A/N: Brace yourselves
Also for those that missed chapter 26 literally nothing happened except for loads of fun, bonding, dildos, hilarity and a bunch of fluffy goodness.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
James had never liked Christmas. Christmas meant family and family meant Uncle John. He hated his Uncle John
Not only was his Uncle pretentious, rude and loud but he was also a racist and a homophobe. Given James' situation now, being with Casper and all he really couldn't stand as his uncle took drink after drink and made comment after comment on what really concerned him now. Even before he could hardly stand it, being that his closest friends were gay but now he was seething.
God he fucking hated him.
Not only that but they lived all the way down in Edinburgh which had meant a whole car ride with Maureen and her irritating self. It also meant he was trapped, with no room of his to escape to when his uncle got too much for him.
He wasn't all that bad supposed. He had managed to swoon his auntie Mary with in marrying him and she was the best woman ever next to his mum, not to mention their kids. He had been very close with his cousin Dawn when they were younger, her being just a few months younger than him, but they had drifted apart when she moved to Edinburgh. Their son though, God he loved him. Toby was five years old and James adored the kid, like the little brother he never had. They Skyped almost every other week and Toby would go on for hours about his latest obsession which changed from week to week and James could sit and listen to him for hours because the little guy was just so freaking enthusiastic and hilarious to watch.
James couldn't understand how a man like his uncle could have managed to build a family like that and have such a sweet little guy like Toby. James prayed that whatever bullshit his uncle spouted didn't rub off on Toby.
The man's favourite thing to do whenever James was around was to pick on him and point out everything that he thought was wrong with James.
Literally the first thing his uncle said to him when he had opened the door to welcome them in was."Wow, I thought I had a nephew not a niece. Look at the length of that hair! It's even longer than Maureen's!" the he would sit and guffaw at himself and James would have to stand outside and wait for him to finish before he was allowed to go in. James had tried to lag behind his family getting out of the car extra slow but Maureen pushed him in front. She tolerated him just as much as James.
He was a rather large man, with balding, gray hair and beady eyes that apparently were an exact match to his fathers. Apparently him and his dad had been almost identical in their younger years and people always mistook them for twins even though his dad was two years older. James looked at them now and you could hardly tell they were even related. His dad was slim but built underneath, much like James' with wavy brown locks of hair on his head whereas his uncle took up the whole doorway and more and a big patch of hair missing in the middle of his hair.
James tried his best to avoid him most times but his uncle seemed to just live to undermine him in everything he said or did and not only that but it seemed to somehow rub off on the rest fo the males in the house. Even his dad started to join in with his uncle's raving when he had a few drinks in him. It was hard mostly, being older he was looked at as more responsibly and ready to join in with the men of the family and leave the kids table.
"You're a man now," his dad said to him last year, hanging over him and almost sloshing his drink over himself, "and men sit with the other men and drink beer." He then handed him over a bottle and his uncles and cousins had cheered, even his grandfather would shockingly raised his glass with his shaky, frail hands. James also hated beer. It was bitter and bubbled none too fondly in his stomach. He was rather tipsy as he was handed one after the other. Still he couldn't refuse his dad. Especially not with his Uncle sitting there waiting to jump in and question his masculinity.
"JAMES!" he heard a screech and a blur of motion as he stepped in the door and was almost pushed onto his back from the speed he was hit with as a pair of grabby little hands clutched his middle and a face squished right into his stomach.
"Sup Toby," he greeted the little guy, "how's the big man doing?"
Toby was a small five year old with firey red hair that he got from his mother but still inherited the Davidson green eyes much like James'. Dawn also shared this trait but her hair fell into a more reddish-brown.
Although Toby was five years old he enjoyed to be picked up and babied and so James entered the living room with Toby hanging onto him like a baby monkey and prattling on about Spider-man in his ear. James made a show of seeming interested but took in the looks he was given as he entered the room. His family never liked the way he dressed and assumed the worst of him. He wasn't really welcome most of the time. Thank God for Toby and Auntie Mary.
"Oh James!" his auntie Mary rose from her seat where she had been talking to his Grandpa Joe with a wide, genuine smile on her face."Look at how much you've grown! So handsome! And you're hair, gorgeous." She hugged him, engulfing him in the scent of vanilla and cinnamon, he hugged her the best he could with Toby still hanging onto him. She pull away after a second or two and moved her hand to his cheek with a fond look in her eyes before something caught her eye from behind him.
"Maureen!" exclaimed, kissing him on the cheek before moving to Maureen.
Toby's weight was starting to strain, god the kid had grown in the few months he had seen him last. He grunted, take large, exaggerated steps and swinging Toby so he squealed and over to a space on the sofa. Toby squealed and scrambled onto James' lap.
"Guess what James, "Toby whispered loudly, his chubby hands at his mouth in a not-so discreet fashion.
"What it is, Tobster?" He smiled at him, looking directly at him and no one else. He could feel their eyes on him, probably worried about James being a bad influence on Toby or something.
"If I was Spider-man, you'd be Mary-Jane," he stage whispered onto his face then grinned widely at him. James looked at him, eyes wide in shock before grinning back.
"But I've not got red hair or am I pretty enough to be Mary-Jane," he rolled his eyes at the boy.
"Then you change it like you changed from blue," the boy frowned, determined and patting his hair a little too rough.
"Aw Toby! Aren't you the little charmer, huh?" James crushed the little guy into his arms, nuzzling his head with his cheek while the kid squealed and squawked, flailing his arms about. "But you don't want you're old, saggy cousin James as Mary-Jane."
"Why not?" he cried, sticking out his bottom lip, his eyes wide and teary. James melted.
"On second thought, yes. I will totally be Mary-Jane. Just for you." He squeezed the little guy to his chest again. The kid was way too cute for his own good, auntie Mary would have her hands full when he was older.
"Ugh, you guys are sickening," he heard Maureen scoff at them as she went behind the sofa, then she bent down to James' ear, "What would Casper think about you two-timing with a child?"
"Shut up, Maureen."
"Yeah, shut up Maureen!" Toby mimicked, grinning looking to James for approval and back to Maureen. James laughed and Maureen gasped.
"Look what you are teaching him!" Maureen pointed to James accusingly, "I shall not be silenced by rotten kids."
Toby made a noise of protest, pointing a finger at her."I am not rotten you are!"
"You'll pay you little insect!"
Toby squealed and jumped off of James' lap as Maureen ran in pursuit of him. James laughed as Maureen struggled to catch the small but surprisingly agile five year old who was running through legs and jumping over coffee tables.
He noticed Dawn in the corner talking to a girl in white who he didn't recognise, Dawn noticed him looking and offered a small smile which he returned and a small wave. The girl also gave a smile. James was told later at the dinner table when everyone arrived that it was dawn' sfriend Rachel who was staying with them over Christmas break because her parents had work to do overseas or something.
After Christmas dinner was entirely devoured by the large family there was no stopping the consumption of alcohol. They went off into groups; the men stayed in the dining room that looked onto the living room where the women sat. Maureen, who preferred her beer over wine stayed in with the men until she drunk her fill. James had been invited in with them last year after he was old enough and they gave him a little bit to drink.
It was almost an hour in and the men were starting to sing traditional football songs at top volume, mumbling over the words less familiar and belting out the next. Honestly James had grown so used to it that he drowned it out and took to just looking around and staring at nothing.
That is until his uncle thought to pull up a seat beside him, already drunk out of his mind and slightly leaning into him as he went to talk to him.
"So whatya think?" his uncle breathed on him, the smell of beer washing over James who slightly shudder with disgust.
"About what?"
"About Rachel!" he exclaimed drunkenly, sloshing his bear bottle over to a petite blonde he had been told about earlier. She was a pretty thing; apparently shy and buttery with pale skin and big blue eyes that reminded James of Casper - or maybe that was the alcohol he's been thrusted upon by his dad and drunken uncle's. He missed Casper.
James hadn't seen Casper in three days now and it was torture. He had never been the clingy type, never felt he needed to be with his past girlfriends all the damn time but he couldn't help but sit and mope about not seeing that blue-eyed devil, not being able to feel him or talk to him. He didn't want to text or phone either, he didn't need Casper knowing that he missed him. Three days for Christ sake. He was such a freaking chick.
He had, however, checked his phone to go on snapchat. He had pictures and videos of Logan dancing around drunk with his big sister and her husband. James was surprised Logan's big sister actually invited him over to her in America, she never had done before. James liked to think that she realised her parents were leaving him there every year since she left alone but then again they had done the same when she was there. James was happy though that Logan looked like he was having the time of his life with his only family that he acknowledged.
He had one from Hedgehog, a family selfie of her, her dad and her four brothers all with the same square faces and stern gaze. He had laughed for ten minutes straight, even when the picture was long gone. He regretted not taking a screen shot.
And the next few were from Daisy. Some of her baby brother and sister opening their presents in the morning and then follow ups of her baby brother Gabriel gurgling happily in his baby elf suit that James was not proud to say he melted for and then the rest of her sibling running around mad and then selfies with them.
He just had lone selfies from Darla with the exception of one in practically darkness with Darla in front, her face twisted in a grimace, slightly to the right and a small table with a lit candle behind her with her parents on either side mediating. It had the caption: "What the actual fuck?"
He even had a few from Jessica, Andrew and Avery but none from Casper. But then again he hardly ever used his snapchat unless someone else was using it. even though Casper spent hours getting ready he was never the camera type, the only pictures he actually had of Casper on his phone was little sneaky shots - some even when he was asleep, although James kept them in a separate folder - and when he forced Casper into his selfies. It was cute though, James loved that modest and camera shy side he had.
"Yeah, she's alright."James said, not really looking at the girl."A bit quiet."
"Ohoho," his uncle laughed, "I think you like her. Hey Dawn!" He called at his daughter."Bring yourself and Rachel over here."
Dawn glared at her dad, muttering something to Rachel - probably an apology - and dragged her over.
"What is it, Dad?" She snapped at him, taking a seat across from them making Rachel walk around long table and slide in next to James. She sat down confidently but played with the edge of her dress that stopped at her thighs nervously before looking up and smiling at them all.
"Just wanted to get James and Rachel acquainted with each other," he replied, ignoring his daughter and turning his attention to Rachel." He was quite eager to get to meet you, James he was," he slapped James so hard on the back James swore he heard his bones shatter."He's in a band." Like his uncle gave a shit about that. His dad had mentioned it a few times and he had totally blown him off.
He saw Rachel's polite smile grow with the spark of interest in her eyes and she held out her hand to shake. Her hand was small and soft. Casper's hands used to be like that until James started teaching him how to play the guitar his finger had started to get a little rough. James could say he missed those soft hands but he would be lying. Not only was it evidence of how hard Casper had been working which was honestly so surprising because Casper was notorious for giving up before he started but also James found he didn't mind those roughened fingertips trailing around his skin. He didn't mind at all.
"Rachel's a gymnast," his uncle leered in his ear."Very flexible." James gave him a side eye of disgust. ". Shame really, about your parents having to go on Christmas. You must be feeling awfully lonely."
"Not at all," she said, not taking her eyes of James.
"Oh Dawn," his uncle said rather suddenly," your mother wants us both in the kitchen."
"Okay but-"
"Hurry up," he urged her, grabbing her arm from across the table and
"So," Rachel spoke as James took a big swig of his beer, her eye lashes fluttering. He noticed that no, her eyes weren't like Casper's at all but rather like Darla's," what do you play?"
"I'm, ah, er, the lead guitarist," He responded," sometimes vocals."
"Oh," she said. He twirled his phone in his hand under the table and started shaking his leg, he had it set on vibrate just in case Casper answered his many texts. "What sort of band is it then?"
"I don't know, really. Andrew, our bass player, likes to say alternative but we all know he's full of shit," she laughed a sort of tinkery laugh," I don't know. Maybe sort of All Time Low, we play them a lot, love em', slash FOB. Maybe a bit of how Mcfly used to be," he shrugged, trying to act casual about it as she moved even closer. He realised that no, she wasn't shy at all whoever told him that was full of it.
"I've actually never heard All Time Low," Rachel had her head in her hand, leaning closer to him. James started edging away."But I do listen to 5 Seconds of Summer, they talk about them a lot."
"You should, they're great," he mumbled. She had placed her hand on his thigh, making it almost impossible to move without being rude. She was leaning in such a way that her dress showed more of her breasts. James' mouth went dry.
She was attractive, no doubt about that. She had that look of innocence with her white dress, fluffy blonde hair and light make up but her eyes and body language spoke of something else entirely. James was stuck.
Casper and James were almost always together and Casper, whether he meant to or not, became a repellent to all threats. James found that cute and he didn't mind it at all, they way they acted with each other was enough to tell others that no, he wasn't available but Casper would still frown and glare like an angry kitten and James would resist the urge to swoop down and capture his lips with his.
Thing was, James had not been hit on for ages and he had sort of forgotten what is was like. He remembered how good it had made him feel, how it had boosted his self-esteem - not that there was little to begin with. He and Logan had even competed to see how many girls in a night approached them. Now as Rachel ran her hand further up his thigh he was slightly panicking and unsure of what to do or say. All James could think of was Casper.
If Casper was here this wouldn't be happening. If Casper was here he'd tell her to fuck off.
If Casper were here.
"Y'know this is my first Christmas away from my parents."
"O-oh?" he almost squeaked as her hand stroked his thigh. He couldn't even look away from her to ask for some sort of help from his family. She was a guest and he was a guest and plus she and Dawn were best friends, he and Dawn were already on shaky ground and he didn't want to cause an even bigger rift in their relationship. He could say that he was in a relationship but then his whole family would know and there would be endless questions and James didn't trust himself to be able to handle a bunch of lies without slipping up, especially when he had a bit to drink in him.
"I really am a little lonely," she whispered at his ear then moving away and biting her lip and looking down.
She wanted him to proposition her, to take control of the situation but he barely had control of himself. He was frozen in place, staring at her with wide eyes. She was kind of amazing in a way, having that much confidence to man hunt at a friend's family Christmas. It was terrifying. James had his phone clutched tightly in his hand.
Nervously, he took another swig of his drink then looked around the room again. He could see his uncle, with Dawn sitting in a huff at his side, and dad watching him. When he made eye contact with them they grinned and gave him thumbs up. No help there. He looked passed them to Maureen at the far end of the table glaring heatedly at him. He begged her with his eyes to help him but she just glared more and mouthed at him to tell her.
So he tried.
"Look I'm flattered, really. You're a real pretty girl but I'm actually in a relations-"
"She doesn't have to know, I swear." At this point she was pressing into him, her cleavage almost threatening to spill right out of her dress.
"See that's the thing, I-"
"You're very hot, James. In a weird emo way but I like that," she trailed her finger at his chest, smiling with a wide set of pearly whites. "Let's take this upstairs, I swear I'll take care of you."
She started to tug at his arm and James was panicking. He couldn't do this. He didn't want to. He could see his family all looking at him, knowing and expecting. He saw his dad, drunk, but proud and happy. He saw Maureen, all knowing and doing everything. He saw Dawn looking at him, saying to him that no matter what he did now they'd never look at each other with the same find memories and sadness that the closeness was no longer there but as if they were strangers. His mother wasn't even visible from where he sat.
He saw Casper miles from here sitting with his small family.
Casper, beautiful and brilliant, with that hot ball of rage in him that burst out every time he got the chance and his pools of blue eyes and his wicked smile. He saw that smile that was only ever made for him and the blush that crept on his cheeks and the retaliation of embarrassment that came after it that James loved. He saw the fresh look on his face, pale skin and sleepy smiles when he woke up next to James and the way he melted into James threading his fingers through his hair and the way he hummed when he was doing it in return.
His Casper. His boyfriend.
No, he wasn't just going to sit and go along with this girl. He wouldn't dare, no matter how much his family was pushing it to happen. He wasn't that kind of guy.
James was just about to point-blank refuse the girl which he should have done at the start when Maureen loudly got off her seat and stomped towards them furiously
"God's sake," Maureen gasped angrily, ripping Rachel of his arm."Get your hands off my baby brother! He's gay, you thick-headed bimbo!"
No, she couldn't of - she wouldn't.
Realising what she had said Maureen gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.
It was like one of those moments that everything in that second goes silent and everyone hears it, stopping in mid-conversation and turning to one source. Toby at that moment, running from the house cat, tripped over the CD player wire and the music came to a stop as well as everyone else. James couldn't even glare at Maureen. He sat frozen as Rachel scrambled away from him, her face bright red.
"What?" it was his dad, a face of disbelief, standing up from his seat next to his brother."Tell me I didn't just hear what I think you said Maureen. That is not funny!" He laughed awkwardly, looking around the room at his family before he got back to Maureen and him and stopped. He saw a flush rising from his neck.
"Now dear..." his mum came from the living room, going up from behind him, a hand on his shoulder.
"You knew?" He looked at his wife as if betrayed then at his son with the same look and then anger."No!" he said."No, I won't hear of it. Tell me this isn't true James."He looked at him, the vein in his neck pulsing and his skin getting a red tint to them as his anger built up."Tell me you aren't a dirty faggot."
"Harry!" His mother gasped.
James couldn't say anything. He stared up at his dad, the man he had looked up to his whole life, the one that had taught him football, that drove him to all his games and shouted from the sidelines and the one that taught him how to play the guitar. That man was now looking at him in disgust, a look he'd never seen on his dad before in his life.
"Dad, I-" he was too far gone now, he couldn't go back. "I-"
He couldn't think of any way out of this. It was too late to laugh it off.
James wasn't exactly sure what happened after that. He saw his family all staring at him; hurt, confused, disgusted. Everyone of them he had known all his life. Apparently his lack of response confirmed everything and everybody went in an uproar. Toby started crying, trying to reach him as everyone crowding around him. Shouting at him in his face all at the same time so he couldn't make out a word. He saw his dad most of all, in the front with his uncle at the side of him.
He saw them, for the first time in his life, as brothers. They looked in that moment, more like one another than ever and James felt cold. The same steely gaze, the same words out of their mouths. He couldn't think or react. There was his family, those he treasured one way or another shouting at him as though they never knew him.
It felt as if he was within and without, like he was looking on at these faces spitting at him but he couldn't hear them. Everything was churning and mashing together to create one big blow in his face. He could also see past them, he Toby being dragged out of the room by his gran, sobbing. Saw both his mum and his auntie trying to get the attention of his uncle and his dad away from him. Dawn was standing in front of Rachel who as crying for some reason but looking at him with something that resembled pity. And then it all flew back into him.
He snapped.
He snapped."Yeah I'm fucking gay. Breathe it in. Or don't, I couldn't be fucking infectious." He laughed bitterly." Go on! Tell me something I haven't heard of already you bunch of cynical fucking -"
His dad slapped him right across the face and James fell to the ground in surprise, clutching at his cheek. He heard his mother scream at his dad, he saw Maureen now sobbing at the side. Most of all he saw his dad, hand still raised high as he stood above him with an almost murderous rage in his eyes.
James got up then, scrambling to his feet. He took one last look at his family, faces pale and eyes wide. A crowd of brunette hair from his dad's side and those comic Christmas jumpers they wore every year. He looked at Maureen. She had done this and no tear that fell from her eyes could change that.
He turned and staggered to the door, his eyes burning and his cheek stinging.
He wasn't welcome here anymore so he left, but was he ever welcome in the first place. He ran outside, down the street ignoring his mother's calls for him to come back and his uncle's of never setting his feet in his house again.
Everything was so fucked up.
He had nowhere else to go.
James finally let the tears fall freely, a sob ripping out of him as he ran, breathy, white clouds puffing out of him.
He fucking hated Christmas.
A/N: sorry it's late, this chapter was a serious pain in my ass, it did not want to be written. Deddicated to RadicalDreamerz because they are freaking awesome and I did promise, didn't I? Though I don't think you'll be all too happy about this chapter... haha
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