Daryl-
I thought for sure that writing this letter to you would be easier than ever saying all of this to your face, yet I'm finding it's harder to put every emotion I feel and every word I want to say down onto paper. I thought it would be easier not looking into your blue eyes as I spouted soppy love filled words at you, but I find myself missing your expressions and the way your eyes glimmer with words of their own. I miss your kind quiet patience as I speak and you do nothing but listen. But here I sit, late at night writing everything I want to say to you and have you know down in this letter.
I hope the candle I have lit for light to write the words you are reading now won't wake you, for you look so utterly at peace when you sleep. Young and unscathed by the world and it's harsh effects. I love staying up, like tonight, watching you as you dream for I know you do the same with me.
I'm stalling aren't I?
Daryl's lips curl upward softly, the papers clutched tightly in his hands as he sits on the edge of the bed he once shared with you, reading your last thoughts and words to him. His hands shake slightly, making the paper flutter back and forth as well.
He didn't know if he could open the envolope that had his name printed on it, and read the contents inside. Rick handed it to him after your burial, and now two days later he was finally coughing up the courage to read the letter of love that you left for him.
Is it silly, to feel nervous? I feel anxious as I think of everything I want to write in this here letter, nervous to have it all written out before me. Maybe I'm nervous because I know what this letter stands for. This letter means I'm gone. I'm dead. Perhaps that's the biggest reason for my pounding anxiety. But I also wonder if I'm nervous to write all I want to say to you, because I worry you'll think I'm being too soppy. Too girly for you. I know, I know, I can just hear you laughing at me now, but I worry sometimes. I worry that I will scare you one of these days with how much I love you Daryl Dixon.
Daryl closes his eyes, releasing a deep breath that burns for his heart aches inside of his tightening chest. What you didn't know, was that he was already afraid. Not of you or your love for him, but of his own feelings of love towards you. The way he felt about you, frightened him for he had never felt feelings so strong ever in his life.
But I guess we're both just going to have to suck it up, huh? Because I want you to know everything even if its silly and soppy and girly. I want you to know that I love you Daryl and I think a part of me always has.
From that very first day I met you back at the quarry with your brother who gave me more attention than you did. It makes me smile just thinking about it. The shy reserved man who hunted for the group that hadn't yet fully accepted him and his outspoken brother. I was drawn to that quiet man. I was drawn to you. Maybe it was the feeling that you had a story, maybe it was the mystery behind who Daryl Dixon was. Whatever the reason, I was smitten from the start my darling, I truly was.
Daryl runs a hand over his face, his eyes shut as the pain fills his chest like water in his lungs. Burning and drowning him slowly.
He never knew you felt that way back then. Maybe he should've been able to see it and didn't because he was too caught up in his own feelings. The feelings that made him nervous and uneasy when you were around. The feelings that made his chest tighten whenever he saw your kind smile or eyes glimmer in the burning sun. He always believed that you were too far out of his league, it was obvious to him. But to think about you having feelings for him way back when... Makes his heart flutter right here, right now.
I think I feared I would scare you off. Like a butterfly; beautiful to gaze at from afar, but get too close and they will fly away. But as I grew braver in my small intimate actions Daryl, you became braver too. The touch of my hand that used to make your whole body tense, to a kiss on your cheek that made your tan skin flair a bright pink. Yes my love, I saw your blush. You grew braver by allowing someone to show you affection in those small ways. And I grew braver by continuing to do so without fear that you would run and hide.
Do you recall that night, on Hershel's beautiful farm, with the stars sprinkled heavily in the dark sky above when we finally kissed? I don't think I could ever forget that night, for as long as I live that beautiful night will forever be in my memory.
You were nervous. But I think a part of myself was nervous as well. You were timid and stiff at first. Completely thrown and unsure of my bold but gentle actions. Were you scared? Because I was. I was so scared when I pressed my lips to yours, for I knew then that everything would change. I was scared when your lips slowly but surely began to kiss me back, because it was then that I knew I had something to lose.
Daryl feels a burn in the corners of his eyes and blinks away the faint pain as his eyes read over your written words.
How could he ever forget that night? It was the night that he felt the most vulnerable and the most brave he had ever felt his entire life all at once.
You kissed him that night as if he was what was keeping you alive. As though water flowed from his lips and you were in need of hydration. But as he kissed you back after finding a small burst of courage, he realized it wasn't you who needed him like water. It was him. It was him that needed you, like air to breathe.
I saw the world in a different light after that night. I thought about every thought I had and every decision I made differently and when I looked at you Daryl, it was all different. Everything was different after that night because I knew I couldn't lose you. I knew what it felt like to kiss the person I was falling in love with, and I also knew that this world would do all it could to rip that joy away.
But my love, I will never let this hellish world take you away from me.
Daryl's hands drop the papers and the burn in his eyes grow. Spreading and flowing agonizingly slow out of the corners, rolling down his face. One tear chased by the next, burning a trail onto his skin.
He was supposed to be the one to protect you. The one to make sure the world didn't take you away from him. But he failed and it pained him to know that.
When we found the prison Daryl, I felt that we could rest for the first time in what seemed like forever. A place where Lori could have her baby, a place where new beginnings could start. A place where you and I could begin something beautiful.
And we did and we have my darling.
I know that as you read this letter, I'm not there beside you. I know that as you read this without me, you don't know how I can sound so happy and grateful for our time together. Because you're probably thinking it was far too short. And I agree with you, but Daryl... I would take the time we had together over none at all.
Daryl's body shakes gently as he cries with each of your written words. And just like when you were here, you always managed to know him better than he knew himself. And although he sits in the cell he shared with you, breaking, he finds a slight comfort in that thought.
The time Daryl had with you wasn't long enough. It wasn't. He thought and he believed you would always be there beside him, even with the risks this world brought. And to wake up without you by his side... It was crushing.
You left him too soon.
Oh, Daryl. There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe and explain my love for you. There is no way to express just how badly my love for you beats inside of my heart. I try to find the words, but I fail. And I think that proves just how much I love you Daryl, that my love stretches so far and so wide that no word can amount enough to describe it.
I never thought I could find a man that could see into my heart, a man that could love me so deeply and strongly, and a man that would be my soulmate in a world falling apart... But you showed me that anything is possible. Because I found it all in you my love. I found love, I found joy and I found life in you Daryl Dixon.
Daryl's silent painful cries turn to full breaking sobs as he cries for you. Cries over you.
There was so much that you showed him in such a short time that he never knew he could find. Love being at the very top. He never believed someone could love him. And you broke that theory and showed him that he could indeed be deemed loveable.
And for that, he would be eternally gratefully.
I'm looking at you as I write these last few lines. Watching your tan face become illuminated softly by the flickering candle, and watching the way your eyelashes flutter as you dream. Never stop Daryl, dream for dreams are for the living. And I know you will make it Daryl. I know you will.
We will see each other soon one day darling, but the others need you. They need you and your bravery and your fight. Don't give up sweetheart, never give up.
Your loving arms are calling me to bed now, I want to rest in your embrace for a few hours before you wake before dawn as you always do. But I hope you know Daryl, just how much I love you. Even if you're reading this and I'm gone, my love for you still stands strong and alive.
You will always be my beautiful blue-eyed angel redneck Daryl Dixon, and I will always love you. In this life and in the next.
A/N: Wow... This one made me cry! One of my absolute favorite one shots I have ever written!❤