Cold air is brushing my skin, making it chill. My hairs are all over my face. I feel empty from inside. I wish if i were in my dream and when i'll be awake everything will be same as earlier but i know very well it's not a nightmare, it's my life . There is nothing left within me, power is drained away from me, i'm tried of feeling pain daily. Suddenly some noise like crackle sound of crushing dry leaves garb my attention. I turn my gaze and glance to see whether it's my misperception or not. I notice someone is coming in my direction. He is coming with an easy pace like he is observing something or i can say someone and the someone is me. I held my breath, the person is coming closer, closer, closer...
"Aiden" i say in a low soft voice.
"Yeah, I came" he says, you can sense pain in his voice.
He is observing me, i can see there is worried expression filled his face. He comes closer to me while putting his both hands in his pockets. He comes closer until he is standing right in front of me. I turn my gaze from him.
" Mind if i take a sit?" He asks with slight hint of hesitation. I nod at him.
"You shouldn't have come here" i tell him with a serious tone. He doesn't need to know what type of person i'm, what are my sins, what i have done to others.
When he doesn't said anything i continue " you know Aiden what your problem is? You don't leave me alone, you can't get in your mind that i don't have any interest in you, You don't understand that i don't deserve you" i say with a cracking voice. I break down; i cover my face in my palm, trying not to show him how pathetic I'm.
"Mia" he says again, and pulls me by my elbow towards him. He hugs me tightly. I bury my face in his neck and cry my eyes out. My shoulders are shaking, i hold his t-shirts with my hand. You know, i don't want to show anyone how weak, how vulnerable i'm but after seeing Julie i can't control myself. Everybody has given up on me, everything i love has been snatched away from me.
"Ssssshh, ssshhh Mia, its okey baby, don't cry" he says with a calm voice, rubbing my back gently. He is trying to console me and it's feel soothing. When you have someone's shoulder to cry then life becomes easy because you feel that you are important to them, you are not worthless.
"He left me".
" He left me when i needed him the most".
" He left me there and never looks back at me".
" Out of all people he was my best friend but the choose to leave me there".
" He didn't even listen to me for once".
"He didn't even try to understand why i took that step"
" He was disgusted with me"
" I loved him so much but he didn't even try to understand that"
" He broke my heart and said he won't come back ever" i whisper the last part to Aiden out of nowhere. I don't know what causes me to tell Aiden about my past, i don't want him to judge me, i'm tried of being judged by the peoples but when he doesn't say anything i come to know that whatever i'm going to do he won't judge me for that and then...
i close my eyes tightly, shutting them with all the strength. I cry my eyes out, clenching his t-shirt in my hand. From last 3 years i have shedded tears fir that person who left me. Everyday i bury my face in pillow and wish if i could change my past, if i could change my mistakes, if i could stop Alex for leaving me i would have done that things in a blink of an eye but fate has to play his worst game with me. I never feels that way what i'm experiencing right now. I need someone to hold me, to embrace me with love and affection which i crave most. All i can think that i need someone to tell me everything's gonna be fine.
I need Alex to tell me everything's gonna be fine which is just next to impossible.
" Don't cry Mia don't cry, he doesn't deserve your tear, one-day he'll be very sorry to leave you behind like this" Aiden says, ensuring me. I unfold my fist from his t-shirt, trying to untangled myself from him. I don't feel embarrassed for crying in front of him. He is here when i need someone badly.
I wipe my face with my hand, trying to fix my hair with combing it with my fingers. I'm sure i look like a total mess, running nose with red swollen eyes and cheeks.
Suddenly i stop, i turn my gaze towards the person who is watching me carefully with affection. My cheeks are flushed.
"You know Mia, you are a brave women" he says. I look at his direction, searching in his eyes why he is calling me brave because i know i'm the weakest of all. When he see questionable look in my face he says..
" People think that crying means showing their weakness or it will make them vulnerable but in reality it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of how strong you are"
"We human beings have lots of emotions suppressed within ourselves, crying is just one of them"
" Crying shows that you haven't given up in your life, you are struggling because whole life is itself a war where you have to fight daily to live; it shows you that you're not alone, your tears will always be with you" he says, wiping tears from the corner of my eyes.
He cups my face in his hand and says
" so don't ever think that you are crying because you are weak, think that you are fighting with circumstances and tears are just the emotions which sheds from your eyes as a form of your victory".
I don't know why but Aiden somehow helps me to remind what i used to be like long time ago. I used to tell people that crying is sign of victory not weakness but my whole life changes when crying itself became a part of my life.
Now when Aiden reminds me again abou crying i feel alive, i feel needed again. You know in your life there will be some phases where you have to learn that something happened for good reason, i'm afraid of facing that phase that's why i don't want to forget Alex in my life.
Alex reminds me of everything in my life like how he taught me to play basketball with him, how he every time he let me win the match, how he gave me his piece of cake galdly, how he gave me his jercy everytime before match, how he beat someone for me easily, how he kissed my forehead and said i'm the best person in his life, how he hold me tightly when my first boyfriend ditched me in 8th grade, he reminds me everything.
I smile mentally remembering those memories, that was my Alex who loved me no matter how irritating i was. How could he easily forget me when i can't bring myself to get him out of my mind for at least one an hour.
" Do you want me to drop you home?" Aiden asks. I nod at him. He held my hand and lead me to his car after that i tell him my address and he drives the car.
We reach my home. He opens the door for me as a gentleman. I smile at him.
" I'm very thankful to you for making me realize that i'm not worthless,
thank you Aiden" i say him. He is the first person with whom i feel that my burden has been taken down from my shoulder. I extend my hand for a handshaking.
He looks at my hand with amusement.
He takes my hand gently and says,
" Thank you isn't enough for me, you have to do me a favor for helping you"
I look at him with suspeciously. What could be the thing he needed from me in return as a favor.
" And what the favor is?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows. He chuckles a bit when he senses my suspeciousness.
"Friends?" He asks.
"Huhh?"
" Will you be my friend?, it's the favour" he explains, showing his full grin. My cheeks becom flushed.
"Okey, i will" i says, nodding at him with approval.
After that we exchanged numbers and i went to my room directly. Now I'm laying down on my bed in my PJs staring at the ceiling and feeling that darkness is consuming me slowly.