonderful."
"So what do we do now?"
Allura had no idea, but now was the time to be decisive, regardless of how she felt. "For now... for now we'll keep to ourselves until we know more. I don't want to worry the others until we know more."
"But they could help."
"They can't see Shiro like this," Allura said, her voice breaking. She hated seeing him like this, but the others looked up to him so much... for now, it was her burden to carry. At least she didn't have to carry it alone, though she hated doing that to Jira.
"I understand." Jira said. "... I'm sorry that this happened."
"No, thank you," Allura smiled. "It's not ideal, by any stretch, but... but at least I know. And at least I have some hope."
That hope was small, but it was all Allura had right now.
******
The moon was still high when Jira made her way back to the barracks. She regretted leaving Allura alone after what had just happened, but she had insisted that she needed some time alone. Jira attempted to push the guilt of leaving her aside, because she knew that she'd probably want the same if she was in Allura's situation. She didn't really know Shiro and the Paladins that well, but she took up the responsibility to to help resolve the situation the moment she promised Allura she would read Shiro. Jira wanted to believe that they were doing the right thing by keeping to themselves for now, but she hated to think that she was keeping such a big secret from everyone else.
By the time she had reached the barracks, Jira was lost in her thoughts, distracted by her own worries. She was still on edge, but tuned out her surroundings as she recounted what had happened at the castle.
The sound of someone moving in front of Jira snapped her out of her thoughts, and she instinctively reached for her pole and extended it, cursing herself for not being more aware. Keith stood at the other end of her pole, the retractable blades inches from his face. He looked at her, wide eyed and held his hands up defensively.
Jira caught herself taking in ragged breaths, her heart pounding. "Sorry-" she uttered, shrinking the pole back down.
"What's wrong?" Keith asked as he slowly lowered his hands.
"Nothing," Jira said a little too quickly. "What are you doing out so late?"
Keith frowned at her and put his hands on his hips. "I've been up for a while... I saw you sneak out to the castle."
Jira's heart pounded fast, but she couldn't let him find out what she had been up to. No, she'd just have to do her best to play it off. However, she knew she wasn't great at hiding her expressions. "So you're keeping tabs on me?"
"No," Keith huffed. "You're just acting really weird."
"I'm fine."
"Jira..." Keith said quietly, his voice taut. "We said we were going to be more open with each other... Something's bothering you. Please."
Jira looked away from him sheepishly. She wanted to tell him, but how could she? Keith was so close to Shiro, how could she possibly tell him what she knew? And she had promised Allura... but the way that Keith looked at her made her want to divulge everything. Didn't he deserve to know?
"I, uh... I want to tell you, It's just..."
"Does this have anything to do with your ability?" He asked blunty.
"Um..." Jira pulled an arm over herself and held her elbow, keeping her eyes glued to the ground. She questioned if she could trust herself to not say anything.
"And you went to the castle," Keith said, stepping towards her. "... Who was it?"
Jira finally looked at him, realizing that he wasn't upset or angry with her. He was afraid. "I'm so sorry..." she whispered, and Keith's body tensed. He was quiet for a moment, but when he finally spoke, he sounded hoarse and defeated.
"It's Shiro, isn't it?"