The sensation was so unexpected that Nevada was frozen for a few seconds, their breathing the only sound to disrupt the silence. His lips were soft against hers, and while she wanted nothing more than to respond, her body had stilled in shock. She had no idea how to proceed. She lacked experience in this department.
Most people lost their first kiss before they turned eighteen, and she didn't fall into that category. She had never been extremely saddened by the fact, the thought of becoming that intimate with someone sending a stake of fear into her heart. But now, she wished she had the confidence to reciprocate his actions.
This was so unlike her. Even though it felt like a lifetime had passed, she had lost her first kiss to Sam a few days ago. That could've been brushed past with the excuse that the others had pressured them into it, but this time, there was no one watching. Sam had initiated it—and Nevada liked it.
As soon as Sam realized that her lips had yet to move against his, he pulled back, his breath hitching. Though his gaze failed to waver, there was a hint of uncertainty in it that made her insides soften.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I—I should've asked. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He scratched the nape of his neck. "I—"
"Wait," Nevada cut him off.
She broke his gaze, instead focusing her attention on the flames that burned within the fireplace. Even as her vision blurred, her eyes remained on the fire. She was all too aware of his presence beside her, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Her heart raced, and her own breathing quickened at the same time. She waited until she felt calm enough to speak again.
"I—I just," she started, "I don't know how. I've never done this—" Her chest stuttered, and she worked up the courage to flick her eyes over to Sam to gauge his reaction.
To her relief, there was no judgment to be found. A gentle smile graced his features, his dimples poking out on either cheek, and she realized that she wanted to kiss him again—even if she didn't know how. He made her want to learn how.
"Can we ... take it slow?"
"I like slow," Sam said.
His eyelids fluttered shut, and Nevada mimicked his actions, leaning forward until their lips met again. This time, that uncertainty didn't hold her back, and she did her best to reciprocate the kiss. Their noses knocked together, and for a brief second, her face warmed.
But the embarrassment passed the second Sam let out a cheeky laugh, brushing past the incident by returning his mouth to hers. The art of kissing was strange to her, but she grew familiar with it as the seconds ticked past. His lips were soft against hers, tasting of the hot chocolate he'd made himself that morning, and from this distance, she could inhale the sweet scent of the cologne she had started to associate with him.
True to his word, their soft kisses moved at a slow pace for the first minute. Her glasses knocked into him a few times, but it wasn't until it happened for a third time that Nevada reached up to pluck them off.
"But you can't see without them," Sam said, his eyes wide as he watched her set them down on the table on the left side of the couch.
"I'm not kissing you with my eyes open, am I?" was her only response before she brushed her fingers over his cheek.
Her hand lingered there as he leaned forward once more, his lips capturing hers. His tongue teased the front of her teeth, and his hand had just dropped to her hip when the front door banged open.
The sound startled them away from each other, Nevada shoving her glasses back on her nose in an instant. Sam scooted away, snatching up the controller where he had discarded before they had gotten distracted, and acted like he had been in the middle of GTA V.
Alicia stood in the doorway, a cold gust of air following her entrance. She ripped her hat off her head, her long brown locks falling against her shoulders. "I came back for my scarf," she said. "Sorry to scare you."
Her tone held a degree of flippancy that hinted that she hadn't witnessed their lip lock. She barely glanced over at them before she strode down the hallway. Part of her believed she imagined it, but there was a glint in her eye that Nevada couldn't ignore.
Sam shot her a playful look, though he kept his mouth shut in case Alicia was listening.
It had been three hours since their series of kisses had overturned her world, and Nevada couldn't get the incident out of her head. Her mind continued to dwell on it, replaying every moment like a continuous film stream, and the shadow of his lips on hers lingered.
In the eighteen years of her life, she had experienced different kinds of emotions in varying amounts of intensity. She supposed that she absorbed situations differently than others. Every feeling that she had was intensified to the point where it felt like she would crumble beneath her own mind. But every moment that she was afraid, that she was anxious, and that she was thrilled did not compare to what had happened that afternoon.
Those moments were no less intense, but the emotions she had felt today were foreign and overwhelming. And she had no idea how to confront them. There was no explaining how the sight of Sam's smile sent a thrill down her spine or how the sound of his laugh made her heart race. There was no explanation for how he had managed to worm his way into her life in a matter of days. She couldn't understand it herself.
The sound of her phone ringing drew her away from her thoughts, and Nevada reached for the device where she had left it on the bed. Natalie's name flashed across the screen, and she tapped the accept button before raising the cell to her ear.
"Hey! It's been a while," Natalie said cheerfully. There was underlying animosity or anger towards the abrupt end to the last phone call that they'd had, and for that, she was grateful. If there was anyone she could rely on, it was her sister. Even if she didn't always understand, she went above and beyond for Nevada. "I'm sorry I haven't called to check in on you, but I've been spending time with friends and I didn't want to disrupt you during the day."
"It's fine." Nevada ran a hand through her hair. She dropped down onto the bed, the mattress sinking underneath the added weight. "I'm glad you called. How have you been?"
"We can talk about me when you're back. I'm going to see you in, what, two days?"
The reminder of the approaching deadline on her trip made her still. She had forgotten how short the trip was: a week and a half, and it ended just in time for them to return home for Christmas. Though it felt like a lifetime had passed, it had been a little over a week since she had first stepped onto the bus.
Even though she didn't want to focus on the end, their days were numbered, and her stomach turned in unease. She had no idea what would happen when she would return back to school for the spring semester. Would everything return to how it had been: when she had been alone and afraid? A large part of her didn't even want to consider the outcome.
"Yeah." She released a shaky breath. "You're picking me up from Briarcliff, right?"
"Of course. If you still want me to, that is."
Before the trip had even begun, Natalie had promised that she would find her way down to Briarcliff University to pick her up when it ended. She knew that Nevada would feel uncomfortable figuring out the public bus routes, and she didn't want to put her through that stress. It was the little things that reminded her how lucky she was to have a sister who cared so much.
"Yeah, if you don't mind," Nevada said.
"I don't," she said. "Now, are you feeling better? I know that this ... hasn't been easy for you. But I hope that you don't feel like it was a total waste of your time."
"It hasn't." The admission eased the pain from her shoulders, and she straightened in her position. "I ... I'm glad that I did this."
"Really?" Her voice increased in pitch as she was overcome with excitement, and her enthusiasm was almost contagious. Nevada could picture the grin Natalia was wearing, and a gentle smile of her own softened her features. "I'm so happy for you, Nevada! I don't know if we'll have enough time now to talk about it, but I am glad that you don't feel awful about the experience."
"Yeah. I don't regret it. At all." Nevada shook her head to herself. "I mean, it has been really hard. It has been one of the most painful and difficult experiences I have put myself through in my entire life, but I'm happy that I did." She hesitated. "I want to tell you more about it, but I think I should save it for the ride back home."
"Yeah, yeah. Makes sense," Natalie said. "Ooh, I'm so excited now. I can't wait to see you. Then it's Christmas and your birthday. I can't wait."
The reminder of her birthday caused her heart to sink ever so slightly. While she adored Christmas, her birthday was another story. In retrospect, she was thankful that her birthday fell on one of the most important holidays in the year, because it took the attention away from her. She hated being in the spotlight, and her birthday was another excuse for everyone's eyes to be on her. It only reminded her that she was growing older.
"Ha-ha," she joked.
There was a lull in the conversation, and for a brief second, she debated whether or not to spill to Natalie about what had transpired between her and Sam that afternoon. She needed advice from someone she trusted, her own thoughts too unreliable to consider, but it meant that she had a lot of explaining to do—too much to do over the phone. Natalie wouldn't rest until she had all of the details, and Nevada simply didn't have the energy to reveal everything at this precise moment.
Instead, Nevada hummed, switching the topic onto questioning what their parents had gotten up to.
They remained on the phone for another half hour, Natalie chattering on about aimless topics while Nevada listened. That was how it had always worked between them. Natalie found it difficult to stop speaking, and Nevada preferred not to.
However, their call was cut short when Alicia and Cassidy appeared in her doorway. Alicia rapped her knuckles against the doorframe to alert her to their presence, and she held up a finger to ask them to wait. They were silent as Nevada said a hasty goodbye, promising to text her before they got onto the bus to head back to Briarcliff in two days' time.
When she hung up, she was met with two curious gazes staring back at her. The sight made her squirm where she sat, rubbing her hands together in an effort to settle her nerves. "What's up?"
"Can we come in?" Alicia asked.
They waited for Nevada to nod before Cassidy plopped down on the other side of her and Alicia eased the door shut.
"Don't worry," Alicia said, noticing the worry that flickered in her eyes. "Nothing's wrong. We just want to ask you about a certain someone." The wink that followed her statement only served to unnerve her further, though she had an idea about the someone they referred to.
While she and Sam had been convinced that Alicia hadn't caught them in the act, it appeared they were wrong. The glint she had suspected had been there, and in true fashion, she felt her face warm.
Cassidy bounced in her seat, her blonde locks flouncing with her. For once, her hard glare had been replaced with a cheeky edge, and Nevada didn't know which side of her she preferred. Alicia remained standing, her back propped against the door as she met her gaze.
"So..." Alicia began. "Is Sam a good kisser or not?"
Her cheeks felt like they were on fire, her neck burning. Her eyes flickered down to the floor as she found herself unable to hold Alicia's stare. There was no malice in it, but her gaze was so intense that it made her wriggle.
"He looks like he would be," Cassidy said. "But you would know."
"I mean ... you're not wrong," Nevada murmured. A few high-pitched shrieks followed her statement, and she worked up the courage to glance up for a moment. Their faces were lit with glee, and Cassidy herself wore a brilliant grin.
"I knew it. I called it!" She pointed at her. "I told you that he liked you! And I suspected that you liked him too."
"Yeah, but ..." Nevada swallowed past the lump in her throat. The two women sensed her uncertainty, and their celebrations were put on hold as they waited for her next words. While Natalie wasn't available for advice, she could confess her feelings to Alicia and Cassidy. Though she had only known them for the past week, in the time she had spent with them, she had gathered that they were kind-hearted people, and she wanted to get to know them better. She enjoyed their company as much as she enjoyed Sam's—though she supposed she enjoyed Sam's company in a different way.
It was now or never. Nevada huffed. "I'm just ... I don't know. Nervous. I'm not ... very experienced when it comes to relationships." That was easier to admit than revealing that she had never been in one and that the only person she had ever kissed was currently sharing a cabin with them. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"Take it from me," Alicia said, splaying a hand across her chest. "I've had my fair share of relationships. It's a completely different experience every time. No relationship is exactly the same, because each person that you date is completely different than the last. There isn't a step-by-step process."
Cassidy hummed in agreement. "Exactly. We could tell you what we think you should do, but we wouldn't really know for certain, because we haven't dated Sam." She turned to face Nevada. "It's normal to feel like you have no idea what you're doing. I never have any idea what I'm doing. I've learned to just take it one day at a time. Hey, I might end up in thousands of dollars in debt after college, but screw it. I'm happy right now, and that's what is important."
Nevada didn't have a response ready on her tongue when Cassidy finished her point, but she didn't have to wait long before Alicia continued.
"We know Sam likes you," she said. "He won't stop talking about you. Even Carter has admitted that he's whipped. He's willing to do whatever you need. If you want to take this slowly, he's ready. All you have to do is be willing to talk to him."
The conversation had lifted a weight from her chest, and Nevada suddenly felt lighter. Alicia and Cassidy had helped more than they had released. They had offered their advice, and even if it didn't work out, she felt a swell of gratitude that they had bothered in the first place.
She wasn't sure how their relationship would turn out. She didn't know what Sam wanted out of it, but if one thing was for certain, they needed to have a serious conversation. The problem was that their days were limited.
She only hoped that their relationship didn't end the second they parted ways for the holidays.
a late update for all of you! i'm so sorry that updates for this story have been late, but i've been very busy. i was taking midterms (and have two more to do when i return from break), and have been traveling between school and home. i've also signed up to write two articles weekly for these newsletters i'm a part of, which has added more onto my plate.
in other news, i'm doing april nanowrimo! which is pretty insane considering april is my busiest month. i'm planning to finish cold sweetness before then, and start on my next novel. it's called uncontrollable and it's going to be a very different kind of story (think gangs, violence, heists). the only problem is that i have yet to plan it out! whoops.
anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter! hope you enjoyed it!
x carolina