When my alarm went off at three-thirty like normal, I felt so much dread that I wanted to just throw up. Today, no matter if I like it or not, I will have to see my senseless brothers.
Pushing that thought out of my mind, I got up and grabbed my skates and sticks like normal after I got dressed. The only thing that I liked about Patrick's, I could do this routine outside. I did it in New York, but not that often. Mom was normally home around this time every morning.
Mindlessly, I went through the motions as I worked on my stick handling until five thirty. Anna wasn't up yet as I stripped out of my skates and returned to my temporary room. The past week I haven't been waking up at my normal time, but I blame the time difference for that, even if it doesn't really make sense. Anyways, I know deep down it has been because of two different reasons.
I quickly took a shower before I got dressed in a pair of white blue fitted jeans and a New York Rangers t-shirt. Jamie sent me this shirt for Christmas. I threw my hair up into a ponytail before I exited my room for the second time.
It was six fifteen when I started to pack up my bookbag. The whole house was completely silent and eerie. I turned on the television to tune out the silence.
Sitting on the couch, I almost felt like I was eight again. Home alone. My brothers are gone doing their own things, and Mom was gone. I hate being FUCKING alone! It makes me paranoid, and I hate that feeling.
Why can't I be out with friends? Why can my brothers? Wyatt gets away with everything he does, but if I break one little rule like forgetting to put away the bed, I get into heaps of trouble. It's not fair! William can't do everything, but he gets to be out of this apartment!
Then I heard something and I was drugged out of my past feelings. "Morning," Anna yawned as she walked in. "You are up early."
"I wake up early," I simply said as I try to relax. My heart pounded through my eardrums.
She shrugged, "I'm going to make breakfast. Is pancakes alright?"
I shook my head. "Nah, I'll pass."
"Okay."
I watched the random show on the television as I heard Anna bang pans out in the kitchen. Part of me wants to get to school, but the other larger one wants to stay here. Here, I can be in my cocoon and sulk. Out there, I have to put on a brave face and act like nothing deep is affecting me.
Anna soon came back and sat down next to me as she ate. "Don't worry, there is more out there if you want them. There are nothing in here that'll harm you."
"Nah." I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."
Between bites, she said, "Okay," but then we went quiet.
Before I knew it, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Anna's car, en route to Jefferson High School. The ride entailed a very comfortable silence.
When we were right outside the school, Anna quickly spoke before I could disappear. "What time will I need to pick you up and where?"
"You see that building," I pointed across the street. "You were there Friday. Be there around five thirty."
"Okay, can you give me your number?" I did, and after that, I climbed out as she started to drive away.
Taking probably twenty steps from where Anna's car used to be, I felt somebody wrap their arms around my waist.
"WINTER!" a voice that belongs to Jamie yelled into my ear.
I turned around in his arms so I was facing him. "What? We saw each other on Friday."
He gave me his little cute smirk, "Yeah, but it's Monday."
"So, it has been only three days since you saw me last."
"Wow, I can't even be excited to see you. Before you can here, we texted every day. Now, I don't think we even texted once."
"That's because actually seeing you in person annoys me way more than just texting you."
He frowned at me, acting like I hurt his feelings. "Wow, a boyfriend can't be happy to see his girlfriend."
"I feel like you said that before."
"I did not."
"Not in the exact words, but you did."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"You never make sense."
After I said that, the two of us started to laugh. Both of us walked inside, not splitting up. We first went to my locker so I could grab my Geography, then we went to his locker to grab his Sign Language. Next, we went to the cafeteria to sit and talk before we had to separate.
"So, how was your weekend without your family?" he asked instantly.
"What family? I have a family?"
He lightly chuckled at that. "You know who I'm talking about. So, how was it?"
I didn't even hesitate with my answer. "Awesome. Never want to go back."
"Are you going back tonight?"
"No, thank God! I never want to see them again."
"So, what did you do?"
I shrugged. "Nothing much. Basically sat around the apartment with Anna."
"Anna?"
"Jonathan's very pregnant girlfriend. I like her way more than Amanda."
"Probably because Amanda is married to Patrick."
I looked sternly at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, but what do you know of Amanda? Does she work? How many siblings do she have?"
I hate it when he has a point, but I don't want him to know that he has one. "Guess that never came up."
"Never came up, or you never cared enough to listen to what she had to say."
"Whose side are you on!" That left my mouth a little louder and harsher than I expected, but he was trudging through some dangerous waters right at this moment.
He grabbed both of my hand and looked into my eyes. "Honey, you know that I'm on yours, but I feel like you are not giving everyone a fair chance."
Rolling my eyes felt so good right at that moment. I don't care what he thinks when it comes to my family. He had no room to speak because he has no idea what's going on.
Right at that moment, the bell went off. Before I could high tail it out of the place, he stopped me. "Winter, just think about what I said. Please don't hold it against me."
Honestly, on my short trek to Geography I thought about what he said, but by the time that I entered the classroom, I had already decided that he was dead wrong. They haven't proved to me yet that they deserve a second chance.
The first five classes went quickly. Geography, we took a map test. Thanks to Anna, I think I did very well. In swimming, I was so happy that Mr. Seaman allowed me to stay in the shallow end as we did the aqua workout. Home Economics, I made a not very badly burnt apple pie. I have to be in a secluded area when I cook, and Ms. Alkinson always makes sure that everything is safe. Physical Science, I fell asleep during a random video. Finally, in Algebra we learned how to graph linear lines.
Walking to my locker after Algebra, I remembered that I didn't have a packed lunch today. I quickly set my things in my locker before I made my way towards the cafeteria and sitting next to Jamie.
He smiled at me as he opened his lunch bag. "How were your classes so far?"
"Boring."
"Isn't everything boring to you?"
"No," I said glaring at him.
"I think it is?"
"No."
"Whatever, where is your lunch?" he asked changing the topic.
"Wait, did you change the topic because you knew that I was right?"
He looked at me like I was crazy. "No."
"I think you did."
"No, I did not."
"Yeah, you did."
"Is everything a competition to you?"
"Is that you giving up?"
He rolled his eyes causing me to laugh. "Sure, now where is your lunch?"
"Forgot to make one."
"Why don't you go and get some lunch then?"
I shook my head. "I don't do that after I had an allergic reaction when I was in first grade."
Without saying a word, he started to dig around in his lunch before he pulled out an apple. "Don't tell me that you just developed an apple allergy."
I shook my head with a giant smile. "No, I don't have that. That'll mean that I literally couldn't eat anything!" I grabbed the apple and started to eat it.
Quickly, I finished the fruit, and when I did Jamie handed me an orange and a bag of grapes. "Any allergies to these?"
"Nope, but did your mom pack a fruit feast for you?"
He nodded. "Dad's request. Can't eat it all, but I get rid of it someway."
"Guess I don't ever have to bring my lunch cause your mom got me covered."
"I guess."
A couple of varsity players sat down with their trays. Jamie switched his attention to them. I didn't mind. It's not like he hangs out with these guys every day. Anyways, they were talking about hockey.
When there were about five minutes left in lunch, Jamie stood up. At this time, we always throw away our garbage and head towards our lockers.
As we walked the silent halls holding each other's hands, Jamie kept on saying some stupid things. "A Blizzard walked down the street and entered a coffee shop, what did she order?"
I rolled my eyes trying to suppress a smile. I wasn't going to give him an answer because I knew that was what he wanted.
"Come on, Blizz. All you what to say is 'what'!"
"Hat?"
He stopped dead in his tracks. "You're doing that just to despite me."
"Maybe," I said shrugging as I continued my way down the hallway.
Quickly, he caught up with me. "Damn, you won't let me joke around."
"I will, but not when it's something stupid."
"I promise that this joke isn't stupid."
"Doubtful."
"Ye of little faith."
Rolling my eyes again, I said, "Go ahead, but if it's not funny, I won't ever talk to you again."
"A Blizzard walked down the street and entered a coffee shop, what did she order?"
"WHAT!" I yelled.
"An ice tea."
I didn't say anything to that. Truthfully, I wanted to laugh just because how stupid that was. He has no future as a comedian anytime soon.
"Blizz!" Jaime called after me, but I didn't answer. "It wasn't that bad! Winter!" He kept on trying to get my attention while I grabbed my German things, but he had to give up soon because the bell rang.
German went by, and I took a quiz over my vocab words. Then Biology arrived, and I collected bacteria samples from around the school. Finally, it was English, which is the only class I have with Jamie. I couldn't ignore him anymore since we were partnered up Friday, we picked the groups, to write and give a speech about something.
"I got an idea," Jamie quickly said fiddling with his blue pen. "We can give a speech about dumb jokes."
"No. We could do something about why Chicago is a terrible city to live in."
"No... what about, what makes a good hockey player?"
"Maybe, but we could do one about the ten stupidest hockey players in the NHL right now."
"I bet I guess your number one."
I smirked knowing he was going to get this one wrong. "Go ahead."
He looked so confident when he said, "Patrick Kane."
I shook my head. "Wrong, he's number two."
"You're making that up!"
"No, Sydney Crosby."
"What's wrong with Crosby?"
"Nothing, I just don't like him or his play."
Jamie stared at me like I was crazy. At this point in our relationship, I think that he actually believes that I am. "He's arrogant."
"And you aren't?"
"Nope," I said shaking my head.
Jamie burst out laughing. "That's total bull," he quietly said.
"And, why is that?"
"You're so arrogant when it comes to hockey. 'Look at me, I'm Winter, I'm so much better than everyone on the team'." He tried to mimic me with giving his voice a higher pitch.
"One, that doesn't sound like me, and I only act like that because it's true."
"You don't need to act like that period. We all know that you are good, but you should be focusing on making the team around you better than setting yourself apart from the team."
"I don't set myself apart from the team!"
After I said that, Mrs. Todd loudly said, "Winter, Jamie, get back to work!"
Jamie turned around, while I still angrily glared at him, and replied, "We are working, Mrs. Todd. We are just discussion for our topic."
"And what is your topic?"
"What qualities make a good teammate."
There you go, he decided it for us. Now that Mrs. Todd knows, we can't change it. Thanks a lot, Jamie.
When he looked back at me, he looked confused. "Why are you so pissed?"
"Wonder why."
The rest of the hour we didn't talk. We just worked quietly writing our lists.
I packed up my bookbag before I started to make my way to the rink. Jamie caught up with me when I made it outside. "Don't be upset."
"I'm not upset!"
"Now with that tone, I know you are upset, but whatever."
Before I knew it, I was on the ice in the middle of practice. I had to continually pass my... teammates pucks to work on their reception and timing. If I had my way, they would be practicing on their passing and I would be the one shooting, but I guess I can't get my way.
That was what I was doing for a half of an hour, and I was glad when the coach told us that we were good with that. Next, we worked on our power play, and he had me standing on the side working with the faceoff people who weren't on the special teams.
What am I? Another coach? Hell no! I'm a fucking player! I want to work on my skills. Not trying to teach two year olds how to play a dumbed down version of hockey.
Practiced continued with me continuing to try to help them. Oh, I wasn't a very happy camper, when I finally made it into my locker room.
I reframed myself from throwing my gear. Actually, I quickly and quietly took my gear off and put it away before I put deodorant and perfume on and got dressed.
Dragging my things behind me, I made my way outside the rink and sat on one of the benches waiting for Anna to show up.
As I sat there, two boys sat on either side of me. I didn't need to look up to see who it was. They didn't say a word, and that was the only reason that I didn't move to a different place to sit. I can't stand to look or speak to them, but I can be in their presence, at least for a short time. I'm not heartless, they still are my brothers.
It took a good twenty minutes before Anna pulled up. What shocked me was when I got up, they got up as well. I thought I finally got away from them, but with every step, I doubt I get to.
I climbed into the front as they opened the side door of the car.
"Hey," Anna said after I shut the door and buckled my seatbelt. "How was practice?"
Before I could answer, Wyatt spoke, "It was pretty good."
The car went quiet as Anna pulled out into the road, but once she was traveling she said, "So boys, Amanda told me that we need to pick up Amber and that if you can watch her tonight. Amanda should be home around eight. She's swamp at work and can't bring it home."
From the rearview mirror, I saw William weakly smile. "Thanks Anna, Amanda told us that there might be a day that's like this."
The three of them started to talk after this, so I grabbed my phone out and started to text Jamie.
To Jamie: I miss you
It didn't take him long to respond. He's probably waiting for his dad to leave.
Jamie: You just left
To Jamie: Yeah but I'm in the car with... them
Jamie: You'll be fine
To Jamie: Will I
Jamie: Blizz they are your brothers
To Jamie: I don't claim them
Jamie: You don't have too you share blood
To Jamie: Aren't you supposed to me on my side
Jamie: I'm on no one's side
Jamie: I just want the best for you
To Jamie: Whatever
Jamie: You know that I love you
To Jamie: I know just want to forget about them
Jamie: Them?
To Jamie: Wyatt Will my family
Jamie: So I'm safe
To Jamie: I don't know for how long
Jamie: But I'm safe
To Jamie: Yeah
Jamie: That's good I feel special
Jamie: And don't you say that I'm special needed
To Jamie: I wasn't going to do you think I'm that big of a bitch
Jamie: Yes
To Jamie: Wow that's blunt
Jamie: Was it
To Jamie: Yes very
Jamie: Well I was being honest
To Jamie: I'm not that big of a bitch
Jamie: You can be
To Jamie: In what ways
Jamie: I'll write a ten page paper for you tomorrow to explain
To Jamie: Meany
Jamie: I rest my case
To Jamie: That's not bitchy
Jamie: Whatever you say
To Jamie: So have you left yet
Jamie: No
Jamie: Dad has a meeting with the other coaches
To Jamie: That sounds fun
Jamie: Oh it is
Jamie: But I am used to it
To Jamie: Bet you are
"Winter!" Anna said with a tone of annoyance. "We are at the apartment."
To Jamie: I'm at the apartment ttyl love you
I put my phone into my pocket after I got out. As I grabbed my things, Anna asked, "So, how was your day?"
"It was good until practice came."
"If practice makes you mad, then why do you do it?"
We were walking side by side towards the elevator. "I love the sport. I love playing it. I just don't like the coaches right now."
"Jon talks about how some of his old teammates didn't agree with their coaches. He says that he doesn't agree with everything that they do, but you have to just toughen up and deal with it. Things won't change."
I looked at her like she was crazy. She probably is. "I'm tough, and things need to change."
"Not saying that you're aren't, but it's a different type of toughness. It takes a lot to be able to listen to somebody that you don't agree with."
The elevator doors opened and we walked into them. "That sounds a lot like following blind. I do not do that."
"Maybe your coach will surprise you. He might have a very good plan. You don't always get to see the bigger picture."
"That doesn't sound right," I quickly shot at her.
She shrugged. "I'm just saying." Once she said that the conversation was over.