I stare up at Axel wide-eyed.
He stops immediately, holding himself up on his forearms. He doesn't say anything at first, he just watches me as his eyes fade back to amber. Then he looks down at our current position. His eyes widen and he pulls away quickly. "S-Sorry." He sits up and tries to straighten himself out, his hair, his clothes. "I just... I didn't mean to..."
"I wasn't looking at you like that because I wanted you to stop, Axel," I clarify.
But he keeps going. "It was just the wolf. It won't happen again."
"Don't say that," I sigh. I move closer to him, fixing my own clothes and my hair. One of my twists is basically sticking straight up in the air. I pull it back into its normal position and stare into his eyes. "Please don't say that. It makes me feel like..." I search for words. "Like you weren't actually into what we did, and that just doesn't help, because I liked what we did." I smile at him, softly. I don't want him to get the wrong idea.
He just looks confused. "But I made you uncomfortable, right? That's why you looked at me like that? Because I was being too forceful."
I shake my head. "No, that... was something else." I lie back down on his sheets, unsure of how to put this. When I don't say anything else, he sighs and lays down beside me. We just listen to the silence. It feels like a lazy Sunday morning. It feels like stillness, like sadness because it's one of those happy moments you don't want to end but you know has to. I don't know how to explain it.
I look at Axel, trying to memorize everything about this moment with him on a Friday afternoon lying on his bed, pressed against his sheets, staring into his eyes, hoping that this could last forever. I slowly brush my fingers against his face, just to feel him against me again.
He closes his eyes, leaning into my touch, and breathes. "If you're not uncomfortable, Mia, then tell me what's wrong."
I want to tell him, but I don't know if that'll make things better or worse. I sigh. "Okay, it's just... Two seconds ago I had this nightmare daydream thing of Michael and Carson breaking down the door and seeing us." I stare into his eyes, trying to get him to feel the magnitude of how awkward and terrible that would be. "And Aiden was in the background saying his usual doomsday stuff and my mom and dad found out I was here and my grandma and..." I cringe just thinking about it. "I just think we should go back downstairs before—" I raise an eyebrow when I hear the first chuckle fall out of him.
"Sorry." He sits up to hide the fact that he's laughing.
"What?" I cock my head back.
"Nothing."
"Well clearly it's something," I say.
"No, don't be upset." He turns to me. "It's just, I've never seen you look so terrified." He tries to keep a straight face. Tries. "You would've thought that vision was worse than death."
I furrow my brow. "Carson going crazy because he feels abandoned, Michael putting a restraining order on you, my dad killing you if my mom doesn't get to you first..."
"Okay, okay. I get it." He takes my hand, pecking me on the lips and smirking. "We'll just have to find a better time. No big deal." He tries to play it off like he's all cool and confident, but I see the hesitation in his movements. The slight blush. The way his eyes constantly ask, 'Is this still okay?' How can he be so adorable and annoying and sexy all at the same time? How is that even possible?
Instead of telling him all that, I just say, "Okay," and stand up. My eyes wander over the other two beds in the room, red and grey respectively, but I guess that's a journey for another day. It's not like I have time for a room tour, and besides, I bet Aiden doesn't like people anywhere near his stuff.
Axel and I walk past a lot of doors on the way back downstairs. A few questions come to mind when I see a really pink room, but I don't ask. I'd rather one of them just bring it up.
We sit on the couch beside the still sleeping Michael. The movie's still playing, but we can barely hear it over his snoring. I don't really care though. I'm just happy we didn't get caught—happy and very, extremely, monumentally surprised. In fact, I'm still not holding my breath. It's one thing to not be seen, but to not be smelled... That's a completely different story.
When Axel says, "They're here," and I hear a car pull up in the driveway, I don't know what to expect. I know we settled all of this "drama" in the nurse's office, but let me remind you that, that was today. As in this very same day. As in it's the same damn day. I stare at Axel wide-eyed. He gives me a similar expression.
In other words, it took less than 24 hours—of us officially being together—for Axel and I to start... I blush. That looks bad, doesn't it? I want to ask Axel, "You don't think Carson'll get mad, do you?" but I think I already have my answer.
I nearly jump on top of Michael, ready to scream at him that it's time to go, now, but I don't get the chance to. Carson's already walking through the front door. Brittany and Aiden follow close behind. Krys and Ethel. Onai. Great, now we have an audience. Will they be able to smell me to? Does everyone already know?
Carson chuckles under his breath at something Brittany says, but it's not his usual laugh. It seems tense somehow. On any other day, they'd be slapping each other's arms playfully, rough housing, or tormenting Aiden together—with Krys' help of course. Don't get me wrong, Aiden does look irritated. It just doesn't seem like it's at them.
Did something happen? Are they okay?
Carson turns to listen to whatever Aiden's saying to him, so it ends up being Brittany who makes eye contact with me first. She gives me a tired smile, but then her eyes land on Axel. She looks between the two of us slowly, me and him, him and me, me. She does it all with a blank expression.
When she hears Michael's loud snore tear through the relatively silent atmosphere, her eyes widen. I put my hands up to defend myself, but it's too late. Something that could only be described as horror takes over her face.
"Krys... Ethel..." she whispers, turning to them.
They look at her questioningly, turning away from the two alphas beside them who are deep in discussion. She silently, furiously waves them towards the kitchen. They raise an eyebrow, but when her eyes turn to daggers, they do as told, slowly sneaking away from Carson and Aiden. They're too busy trying to talk over each other to notice.
Brittany stops Krys though in the process. Krys raises an eyebrow. Brittany points to Onai who hasn't noticed the getaway plan in full swing. He's still listening intently to the conversation, even adding a few points here and there.
Krys slowly backs up and jabs him in the side.
He winces and glares at her, about to say, 'What?', but then his eyes land on Axel and me. He stares at us blankly. He doesn't move. He doesn't even blink. Axel's eyes scream, 'Save us. Don't leave us.'
Onai wastes no time escaping with the others. Ethel and Krys still look confused, but the other two don't hesitate to just drag them along.
Carson's words taper off as his eyes follow the retreating betas. He raises an eyebrow, looking back at Aiden questioningly before looking at me. I expect a look of betrayal. Anger. Maybe even rage when his eyes connect with mine, but, instead, all I see is his smile, tired as it may be. It's that same look Brittany had before she caught a whiff of the truth.
He walks towards me readily, and when he gets close enough to, he leans against the back of the couch over me. "Why can't you take your eyes off me today, Mia?" he asks seductively, quietly, cockily, but I can tell he's joking. He rests his head on top of mine. "Did you miss me that much?"
My heart drops.
He doesn't stop there. "Was Axel really that boring? Or was it his movie choice?" he looks to his brother to see if he got a rise out of him.
Axel definitely rises alright. He stands up, slowly, cautiously, never taking his eyes off of Carson. That can mean only one thing—right now, he's not willing to sit with his back to his brother. That worries me even more.
Carson doesn't pay his odd behavior any mind though. He's more focused on me. He leans against me even harder, as if he has no intention of ever moving again. If it wasn't for the couch between us, I know he'd pull me into his arms without hesitation. He'd bury his face in the crook of my neck, breath in my scent and... smell Axel.
When he tries to do just that, I move away.
He raises an eyebrow, staring at me with worried eyes. "Is something wrong?"
"I just..." Be honest, I tell myself. Be honest. Be honest, but this is what falls out of my mouth, "I was just worried about you." Why am I this way?
In the midst of my semi-lie, Aiden's eyes narrow dangerously. Clarity floods his expression, and he turns to Axel, shaking his head. He looks between the two of us with all his usual coldness and even some to spare. "Seriously?" he asks out loud. "In the middle of a state of emergency? We could've been killed."
Neither one of us has anything to say. Not that Aiden's really one to talk, if I remember correctly. But of course, as long as it's him doing it, it's okay right? This guy.
"We don't need to get into that right now, Aiden," Carson responds, oblivious to the context of Aiden's words. "We're about to have a meeting about it."
Aiden looks at Carson the same way we all do, like he's a ticking time bomb. He gestures towards us, demanding that one of us says something before it's too late. Axel and I stay silent. The two liars in their natural habitat, doing what we do best.
Carson turns to me. "I'm just glad you're safe, Mia... seeing as how your babysitter fell asleep." He chuckles, looking at Michael hanging off the couch. "Someone's not getting their paycheck."
I laugh, nervously. "... Yeah." I clear my throat, rubbing my forehead. "Carson, you know, we... Weren't really watching the movie." That's what I'm about to say, but out of nowhere Carson buries his face in the crook of my neck. "Not that I'm complaining that he's asleep of course," he smirks against my neck.
But when he falls silent after that, and I feel the smirk fall off of his lips, I know he knows and it's too late for me to say anything else.
He doesn't say anything right away. He just pulls away and looks into my eyes, running his fingers through his hair.
"Carson," I say.
He opens his mouth. Closes it. Scratches the back of his neck. After a while of furrowing his brow and staring at anything other than me, he settles on just saying, "Oh." He stands up fully and turns towards the kitchen. "I feel stupid now," he chuckles, humorlessly.
"No, wait." I follow him. He doesn't stop though. Not until I stand in his way. "Please."
"Please what?" He doesn't even look at me. He keeps his gaze well above me. Curse his height.
I sigh. "I don't want you to be mad."
"What makes you think I'm mad?" he asks.
I wave towards his... everything. Everything about him screams that he's upset, even if he's trying his hardest to stay calm. Or at least look it.
He shrugs. "Well I'm not, so..." He tries to walk around me.
I grab his arm. "Well you're at least upset, Carson." I look at him whether he looks back or not. "And I don't want you to be, so—"
He scoffs, looking at me incredulously.
I furrow my brow. "... What?"
He shakes his head, shrugging forcefully. "You just ask for the impossible sometimes, and I don't know what to do for you," he says. "I don't care what you do with Axel or Aiden. In fact, do whatever you want. Clearly you will" He turns to me fully this time, but he's not glaring at all. He doesn't look upset. He doesn't look filled with rage like I thought he would. He just looks... tired. "That's okay, because that's what I agreed to. But what you can't do is this." He gestures towards my hand on his arm. "You can't ask me to be happy too. That's just too much," he shakes his head as if confirming to himself that he can't handle that.
I want to tell him that, that's not what I'm asking, but it doesn't seem like it's the right time to do that.
"I'm not going to smile when my girlfriend is letting my brothers kiss her and... whatever else it is that you let them do to you," he scoofs. 'It's not like I would know. It's not like you do shit with me—" He curses under his breath, rubbing his face. "Anything, I meant. Sorry. I know, you don't like cursing." He pulls away from me. Not forcefully but firmly. "I just need some space right now to focus on this meeting and the pack, okay?" He looks at me.
I don't know what to say, so I just nod.
He sighs. "I'm really not mad though, so please don't worry." He hesitates, then pulls me into his arms. "It's fine." It's the shortest hug he's ever given me. It's the only hug he's ever hesitated with. He just disappears into the kitchen right after.
Should I consider this progress, just because we aren't technically fighting? It doesn't feel that way to me. I don't even know what to say. I can't even look at Aiden who walks past me without another word, following Carson. I can't even look at Axel who gives me a sympathetic look.
He wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer. I honestly don't know if that'll make anything better, but I'm not going to refuse the only person who's not looking at me like I royally screwed up—again.
I don't know why. I just kissed my boyfriend. What's the crime in that? I know I didn't explicitly tell Carson that, but it's not like going to sit down with them all and give detailed descriptions of everything I've done with all of them every time. That's just weird.
But still... Carson's kind of right. It's the hallway argument all over again, and it still hasn't been resolved. I can't deny that I've done so much more with Axel and Aiden, but with Carson it's like... It's not that I don't want to. It's not like I'm purposely doing it. It just never feels like the right time. Mainly because we're never alone.
Axel sighs. "If it makes you feel any better, all he did was curse me out through mindlink. He was pretty nice to you." He smiles, sadly.
I pat his shoulder, he pats mine, and when the last person we've apparently been waiting for walks into the house, the meeting starts in the kitchen—despite there being no peace in the house.
---
A/N (2/27/18) - Do you feel like Carson's jealousy is making progress? Why or why not?
Oh! And another song for the book soundtrack/playlist - "Weak" by Wet. I'm like totally obsessed with it right now and I feel like it just has this pure, awesome, down to earth, magical vibe to it. Like I don't even know how to describe it. It's just yes, this, all day, now, replay immediately xD (but don't worry if you listen to it. No one's actually leaving in the book lol)