i need to change myself. it's just that simple. i'm sick and tired of being all depressing, feeling bad about myself, constantly comparing myself, thinking i'm not good enough, cursing, and simply loathing my one and only body that i was given to by God; i'm sick and tired of my current self, and i want to change.
keep in mind, i'm not doing this for anyone. i want to do this for myself and myself only. and it i happen to benefit others too, then hey; that's great! but it's not like someone's telling me "you have to change. people are sick of you." (well, they technically are...and by "they" i mean me).
i know deep down that i'm not meant to be this way. i used to be different. i used to be a free spirit who didn't care what anyone else thought of her; she just did whatever she pleased. and she was happy and content with herself.
i'd like to say that I'm still like that now, but it's seriously gone downhill. i'm not sure why this is, but ever since i went into middle school I've felt not the same. middle school changed you peeps.
most of all, though, i want to feel comfortable in my own skin. i want to do things i love without such a negative mindset towards everything. this is my one and only body, and i want to live my life like i want to. God gave me my body for a reason, and right now i just feel like i'm not living to my fullest potential.
also i really want to be able to wear clothes that aren't black, but i'm comfortable in, because i just hate the way my body looks like in just about all my clothes. it's always something that's not right to me: could be my stomach, or literally anything else abt me
i was recently a part of my school's play, and that was the first time in a long time where i was genuinely happy and "okay" for a long period of time. i was on, like, a happiness high; i was just enjoying life. and then instantly when play was over, i was all depressed again. @spaceshaggy said it was b/c i had something to take my mind off of loathing myself and she's right.
sorry, i just had to pour my feelings out. actually, i'm not sorry at all :)
thanks, will