One year later...
I wake up in my crappy motel room. My head is throbbing, I remember making one foot in the door before I fell face first into the nasty carpet, but how did I end up in bed? I went out drinking again last night. It's been like this for a while; wake up with a hangover, go throughout my day, get hammered at night, pass out in some motel, and then repeat. This has been my routine almost every day for the past year.
Did I continue hunting after Sam got locked up in the cage? Yeah, at first. After a few months, I just stopped caring. If Dean could give up hunting, then why couldn't I?
The last day I saw my dad was about seven or eight months ago; I just picked up my stuff, took my truck, and drove off. My dad would call me nonstop for the next month, but then he just stopped. So that leads me to where I am now; I'm an alcoholic with nothing to live for. This is what Lucifer warned me about and I didn't believe him.
As for Castiel, I've received one visit from him. I was hunting somewhere in Ohio I think. It was a hunt that involved a nest of vampires, nothing major. This was the hunt that made me want to quit; it doesn't make much sense though that out of the many near death experiences I've faced, one involving a few vampires is the one that makes me want to quit hunting for good.
Ten Months Earlier...
Wooster, Ohio. A pack of vampires, something that I've worked on many times before. I open my eyes and try to move, but I find that my arms are tied above my head and I'm trapped up against a post. I feel something trickling down my head, I look down and see a puddle of blood in the floor. I see a shadow move in the corner of the room.
"It's good to see that you're awake," a deep voice says. I see a man emerge from the shadows, his skin is deathly pale. His eyes are red, not like the croatoan virus red, but I guess you could say they're a darker shade of red. He stands in front of me, he strokes my cheek and I turn to avoid his touch but fail.
"Now, now. No need to be frightened," he pauses as he looks at my neck; I thought he would've already bitten me by now. "This will only hurt a little," he says. I close my eyes, afraid to watch what happens next. He dips his head down to my neck, but before he pierces his fangs into my skin, I hear the sound of him being stabbed.
I open my eyes and see a stake sticking out of his side. Apparently, whoever tried to save me cannot aim. You tried, you really tried. The vampire picks up his head and turns to face the attacker, and I feel the ropes tying my hands above my head being cut. I turn and see him standing there, my angel, Castiel.
The vampire turns back around, I'm guessing Castiel was the one that stabbed him; he must've purposely missed so he could untie my hands. He walks toward me and wraps his hands around my throat, "You've got friends here, don't you?" he asks.
"No," I say weakly. His hands are gripping my throat so tightly it's getting hard to breathe, I struggle for air as he keeps a firm grip on my throat. Castiel, anytime would be great now, okay?
"Alright," the vampire calls out, "I know someone is here. You better face me now," he lets go of my throat and whips me around and drags me to the center of the room. We're in the middle of an abandoned warehouse. "And if you don't face me," he brings a large knife to my throat and holds it there tightly, "Then the girl gets it," he finishes. Castiel, please. Please don't do this, not now. Cas, I need you.
"Alright then," he says and then I feel a steady stream of blood come from my throat. He lets go and I drop to the floor, choking on my own blood, gasping for air. He stands over me, "It serves you right," he spits at me. Suddenly, a bright light flashes from his eyes and he falls backwards, he's dead.
I can feel the life fading from me with each second. The pain I feel at this moment is not as bad as a few months ago when I lost pretty much everything, although part of that was my choice. I see a bright light, then I hear a voice in the distance, "You need to hold on." The voice is familiar.
I look over and see a figure, it's hard to make out because of how blurry my eye sight is getting. I feel two fingers being pressed to my forehead, then I sit up. Castiel sits beside me. I just stare at him; here I was, ready to let go, and he comes and saves me.
"Cas?" I say. He disappears without a word.
Now...
That was the last time that I saw him. After that, I went out for a drink. I ordered some whiskey, next thing I know, I'm waking up with some random guy in my motel bed. That doesn't happen often, I swear.
That was one of my worst days. What am I saying? Everyday is one of my worst days. I wake up everyday feeling like a blemish on the earth, and I hope that this might be the last day that I live; I know how my dad feels now, being too afraid to take the gun to my head and pull the trigger.
The part of me that wants myself dead is telling me to give up, but that other part, that small voice in the back of my head, is telling me to stay strong for my dad, for Dean if he actually still cares, for Castiel. Castiel saved my life, I owe him enough to keep myself going. I remove the covers from my body and stumble over to my bag of stuff. I dig around until I find an aspirin, I walk over to the small sink that's right outside of the bathroom and gulp down some water as I take a couple pills to help this hangover.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my skin is a light shade of green. I sprint to the toilet and vomit up the alcohol that I chugged last night. I sit beside the toilet, I have a feeling that I'll be spending most of my morning in here. After the nausea has passed over me, I get enough strength to get in the shower.
After my shower I stumble out in my towel and find some clothes, some skinny jeans and a tee shirt that I remember Sam had let me borrow at one point; I would return it to him, but of course that's not possible. I change and then lay on the bed, I take a fistful of his shirt and just lay there, taking in what's left of the scent of him. With Sam not being here, I realize how much I actually miss him. Sam was just as important to me as Castiel was, or still is I guess I could say.
I don't cry or anything, I haven't cried since that day in the graveyard. There isn't really any reason to cry, it's not going to bring Sam back, it's not going to convince Dean to come back and get me, it's not going to make Castiel appear. I just want to lay here until the apocalypse really does come, I want to die. What is wrong with me?
I want Sam to be here. I'm basically inhaling his scent, and I want him to appear through his scent. "Olivia," someone calls out to me. I look over and see Sam standing on the other side of the room in front of the door.
I sit up, "Sam?" I ask. I blush, he must've seen me cuddling with his shirt.
He smiles and walks toward me. But Sam is...it can't be him. I run at him and knock him to the ground, that shouldn't have been that easy. I whip out my knife that I always keep in my pocket and hold it against his throat.
"Who the hell are you?" I ask firmly.
"You need to open your eyes," Sam says.
"You still haven't answered my question. Who are you?"
"What you're seeing is not real. It's me, it's Castiel."
I laugh, "Yeah, and I'm Meg. What kind of demon are you?"
"Go ahead. Get some salt, some holy water. See if I'm a demon."
I grab hold of his collar and drag him over to my stuff, I'm cautious; just because he didn't put a fight up before doesn't mean he's going to stay put now. I turn to my bag to get salt and holy water, when I turn around Castiel stands where Sam was. I stare at him in partly terror, but mostly disbelief. I shut my eyes tightly, this must be a dream and I'm going to wake up in my motel bed.
"It's really me," Castiel assures me. He takes my face in his hands, my eyes are still shut, I refuse to believe that this is really happening. He plants a kiss on my forehead, "I promise you. I'm real."
"What is wrong with me?" I whisper to him.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Please, look at me."
I open my eyes to meet his beautiful, blue ones. "Where have you been?" I ask sadly.
He sighs and sits down with me on the bed. "Ever since Michael got locked in the cage with Lucifer, things have not been good. I know what I said to you the night before it all happened, I told you that we would be together if we stopped it and we did, but I wasn't there like I said I would be. I have spent so much time thinking about it, and I have had so much guilt over it."
I stop him before he can go any further and kiss him. "Cas, just stop. You don't need to feel guilty, okay?" I sigh. I get up from the bed and start to pace around the room.
"Is something bothering you?"
I laugh softly, "Is there something wrong? There are so many things. You feeling guilty about one little thing doesn't compare to how bad I feel. As you can see, Dean isn't here, and I'm sure that when you came to save me so long ago, you noticed that he wasn't there either. News flash, Castiel! Dean ditched me! I have felt like it's my fault that he left, and I haven't done much of anything because of that! The things that I have been doing since I gave up at life pretty much, they're not good. I have changed, Castiel, and not for the better!"
I continue to pace around the room while Castiel sits in silence, I expect he'll leave at any minute now. But he just sits there, watching me as I have a nervous breakdown that has been long overdue. I stop and stand right in front of him, I exhale sharply, "Are you not gonna say anything?" I ask. I'm not very polite about it either.
He motions for me to sit next to him, but I don't budge. "Olivia, please sit down," he pleads.
I sigh and give in. I sit down next to him on the bed. "I don't care that you've changed. I will always see you as the girl I fell in love with. She's beautiful, broken, but still fighting. I have never met anyone braver, well besides the Winchesters," I crack a small smile and laugh a little bit. "I love you, Olivia. I have never felt like this about anyone, and I know that I never will again. Even after you've grown old, I'm always going to see you like this. You're always going to be my beautiful, broken girl."
"Cas, I," I pause speechless and unsure of what to say next. "I love you too," I finish. He kisses me softly and then he sits there for a moment as we just enjoy the silence. After not seeing him for almost a year, this definitely makes up for a lot of things; of course these things only involve Castiel, once I see Dean I'm going to say hello and then beat him to death.
"Cas, I hate to ruin the moment, but what are you doing here?" I ask. He backs away, and he looks a little hurt. "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. I didn't--"
A smile creeps across his lips, "No. I understand. It's just, apparently Sam is back," he replies. I stand up and back away from him.
"What do you mean by that?!" I say.
"Dean called me."
I laugh, "Of course. Of course he did. He would call you, but he wouldn't call me. I'm sure he's called my dad already too, and they're all gonna meet at his house and have a little barbecue. Oh, but he's not going to call me because he's probably forgotten all about me! That's what everyone does! They waste their time with me, make me feel like I actually matter for a little while, and then they leave! I never hear from them again!" I rant. I could go on for hours, I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone, to let any of this off of my chest, for a year. It's time to stop bottling it all up and let it out, it's time for people to know how I feel. Castiel stands up, starts collecting up my things, and putting them in my bag.
"What are you doing?" I ask in confusion.
Castiel brings my bag over and grabs my hand. "You might wanna hold on to me," he replies. In the blink of an eye, I'm standing on my dad's front porch.
"Why are we here?" I ask.
"I thought that I should leave you with your dad to keep you safe. I'm not able to take you to Sam and Dean, I don't know where they are," Castiel replies.
"Oh, so he can babysit me. Right," I say with a tone of annoyance.
"No, just wait here. Okay? I'll come back, I promise," he kisses my forehead and turns around.
"Wait!" I call out as Castiel starts to walk away, he stops and turns around. I kiss him, "Be careful," then I smile at him. He turns and disappears right before my eyes. I take my bag and slowly walk to the door, I'm scared of what my dad is going to say when he sees me standing on his doorstep.
I tap the door gently. Suddenly the door flies open and I come face to face with my father, whom I haven't seen for almost a year. "Hi, dad," I say. He doesn't say anything, he just stands there and stares at me -- I'm sure he's just going to slam the door in my face.
"I've been worried sick about you," he pulls me into a tight hug, "Where the hell have you been?!" he asks.
"Dad, I can't breathe. Let me go," I say weakly.
"Oh, sorry," he lets go and backs away from me so he can see my face again. "I tried to call you, but you never answered me once. I thought that you were dead."
I hang my head down, I'm ashamed. I had no right to do that to my dad, I guess I could've just assured him that I was okay instead of making him assume that I was gone. "I'm sorry. I know, I just... I was in pain, dad."
"Believe me, I was too!" he exclaims.
"Do you think I could come inside? Castiel dropped me off here, he wanted me to stay here until he was able to come back," I say.
"Castiel? Castiel brought you?"
I nod my head.
"As long as you don't disappear on me again, I'll let you stay."
I smile, "Don't worry, dad. I'll let you know if I'm leaving." He takes my bag and leads me inside, I then take my bag back and take it upstairs to my room. Apparently dad remodeled -- it's about time -- I lay my bag on the bed and head back downstairs. Dad is sitting at his desk, I pull up a chair and sit in front of his desk.
"I guess I'm gonna start from the beginning then," I start.
"That would be a great place to start," he replies. I then explain how Lucifer warned me about everything that's happened in the past year -- I hadn't told anyone about that, not even Castiel. I go on to tell him how I gave up on hunting and resorted to getting drunk every night to cope with my pain, and basically fighting myself everyday to stay alive. I finish by telling him what happened before I got here -- my hallucination where I thought I saw Sam, Castiel finding me and bringing me here.
"I can't tell you how sorry I am. I feel like the worst person in the world because of all this," I finish and hang my head down as silence fills the room.
"Well, good. It is your fault," my dad replies. I lift up my head and see Lucifer sitting in front of me. "You didn't listen to me like you should have. You could have prevented this, but you were stubborn and hard-headed. It's your fault that Dean left, he didn't want to deal with you after what you did to his brother," he keeps going on and on about the things that I did.
"I can't take this anymore! Stop it!" I shout. I reach across the desk and grab Lucifer's shirt collar and his face is inches away from mine. "You shut your mouth," I say angrily.
"Olivia! What are you doing?!" my dad asks in fear. I blink and I see my dad instead of Lucifer. I let go of his shirt collar and sink back into my chair.
I inhale sharply, "It's official, I'm going insane," I state.
My dad stands in front of me, "What happened to you?"
I shrug my shoulders, "I've been asking myself that question."
"You obviously weren't seeing me, then what were you seeing?"
"I saw the devil. I'm pretty sure I was hearing something else too," I sigh, "He was saying that it was my fault for everything that happened. He didn't stop, dad. I was ready to stab him, or you, I guess."
"Is this the first time something like this has happened?"
I shake my head, "A few hours before I got here, when Castiel found me at my motel, I thought he was Sam. He sounded like Sam, he looked like Sam. I had a knife at his throat. Other than that and what just happened, it's never happened before."
"I know you said that you haven't been hunting or anything--"
"I don't do much, okay? I'm in motels most of the time. I don't socialize with anyone. I'm sure I just need to lie down or something, it must be the hangover I've got."
"You went out to a bar, you got drunk. Can you remember anything?"
"Dad, I wasn't that drunk. I'm just gonna go lie down," then I get up from the chair and head upstairs to my room. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I wake up in the middle of the night, and the first thing I do is sneak downstairs. I see my dad passed out at his desk, his face down in his books and half a glass of whiskey sitting next to him.
I tiptoe over to his desk and grab the glass, I gulp it down and take the now empty glass to the kitchen. I grab a blanket out of a basket that's sitting in the living room. I drape it over my dad and he snores on, completely unaware that I'm standing there. I tiptoe back upstairs, my footing is careful to make sure that I don't cause the floorboards to squeak.
I head back to my bedroom, quietly shut my door, and sit on my bed; I don't bother to turn on the light. I sit there in the darkness, "Castiel," I begin -- now would seem to be the best time for me to pray, my dad is asleep and there's no one else here but us. "Castiel, where are you? I... I don't know what's going on with me. I've had another hallucination, I need your help. So, if you're listening, help me." I lay back on my bed, I stare at the ceiling.
I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. I'm suddenly awoken by a gust of wind, I open my eyes and see a figure standing in front of my bed. I can't tell what it is because of the darkness, I clutch the knife that I keep under my pillow -- it's my lucky pocket knife, the only gift that I've ever received from my father. "I would put that away," Castiel says.
I let out a sigh of relief and put my knife back under my pillow, "You could've at least said something instead of standing there," I reply.
"Sorry. I would've come sooner, but--"
"Don't worry. You're here now, that's all I care about," I get up from my bed and stand there with him. "You must've heard what I said though, it happened again, Cas. Only instead of seeing Sam, I saw Lucifer. I just about slit my dad's throat."
"What do you mean?"
"It seems to be pretty self-explanatory, Cas. I just need you to help me or something, I'm scared that I might be going insane." I walk over to the door and switch on the light, I then begin to pace around the room and run my hands through my hair. Castiel appears in front of me, he pulls me into a warm embrace. I bury my head in his shoulder and cling to him, Castiel is the one thing that keeps me sane.
"Cas?" I say softly.
"Yes?" he replies.
"Stay with me, please?"
He sighs, "I'll stay for as long as I can."
I smile into his shoulder. I back away from him and crawl back into bed, Castiel follows suit after removing his clothes -- if my dad comes in here and sees him half-naked, and also in my bed, he's going to get the wrong idea and murder both of us. I feel an arm wrap around me, I turn to face him and kiss him softly. I fall asleep with Castiel holding me, You have no idea how much I missed this, I think to myself.
The next morning, I wake up to find Castiel is gone; his clothes and everything. I grab something to change into and take a quick shower. After my shower, I head downstairs, "So, is Castiel just gonna be sneaking in and out of here?" dad asks me. And I thought that I could get away with it.
"It's not like that," I reply.
"Then what's it like?"
"If you're thinking we had sex, then you're wrong," I grab my truck keys from the kitchen table and walk out the door. I drive to a nearby diner and get some breakfast. When I come back I see a nice looking black car in the car lot, it definitely wasn't there when I left. I've never seen that car in my life, who is it?
"Dad?" I call out when I walk in the door. Instead of seeing my dad, I see Sam come from the living room. I start laughing, "This is funny. So, who is it really? I'm sure this is just another hallucination, and I'm gonna have another freak out. I promise I'm not gonna have a knife at your throat this time, dad. Or is it Cas?"
Dad walks in, "What are you going on about?" he asks. Dean follows in behind.
My eyes are wide, the first thing that I do is walk straight at Dean, I bring my fist back and punch him square in the face. "What the hell was that?!" Dean asks.
"You know exactly what that was for!" I shout.
"Remind me again," he replies, he's holding his nose and I can tell he's in pain.
"That was for ditching me, you son of a bitch!" I shout. I lunge at him, but Sam catches me and holds me by my arms.
"You've been here, haven't you?!" Dean asks.
"Not exactly," dad replies.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Dad tells Dean about what has happened with me for the past year. Meanwhile, Sam drags me into the living room so I can cool off after I tried to go at Dean's throat. "Nice to see you too," Sam says kind of sarcastically. He lets go of my arms and I just stand there.
"This can't be happening," I say to myself. Sam shouldn't be here -- I mean, I knew he was alive, but I didn't know until a couple of days ago.
"Can I at least get a hug or something? Or am I gonna get what Dean got?" he asks. I face him, he's smiling at me. I practically tackle him, and I don't let go of him.
"How long have you been back?" I ask.
He lets go of me and looks at me, "A year," he replies.
"I'm sorry...what? You've been back for a year and you didn't even try to come find me?!" I storm into the hallway where Dean and my dad are. "Did you know about this?!" I shout.
"Know about what?" dad asks.
"About Sam," I shout.
"Yeah, he did. He didn't tell me about it either," Dean replies.
I get up in Dean's face, "I wasn't asking you, I was asking my father. Besides, it's not like it would matter if he told you or not. You were obviously too busy to care," I spit at him.
"Look, I'm sorry that you can't rid of this grudge that you have for me! But Sam is my brother, and I always care when it comes to him!" Dean shouts back at me.
"Oh, okay. So, let's say that I almost died in this past year. Would you start caring if you found out that I was killed?! If it weren't for Castiel, I wouldn't even have the chance to yell at you right now!" I back away from him and see a woman come down the steps. "Who is this?" I ask.
"Um, my name is Lisa. You must be...Olivia," she replies.
"Oh, so he actually bothered to tell you about me. That's great, that's just friggin' great. How much did you tell her about me, Dean? I think she would love to hear the whole story. I know I would," then I storm off to the car lot. Sam follows me, I can hear his footsteps as he walks through the gravel. "You've been alive for a year," I turn around, "One phone call would've been nice."
"You seemed to do just fine," he replies.
"What? No, if my dad told you that I was doing just fine, or even Dean, I was not doing just. Fine. If getting drunk every night and hating yourself every day is doing just fine, then yeah, you can say that."
He just stares at me, "I figured Castiel would've been there, you planned for that, didn't you?"
"What happened to you? How exactly did you get out?" I ask, Sam obviously isn't being himself.
"I don't know, okay? Here comes Dean, we need to go," Sam replies.
"I'm driving separate, I'm not going to be in the same car as him," I cross my arms. If I ride in the same car as Dean, I can't promise that he'll still be alive by the end of the trip.
Sam rolls his eyes and starts to walk away, "Can you just get over it?" I hear him mutter under his breath. I walk back into the house to find my keys, I head to my truck, and follow Sam and Dean down the road. They lead me to an abandoned building, or so I thought. I'm greeted by people who are aiming guns at me, I grab my knife from my back pocket -- even though they have guns, I should at least show them I'll put up a fight.
"There's no need for those, this is Olivia," Sam says.
"Wait, you mean the girl that left you for that douche in the trench coat?" asks a girl who kinda reminds me of myself, we dress similar, and I know I would probably say something like that.
"Is that how you described me?" I ask Sam.
"Not exactly," I look him dead in the eye, "Okay, maybe."
I put my knife away, "Who are these people?" I whisper to him.
"Meet, Gwen, Christian, and Mark Campbell. They're all related to our mom," Sam replies. I follow behind Sam and Dean as they lead me into a room where I see a man sitting in a chair.
"So, what's the plan?" Dean asks.
"We stock up, get ready," the man replies.
"So, there is no plan? Here's an alt, how about we go kill those things that broke into my home?" Dean says.
"You just gotta be patient, but don't worry we've got it handled. Djinn are hard to draw out," Mark replies, "Now, Dean, I know you've been out of the game for a while. Why don't you just leave it to professionals?"
"Here's a tiny suggestion, djinn are much easier to draw out when you have some bait. They want Sam and me, and they know where I live. We're gonna go stick our necks out, and that seems to be the best thing to do. Now, that makes me sound like a professional a little bit, doesn't it?" Dean asks directing his question towards Mark.
"I should probably ask before we get going, but you haven't introduced me to him yet," I say pointing to the man who is sitting in the chair. He stands up and reaches out his hand.
"Samuel Campbell," he replies.
"He's our grandfather," Sam adds.
I take his hand and shake it, "I thought you said he was dead," I say to Sam.
"Well, whatever got Sam, it got me too. We're trying to figure out what that was," Samuel replies.
"Right," I nod my head slowly. We grab gear and head to Dean's house, this place is huge. When we walk in, of course people start looking at stuff and messing around with it. Dean yells at people to stop doing that, and taking things from people's hands -- that still doesn't stop anyone.
I get a moment alone with Sam -- Gwen, Christian, and Samuel are in the living room and Dean is outside apparently talking to Mark who is camped out in his car -- I stand there in the kitchen with Sam. "So, are you gonna yell at me some more?" Sam asks me.
I chuckle, "No, I think I've done enough yelling for today," I pause, "Well, I'm done yelling at you. Dean, not so much." We both laugh at that, I'm grateful to have the chance to see him again, to hear him laugh, to get this chance to talk to him. I don't really care that I wasn't told that he was alive, I'm just glad that he's actually alive.
"Hey, can everyone come in here?" Dean calls out from the living room. I walk in there with Sam following behind, "Those djinns are just camping out and watching us. They won't come in here until Sam and I are alone, we're the ones that they want, and they won't come until they know they aren't outnumbered," Dean announces.
"So, do you just want us to leave?" I ask.
"That would be great," Dean replies.
"Yeah, well we can't do that," Samuel says.
"You're gonna have to," Dean replies.
"Fine, but we'll just be around the corner and we'll be here within seconds if you do need us," Samuel adds as everyone packs up their things and leaves.
Right before I walk out the door, I pull Sam into a hug, "Try not to get killed," I instruct him. He smiles.
"I'll try my best," he replies.
"Too bad Dean isn't the one leaving," I look him dead in the eyes, "He's good at doing that," then I turn on my heel and walk out the door. I drive away for a couple blocks then find a good place to park my truck. I lay my head against the back of my seat and sigh, today has been one of the roughest days I've had for a while -- by this point I would be having my first drink of whiskey for the night. Just then my thoughts are interrupted when Castiel appears in my passenger seat.
"Nice to see you," he says.
"Yeah, missed you," I reply.
"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye this morning."
"It's alright, I'm used to it. My dad kinda saw us in bed too, so I think it's a good thing that you left. He might've killed you or something if you came downstairs with me. I know he yelled at me about it."
"Why?"
"You're smart enough, you must know why he would've yelled at me," I feel my cheeks flush, but hopefully it's dark enough that Castiel won't notice.
"Oh, he thought that we had sexual intercourse," Castiel states.
"Yes, that's the smart way of putting it," I reply.
"What did you tell him?"
"I assured him that's not what happened. Besides, he should be smart enough to know that you I wouldn't be doing that stuff in his house. I would at least have you in my truck."
"You mean like with Sam?"
My eyes go wide and my cheeks flush, "Yes, like that." There's an awkward silence as Castiel and I just sit there, then I feel Castiel grab my hand. My hand escapes his grip and I climb into the back of the truck.
"What are you doing?" Castiel asks me.
"I didn't want to sit up there, come back here with me," I reply.
"I don't know..." he trails off.
I roll my eyes, grab his arm, and keep pulling on his arm until he finally gives in and climbs in the back. He sits next to me and I lay my head in his lap, I lace my fingers in his and I smile as he plays with my hair with the hand that I'm not holding. I sit up, "Is everything okay?" Castiel asks.
I smile and nod my head. I hold his face in my hands, I bring his face closer to mine and I kiss him right on the mouth. He kisses me back, then I take a seat right in his lap, and he continues to kiss me. I stop when I realize that something is happening, Sam and Dean must be in trouble.
I jump out of the car and reach for my pistol that I have hidden in my pocket. I run into the house just in time to see Samuel stab a djinn, he just saved Dean's life. "You go ahead and get Dean, I can handle this one," Samuel says. I follow Sam upstairs, and see him laying on a bed -- it seems to be a child's; it must be Ben's, I've heard a little bit about him from Sam.
Sam stabs Dean with this syringe, I'm not sure what it is but it seems to work. He sits up and goes back to normal -- before he was stabbed with that syringe, his eyes were wide with fear, I'm not really sure what he was seeing but it must've been bad. Dean lays in the bed, gasping for air, "I'll be right back," Sam tells me.
"Um, no. You can't leave me with him," I protest.
"Maybe you should take this time alone to work things out," then Sam walks out the door without another word.
I turn to look at Dean -- his eyes are shut and he's still panting. I slowly walk toward the bed, "So, I don't know if you're awake or not--"
"I'm awake," Dean interrupts.
"Sam wanted me to stay up here."
"Why?" Dean sits up.
"He thinks 'I should take this time alone to work things out,'" I reply mimicking Sam.
He laughs.
"I don't know how that's gonna work, but I definitely know an explanation is in order," I fold my arms and stand in front of the bed.
Dean stands up and he sighs, "Right. Listen, I thought that you would go stay with your dad--"
"You could've given me fair warning you were just gonna drop me off, not just leave me in some motel room and leave a note on the bedside table!" I shout.
"So then what did you do after you found the note?"
"I did go back to my dad's, I did hunting for a little while, then I just kinda gave up. I had the mindset that I could get out of it like you did, but my life wasn't exactly happy like yours. Things have gotten bad, Dean."
"What do you mean by that?"
I sigh, my eyes are swelling up with tears, "I think I'm going crazy. I've been drinking a lot. You probably think that Cas was there pretty much all the time, well I saw him once. That one time that I saw him, he saved my life. Now I've been fighting everyday to keep myself alive."
"So, you got back into hunting?"
"No," I reply, my voice breaking. "There have been good days, and there have been bad days," there's a small pause, "A good day is when I don't even pick up my gun."
"Olivia," he starts.
"Don't do that to me, don't patronize me like you did my father! Now I can understand what he went through, how he couldn't stand living anymore. He only did it because he owed it to someone, he owed it to you! He promised you that he wouldn't give up! I did that for Cas because he saved me, and I think it would be a very poor way to repay him by putting a bullet through my brain!" I yell as a tear rolls down my cheek.
He walks toward me, but I back away.
"Don't come near me. I don't need you surrounding me, okay?"
"I bet you'd be fine if Cas was here. I'm sure that you would let him."
I storm towards him and go to smack him when he catches my hand before it strikes his face. "I don't think so," he says.
"Let go of me."
"I'm sorry."
"That's funny, how come I don't believe you?"
"You have every right to think that -- what I did to you was really low and you're right, I should've given you a heads up. I can promise you, swear to you on my life, that I am truly sorry."
I force my hand out of his grip and back away from him, "Just because you say that you're sorry and you say words like that, doesn't mean that I'm going to forgive you."
"Yeah, I get that," he comes closer again but I still back away, so he stops. "I'll try as hard as I can to prove to you that I am sorry, and that I'll never do it again."
I laugh, "Like that would matter now. Dean, you've caused too much damage, and you've got that girl and kid to worry about now. I completely understand why you ditched me."
"Oh, really? Please tell me why that is then."
"Because you knew that you would be stuck with me, Sam was gone and you can't stand me. Don't even deny it! You know, I haven't even told Sam this, but Lucifer told me this would happen, I didn't believe him; he told me it was my fault, I didn't believe him. Well, now I know he was telling the truth. So, why don't I just get out of your hair now? I'm sure that's what you would want anyway." I storm out of the room, I walk past Sam, and head straight for my truck. I put the key in the ignition and start driving, I'm heading back to my dad's. After driving for about an hour, I see Castiel appear in the passenger seat again.
"Hello," he says.
"Hi," I say with agitation.
One of my hands is on the center console, Castiel holds my hand and kisses the back of it. He traces circles on the back of my hand using his thumb.
I sigh, "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude. I just... I had a conversation with Dean right before I left. It didn't end very well. I at least got an apology out of him, but if he thinks that everything is just gonna back to the way it was before he left, he's just wrong."
"You must forgive him."
I laugh, "Yeah, I get that. You have to 'forgive and forget', right? Well, this is gonna take some time."
"It would be the right thing to do."
"It was a freaking year, Cas! He didn't warn me or anything, he just left."
"Like you did."
"Not exactly, I mean, he left a note. But we're not talking about me, we're talking about Dean!"
He lets go of my hand, "I must go," then he disappears. I pull into my dad's car lot -- I sit there for a few seconds, then I pound the wheel with my fist. I slam my head back and just sit there. I walk in to see my dad at his desk while Lisa and Ben are eating at the dinner table.
"You're back. Where's Sam?" dad asks.
Lisa gets up from the table, "Where's Dean?" she asks.
"Who cares where either of them are. Dad, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," he gets up from his desk and leads me to a different room. "What's going on?"
"I think something is wrong with Sam," I state.
"Why do you think that?"
"I don't know, we were just talking earlier. He's definitely not himself, not since he got locked up in the cage."
"Well, yeah, you would expect someone who was locked up in the cage with the devil and Michael to be a little different if he got out."
"That's the thing, he wasn't supposed to get out. No one is supposed to get out of there."
"I'm sure he's fine."
"Yeah, well you keep thinking that all you want. I'm sure that you're wrong," I leave the room and head upstairs. I walk into my bedroom to see Ben sitting on my bed.
"Oh, I can... I can leave if you want," he stammers.
I sigh, "Don't worry, I'll just go somewhere else," I reply.
"Um, your name is Olivia, right?"
I nod.
"Is Dean okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. I'm sure he'll be here soon to get you and your mom." To him, Dean must be the father figure in his life. I don't see why this kid would look up to someone like Dean, Be careful, kid. He might leave you and your mom behind, I think to myself. I wish I could say that, but of course that would just make things worse.
I grab a blanket and a pillow from my room and head downstairs to the seclusion chamber. I put my stuff on the small bunk and lay down. I lay there with thoughts racing through my mind, there is no way that I'll be able to sleep. I toss and turn that night.
The whole conversation that I had with Dean keeps playing over and over in my head. "I'm sorry," that apology echoes through my mind, it won't stop. I cover my ears with my hands, my breathing grows heavy; I don't know if I can take a panic attack today. It's been a few days since my last one, and the last one was bad. My breathing gradually gets worse until I can't take it anymore, I pass out.
End of Episode 1