Allie
Nagising ako nang maramdaman kong kumirot ang ulo ko. I reached for it and pain shot through my arms next. I opened my eyes when I realized that the pain is familiar. I tried to stood up but my back suddenly hurts too. My limbs started aching next until I can't afford to move anymore.
I shrieked and called for my mommy. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi umiyak. Narinig ko na bumukas ang pinto sa kwarto ko pero hindi ko nagawang tumingin kung sino iyon dahil masakit talaga ang buong katawan ko.
I don't know when I fainted, pero naririnig ko pa rin ang boses ni Mommy at Daddy who are attempting to tell me that everything will be okay. This is the fourth time that this happened to me and they never failed to say how much they love me. Umiiyak si Mommy habang si Daddy naman ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa. He's probably calling.
I'm not going to die yet. Yun ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Sunod pumasok sa utak ko si Arron and how I still want to see him. I still want to kiss him on the cheek and tell him how I'm proud of him for winning last night's race. I still want to hold his hand and walk with him anywhere at night. I want to hug him and tell him that I don't want to give up yet. I want to kiss him breathless and tell him how much I love him again and again.
I still want to hear him laugh about something I did-no matter how annoying it is, no matter how I hated it when he laughed at me. Gusto ko pang marinig na inaasar niya ako. I still need to hear him call me kitten.
My eyes fluttered. Naramdaman ko iyon pero hindi ko pa ito maidilat. He is my anchor. The reason why I'm still here and fighting. I was dying to wake up. I was dying to live.
At least enough time to kiss him goodbye.
The first thing I saw is a very bright light. I squinted my eyes a little to adjust with the room's brightness. The first thing I heard was a familiar machine's beeping sound, something that I only hear when I'm in a hospital. The next thing was my mommy, calling my name. "Allie, can you hear me?" yun ang unang narinig ko. I want to tell her no, I can't hear her-just for the heck of it but I couldn't speak yet. It's like there's something wrong with my throat.
"Can you see me?" I wouldn't even know that my eyes are already opened if I didn't blink at the sound of my mother's voice.
"Mommy." I cringed at the pain that crawled in my throat when I tried to speak. I almost didn't hear myself say anything. It came out husky and like a soft whisper but it made my mother burst into tears.
Biglang lumapit si Mommy sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. I couldn't hug her back since I still feel weak and her arms are wrapped around my body so I couldn't move my arms. Lumakas ang paghagulgol ni Mommy habang yakap-yakap ako.
"You're okay, sweetie. You're okay." masayang umiiyak na sinabi ni Mommy sa akin. Despite how frail I feel, I still managed to smile. This only shows how much my mother loves me. Gusto ko rin umiyak pero masyado akong pagod para gawin iyon. Pakiramdam ko ay nagbuhat ako for one week at walang hintuan. Hindi ako hingal but I am really exhausted.
Humiwalay sa akin si Mommy at matapos ay hinawakan ang magkabilang braso ko. Tiningnan niya ako mula noo hanggang dibdib, kung saan man abot ang tingin niya. Her tears were still falling pero hindi pa rin maalis ang masayang ngiti sa mga labi niya.
"May masakit ba sa'yo, anak? Tell mommy, does it hurt anywhere? Are you feeling any pain?" gusto kong matawa sa pag baby talk na gainagawa sa akin ni mommy pero hangin lang talaga ang lumabas mula sa akin. Daig ko pa ang minalat sa sakit nang nararamdaman ko sa lalamunan ko.
"Allie, baby, Dad is here. Are you feeling okay?" si Daddy naman ang nagsalita. They are really acting weird kaya gusto ko sila tawanan. Sinubukan kong ngitian si Daddy at iangat ang kamay ko to give him a thumb up. It came out weak but they were relieved to know that I was okay.
"Ate." dahan-dahan naman akong napalingon kay Robbie. He wasn't crying but he's close kahit na pinipigilan niya. I waved at him to come closer at lumapit naman siya. He walked to hug me as tight as he could. Naiyak na naman si Mommy at sumama sa pagyayakapan namin-pati na rin si Daddy.
Robbie started crying like Mommy. Si Daddy ay mukhang naluluha pero bilang padre de pamilya ay pinipigilan niya. Ako naman, tumutulo ang luha pero walang lumalabas na ingay.
"We are a one sappy family. I should go and call a doctor." si Daddy ang nagsabi noon at tumango na lang si Mommy in agreement. Bumalik na si Robbie sa kinauupuan niya pero nanatili si Mommy sa tabi ko. She brushed my hair with her hand habang ngumingiti sa akin. I've never seen her that happy-it's been too long since I saw her smile like that.
"May kailangan ka ba, Allie?" I nodded. Gusto ko sanang sumagot at magsalita pero masakit pa rin ang lalamunan ko. I now know the reason why. I haven't drank anything, that's probably the reason why my throat felt dry.
Hinawakan ko ang lalamunan ko at hinimas-himas ito. My mother nodded, naintindihan niya kung ano ang hinihingi ko at mabilis naman siyang kumuha sa lamesa sa gilid kung saan may ilang plastic ng pagkain at prutas doon. She grabbed a bottle of mineral water from the plastic bag and handed it to me.
"Hindi malamig yan, mabuti para sa lalamunan mo." tinanggap ko na lang iyon matapos buksan ni Mommy ang takip para sa akin.
Nang makarating na si Dr. Robles, pakiramdam ko naman ay makakapagsalita na ako nang maayos. My throat is working properly now, hindi pa ako nakakapasalita nang malakas but it doesn't hurt whenever I try to speak.
"Hello, Allie." ngumiti na lang ako.
"Are you feeling good?" hindi pa rin ako nagsalita pero tumango naman ako sa kanya bilang sagot.
"It looks like I have some good news for you." napatingin ako kay Mommy at Daddy na parehong malawak ang ngiti. They both nodded and it piqued my curiosity.
"Good news?"
"Since your operation, a stem cell transplant, we managed to see a lot of improvements in your condition. This rarely happens, especially to you who stopped taking treatments not so long ago. When we took some tests, as if by miracle, your plasma cells are slowly dropping close to normal level. We checked the level of your abnormal proteins, bones, kidneys, red blood cell count-everything. Allie, something... unexplainable happened, even I, a doctor who's been studying this disease for years doesn't know how to answer. Something that science can't even explain."
Nagsimula na naman maiyak si Mommy. Now I get why she's crying. It was happy tears. Nakita kong yumakap si Mommy kay Daddy and I saw how my father brushed mommy's back to comfort her as she weeps.
"Does this mean I'll live longer?" I asked in my weak voice. Hindi ako sigurado pero nakita kong kumislap ang mga mata ni Dr. Robles sa tanong ko. If he was about to cry, I wouldn't know but I know I would understand. He'd been my doctor for years and I know he somehow felt attached to me and my case. Dr. Robles nodded at me.
"Yes, there's a high possibility that you will live longer if everything goes back to normal."
"I'm going to live?" I cried.
"Yes." si Mommy ang sumagot para sa akin at naiiyak na tumango-tango. I don't know whether to cry or feel relieved. I may go with both but I don't think I can handle it. I've been fighting this sickness for years... and now...
"I'm going to live." I whispered to no one in particular.
I suddenly remembered the reason why I wanted to live. My anchor, the one who told me to fight. The person who told me that he was ready to fight for the both of us.
"Where's Arron?" biglang tumahimik ang buong kwarto. The only noise that I was hearing is from the machine that's supposed to record my heart beat.
"Is he outside again? Can you please let him in?"
"Sweetie, maybe you should rest first." kalmadong sabi sa akin ni mommy na natigil na sa pag-iyak dahil sa tanong ko. Pinunasan niya ang mga luha mula sa pisngi niya at ngumiti sa akin.
"No. I want to see Arron. I need to see him."
"Allie..." Daddy trailed on my name. Atomatiko akong napahawak sa pulso ko kung saan nakasuot ang bracelet na binili ko para sa aming dalawa ni Arron. I was still wearing it. Siguro ay isinuot ulit sa akin ni Mommy, knowing how important this bracelet is to me. Then I felt my heart starting to slow down.
"Please call Arron." Asiwang ngumiti si mommy sa akin.
"Allie, kailangan mong-"
"Bakit ba ayaw niyong tawagin si Arron?! Gusto ko lang naman siyang makausap!!" hindi ko sinasadyang sumigaw pero ayaw ko nang inaasal nila. Gusto ko lang naman makausap si Arron. I wanted to tell him that I'm okay, that I was going to live. Masama ba iyon?
"Allie," my mother's lips quivered. Hinawakan ni daddy ang braso ni mommy at marahan na pinisil iyon.
"Allie, comatose si Arron." si daddy ang nagsalita. With my mouth dropped, my eyes widened at the news that I just recently received.
"What?" "He was involved in a car accident last night. Frannie called Arron to tell him the news. Nagmamadali si Arron pumunta dito and was hit by a truck." hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. I was still processing everything that I just heard.
"Arron is still in the ICU. Critical pa rin ang condition niya. He received several severe bone fractures. Some bruises, cuts. Broken ribs-and the worse thing is the internal bleeding in Arron's head. Na-operahan agad pero until now, he's still unconscious."
"That's not true." umiling-iling ako sa kanila.
"Allie," mahinang tawag sa akin ni mommy.
"Hindi totoo yan!!" my mom flinched at my raised voice. Biglang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko. Hindi ako dapat umiiyak dahil wala namang rason pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang mga ito sa pagtulo.
"Arron is awake. He's okay. Nasa labas lang siya ng kwarto at hinihintay na magising ako!! Hindi kayo nagsasabi ng totoo!! You guys are a bunch of liars!"
"Allie, wag kang magpagod-"
"Shut up! Shut up! Arron is okay!! Hindi totoo ang mga sinasabi niyo! He's perfectly healthy!! Hindi pwede ang mga sinasabi niyo! He's the best car racer there is! Hindi siya puwedeng maaksidente!"
"Allie, you need to calm down." si Dr. Robles naman ang sunod na nagsalita, attempting to calm me down.
"Maybe I should get a nurse." narinig kong sabi ni Daddy bago siya umalis ng room pero hindi pa rin ako nagpaawat.
Nanghihina ako pero sinubukan kong ibuhos ang lakas ko para tumayo at makaalis ng kama. I need to go out and see him. Alam kong nasa labas lang siya at naghihintay na magising ako. They just don't want him to go inside yet because they're selfish.
"I need to see him. Please, I just need to see him." umiiyak kong sabi sa kanila at sinasabayan naman ako ni mommy sa pag-iyak. Si Robbie naman ay nanunuod lang sa pagwawala na ginagawa ko.
"You still can't, mahina ka pa. And you can't go in, Allie. Immediate family lang ang pinapapasok. I can let you in, Allie. I can. You need to rest first. Unahin mo muna ang kalusugan mo. I'm not close with Arron but I know he won't like it kapag nalaman niya na pinapabayaan mo ang sarili mo."
"But I need to see him. He needs me too. Kailngan ko ulit sabihin sa kanya na mahal ko siya." parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa bawat pagbagsak ng mga luha sa mukha ko.
"I know, Allie. I know. Pero kailangan mong magpahinga. You're still not strong enough from the operation. You need all the rest that you can if you want to be with Arron. Ganoon din ang ginagawa niya ngayon."
"I don't care. I still need to see him." my eyes were blurred from the tears.
Pumipiglas ako pero naramdaman ko na marami nang nakahawak sa akin. Umingay na rin ang paligid at parang may mga nagmamadali pa. My sight was starting to get cloudy, bumibigat na rin ang mga mata ko. I couldn't move my body because I was pinned down by a lot of hands.
I was helpless and yet I still want to see him.
"You'll see him." and that's the last thing that I heard.