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S C O T T | Six days later...
"What do I do, Tristan?" I asked, annoyed by own voice because I was so being damn weak.
We were in my house to study for a crap test but we wouldn't start so soon. Tristan was on his phone, talking to some girl that he said we didn't know but of course it was bullshit. He would never tell us. Cody was playing on my PS4, not bothering to what we should have been doing, studying.
Shooting sounds echoed around the room, making me curse under my breath for inviting them here. They sure did a mess and I was the one that would have to "clean" it later, my aunt's orders.
Staring at my ceiling was comforting somehow in the middle of the huge mess that became my room. It made me think more calmly which was something difficult to do these past days.
I got so used to having Alison by my side that I was going crazy without her.
Her smile made my morning better even if I wanted to or not.
I hated her for that. She couldn't leave me alone, her beautiful blue-green eyes hunted me every night on my dreams and always the same question popped in my mind:
Did I do wrong for breaking up with her?
We could have been happier if I had forgiven Alison. But my damn ego and my broken heart didn't let me.
Maybe I don't love you anymore. I knew my words hurt her that night. It was painful for me to say when it wasn't true but I wanted her to feel the same pain I felt and I guess I fucking succeed.
It had been six days since she left and I wondered if she thought about me. It was selfish for thinking that way but I wanted my ex-girlfriend to miss me as much as I missed her. I would always have a place in my heart for my first love that I wanted so badly to be the last. But, things got complicated.
What happened at the party changed everything upside and down.
Both of our lives became different and I didn't know if I liked the way it ended.
"You should fuck as many girls as you can." Cody suggested, taking me back from my thoughts and clearly not understanding what I asked Tristan to help me. I decided to become an easy player, but not a man whore. I didn't want to break any hearts. Just to have the opportunity of forgetting about Alison even if it was just for one fucking night.
In that way, my heart would never be broken ever again.
"Tristan?" I turned to him, pissed that he ignored me. He was laughing out loud not paying attention at the conversation we were supposed to be having.
"Huh?"
"I asked you something." I rolled my eyes and Cody laughed, shooting another person in the head, scoring more points.
"You should write letters, Scott." He sincerely said before looking back at his phone. Was he serious? I would never send anything to Alison. She couldn't know what I was hidden.
My damn feelings towards her.
I have never stopped loving my childhood best friend and I don't think I ever will.
At first, it sounded like a terrible idea. It would be stupid to sit down for hours and write when I could be on a party or trying to get my mind away from my ex-girlfriend.
"You don't need to send it, dumbass." Cody snapped, taking me back from my damn thoughts again. He could be an asshole that only thinks about girls but he always knew what was I thinking.
Obviously, I wasn't suppose to send them! It finally made sense.
It was just a way of writing everything I wanted to say when I would never have the courage to.
"I knew that. Good Idea, Tristan." I smiled truly to myself for the first time since she left. I could finally feel hope again. Everything would be alright if only I had her back, girlfriend or not.
It would be three simple letters, one for which three months that she was away, with all my true feelings and what happened at school.
Starting in December, three months later from when we were.
It was a way of connecting with Alison again even if I didn't get any answers.
"We really should start studying. I just want to get this over with." Tristan mumbled, turning off his phone and finally talking to us like a normal person would.
"Now? You were talking to some mysterious girl and didn't give a damn about us." My other friend paused the game, glaring at Tristan while I got up from my bed and ran a hand through my hair.
They were such kids sometimes.
"Sorry, she is just- ugh I can't describe it, I feel good talking to her." A shy smile appeared on his face, making me hold a laugh and Cody a roll of eyes. We tried to respect him but who would have thought that Tristan was a romantic guy? Especially him who made fun of me for being so in love when I was still with Alison.
"Anyway, can you guys leave?"
Damn, I was direct. They both exchanged looks and I continued, trying to make sense, "I need to focus on something else. We can study later."
Cody gave me a wave before leaving and Tristan mouthed a good luck. They both forgot to turn off the video game and to put the chair back in place.
Just great.
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Gosh, how can I start a letter for my ex-girlfriend?
I took a walk around the neighborhood as some kind of pre-exercise for the football season that would start but this thought had never left my mind. I know it didn't matter because I wouldn't send it, but I wanted to make it something special for me even when I had three months to think about. All I had to forget about Alison since we broke up were girls that didn't help much.
They reminded me of her even in some silly little ways. How they put a lock of their hair behind their ear. How they blushed whenever I made a move. How they smiled when I touched them.
It felt like I was the one betraying my childhood friend. She was the one that did it first but I still felt fucking empty. I would never be the same again.
If she appeared in that moment, I would have kissed her. I would have wrapped my arms around her, telling non stop that I loved her. I would have whispered "I forgive you." in her ear and we would be back together, even if she had a new boyfriend or not. It was a moment of weakness that I was tired of having.
Back on my normal reasonable reality, I wouldn't do what I wanted. My broken heart didn't let me.
I needed to be fixed first and I had no idea of how but maybe, just maybe those damn letters would help.
{A/N: I just missed so damn much writing and publishing a chapter. I will update whenever I can. I'm sorry!! From now until four more chapters, it will be only letters from Scott to Alison, just so you know :) What do you think about the new cover?
Vote and comment if you liked the chapter. I really hope you did because I think that this chapter is the best one I've written so far. Thanks so much for 5k reads! I can't show how much I'm grateful for all of my readers.}
- Ally