Sight came back to me first. My eyes were filled with grey. I blinked, my eyelashes catching and threatening to stick. Was I dreaming?
Then I felt the pain. It started as a dull ache in my leg that grew like an explosion. Remnants of a memory flashed through my mind: standing in a forest, running after Lady Florence, lying on the floor with a blade pressed against my heart.
Perhaps grey was the colour of death.
"Calla?" Merton's voice echoed in my ears. "Are you awake?"
Please don't let him be dead, too.
"Commander?" Cordelia said. "Calla! Can you hear us?"
A hand cupped my cheek and turned my head. My eyes slid along the scenery: a corner, then a grey wall, then Merton's pale face.
I frowned and raised my eyes to the grey I'd been looking at. It was only the ceiling of a private room in the medical ward.
"I'll fetch Princess Lissa." Merton rose from his chair, a faint smile touching his lips. "It's good to see you awake."
Cordelia leaned forward as he left. "Oh, Calla! I'm so glad you're all right."
I wet my lips, but my throat was too scratchy to talk. I took stock of the room instead. A heavy winter cloak was slunk over Merton's chair like a blanket. There was a mug on the table and an untouched glass of water that had gone stale. I lifted it with shaking hands and took a few sips. When I set it down, the back of my hand brushed against the mug. It was cold, and inside I found dregs of tea that had to be at least a few days old. Panic fluttered through my chest. "How -- how long --"
"Two days," Cordelia said. "We were all worried sick. You're in so much trouble with Merton."
The door swung open as if on cue, and Merton strode back in again. He glowered. "Why are you sitting up? For the gods' --"
"She must be feeling a bit better if she can move," Princess Lissa said cheerfully, stepping in behind him. "How are you, Calla?"
I cleared my throat. "Ugh...well, my leg is..." The pain was too much to talk about.
"But nothing else hurts? You don't feel unwell?" She lifted up my blanket and looked at my leg. Merton watched her like a hawk.
"No."
"Good." She dropped the blanket. "It doesn't look any worse. I'll change the dressing and see if my staff can help with the pain. Hold on a moment while I fetch my kit. I rushed in here without stopping to gather anything."
Merton sat down, his eyes fixed on me. "Are you certain you feel all right?"
"As right as I can be. How much have I missed? What happened after you brought me back here? Did you get hurt? Did --"
He held up his hands, a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "Fine, you're full of energy. Give me a chance to answer your questions. Lady Florence and three of her men have been imprisoned and are awaiting trial. After such a violent attack, there is no question that she will be found guilty. The only question is what her punishment will be. She may remain in the dungeons for life, but it's more likely that she will receive a death sentence after she has given birth."
"What happened to the rest of her men?"
"They were so intent on killing us that it was difficult to even arrest three. The others died in the battle."
"Did any of them hurt you? Did she hurt you?"
He frowned. "No. Don't worry about me. The only person she hurt was you."
Princess Lissa returned with her medical kit, staff, and Ezri. His eyes brightened when they found mine, but he was given no chance to converse.
"Right, let's change this dressing and get a good look at the wound." Princess Lissa put her kit on my bedside table. "Merton, can you assist us again?"
"Of course, milady."
"Again?" I said.
"He's been assisting me ever since you came in here." Princess Lissa grinned. "The first time I attempted to dress your wound, you kicked me. You were much calmer under Merton's touch, so I've been teaching him how to change bandages. He'll be a healer in no time!"
"You've been doing all the work, milady," Merton said. "I just --"
"Take the bandage off, clean the wound, and put the bandage back on. All Ezri and I do is use our staves to help the healing process along." Princess Lissa winked. "He's been taking good care of you."
It seemed that way as he unravelled the bandage, his movements careful. But he was not so as when he cleaned my injury.
When the alcohol-soaked cloth touched my wound, I yelled. Cordelia caught one of my hands, and I fastened the other around the bed frame until my nails were digging in. The sting was so bad that it brought tears to my eyes.
Merton stiffened and removed the cloth.
"It hurts everyone," Princess Lissa said. "That's just the way it is."
He kept his eyes on mine, waiting.
I nodded. "You caught me by surprise. I'm ready now."
This time, I gritted my teeth and braced myself as the cloth touched me. It hurt so much that it almost washed out my humiliation.
At last, Merton stepped back. He rounded the bed and set down the bottle of mead he'd been using, then turned his gaze to me. "All right?"
I smiled despite the tears of irritation that were sliding down my cheeks. "I think you should stick to being a commander. That was awful."
Merton exchanged a glance with Princess Lissa. "That's because it's a very deep wound."
"Just when I was almost ready to fly again, too." I sighed.
His face darkened. "You're lucky that Princess Lissa thinks you'll be able to fly at all. When I first saw your leg, I didn't think you'd ever walk."
He pivoted and snatched the bandages from the bedside table. Princess Lissa pulled an exaggerated face of alarm at me.
She used her staff next. Worryingly, I could feel it making little improvement. Ezri used his staff, too, but it was no better.
Princess Lissa frowned when he'd finished. "It really is going to take a while to heal. Lady Florence missed the bone when she stabbed you, but she missed little else. It...goes all the way through."
"I know that," I murmured. "I remember."
Merton glowered.
"Then you know she made it a very wide wound, too," Princess Lissa continued. "It will be weeks before I'll be able to discharge you. Then you'll need crutches for a while. Months. Maybe half the year."
"Gods, I hate crutches."
"Be thankful you'll be able to use them," Merton said coldly.
"Right." I raised my eyebrows. "I'll remember that when it takes me forever to get up the stairs or attend my meetings."
"Calla --"
"You need to bandage the wound, Merton," Princess Lissa said. "The longer you leave it like this, the more likely she is to get an infection."
"Yes, milady." Merton sighed and unwrapped a length of bandage. He worked quickly but carefully, his fingers hardly ever brushing my skin. But when they did, the touch was so gentle that it sent a shiver down my spine. I wished he'd touch me like that again and mean it. It made me feel loved.
I'd never wanted love before I'd met the real him.
The pressure on my leg grew as he wrapped and wrapped. At last, he stopped and looked at me. "Is it too tight?"
"It's perfect."
"Good. I'll secure it and...there. Finished." He released my leg and looked at Princess Lissa. "Thank you for supervising me, milady."
"No, thank you for helping me. Calla was very intent on kicking me in the face until you offered."
I grimaced. "My apologies, milady."
"There was no harm done."
Merton's eyes narrowed at her words, and tension fell over the room again. He took his seat at my bedside.
Princess Lissa looked between us. "I think I'll get the vulneraries Calla needs and let everyone else know she's awake. I'll be a while, so that will give you two plenty of time to talk."
"I'll come with you," Cordelia and Ezri chorused.
Neither of us looked at them as they left.
When we were alone, Merton leaned forward, his arms braced against his legs and his face close to mine. "You have ten seconds to give me a good reason as to why you went after Lady Florence."
"To stop her, obviously."
"That's not a good reason. I could have done that. The royal guard could have done that."
"They were otherwise engaged! And so were you!"
"We would have caught up with her eventually."
"How do you know that?" I leaned forward, mimicking him. "Neither of us knew she'd hired armed men or that she was even capable of defending herself. How do you know that she isn't also good at vanishing? How do you know that she didn't have another group of men outside the forest, waiting to whisk her away?"
"Thirty seconds at the most," he growled. "That's all it would have taken for me to deal with the swordsmen and follow her. Do you think that I didn't want to stop her as much as you? I knew what was at stake, believe me."
"Then you should know that I did this to save you!"
He blew out a long breath and ran a hand through his hair. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter. "Calla, I am grateful. You stopped my world from being tipped upside down. But if you'd died...it would have been torn apart."
I swallowed and looked down.
He took my hand. "When I realised you'd gone, I was certain she'd kill you immediately. And then, when I saw your wound...I thought time was trying to take its original course in a different manner.
"We saved you from death by blood loss, but you didn't wake up. Not by the time we reached the medical ward, not the next day, and not the day after. I didn't know if you'd ever wake up again. If you didn't, it would be my fault. I would never, ever, be able to shift that blame."
I looked at our hands. It was comforting to have them like this again, and I weaved our fingers together. "I'm sorry, Merton. I --"
Something changed in the air between us, and I looked up. In all our short time as friends, I'd never seen him so unguarded. He licked his lips, and my gaze dropped to his tongue. Heat fanned across my cheeks.
"No, not blame," he whispered. "It wouldn't have just been blame eating me whole. It would have also been grief. Calla...I don't know how this has happened, but I can't live my life without you in it."
My heart stilled. Maybe it was time for me to tell him that I felt the same -- as more than a friend. But I'd never been good with words.
So I kissed him instead.
He tensed beneath my lips. I hesitated, wondering if I'd done the wrong thing. Then his arms were around me, pulling me in, and I realised that I'd only snatched away the very action he'd been about to initiate.
We drew apart cautiously when we were ready, looking deep into each other's eyes. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I'd never felt so anxious about someone's opinion of me.
A slow smile shaped Merton's lips. "You feel the same way, then."
"Yes."
He brushed a strand of ginger hair away from my eyes. "Good. There were times when I thought you did. Then there were times when I wasn't so certain."
"Wasn't so certain? You hardly gave me any indication at all!" Especially not when he'd been with Lady Florence.
"Didn't I?" He leaned in. "I'd better rectify that situation."
Someone knocked on the door.
We sprung apart, our foreheads almost crashing as we turned. The door was already swinging open, and Princess Robin was peeking around it. "Calla! I --"
Her words died in her mouth.
I realised that my arm was still around Merton's back. His hand was in mine. I drew further away, but he tightened his grip and gave me a warning look.
I struggled against him. "I can explain."
"There's no need," Princess Robin said quickly. "I was just surprised to see that Merton had confessed his feelings already."
"Already?" I looked back at him.
He tried to shrug nonchalantly, a movement that looked strange on him. "I spoke to Princess Robin and Prince Chrom about my feelings for you. I knew that if the gods were kind enough to let you wake up, I was going tell you everything. But I wanted to know if we were allowed to court in advance."
I looked at Princess Robin. "And we are?"
She nodded, leaning one shoulder against the doorway in a manner that reminded me of her husband. "You are."
"But commanders have never been romantically involved before, milady," I said. "Our lives are supposed to be devoted to our duties. What will the people think if they find out?"
"I don't think they'll mind. After all, they know that my involvement with Chrom has never clouded either of our judgements. It certainly didn't stop me from killing Grima. And if they can trust the prince and his tactician to do their jobs despite their feelings, then I think they will certainly be able to trust you two." She glanced into the corridor. "Speaking of which, Chrom is supposed to be here with me. He was waylaid by Frederick, but I would have thought --"
Prince Chrom appeared from the opposite direction, sliding his arms around her waist.
She squeaked and whipped her head around. "Chrom!"
"Boo." He smiled and raised an eyebrow.
She blushed madly, and I realised just how much extra colour was able to reach her cheeks. "You look much better, milady."
"I think so, too," Prince Chrom said.
"I do feel a bit more energetic," she admitted. "With Merton's situation in hand and the restoration of our towns underway, all I've been doing for the past few days is sleeping or sitting in here with you." She frowned. "I wish I could say the same in return."
I smiled. "No, I've gone backwards. But I'd do it all over again."
"Have my words made no impact on you at all?" Merton sighed.
"Some of them have made me very happy."
"You should have listened to them all."
"They're bickering just like us already," Princess Robin said.
Her husband grinned. "We don't bicker."
"I'm not going to fall for that trick."
I cleared my throat. "We're really not that bad."
Princess Robin and Prince Chrom glanced at each other and laughed. The princess stepped away from the door and took her husband's hand. "I think we should leave them to it and bicker somewhere else."
"I think you're right." Prince Chrom's expression turned serious. "Merton, you're excused from your duties again today. And every day until Calla is on her feet and out of this ward, with the exception of a few meetings we won't be able to avoid."
I stared at them. "You're...? How will you be able to --"
"We'll muddle along," Princess Robin said. "Chrom and I both know how it feels when one of us is laid up and we wish we could be with them."
"Thank you." Merton's voice was hoarse.
Prince Chrom nodded at him, and Princess Robin smiled. Then they left, shutting the door behind them.
Merton turned to me. "So...it looks as if we'll be in here for a while."
I leaned forward in response, daring him. Before I'd even drawn a breath, he kissed me.
The feeling between us was new but natural, and our mouths moved together without hesitation, searching for what we'd been denied all our lives. It was tender but strong, cradling our hearts together in armour. It spread through my body until it was lighting up my bones.
When we stopped to breathe, I put a name to it. "I love you."
"I know." Merton smiled. "And I never thought I would say this to anyone...but I love you, too."
THE END
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A/N: Thank you for reading this book.
If you enjoyed it, you can find more Fire Emblem fanfiction on my profile, including a novelisation of Awakening, a novelisation of Fates, and plenty of seasonal short stories.
Thank you again for your reads, votes, comments, and support!
Love,
Morgan xxx