"Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. What say you, Mary?"
[Chapter 2, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
When Jane Austen was writing her novels around the turn of the 19th century, the rules and etiquette surrounding introductions was so well known by her contemporary audience that she never needed to explain them. It's only today, when formal introductions are rarely required, that some of her character's actions seem a bit stuffy.
Introductions were more involved than just finding out someone's name and giving them yours in return. Once someone accepted an introduction to you they were officially recognising you and accepting you as an acquaintance. It gave you the right to speak to them again when you next met. This is the reason why people were always given the option to refuse an unwelcome introduction.
"When is your next ball to be, Lizzy?''
"To-morrow fortnight.''
"Aye, so it is,'' cried her mother, "and Mrs. Long does not come back till the day before; so it will be impossible for her to introduce him, for she will not know him herself.''
"Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and introduce Mr. Bingley to her.''
"Impossible, Mr. Bennet, impossible, when I am not acquainted with him myself; how can you be so teazing?''
[Chapter 2, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
Introductions were made by a third person (the introducer) who knew the person being introduced and the person they were being introduced to. So, if you wanted to be introduced to a particular person, you first had to know someone who had already been introduced to them.
The etiquette of introductions
"Give me leave, Lady Delacour, to introduce to you," said his lordship, "a young gentleman, who has a great, and, I am sure, a most disinterested desire to cultivate your ladyship's further acquaintance."
[Chapter 24, Belinda, by Maria Edgeworth]
The usual etiquette was to only introduce people if the introducer already knew, or believed, that the introduction would be acceptable to both parties. Even when the person making the introductions was certain that both sides would welcome the introduction, it was still considered polite to ask permission.
The first rule of introductions was simple. When the two adults being introduced were male and female, the gentleman was always introduced to the lady, and never the other way around. Even if the gentleman was a duke and the lady a poor curate's daughter, it was always accepted that the lady was superior, and therefore the gentleman should be honoured by the introduction.
"...she heard Lord Osborne, who was lounging on a vacant table near her, call Tom Musgrave towards him and say, "Why do not you dance with that beautiful Emma Watson? I want you to dance with her, and I will come and stand by you."
"I was determining on it this very moment, my lord; I'll be introduced and dance with her directly."
"Aye, do; and if you find she does not want much talking to, you may introduce me by and by."
[From The Watsons, an unfinished novel by Jane Austen]
Where two men meet for the first time, or two women are introduced to each other, the person of lower status was introduced to the person of higher status. For example, a baronet like Sir Walter Elliot, would be introduced to an earl, but a gentleman, like Mr. Bennet, would be introduced to Sir Walter.
However, in certain circumstances, such as when trying to make a good impression, the person of higher status could always choose to request an introduction, particularly if the person of lower status is a generation older. So, for example, if the young duke meets the elderly father of a particular young lady he's interested in, he might ask to be introduced as a mark of respect, even though, socially, the father is his inferior.
Where two persons of the same sex were of equal status, the younger might defer to the elder, as when Darcy asks to introduce his younger sister to Elizabeth:
"There is also one other person in the party,'' he continued after a pause, "who more particularly wishes to be known to you, -- Will you allow me, or do I ask too much, to introduce my sister to your acquaintance during your stay at Lambton?''
[Chapter 43, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
If two people visiting the same house at the same time do not know each other, and are not specifically introduced, it was considered good manners for them to converse in an easy manner, even though they were strangers. However, having had a conversation while sitting in the same drawing room they could not then consider themselves acquaintances, and would not recognise each other if they passed on the street. Only once they had been properly introduced would they address each other with the familiarity of acquaintance.
If this etiquette seems complicated to us now, it could be just as hard to understand at the time. When Jane Austen's niece asked her aunt's advice about her own novel, even she had to be corrected:
"A few verbal corrections are all that I felt tempted to make; the principal of them is a speech of St. Julian to Lady Helen, which you see I have presumed to alter. As Lady H. is Cecilia's superior, it would not be correct to talk of her being introduced. It is Cecilia who must be introduced.
I have also scratched out the introduction between Lord Portman and his brother and Mr. Griffin. A country surgeon (don't tell Mr. C. Lyford) would not be introduced to men of their rank; and when Mr. P. is first brought in, he would not be introduced as the Honorable. That distinction is never mentioned at such times; at least, I believe not."
[Letter from Jane Austen to Fanny Knight, August 1814]
Introductions at a Public Assembly
Public Assemblies brought together people who were often strangers, and who came from very different backgrounds. The cost of a ticket didn't stop a grocer's son from dancing on the same floor as a gentleman's daughter. Because of this, it was most important that couples were introduced before they could talk or dance together. This was usually the time when any respectable mother or chaperone would take great care that no unsuitable person was introduced to the young lady in their care without their prior permission.
"They made their appearance in the Lower Rooms; and here fortune was more favourable to our heroine. The master of the ceremonies introduced to her a very gentlemanlike young man as a partner; his name was Tilney. He seemed to be about four or five and twenty, was rather tall, had a pleasing countenance, a very intelligent and lively eye, and, if not quite handsome, was very near it."
[Chapter 16, Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen]
In the case of the larger assemblies in places like London, Harrogate and Bath, it was one of the duties of the Master of Ceremonies to make introductions between two people that were unknown to each other, and who had no mutual acquaintance from whom they could request an introduction. In smaller assemblies, a local host or hostess would provide the required introductions.
If a man is introduced to a woman at a public ball, it is good manners to follow-up that invitation by asking the lady to dance. However, if a gentleman is presented to a lady for the sole purpose of dancing, without a formal introduction, that did not entitle him to claim her as an acquaintance after the ball. If they were to subsequently meet again, he would have to wait for a proper introduction.
Introductions at Private Parties and Balls
If you were attending a private party or ball at the house of a friend, circumstances were slightly different. The fact that all the guests had been invited by your friend would suggest that they are sufficiently respectable to warrant forming an acquaintance with. If someone decided to start a conversation or introduce themselves, it was up to each individual person to decide whether they accepted the overtures that were being offered without any additional introduction.
However, in practice this would only work between people of similar status. When Mr. Collins told his cousin that he intended to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy during the ball at Netherfield, she was understandably shocked:
"You are not going to introduce yourself to Mr. Darcy?''
"Indeed I am. I shall entreat his pardon for not having done it earlier. I believe him to be Lady Catherine's nephew. It will be in my power to assure him that her ladyship was quite well yesterday se'nnight.''
Elizabeth tried hard to dissuade him from such a scheme; assuring him that Mr. Darcy would consider his addressing him without introduction as an impertinent freedom, rather than a compliment to his aunt; that it was not in the least necessary there should be any notice on either side, and that if it were, it must belong to Mr. Darcy, the superior in consequence, to begin the acquaintance."
[Chapter 18, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
So if someone is addressed by a person they feel is inferior, and they haven't previously been introduced by a mutual acquaintance, it is the right of the person being addressed to discourage further conversation until they had been introduced properly.
Forms of Greeting and Leavetaking
"This had just taken place and with great cordiality, when John Knightley made his appearance, and "How d'ye do, George?" and "John, how are you?" succeeded in the true English style, burying under a calmness that seemed all but indifference, the real attachment which would have led either of them, if requisite, to do every thing for the good of the other."
[Chapter 12, Emma, by Jane Austen]
The most common way to begin a conversation with someone was by asking about their health and that of their family. So, most forms of greeting were variations of this theme.
How do you do? - this was sometimes shortened to "How d'ye do?" or even just "How do?".
Good Morning/Good Afternoon/Good Evening - these phrases were known at this time, and were used both as greetings and as ways to say goodbye, but as greetings they were not nearly as frequent as "How do you do?".
"After "Good mornings" had been exchanged with awful solemnity, Helen ventured to hope that there was no bad public news."
[Chapter 36, Helen, by Maria Edgeworth]
Good-day/Good-bye - only used to say farewell.
"A very friendly shake of the hand, a very earnest "Good-bye," closed the speech, and the door had soon shut out Frank Churchill. Short had been the notice--short their meeting."
[Chapter 30, Emma, by Jane Austen]
One of our most common greetings you won't find in a Jane Austen novel is "Hello". This word was first used in America in the middle of the 19th century.
In British English, "Halloo" was a cry used by fox hunters, to signal the pack and those participating in the hunt. In the late 1820s, a man might call out "Hullo" to attract someone's attention, but it doesn't appear to have been used as a greeting until the 1880s.
Handshakes, bows and curtsies
"Belinda was alone, and reading, when Mrs. Freke dashed into the room.
"How do, dear creature?" cried she, stepping up to her, and shaking hands with her boisterously--"How do?--Glad to see you, faith!--Been long here?--Tremendously hot to-day!"
[Chapter 17, Belinda, by Maria Edgeworth]
It was not at all common for new acquaintances to shake hands when they were introduced for the first time. In the early years of the Regency, shaking hands was not seen as a greeting, but as a sign of intimate friendship, used only with existing friends and family members.
The idea of shaking anyone's hand on first meeting them took hold much later in the period. A handshake was also used to signify that the two people shaking hands had agreed to put aside an argument:
"Hardy would not have served me so, however," said Loveit, turning away in disgust. Tarlton was alarmed. "Pugh!" said he; "what nonsense have you taken into your brain! Think no more about it. We are all very sorry, and beg your pardon; come, shake hands, forgive and forget."
Loveit gave his hand, but gave it rather coldly. "I forgive it with all my heart," said he; "but I cannot forget it so soon!"
[Tarlton, The Parent's Assistant, by Maria Edgeworth]
Instead of a handshake, a bow or a curtsey was the more usual way of responding to an introduction, or when meeting acquaintances.
"Miss Turnbull observed, that a numerous acquaintance was essential to those who lived much in public--that the number of bows and curtsies, and the consequence of the persons by whom they are given or received, is the measure of merit and happiness."
[Almeria, Tales and Novels vol V., by Maria Edgeworth]
The bow and the curtsey (sometimes spelled curtsy) could be used for many different purposes.
A gentleman might bow or a lady curtsey when meeting people, or leaving them, to acknowledge seeing someone they recognise across a crowded room, or even as a silent thank you when a gentleman offers his arm in support or a young lady offers a teacup after dinner.
"She longed to look again at Lady Blanche, but dared not. She saw a half curtsey and a receding motion; and she knew they were going, and she curtsied mechanically."
[Chapter 36, Helen, by Maria Edgeworth]
At this time, bows and curtseys were so common that people did them automatically, perhaps without thinking much about them. They weren't always explicitly written into novels of the time as their readers at the time would have known that bows and curtseys took place without being told. A deep bow or curtsey would convey more respect than a slight bow or a half-curtsey.
If a lady is sitting in a carriage, or a gentleman on a horse, and they are not in a position to bow or curtsey, then a lady instead might nod her head, and a gentleman could either nod, touch the brim of his hat, or raise it briefly, depending on who he is saluting and the level of respect he wants to convey. The same might apply if they were stood some distance away, such as on the other side of a crowded room, where bow or curtsey would not be easily seen.
Some bows or curtsies were dutiful, such as a servant being dismissed from the room, a maid after receiving an instruction from her mistress, or a shopkeeper receiving a customer.
Letters of introduction
"I presented to him Mr. Nun's letter of introduction, and mentioned that my wife had the honour of being related to him. He perused Mr. Nun's letter very slowly. I was determined not to leave him in any doubt, respecting who and what I was; and I briefly told him the particulars of my history."
[To-morrow, Tales and Novels Vol. 2, by Maria Edgeworth]
Letters of introduction were personal references. For a gentleman or businessman, travelling to an unfamiliar town, a letter of introduction was a "certificate of respectability". It could gain you entrance to good society, or access to new suppliers or customers.
By requesting a letter of introduction, you were asking your recommender to put his or her own reputation on the line by vouching for your good character. It told the recipient that you were who you said you were, and not an imposter or a swindler.
The person who received a letter of introduction was obliged, at a minimum, to acknowledge receipt of the introduction. What he chose to do after that was down to the recipient. In cases of business, he may introduce you to other people in the town who are able to help. Or if you required an entrance into society, the recipient of the letter might hold a dinner, where other guests would be invited to meet you. Once that was done, he was under no further obligation, and you would be responsible for cultivating any further friendships.
Ending an Acquaintance
"They passed some months in great happiness at Dawlish; for she had many relations and old acquaintances to cut- and he drew several plans for magnificent cottages."
[Chapter 50, Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen]
Jane Austen describes the newly married Lucy Ferrars as having some old acquaintances to "cut", but I fear our dear author was being playful, as cutting an acquaintance wasn't something to be taken so lightly.
To Cut someone meant to deliberately ignore them socially, in public, making it clear you no longer wanted to be associated with them. You would never cut someone with the intention of making friends again later, and it wasn't as easy, or as painless, as the decision might appear to us today.
Giving someone "the Cut" was a public social snub that could backfire if you didn't have a good reason for it. It could also be embarrassing for those witnessing the cut.
If a gentleman was badgering a lady, and she had tried other ways of letting him know his attentions were not wanted, then a public snub would be seen as warranted. The others among her society would understand why she had done it, and they would sympathise that she had been put in such an intolerable position.
Likewise, if a gentleman had failed to pay a debt of honour, or committed a similar social sin, then those who cut his acquaintance would be considered well within their rights. Sir John Middleton, in Sense and Sensibility, cut his acquaintance with Mr. Willoughby after he entered into a secret engagement with Marianne, and then dumped her for a wealthy bride, and even Willoughby thought he deserved it:
"Last night, in Drury Lane lobby, I ran against Sir John Middleton; and when he saw who I was, for the first time these two months, he spoke to me. That he had cut me ever since my marriage, I had seen without surprise or resentment."
[Chapter 44, Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen]
However, if the person hadn't done anything serious enough to deserve their humiliating public snub, then others in their social sphere might sympathise with the person receiving the cut rather than the person making it.
It was thought bad manners for a gentleman to cut a lady, regardless of what she had done to provoke his outrage. If he was truly a gentleman, then he would consider alternative methods of making his feelings known.
Women, however, could cut a female acquaintance, if they deserved it. A wife who ran off with another man would have been ostracised from society, and sometimes only her family would relent and accept her back.
A gentleman or lady would never cut a tradesman or a servant, the "cut" being limited to social equals with whom they already had an acknowledged acquaintance.
The slang dictionary Lexicon Balatronicum, pub. 1811, described the ways you could give someone "the cut".
The Cut direct - crossing the road to avoid coming face-to-face with someone, so they could not address you.
The Cut indirect - walking past the person, but looking the other way and pretending not to notice them.
The Cut sublime - walking past the person while vocally admiring a nearby tall building or the beauty of passing clouds.
The Cut infernal - walking past the person (or standing still until they have passed you) while analyzing the arrangement of your shoe strings. (shoe laces)
The most important part of the cut was that it had to be deliberate and obvious, so the person being cut, and those around them, were in no doubt that the acquaintance was at an end.
Bear in mind that these four phrases were all slang terms, and would not have been used freely in speech by young ladies, although the latest scandal of who cut who was no doubt shared among all the other gossip.
[Image: An illustration by C. E. Brock from Pride and Prejudice, pub 1895, showing the moment Elizabeth introduces Mrs and Mrs Gardener to Mr. Darcy]