Dad opened the door to our new house. I wanted to go home, back to Lexington. But I had nothing there. Mom wasn't there anymore. She wasnt where I could ever see her. No. She is NOT in jail. She died. She had stage four breast cancer and died.
It killed her and left me half dead. Not literally. Just like Hazel after Augustus died from John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. She died and we had her funeral a week ago. I feel numb. Dead.
I feel like I'm here..... but not here? I am now in the tiniest town on the map. The one where you have to zoom in so close you are starting to see roads to find. Yep! Good ole Brooklyn Mississippi!
Tiny and full of mud. Almost every yard has a pond and a horse in it! We had huge barn behind the house but I wasn't ready for horses yet. That was mine and Mom's thing. Horses I mean. Me and her used to ride all the time.
We both had horses, mine died a year before Mom. When I filly recovered from Whippet, my pony's, death, I had to suffer my mom's. Damn this hurts!
I walked to my room and saw the floppy stuffed horse lying on my bed. I spread across my bed and held the horse close. Mom gave it to me. I cried. When I came up, the horse was damp. I couldn't do this. I had to go.
D-E-P-P-R-E-S-I-O-N.
That is what I am feeling. I stood up and walked outside. Dad walked up and sat next to me.