I slide off the bed; desperate to close the short space between us. My hair is damp against my neck and firing water droplets in all directions but I have to get to Jules. She must only be five paces away from me but it feels like a never ending path.
I will not let the world be cruel to me anymore.
I throw myself at her; curling my arms around her neck and bury my face in her right collarbone. There's a high pitched squeak, like the sound of someone desperately trying to hold them self together and I realise that Jules has cracked. I've never seen my strong, fiercely independent Aunt cry before, but right now - she's sobbing. Her whole body is trembling in my hold and my chest feels like it's caving in.
I never meant to cause this pain.
It was out of my control.
Why do I feel so guilty?
There's a commotion in the doorway; angry, raised voices and heavy, booted footsteps. I turn my head towards it and Suwen marches forward, her clipboard still glued to her chest. There's a determined look on her face and she barks something at two furious looking men - both dressed in matching coffee coloured security uniforms - and hauls everyone out of the room. The door clicks shut.
"I knew we hadn't lost you." Jules says fiercely into my hair. She's still shaking and I tighten my grip almost instinctively. "I knew you would come back to us."
I think my heart is crumbling. Just hearing those words...words that confirm my family thought I was dead. It's devastating.
My poor parents.
"Are Mum and Dad ok?" I choke out and force back the sob that's burning my throat. Jules exhales into my hair, her breath shuddering as much as her body.
"They will be." She says, sounding more like the determined Aunt I know and love. "It's still early in the UK. I'll call them asap, don't worry."
The fact I'm standing here; clutching at and conversing with my Aunt whilst my parents are just about to start their day - probably still unaware of my survival - is almost worse than everybody still thinking I'm dead. I just want to be with them.
I just want to be home.
"Jules?" I inhale her familiar scent; Marc Jacobs Daisy, the one we send her for Christmas every year. The one she hoards the empty glass bottles of. "How did you know? They haven't even rung you yet."
Suwen had promised that someone would contact Jules as soon as my examination was complete. How on Earth could she possibly be here already? She leans away from me; eyes red rimmed and cheeks blotchy red. She's almost laughing and I suddenly feel incredibly embarrassed.
"Honey," she says in her most sarcastic, diva tone. "You're all over regional news. You and Harry Styles, might I add." My face feels hot and I know for sure that I'm blushing. "But we'll cover that topic later."
Of course she was never going to let that slide. Even at a time like this.
One of her hands cups my faces and I lean into it. She's looking at me as if she wants to ask something but she's not entirely sure how. "What the fuck happened up there, Sarah?"
Jules never was one for tact.
I tear my eyes away from her curious ones and am surprised to find myself wishing someone would walk in and interrupt our conversation. Of course I want to talk to Jules. I want to tell her everything. I want her to know how much I fought to be here right now but I can't stop thinking about the fact that Harry is down the hall with no one to talk to. He's alone.
Surely his examination must be by finished now?
We've been here over an hour and we're both in reasonable shape given the circumstances... so why hasn't he come to find me? Is there actually something seriously wrong with him? If so, why didn't he tell me?
My head is frying with questions. I push my fingers into it and sink my teeth into my lower lip. I just need to know that he's ok down there. I don't feel right being separated from him...I don't feel like myself.
Am I a different person now?
Before this all happened, I would have been content in a room with only Jules. Now I can't bear the fact that I'm not in a room with Harry.
Is anyone with him? Who is keeping him company?
Has he got his own Suwen?
I wonder if his family know yet. Regardless, they're twelve hours away. Not twelve minutes like Jules. And speaking to someone on the phone after so long and after such a tragic event is certainly not going to be the same as getting to hold them and hear their voice in person.
"I'm sorry." Jules is saying repeatedly and in a frantic tone. She drops her hand from my face and backs away from me. "I'm so sorry. This must be so difficult and disorientating for you. I didn't mean to pry. We'll talk about it when you're ready. Sarah?"
I'm too embarrassed to admit that my vacant expression and glistening eyes are the result of my sadness for Harry, not because I've got PTSD. I've always been able to talk to Jules about absolutely everything but I just can't find a way to explain this to her. She couldn't possibly understand. I'm not sure anyone could.
Suwen was right - Harry and I have a bond now.
"Sarah, you're worrying me." Jules' eyebrows are mashed together in a concerned frown. Her eyes keep darting towards the closed door and I'm guessing she's only seconds away from yelling for Doctor Sayid.
"I'm ok." I assure her quickly. She doesn't look convinced. "Honestly, Jules, I'm just tired and in desperate need of my own bed."
She narrows her eyes but doesn't argue. She's probably too afraid I'm going to burst into a fit of post-traumatic hysterics.
"I still can't believe you're here." She breathes and actually I think it might be her who's going to fall apart. I extend my left hand and link my fingers with her own. Her fingernails are bitten down; all short and jagged and I can only imagine the number of sleepless nights she's spent worrying at them.
I feel so awful.
What if I'd tried harder to find my own way home? Built a raft or something? i'd have been home sooner.
"You were always with me." I tell her and my voice cracks. "Almost every night. I'm not sure I would have gotten through it without you."
Her lower lip is wobbling and she's frantically blinking as if she might be able to blink her tears away before they can fall. She shakes her head. "This isn't my doing." She says with an air of stubbornness. "This is you, Sarah. You're so much stronger than you think."
Her words remind me of that day amongst the palm trees when everything changed between Harry and I. It had been so intense and we'd been so confused. He'd said I was strong. He'd said I'd held him together.
My lips seem to burst apart. "I need to see Harry."
She's staring at me as if she's already forgotten who Harry is and I avert my gaze over her shoulder to the door. I can't even retract what I've just said.
How am I supposed to explain that although I'm over the moon to see her, I need to see Harry more?
Out of the corner of my eye I can see that her expression has changed. She doesn't look baffled any more. She looks curious...intrigued in fact. I can just tell that she knows. Of course she knows. Of course she's already worked it out. There's a smile playing on her lips.
She knows Harry and I share more than a trauma and a headline.
"Sarah-"
The door clicks open and Jules' mouth clamps together as if she was about to be caught saying something utterly inappropriate. I'm holding my breath. I don't know what else to do. Suwen strolls in; she's frowning and still welded to that damn clipboard. What is even on that thing anyway?
"Everything ok?" She asks, not looking up or waiting for an answer. "The Police are on their way to take a statement from you about the accident."
My stomach is suddenly churning and I release my breath.
"Suwen, do you think it's safe for me to go to Harry's room?" If I've got to relive what happened in a statement then I need to see Harry first. Her eyes lift to meet mine; her expression unreadable. "I really need to see him."
Silence.
Why is she not answering me?
My cheeks are burning with humiliation. YES, I want to shout. YES, I CARE ABOUT HARRY. YES, I NEED TO BE WITH HIM AND NO, I WILL NOT BE OK UNTIL YOU LET ME.
Jules doesn't comment. Annoyingly, neither does Suwen.
It feels like the silence is strangling me and I pull on the neckline of the khaki sweatshirt I'm wearing. "Suwen?"
She exhales deeply and approaches me almost with...caution? "I'm really sorry, Sarah." She says apologetically. "But Harry left twenty minutes ago."
I'm sure I've misheard her. "Pardon?"
"His family are flying out here to meet him. They don't want him to fly home alone." She licks her lips. "His agent advised that he was relocated for the sake of his and his family's privacy."
I can't even bring myself to ask if he left a message for me because I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. I just don't think I want to believe it.
"Sarah?" Jules sounds concerned but I can't look at her.
He said he was going to come and find me...he promised.
"I'm sorry, Sarah, it was out of my control." Suwen's voice seems to be incredibly far away all of a sudden. "Sarah, why don't you sit down on the bed? You're trembling."
I look between her and Jules; both poised as if waiting for something to happen. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think.
Harry's gone.
Harry's gone.
But he promised...
There's a loud noise in the room, almost feral. It rips through the awkwardness; widening the eyes of the women in front of me and causes my knees to buckle. I jerk forward just as Jules does the same; falling against her body with such force that she almost stumbles backwards. The noise comes again.
"I've got you, Sarah." I hear her call out. "I've got you."
"He promised." I sob and I realise - the noise is me.
As Jules tightens her grip around my body and I take in my unfamiliar surroundings, I'm overcome with a horribly nostalgic feeling.
I'm stranded.
Still stranded and still separated from the people I care about most.
a/n: *cries*