The summons from the shogun are no surprise when they come. Both Ryuu and I understood that we would eventually have to face him in order to return to the Amachi clan. My stomach has begun to round with our growing child, and I can feel the first flutters of the babe moving within me.
Ryuu rests a hand against the gentle curve of my waist as we walk down the halls. We have waited two months since Emi's departure to tell Shogun Fujioka that we would like to return to the clan. This meeting will tell us whether or not he has decided to release Ryuu from his service.
"This is your fault if we really think about it," my husband whispers. "You were the one that came up with the scheme that forced the shogun's hand in the first place."
I lean into him, a smile touching my lips. "It is truly Jun's fault that we are here. I am just your wife, Sakura, who had no hand in how the battle went or why the shogun forced you into service away from the Amachi clan."
"I love you," he says, kissing my temple, "scars, rough edges, and all. And no matter what, I am grateful for all the decisions that led to the two of us being here. Especially now, knowing that you will be in my arms for as long as we both draw breath and that your children will be mine."
Pausing before the doors leading to the shogun, I kiss him, feeling his hands touch my stomach right as the babe kicks. Ryuu's eyes light up with joy, and his fingers span the place where our child was. His other hand finds its way behind my neck, tilting my head to deepen the kiss.
"Lord Igarashi," Shogun Fujioka's voice breaks in, and at the sight of the older man, my face flares with color. His expression is solemn as he looks at the two of us excepting the twinkle in his eye. "Shall we take this conversation inside?"
My husband bows before saying, "Of course, shogun."
We settle within his private rooms, the same place that over two years ago Rika yet believed that she would marry me. The shogun's face falls into deep lines of worry in the isolation of privacy, and he closes his eyes for a long moment, letting the silence linger.
"I fear what will happen in the near future," he mutters, opening his eyes to wearily survey the two of us. "My daughter, my youngest, has been fleeing for her life for a year, along with your clan lord, and even I cannot know where they currently reside lest my knowledge leads to their deaths. Yet I believe that, eventually, those who hunt them will catch up to the two of them especially now that Rika is expecting a child.
"Be as honest with me as you can, Lord Igarashi. Why are these people so intent upon assassinating Lord Amachi and Rika?"
Ryuu reaches for my hand, seeming to need the comfort just as much as I do. "Shogun Fujioka, Jun has made many enemies since he took his father's place as lord of the Amachi clan. From the information that the shinobi has supplied, it is my belief that a traitor within the clan has found fault within Jun and seeks to eliminate him for the reason. Your daughter happened to be caught in the mess by marrying him."
The shogun sighs, his entire body slumping in defeat. "I feared as much. The only way that their assassins remain mere steps behind them is if they have an inkling of how Junichi thinks and acts. They do not have much time left as far as I understand, and I only hope that their deaths come far enough in the future that my grandchild survives to offer me a tangible reminder of my daughter."
I rise from the cushion that I am seated on and lay a light hand upon his arm. "The war has claimed the lives of many people, both those who choose to go to battle and those who are caught in the middle of it. I pray every day that I will see Rika and Jun once more, but much like you, my heart knows that their days upon this earth are numbered.
"I fear that their marriage only increased the need to eliminate Jun, and I wish that there was another way to unite the country without resorting to such methods that leave children parentless, parents childless, and daughters brotherless. However, we continue to fight for those who survive and for the memories that have been lost to circumstances oft beyond our control. I join you in hoping that Rika and Jun's babe is given a chance to grow up if only to prove that we still have something to fight for."
He touches my cheek, a melancholy smile crossing his lips. "If you had been born a man, Sakura, you would have been one much like Amachi Junichi. You would have led men into battle, and they would have followed you regardless of their fears because you instilled great trust into them.
"However, even as a woman, you have brought comfort to this old man, who had seen too much of death in his days upon this earth. And I thank you for being there for my Rika, for revealing to her the core of strength that I am not sure she knew existed until you brought it to the surface. Do not lose that ability, young one, regardless of the path that life takes you upon."
I bow respectfully towards him as he stands to look at Ryuu. "Lord Igarashi Ryuu, I release you from your service to the Fujioka clan. You may take your wife and return home to your clan, returning only to my side when you are called upon. You have brought great honor to your name and to your clan, and I wish you both safe travels. May your road lead you back to my home once more, for I do believe that I will miss your wife's presence and your presence."
"Many thanks, Shogun Fujioka. It has been an honor to remain here and serve under your command. When your summons comes to return to battle, I will answer it, knowing that it comes from a just man," Ryuu says as he rises to bow to him.
As we leave the room, I can see the deep sorrow flooding the shogun's face, and I wonder how much more loss he must suffer before the war reaches the end of its life claiming.
However, relief fills me once we have finished packing our belongings in preparation for leaving the next day. Despite the freedom that had come with remaining with the Fujioka clan, I have missed the land and people that make up the Amachi clan. And even knowing that I must pretend as if I have never set foot upon the land I grew up on, the idea of going home silences all other thoughts.
"Emi has insisted that we see her first before we venture on to see Taro," Ryuu tells me as he settles onto the futon next to me. "I hope that she has decided to divulge the identity of the one within the clan that seeks to bring about its ruin."
I lay my head against his shoulder, the beat of his heart familiar against my ear. "I doubt that is the reason for Emi wishing to see us when we return to the Amachi clan. She has been very insistent upon not revealing the traitor as she believes that it will keep us out of further danger."
He sighs and tucks me closer against him, his hand straying down to my stomach. "I would rather know who they are, rather than having a shinobi dance about the truth. The longer she keeps their identity from us, the longer the traitor will have to harm you or the babe."
"We will be fine, Ryuu," I whisper, placing my hand over his. "To worry about the future yet to come is to invite trouble where we do not need it. I fear the consequences of our actions as much as you do, but I trust both that Emi has weighed the options she has accordingly and that we can keep each other from harm when the time comes."
My husband presses a kiss against my forehead, and in the faint light, I can see the shadows swimming in his eyes. "I will not always be there to protect you from the dangers that lurk, and you will not always be able to defend yourself against them. And we will have more than just ourselves to worry about soon enough. I do not want our babe to be destroyed because of the paths that we decided to travel."
"I know, love," I answer. "If the truth is found out, I want you to deny any knowledge of who I was."
Ryuu starts to protest, but I place my palm over his mouth. "They will not believe me, but if Rika and Jun are still alive, one of them could vouch that you had no knowledge of who the woman you married truly was. Our child will need at least one of their parents, and I know that I will not survive the unveiling of my true identity. You must do everything that you possibly can to guarantee that you are still alive."
He closes his eyes, pain settling across the features of his face at my words. I smooth a hand across his brow, wishing that I could make this easier even as I know that it has to be said. "I know that it will destroy you to let them kill me, and I know that I promised you I would not force you to leave my side, but, Ryuu, I do not want our child being raised to hate us because one of us is not there to tell the truth. You must fight for life, regardless of how many people are determined to kill you and regardless of the fact that you would prefer to die with me."
"I made a vow, Sakura," Ryuu manages, his words tearing at my heart. "What you ask of me goes against everything that I am, and it will break me into so many pieces without you there to help me put myself back together again. My father waited until he died for my mother to return, and I fear that I will be the same way with you except I will know that you will beyond the ability to return to me. Do not ask this of me. We can flee if the truth is discovered."
"I will not be like Rika and Jun. Running will only make it worse for the two of us, for they will never believe that you did not know that I was the only child of the late Lord and Lady Amachi. And if our child is old enough to comprehend what is going on, they will more than likely kill them as well. Or worse, they will destroy any free will that our child would have had and raise them up to be their puppet."
I watch Ryuu shatter in front of my eyes, and he pulls us up until we are facing each other on our knees. Gently, he presses his ear against my stomach, and I feel the babe sleepily kick at the sudden intrusion. My husband turns his head to plant a light kiss upon the place where our child was before touching his forehead to my stomach.
"Our child," he whispers at long last, voice thick with the unshed tears balancing on the surface of his amber eyes. "It always comes down to children, does it not, Sakura? The reason why we are trapped in this place is because your parents feared they would never have a son. The reason why I grew up with only my father is because my mother feared what love would do to her. The reason why you insist upon me leaving you to die alone is because you want our child to have a parent left to guide them."
A wordless cry of agony escapes his throat, and he knots his fingers into my hair desperately. I can feel the wetness of his tears as they fall against my stomach, and knowing that Ryuu is crying causes me to start weeping as well.
"I would not ask it of you if I did not think that it was absolutely necessary, Ryuu," I say. "This tears me apart just as much as it does you. I do not want to leave you alone with our babe; a selfish part of me wants to cling to you for as long as possible, to take you to the grave with me, but I know that this is how it must be if the Amachi clan is to endure."
He lifts his head, using his grip upon my hair to tug my lips down to his. The salt that our tears have left upon our lips seasons our kiss, and I can feel all the words that he is struggling to express in the press of our lips. The babe kicks more insistently this time, and a broken laugh shakes Ryuu's frame.
His hands loosen from my hair to touch the place where our child is kicking. "Only for the babe will I stand aside and deny any knowledge that I knew you were Amachi Junichi. No matter what, I do it for the babe and not because I love you any less. You must remember that, Sakura, even when that truth seems to be the furthest from that. You are the woman, the only woman, that I love, and they can kill your body, but my love will never change."
I press Ryuu against me, my breath fanning his neck until I can feel the stickiness of my own breath clinging to his skin. Tears well again despite my efforts to swallow them down. He runs kisses across my hairline, whispering light words that I cannot make out.
"The future is uncertain, the past cannot be changed, and the present passes too quickly through our hands," I whisper, feeling empty. "I pray that we never have to choose between each other and death, but I believed that it needed to be discussed before we were thrown back into the thick of the Amachi clan."
"I know," my husband answers, and he shifts the two of us to look into my eyes. "I feel your worry, Sakura. But we need to take this one day at a time else it will overwhelm us both."
His amber gaze clings to mine, begging that we leave this conversation behind. I kiss him, and I feel his body relax against mine with the realization that I wanted to end the talk as much as he did. Gently, we lie down again, his fingers running across my hip.
I tuck my body against his, and ever so gradually, sleep pushes me into the turmoil of dreams that remind me once more of my worries.