Upstate New York, USA
Late Fall 2015
Flopping down on the couch in her and her mom's suite, Nina finally felt like she could breathe again.
Her exams were over. Done. She was officially done with high school the way she should have been back in the spring. Over the last couple days, her mom had taken her in to sit the tests—her new identity as Nina Thomson passing inspection flawlessly—and now all that was left to do was wait on the results. Though nervous as she always was in that anxious span between putting down her pen and learning her grades, Nina found herself far more confident in her results than she usually was. She was sure she had done well.
With the Twins occupied the last several weeks with the Avengers' latest mission—tracking down and neutralizing a rogue contractor going by the name Crossbones—she'd been throwing herself into studying, to the point where she was fairly sure she could recite some of her textbooks off by heart.
She was pretty sure she had never studied so hard in her life. She hadn't wanted to waste all the work that had gone into ensuring she still had a chance at getting into MIT. She'd found out since Nat had first revealed they'd gotten her in pending her exams just what all had gone into getting her in.
She'd known that Stark had played a role, of course—he'd been quite vocal about it, really—but it was only in the last week, shortly before she was set to sit the tests that she'd found out precisely how.
"Oh it was nothing," he'd waved off, when he'd appeared at the Compound for another one of his impromptu check-ins, somehow sounding almost disappointed that that was the case. Nina had made sure to corner him with the intent of not just thanking him for his help but finding out what exactly he had done. And as she'd suspected from what her aunt had shared of the man and her own limited experience, he had all but volunteered what she'd wanted to know almost without her even having to put in a whole lot of real effort.
"You'd already done most of the work," he'd said. "You'd already been accepted, apparently, so it was just a matter of convincing admissions to keep you accepted pending final grades, etcetera, etcetera, even though the deadline had passed. Easy really. It's amazing what people will do in the hopes of a generous donation." Nina had blanched at that comment.
"You didn't buy my way in, did you?" she'd asked in a panic. Tony had just laughed.
"No, I didn't. Not exactly," he'd said with a crooked grin. "It wasn't anything they weren't going to get anyway." He'd patted her on the shoulder then at her stricken expression, his blunt, forthright manner surprisingly reassuring. "Don't worry about it, Miss Thomson-formerly-known-as-Ryker. Think of it as me cashing in a favour for all the cash I've thrown at them over the years."
It had made her feel a little better.
"Besides, Widow and your mom did all the real work. I didn't even have to lift a finger on the tricky stuff. Just had to pull my alumna strings and chat up a few folks in admin and admissions."
It was thanks to her illuminating conversation with Stark that Nina had finally cornered her Aunt into sharing exactly what they had done to ensure she could go away to school. It sounded deceptively simple, really, though Nina had a fairly good inkling from her own experience with what could be done with a computer and the right know-how that it had been anything but. In simplest terms, Natasha and Nadine had 'tricked' her academic history into believing it belonged to Nina Thomson instead of Nicola Ryker, ensuring that the switch wouldn't be traced back to Nina's original identity while they were at it. As for as official documents went, academic and otherwise, Nina Thomson's records were complete while Nicola Ryker was now effectively a blank page. They had similarly 'tricked' the MIT Admissions department into thinking the same thing, that the application for Nicola Ryker belonged to Nina Thomson instead. It meant that neither they nor Nina had to go through the admissions process again, and that all that had really needed to be done on Tony's end was to convince them to keep her application and conditional acceptance open until her tests had been taken.
Well? They had been taken, and Nina only had to wait for the results.
That part was less exciting. Unlike before, just after Sokovia and before training had kicked into gear, Nina was effectively on her own. The Twins were occupied in their capacity as New Avengers and, naturally, Natasha and her mom were similarly occupied. On top of that, her mom was still devoted to her own set of missions. She couldn't fault the Twins for it, of course, since it was effectively their job now, just as she couldn't fault her mom or her aunt. But it still left her at loose ends a great deal of the time.
Which left more time for stewing and wondering at what was going on around her. Sure, there was still plenty to be done, most of it to do with preparing herself for starting at university come the new year. But that did take up only so much of her time.
Which left more time for wondering what everyone else was getting up to.
Especially her mom.
Especially given the missions she periodically left on.
Including one a couple weeks previous where she'd actually left wearing the pale grey catsuit and jacket Nina had privately dubbed her Ghost Gear.
Usually when Nadine was leaving on another one of her missions, she went virtually incognito, wearing simple business wear or things reminiscent of her ballet mistress days: things that neither stood out nor blended in too much. But that mission? It had been different. Different enough that she had warned Nina of it the day before. And given that the Ghost Gear was out instead of her inconspicuous yet authoritative 'agent' outfits she usually wore for missions the last little while? It really had been a serious mission. Even more serious than her last few intelligence missions.
A Ghost mission.
In a way, really, it was just like before, when her mom would leave on what Nina knew now had been jobs as The Ghost. Only now? Nadine usually told Nina what she was actually leaving to do. Sort of.
"I have a lead to follow up," she'd said this last time, laying a kiss against Nina's hair when she had pressed about why she was going this time. "I should only be a couple days." Nina hadn't been able to help the ache in her chest at the vague explanation nor the narrow-eyed, likely suspicious look she'd given her mom before she could stop it. Nadine had sighed then, knowing exactly why Nina had looked at her like that.
But then she'd surprised Nina. She'd told the truth and the ache had begun to fade, leaving a faint, comforting feeling reminiscent of her powers' sensation in its place.
"It's something that's come out of the things my training mistress told me. But...I didn't want to say anything, solnyshko. I don't want to get your hopes up, not when it's such a long shot. I can't be sure we— But—" She'd hesitated then before looking Nina in the eye, her familiar grey eyes alight with determination and something Nina had tentatively identified as hope. "But it isn't a mission to ensure my secrets are safe, this time. Nina...I may have a lead on finding your father." Nina's heart had stuttered at the confession. It still stuttered when she thought about it now.
Not that it had entirely assuaged her sense that her mom was still keeping things from her. But then, she knew that already. It was a constant feeling that she was begrudgingly learning to deal with.
But there had been more to it this time, more than just Nadine keeping her father's identity from Nina.
Nadine had said 'can't be sure we' before cutting herself off. What was that supposed to mean? And Nina was pretty sure it had been 'we' and not the beginning of something else like 'when' or 'why.' It was one of a couple things Nina had been stewing over.
Really? It could only mean one thing.
It meant that there were others who knew Nadine was trying to find Nina's father. And who possibly even knew who he was. Nina's gut twisted at the thought. Could Nadine have told the others about her search? Had Nadine confided in others? Had she confided in them things that she hadn't told Nina? Natasha had to be one of them. She had to be. Nadine and Natasha were sisters in every sense of the word save by blood. Why wouldn't Nadine have confided in the only person she truly trusted? And given that Natasha was one of the best spies in the world other than her mom? Nina couldn't even say she didn't understand why. Part of her didn't even begrudge it, jealous as she still was.
Still, try as she might, she couldn't help but feel a little resentful about that.
But who else? Hawkeye? Maybe. Nina had noticed during their visits to the Barton farm since Sokovia her mom seemed far more at ease with the archer and his wife than just about anyone else save Natasha. It hadn't been hard to miss. So it was possible Nadine had confided something to him as well. Not to mention Clint was a former agent, so undoubtedly he had insight to offer as well.
Another part of her wondered if perhaps Captain Rogers knew too. They had been growing closer, Nadine and the Captain spending an afternoon a week together after the combat sessions her mother still led. Even lunches afterward, sometimes.
But at the same time...
Another little part of her was beginning to wonder if finding her father and tracking down these people who apparently knew about her and Nadine weren't her mom's only projects.
The more she watched and listened to the happenings within the Compound, the more convinced she was that her mom had another side project beyond finding her father. Something for Captain Rogers that Natasha seemed to be helping with. And she only knew that from stumbling across her aunt speaking quietly to Sam about Steve apparently enlisting Nadine to help find some other mysterious 'him,' with Natasha staunchly defending her mom.
"She's my sister, and I trust her with my life, Sam," her aunt had said as she'd laid a gentle hand on his arm, "and even if Steve didn't trust her, he trusts me. He was Steve's best friend since childhood; of course he'd want the best to help him. If it were your friend, can you deny that you wouldn't do the same?" Natasha had sighed then before fixing Sam with an earnest, level look, her voice low and gentle for all that it brooked no argument. It had been very difficult for Nina to keep herself from being noticed, she was so curious.
"Nadine is the best, Sam," Nat had assured him, "and she'll find him. She promised she would, and that's what she's going to do." Sam's thoughtful, wary expression hadn't entirely dissipated, but he had sighed himself and spared Natasha a small smile as he'd laid his own hand on her arm, his thumb chafing absently as he'd replied, "well, if you're sure, and Cap's sure, I can work with that."
Nina hadn't heard anything more, not willing to risk being caught eavesdropping, but what she had heard had been enough. A petulant, even childish little part of her couldn't help but wonder why they couldn't just leave her mom alone for time so she could focus on finding her father—James...something. That was all Nina knew for sure about him really. Oh, there were assumptions she could make; like that since her mom had trained in Russia in a KGB-run program and that was where she met him, it was logical to conclude that he was likely Russian, even KGB himself.
That sort of thing.
But then she would remember that Natasha had said whoever her mom was apparently helping Steve to find had been Steve's best friend growing up. And she'd immediately feel guilty for having such an uncharitable thought. She'd been told about Steve's past—heck, she'd learned about some of it in school, especially after what happened in DC a little while back—so she could imagine he needed the closure in finding out what happened to his friends from back before he'd been frozen. And she had been made more than aware that her mom was good at finding people.
It only made sense that Nadine might be able to track Steve's friend down even so many years later. She hoped, for his sake, that his friend might even still be alive; it wasn't uncommon for people to live into their nineties, after all. She'd grown very fond of the Captain, and Nina imagined he would probably appreciate the closure and the chance to say goodbye.
So she couldn't exactly begrudge him taking some of her mom's time either, as much as a selfish little part of her wanted to. Especially if he was one of the people her Mom's vague 'we' had been referring to. Heck, Nadine finding his friend could possibly even be a gesture of thanks for Steve helping to find Nina's dad.
But the conversation had still left Nina somewhat unsettled despite her reasoning. Enough so that she hadn't told anyone what she'd overheard. She had very nearly brought it up with her mother, but the words had caught in her throat. She just wasn't sure what to say. When she tried to figure out something to say anyway, it just sounded petty and silly. So she kept it to herself for now.
Neither had she told the Twins. She wasn't about to distract them now, not with their first real mission on their plates. They both wanted so desperately to prove themselves that she couldn't do that to them.
But looking back there were occasions, unexplained moments and exchanges, that had left Nina sure that she'd come to the right conclusion about her mom splitting her time between trying to find her father and searching for Steve's friend. Seeing Steve's shoulders slump minutely or Nat's quickly hidden moue of disappointment at her mom's subtle shake of the head in answer to their own silent questions and vice versa or softly spoken reports delivered to one or both of the Avengers had been more than proof enough in retrospect.
It brought to mind other times since Sokovia when she'd seen her mom putting her head together with the Captain and her Aunt, sometimes resulting in a barely restrained anxious anticipation or those perplexing moments of poorly hidden disappointment at whatever her mom had said to them. It left the ache in Nina's chest to grow again.
How was that fair, that her mom was so open with them but not with her? Why did they get to know what sort of progress Nadine was making on her mission for them and Nina was left with only the most vague of explanations when it came to the search for her father? And why hadn't her mom at least told her about this other mission? She had hoped her mom was done with keeping secrets from her.
Only for another side of Nina to rationalize that, not only was it unfair of her to wish her mom wasn't helping Steve, but if she really was helping him with his friend out of thanks for Steve and Nat were helping her? It would necessitate them being told...something. At the very least, more than Nina had been told. She had to forcibly remind herself when her thoughts threatened to go there that Natasha and Steve were experienced, skilled agents. More than that, Natasha at the very least was her mother's confidant, so her knowing only made sense. Not to mention she had no proof that Steve knew about Nina's father. If her mom had told them, she would've had a very good reason to do so. Right?
It was all rather frustrating, and Nina felt like her brain was getting tied up in knots just contemplating it all.
Neither did those realizations and rationalizations help diminish the small shard of resentment that burrowed deep in Nina's chest at the admittedly irrational thought that her mom trusted them more than she trusted her. She was eighteen now, for heaven's sake! She was legally an adult. Why couldn't she know?
It was a bitter thought and she knew it, just as she knew it wasn't all as simple as it sometimes felt it should be. She knew better. She knew her mom well enough to know that she wouldn't keep such an important secret lightly. Not after everything that had happened with Strucker and Ultron. But that didn't stop the feeling from stubbornly lingering.
So she forced it aside as best she could. What else could she do? She didn't want to resent her mother. She just wanted...honestly, part of her wasn't even entirely sure what she wanted on that front anymore. She couldn't say it was trust, because she knew on a deep, instinctual level that her mom did trust her.
And if she really thought about it and forced herself to be honest, she couldn't even say it was a desire to know everything. As the days had turned to weeks and then to months after those horrible days in Sokovia, Nina had come to the realization that knowing was not always a good thing, and some of the urge had left her and not wholly returned. Sure, she still wanted to know the rest of what her mom had kept from her, but it wasn't the burning desire that she'd felt in those early days. Her need to know had been tempered by recognizing the weight of what she already knew. And it did weigh on her. Just as the realization of her new powers had before she'd sat down and talked to her mom about being Enhanced. She knew she would know the rest someday, and surprisingly, that was proving to be enough for now.
She pulled herself up on the couch, pulling her legs up beneath her, surveying the room with sightless eyes. She'd done enough stewing and wallowing for one day, she decided irritably. It was getting her nowhere just as it hadn't the other hundred times she'd let her thoughts roam aimlessly.
She really couldn't wait until school started...then she'd have something substantial to keep her mind occupied...excitement bubbles once more in her chest.
Resolved, she propelled herself to her feet, ducking into her room to snatch up her workout gear. She would head down to the training centre and work herself to exhaustion, sweating out her frustrations. Maybe she'd even track down the Twins while she was at it. She missed spending time with them, and there was still a good chunk of day left. Maybe they could even sneak off to work on her control over her powers again. It had been a while...
Yes, she decided firmly. Finding them and wearing herself out while she was at it sounded like just the ticket.
And with a self-satisfied hum, she exited her and her mother's rooms and headed out into the Compound.
A/N: Thanks for Reading!
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