XERIS' POV
"I guess I'll have to work that much harder in order to convince you."
You idiot, why did you say that? Now she's going to think I'm a pervert. Great.
"What I mean is, failing this mission is not an option for me. I have too many people depending on me. I won't disappoint them again."
"Again?"
"Uh, yes, I already disappointed them yesterday when you hit your head and I was not around."
"Oh, that's what you meant."
I'm glad she bought that.
"If you do not have any more questions for me, I have matters to attend to." I said as I stood up to leave. I paused for a while in case she did have more questions for me. When she didn't ask anything, I headed for the greenery.
I know I was supposed to show it to her, but I needed some time to myself. Memories I had buried were starting to resurface. Once I was in the greenery, I headed straight for my hide out.
I made my way to the back wall and sat down in the darkness, the sound of the waterfall blocking every other sound out.
Xeris' past
"Nala! Nala, where are you?" My five-year-old self called out.
"Here I am, sire." Anala said with a bow.
"Are you going to tell me another story today? One about how people outside the palace behave again. I really liked the story you told me yesterday about the dog and his drunk master. Nala, what's wrong? Why are you so quiet today? Did something bad happen?"
She was shaking where she stood. I hoped she wasn't getting a cold. She was the person I was closest to, the person I talked most to in this palace. I didn't even talk to my own family as much as I talked to Nala.
Nala had been with me since I was a baby. My mother, the Queen, after giving birth to both my brother and I, only nursed us for a month and then assigned other people to do the job. I knew mother only did this because as queen, she was needed by the people and had duties to perform.
Nala was the one chosen for me through a rigorous selection process. Her duties, besides nursing me, were to teach me the basic things like how to walk and use the bathroom. She had to make sure that I got enough sleep and was up, dressed and fed every morning in time for my classes. From the moment I could walk and talk, I was put in class after class where I learnt anything and everything my parents thought I would need to be a good leader. The topics ranged from etiquette to geography to science, you name it. The only exception was politics. Politics could only be taught to me when I became a man, when I turned ten. All day long I was surrounded by people more than five times my age. There were no other children in the palace. None that I could see anyway. I had to act proper every time I was around people and anything else was punishable. The only person in the world who made me feel like the kid I was, was Nala. She would tell me funny stories, laugh with me and play with me. She was always there, ready to listen to me tell her about my day and my classes. She would also reprimand me whenever I did something wrong. But when it came from her, I could feel her care for me behind the scolding. She always warned me to act like I was expected to when we were in public together, like a prince. We both knew that her telling me stories, or hugging me, or treating me like her son, was a crime. Her duties to me were just to teach me with no emotional attachment. She was supposed to rear me, but not love me. Her loving me could get her killed. I was only five, but even I understood this.
"Nothing's wrong, sire."
'Sire?' Why did she keep calling me sire? She never called me that when we were alone.
I put my books down and ran to her ready to hug her, like I always did. Just before I reached her, she turned away from me. I slowed down wondering if she had seen what I intended to do. I jumped on her thinking she wanted to play a game.
"Sire, you mustn't!" she said alarmed.
She looked at me with wide eyes, fear clearly streaked across her face.
"Nala?"
She must have seen the hurt on my face because she knelt down in front of me and held me by my arms, looking into my eyes with watering eyes, "Leb, listen to me carefully, I am glad I was the one chosen to take care of you. I'm sorry I won't be here to finish this job. Just know that every memory we created is embedded in my heart. Be strong and stay pure and good and..."
I didn't get to hear the rest of what she had to say because she was yanked away from me by two palace guards.
"No!" I screamed. "Where are you taking her?"
I couldn't lose her. She was the only person who cared about me. She was the only one who loved me. That was when mother walked out from behind the same door the palace guards must have come out from. My mouth automatically closed and I righted my posture. She walked further into the room and stood between me and a silently sobbing Anala.
"I am disappointed in you, Xeris. And you," she looked to Anala, "this is not what I hired you for. Take her away." Anala didn't say another word. I could feel her eyes on me as she was walked out but I didn't dare look back at her.
"You are a prince. How could you let yourself be swayed by such cheap tactics? You know better than to entertain such nonsense. You have a duty to your people, and that duty does not include hearing fake stories from criminals! From this day forth, you are to do nothing but go to your lessons and study. Is that clear?"
My voice seemed to be stuck in my throat.
"Don't make me repeat myself." She didn't need to shout, for the harshness in her voice got across just fine.
"Yes, your majesty." I replied, trying to keep the tears at bay.
She turned to leave. But before she did, "what's going to happen to her?"
She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn. "Whatever happens to her is your doing. Just know that you will never see her again."
She took a step, "please don't kill her." She paused again.
"One more thing, as your punishment for being so weak, you will have no caretaker. From now on, you're on your own." She walked out my chambers and left me sobbing and wondering if she really was my mother.
She was true to her word. I didn't see Anala again after that.
The palace started to feel more like a prison to me than my home. I didn't know if Anala was still alive. I carried the guilt of whatever fate she met with. I shut off my emotions and became no less than a robot. I did what I was supposed to do, when I was supposed to do it. I attended royal events and was proper. I made sure never to do anything that would upset mother and father. I barely spoke to Elam because we had nothing to say to each other. I made sure I was the perfect brother, the perfect son...the perfect robot. Fun was not a word that existed in my vocabulary anymore.
Back to the present
I found out later on that she wasn't killed but instead exiled to the southern lands, one of the regions with the harshest climates on Thanzor. Even after learning of this, my guilt wasn't eased in the slightest. I had brought great misfortune to her. I couldn't even remember what she looked like anymore. What I do remember are the little things; the emotions she brought out in me, the words she spoke to me, the sound of her laughing...the sound of her crying.
I had been sitting there for hours and decided to go back. I found Victoria already sleeping. I couldn't bring myself to lie down.
I went and changed into my training gear. I went to the training room and stayed there until it was time to wake Victoria, taking my conflicting emotions out on my body.
Training was my escape.