Arron
It's been two days since Allie was confined to the hospital. Noong araw na naisugod siya ay hindi ako pinayagan pumasok sa loob ng hospital room. They said immediate family lang muna ang puwedeng pumasok sa loob at bantayan ang pasyente. Pinauwi na lang muna ako ni Tita pero hindi ako basta-basta umuwi. I waited for Allie to wake up first bago umalis.
On the next day, I tried to convince them na papasukin ako pero hindi pa rin puwede. They said they're still waiting for Allie's vitals to stabilize. Hindi ko alam kung nagsasabi sila ng totoo o ayaw lang talaga nila akong papasukin pero wala naman akong ibang magagawa. I really wanted to see her.
Gusto kong makita na okay lang siya. I want to see her still breathing and alive. Hindi ako mapakali sa bahay habang alam kong nasa hospital si Allie at nilalabanan mag-isa ang karamdaman niya.I was scared to sleep. Natatakot ako na baka sa sandaling oras na ipikit ko ang mga mata ko ay mawala na lang siya bigla. Death strikes too fast, too soundless that you wouldn't no when it'll get you or the one you love the most.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses akong nagdasal nitong nakaraang dalawang araw. I prayed hard for her good health, for her safety. I begged Him not to steal her away from me just yet. I begged for another month, a year-to spend with her dahil hindi pa ako sawa na makasama siya. I wanted to ask for forever but I know that it'll be too much to ask.
Gusto ko pa siyang makasama nang mas matagal. Hindi pa ako tapos mahalin siya at hindi ko alam kung kailan iyon matatapos-kung matatapos nga ba.
Binabalitaan naman ako ni Tita at ni Frannie tungkol sa kalagayan ni Allie. They said nagising na siya the next day but she's still weak. Hindi siya nakakagalaw pa ng maayos because of the medicine and other antibiotics that they injected on her. At saglitan lang daw nagigising si Allie dahil wala pang ilang minute ay makakatulog rin ito.
Naiinis nga ako dahil naunahan pa ako ni Dominic na makausap si Allie. But that's only because Dominic called Frannie since he's not in Manila at kasalukuyang nasa bakasyon. Though I'm still glad that I was finally allowed to visit her. Lumabas si Tita mula sa loob ng room ni Allie at sakto naman na papunta pa lang ako. Tita smiled when she saw me at sinubukan ko naman ngumiti.
"Gising po ba si Allie?"
"Oo. Kanina pa siya gising. Mabuti na lang at nandito ka na. Pupunta lang ako sa canteen para kumain, Allie's order." I nodded. "Ikaw muna ang bahala kay Allie, Arron ha?" I gave Tita a reassuring smile as I nodded. Ngumiti rin sa akin si Tita bago tuluyan na umalis.
Naglakad ako papalapit sa room ni Allie. I knocked first before opening the door to get in. Nakita ko lang si Allie na nakahiga at nakatitig sa ceiling pero para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan when she's still in the same form that I last saw her. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil nakikita ko na ayos lang siya.
"Allie." tawag ko dito at inalis naman ni Allie ang tingin niya sa kisame para lang tingnan ako. Biglang sumimangot si Allie nang makita ako. My heart crippled a little. I was expecting her to be happy and smile now that I'm here but I got the opposite reaction of what I wanted.
"What are you doing here?" she said with outmost disgust.
"I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm okay, now leave."
"Allie,"
"You're not supposed to be here, Arron." malamig na sabi ni Allie sa akin at katulad niya ay napasimangot ako.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want you here. Isn't it obvious? Your presence annoys me. It makes everything four times worse."
"And that's a reason enough for me to leave you alone?"
"Yes!" malakas na sigaw ni Allie. Mukhang napikon na siya dahil bigla na lang siyang sumigaw.
"I'm not going to leave you alone, Allie. Lalo na at alam ko ang totoo. Na ayaw mo akong umalis."
She scoffed. "Didn't you hear what I just said? I said I want you to leave!"
"And didn't you hear what I just said? I said no!" sigaw ko dito at napatahimik siya.
Biglang tumulo ang luha ni Allie. She covered her face with her hands as she sobbed. Bigla namang nanlambot ang puso ko at nawala ang pagkainis na nararamdaman ko sa inaasal ni Allie kanina.
"Why won't you listen to me? I'm dying here, damn it! Ayaw ko lang naman masaktan ka sa oras na mawala na ako at iwan kita!"she was angry and crying at the same time.
"You saw what happened the other day? It will happen again! Mangyayari iyon ng ilang beses hanggang sa dumating ang isang araw na tuluyan na akong mapuputulan ng hininga!"
"And if ever that happens, I'll be by your side-holding your hands and crying for you to stay alive. Kahit anong sabihin mo sa akin, hindi kita iiwan. Kahit na ipagtabuyan mo pa ako, kahit na sabihin mo pang iiwan mo ako.
"I'll always find a way to be with you, Allie. Kahit sa kabilang buhay, gagawin ko ang lahat, makasama lang kita."
Umiling-iling siya habang patuloy pa rin ang pag-agos ng luha mula sa mga mata niya. "Ayaw ko na, Arron. I can't do it anymore. I'm so tired. Hindi ko na kaya."
Halos madurog ang puso ko sa bawat luha na tumutulo sa mga pisngi ni Allie. Parang paulit-ulit na sinasaksak ang dibdib ko sa bawat salita na lumalabas mula sa bibig niya.
Nagmamadali akong lumapit sa kanya. She tried to push me off her pero hindi ako nagpatinag. I cupped her face with both of my hands, wiping the tears under her eyes.
"Kung hindi mo na kayang lumaban, kaya kong lumaban para sa ating dalawa." I paused, almost smiling when Allie stopped from sobbing. "I'm not going to give up just because you want me to. I'm going to keep on fighting for us. Kahit na bukas ipagtulakan mo ako palayo-o kahit sabihin mong hindi mo na ako mahal. Mamahalin kita ng mamahalin, Allie. At hinding-hindi ako hihinto hanggang sa wala ka nang ibang magawa kundi mahalin din ako."
A smile slowly crept on Allie's lips and my heart warmed dahil nagawa ko siyang pangitiin. "You're an idiot."
The door slammed against the wall that made us both look towards the door way. A stranger with a very unfamiliar face was standing by the door. He looked like he was on a rampage and it made me frown.
Who the hell is this guy?
"Allie!" na kay Allie ang atensyon ng lalaki, lumakad ito papasok nang room na parang hindi ako nakita.
The guy is almost as tall as me. I think I was just inches taller than him but at least I was taller. He has a brownish-black hair cut really short but it was still okay looking. He's an okay looking guy. Mas gwapo pa rin ako.
"Gian!" sigaw ni Allie at napauwang naman ang mga labi ko."Gian?" I whispered. Did I just hear her right? Tinawag niya ang lalaking ito na Gian? The same guy whom she was talking to when I over heard her exchanging I love you's over the phone?
Lalapit pa sana ito kay Allie pero bigla niyang napansin ang presensiya ko. It irked me. His presence. I don't like having him near my kitten.
"Who are you?" siya ang unang nagsalita at naramdaman ko naman ang pag-init ng ulo ko. I'm certainly not liking this dude.
"I'm her boyfriend. Now, I'm going to pretend to care and ask you the same."
"Boyfriend? Oh!! So you must be Dominic." nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa naging sagot niya. Hindi ako nakapagsalita pero kinuyom ko ang kamao ko. It wrapped into a tight ball ready to connect with someone's face as a special greeting.
"Gian, no." biglang hinawakan ni Allie ang kamao ko na kanina pa nangangating manuntok ng isang lalaking nagngangalan na Gian. "This is Arron, my boyfriend." pinagdiinan ni Allie ang salitang boyfriend sa lalaking nasa harapan namin. I almost scoffed at him to brag. I wanted to roll my eyes at him too even if it looked gay.
Inis pa rin naman ako sa kanya pero iba talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing ipinapapakilala ako ni Allie bilang boyfriens niya. It feels like she was bragging about being in a relationship with me. The warmth inside my chest wavered and I completely forget about my hatred towards the guy who's still standing in front of us.
"Oh, the other guy." bigla na naman nabasag ang mood na binuo ni Allie para sa akin. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at umabante na para sugurin siya pero biglang hinawakan ni Allie ang braso ko.Her hold was loose dahil mahina pa siya at iyon ang dahilan kung bakit pinigilan ko ang balak kong bangasan ang mukha ng lalaking 'to. If it weren't for Allie's sake, I would have gladly finished this guy off.
"Sino ba 'tong mukhang magnanakaw na ito?" inis na tanong ko kay Allie, causing her to sigh. Hindi ko siya tinitingnan dahil nakikipagtitigan pa ako sa lalaking mukhang nawawalang kapatid ng isang kiriminal na nakita ko sa dyaryo nung isang araw.
The guy was glaring back at me and I made sure sneer at him. There's no way I'm going to lose with a simple eye contact. Kung mag bagay kung saan ako pinakamagalig, ang eye contact iyon.
"Gian's my friend when I was in highschool, naging schoolmate natin siya-hindi mo ba natatandaan?"
Gian? Wala akong naalalang Gian nung highschool kami. Kaya hindi ko siya kilala at wala rin naman akong balak na kilalanin siya.
"No, I don't pay attention to people whose presence are inconsequential."
"You're still full of yourself, Valencia."
"Don't call me that. Hindi tayo close. Actually, don't talk to me at all. You're not worth my saliva." Allie squeezed my arm. Alam kong gusto niya akong huminto pero nakakapang init lang talaga ng dugo ang lalaking iyon.
"Until now, I don't know what you see in him at nakuha mong ipagpalit si Dominic sa kanya."
"Why you-" susugod sana ako pero hinawakan ulit ni Allie ang braso ko. This time, she used two hands to stop me. Akala ko pa nga ay papagalitan niya ako dahil sa mabilis na naman ang paseniya ko but what she did next surprised me.
"Shut up, Gian! We already talked about this. Now, if you don't respect my decision... then you're free to go."
Nang marinig ko na ipinagtatanggol ni Allie ang relasyon naming dalawa ay nakahinga ako nang maluwag. I thought she'd agree with him. Akala ko ay aarte siya na parang isa nga akong maling choice. To be honest, I was scared that she'll regret picking me over her first love. Ano ba ang panama ko sa two years relationship nila?
Gian sighed which cut me off from my thoughts. "I'm sorry. I came here all the way from New York to make sure that you're still alive."
"Well, you didn't have to." umirap pa si Allie sa lalaking mukhang hipon sa paningin ko and that made me want to kiss her in front of this guy.
"Allie," he called again.
"Fine. You can stay."
"Can we talk?"
Allie glared at Gian. "Just talk."
"Without the other guy, please."
"Gian." it's her warning tone.
"Without your boyfriend, please."
Tumingin naman si Allie sa akin at binigyan ako ng isang makahulugang tingin. Nung una ay ayaw ko pa siyang tingnan but she really wants my attention.
I sighed. "Fine, I know when I'm unwanted."
Ngumiti sa akin si Allie, knowing na napapayag niya ako sa gusto niya. "Thank you." Allie kissed my cheek and I just mentally shook my head at her. I made sure to glare at Gian and 'accidentaly' nudge him with my shoulder as I passed by him.
Tumungo muna ako ng canteen dahil nandoon si Tita. At least I could accompany her ond grab something to eat while I'm there.
Hinanap ng mga mata ko ang lamesa kung saan nandoon si Tita and I saw her being accompanied by a doctor. Tita saw me approaching and she smiled, greeting me halfway although I can still see the strain on her face.
"Natutulog na si Allie?"
I shook my head. "May bisita po siya from New York."
"Oh, that must be Gian. He called that he was about to board para ipaalam na pupunta siya." tumango-tango si Tita at matapos ay tumingin sa doctor. "Doc, this is Allie's boyfriend. Arron, this is Dr. Robles."
Ngumiti ang doctor nang makita ako. "I think we've already met. You're the guy who brought Allie to the hospital last time, am I right?" tumango na lamang ako sa kanya. Siya rin yung doctor na nagsabi sa akin ng totoong kalagayan ni Allie. It was a bit awkward meeting him again, remembering how in denial I was when he first told me about Allie's health condition.
"May improvements na po ba sa kalagayan ni Allie?" I think I asked the wrong question dahil napasimangot sa akin ang doctor. Nilingon ko si Tita at nakita ko kung paano naging mas malumbay ang ekspresyon niya.
"Allie... She's going to be okay, right?" I asked again.
The doctor sighed. "Allie's body systems are slowly failing. Kumakalat na ang myeloma niya. There'll come a time that even an operation won't help her." my jaws clenched at the news.
"You're saying that she's irredeemable? Na wala na kayong magagawa, ganon ba?"
Isn't the doctors' job is to shed hope and not break them? Then what is this bullshit that I'm hearing? Until now, I still can't accept the truth. Kahit ilang beses sinasabi sa akin ni Allie at ng ibang tao-hindi ko pa rin matanggap.
"I'm saying that we need a miracle. There's always this one thing that is left to do at times like this, anyway,"
"And that is?" ismid ko dito.
"Pray."