[Nathan]
Awkward conversation is always the worse. Not knowing what to say, but knowing you have to say something otherwise you're classed as rude. But if you end up talking way too much, you can be quite annoying as well. Me? Oh, I was neither.
"I was surprised you said yes to this date. I actually believed what we had was an one night stand. I'm glad you said yes though." I'm babbling, I do that when I'm nervous. I can't stop talking, my nerves are taking over. I just say whatever comes to mind. I hope that doesn't annoy her.
Louisa giggles lightly and shows me her perfectly pearly white teeth, her arm gracefully linked in my arm as we walked down the streets of London to a restaurant I had booked for lunch. I hope it was suitable for her standards and I hope she doesn't realise I'm not entirely rich, living off University funds and my parents dowries.
"I thought you were cute, so why wouldn't I say yes?" she shrugged, smiling up at me.
She thinks I'm cute. Is that good or bad? Cute as in adorable little kid; or cute as in not ugly? I'm confused. I'm so out of this. This is foreign to me. This whole dating saga. I can't remember going on dates with Nikki. STOP THINKING ABOUT HER DAMMIT. THAT CHAPTER HAS ENDED. GET THE HELL OVER IT NATHAN JAMES SYKES STOP LIVING IN THE PAST.
"Well, I hope you like Italian, because we're here." I stood outside Bella Italia, and looked at her waiting patiently for her expression. She was still smiling which reassured me. In fact, she hadn't stopped smiling since I picked her up; I hope this means I'm making her happy.
"What are we waiting for? Let's go in; I'm starving!" she giggles and my heart erupts into beautiful butterflies. I'm completely dazed by this beauty. Two months later, I'm finally getting the opportunity to get over Nikki.
Finally.
•••
After our delicious meal, we were making small talk between one another whilst walking hand in hand through a park, her head on my shoulder as we reached an area full of pretty flowers. I bent down to pick a lilac rose and gently wove it into her soft blonde locks. She smiles sweetly, looking up at me connecting with my eyes so I could stare into her clear crystal blue eyes. They aren't as scary as looking into Niall's, that's for sure.
"Thank you for today, Nathan. I hate to admit this but... but you're actually my first actual date." woah. Ditto. This is amazing, is this real? But she's so beautiful, how can no-one be with her before? The way she was in bed made me think that she was experienced. How can she not have been on a date before? Did guys only use her for sex? Oh.
"You're more then welcome, Louisa. I-I would like to do this again sometime, if you-" but we were interrupted by the ringing from her small purse. She blushed lightly and excused herself before taking the gold and black coloured blackberry out. I saw her expression change and her smile dropped; the colour seemed to have drained from her face as she looked at the phone. I want to ask her if she was okay, but she holds up her finger and walks a few paces away from me. I wait anxiously in silence, dreading the worse.
I hope she's not taken.
[Louisa]
"George, hi." I answer breathlessly, my heart beat racing as I didn't expect this. Also because of how Nathan was taking my breathe away with the way he walks, talks, looks, smiles, laughs, everything. Gosh, what's happening to me? Could he be changing me? If he is, I don't known if I'm changing for the better or for the worse.
"Louisa, hi." he mimics me and then there was silence before he starts to bark at me and I almost wince in pain because of his words. I'm glad Nathan can't see me right now. Not that he would care. He's probably expecting more sex. Just like them all.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING, LEAVING BRANDON WITHOUT ANY NOTICE? YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM TO FIND THESE DESIRABLES. HOW COME YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THEM ANYWAY? I THOUGHT I COULD COUNT ON YOU BOTH. YOU PROVED ME WRONG. NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS COW?! YOU BETTER NOT BE SLEEPING AROUND LIKE THE DESPERATE SEX CRAZED SLUT YOU ARE." that stung. So much.
What could I say to that? I couldn't really say anything. My eyes were stinging with tears. They were threatening to spill down my cheeks but I couldn't let them. I'm strong. I'm strong. I was chanting through my mind as it was a mantra. I can't let him always get to me. People shouldn't be able to walk all over me and get away with it. It isn't right. But I guess it's just my life. This is how I'm destined to be like.
"WHERE ARE YOU, LOUISA RACHEL?! DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF."
I find some courage from buried deep inside me and let the next few words fall out of my mouth with pure confidence.
"You've already repeated yourself though."
"What?! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT."
"Freedom of speech."
I can hear him gasp lightly and I can almost sense the anger bubbling inside him. I am so gonna get it when I come back to Canada. That is, if I go back. Do I want to leave Nathan after he's been the nicest any guy has ever been to me? No. Never.
"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" he screams through the phone and I smirk in satisfaction that he is getting annoyed, angry and I'm not there to witness it.
"Somewhere you are not." and I did the crazy brave thing, and hung up quickly on him before he could even think of another furious speech.
Take that George. Woman power.
•••
"Hey, are you alright?" Nathan touched my cheek where it was lightly damp from a few tears I had let spill. I figured that letting some out means I won't be fighting against myself. I've done enough of that over the years already. I need to change. Start over a new leaf.
"Yeah. Better then I've ever been." I smile at him, and I genuinely mean my words. I feel almost free. I feel like I don't have to consciously watch my back all the time. I don't have to lie. I don't have to obey anyone. I just need to be me, Louisa Mckenzie Rachel. The real me. The one I thought I had lost years ago. She was only hiding.
"I'm glad. Shall we carry on our date then? I don't really want it to end." Nathan holds out his had and I take it without a second thought, I press myself close to him as we walk, feeling emotions I forgot existed.
I forgot what it's like to smile, and laugh uncontrollably and not care what others thinks of you. Since the age of 15, I changed myself so I could forget about the girl who used to be rejected by guys all the time. People didn't like the girl with large rimmed glasses and braces. When I had to move schools, I changed my image so that old me would stay behind in New York. Washington was the start of something new. A new me. I had my braces off, wore contacts, changed my style and attitude. My parents were disgusted by my behaviour, so they enrolled me to an all girls boarding school. Of course I didn't go there. I ditched that and went to the mixed boarding school, changing my name from Mckenzie Rachel, to Louisa Mckenzie Rachel. My mother was named Louisa; I wanted to wreck her perfect name. My parents were goodie too shoes as well, but they were also childhood sweethearts. I didn't have anyone who loved me like my father loved my mother; unlike her, I was alone in a cruel world. So when I changed, I got exactly what I wanted.
Attention.
"I thought you would never ask." I say to him and before he led the way to wherever we were heading to, I pressed my lips softly onto his. It was different to what I was used to. It wasn't sloppy, drunken, intoxicated snogs. It was simple, sweet and it made my insides go all mushy. It was strange.
But I liked it.
*
*
*
[Jay]
I was watching the madly in love couple curled up together talking between themselves as the TV blared some rubbish that Siva seemed interested into; yoga. Yawn.
"Mate. Why don't you actually do the damn stuff rather then staring at the screen?" I raised an eyebrow at my model looking dark Irish friend. Dude's got such amazing cheekbones; they're so 3D.
"Hush James." i actually hate it when people call me by my original full name; I mean c'mon guys, I changed my name for a reason. James is so formal, Jay is short sweet and causal. Don't you think?
"Leave him be. He looks calm watching the man doing his butt possess. Who knows, maybe Kaneswaren is secretly thinking 'mmm dat ass'." Zayn received laughs and a flying cushion from Siva. Who knows, he could be right though? Siva and I have talked about girls before, but we've never actually done anything about it. I remember him once talking about a Nareesha chic once, ages ago but I don't remember ever hearing her name again. Strange.
"Did I tell you all that Tom's with Louis?" Sophia randomly announces, and that catches everyone's attention now. This is a such a sudden change of events. Louis is the only one of Sophia's friends that I can stand, sorry not sorry. He's decent. Expect when he helped kidnap her; not cool bro.
"Seriously? Our Thomas? Gosh. That's so hard to believe. When did you find out?" I question her, perching down next to Siva on the sofa, placing my arm around his shoulder which he shrugs off. Rude. Maybe he isn't gay then, or I'm not his type. Hope it's the second one to be honest.
"When I spoke to him on the phone, he told me then. He also told me that Tom's not the same anymore. He's not the player type anymore, he's more... softer? It's like his hard shell is broken. Louis's changed him so drastically. Lou was telling me how his ex girlfriend Eleanor attempted to strip Tom and Tom pushed her off. It's astonishing because El is a stunner and all; usually Tom wouldn't think twice about putting his hands all over girls, right? Gosh." she informs us all, and we stare at her with our mouth hanging open in an 'o' shape. This is so much to take in.
"Our boy has left the dark side." Zayn speaks slowly as if he's in a daze, trying to let the words sink into his brain. I can't picture it unless I see it for my own eyes though. As much as I'd love to see it, I know we can't go to Bradford. We'd be venerable.
"Is that a good thing?" I ask, not anyone in particular. It was a question open for anyone. I'm having a debate with myself in my head about it right now.
"It seems to be, I guess. But it can have its bad effects too. He won't be able to protect anyone or himself as well as he could do before. That's bad. The good thing is that he isn't some perv anymore, right?" Siva chuckled but no-one else returned it so he stopped. Awkward.
Silence was piercing the air as everyone seemed to be in their own thoughts. As much as I liked this comforting silence, no one is moving to get the ringing telephone which is pissing me off. So I might as well go answer it because these lazy idiots won't get off their backsides.
"Hello?" I answer, not really knowing how to great the caller because it isn't my landline. It's obviously Nathan's.
"Is this Mr Zayn Malik?" a female voice is heard and I am praying that she isn't another physco claiming that she's eight months pregnant with his child. He's already got so much on his plate, and finally got some happiness with his new relationship. Give a man a break dammit?
"No. Can I take a message?" I was saving his butt and her butt basically. I didn't want him to have yet another bombshell loaded on him, and I didn't want her to be stung by his cutting words. I know how he can get when he's angry.
"Um. Yes, this is the midwife Clara, from Oxford Street Emergency Hospital. His wife is getting ready to go into labour."
Wife...
WIFE?!
Oh crap. Caitlin. Oh CRAP SHE'S GOING INTO LABOUR; SHE'S GOING TO HAVE BIRTH THIS IS CRAZY THIS IS INSANE NO THIS IS NOT NEEDED GOD WHAT YOU DOING TO THIS POOR GUY MAN? WHAT DID HE DO WRONG? COULDN'T YOU JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY. GOD. WHAT YOU DONE BRO? ISNT HE SUFFERING ENOUGH AS IT IS? CANT YOU LET HIM HAVE A LITTLE HAPPINESS? GOSH.
"I'll. I'll deliver him the news. Thank you." And I hung up with shaky hands. My palms were sweating and heart thumping in a rather fast pace I was wondering why I hadn't hadn't passed out yet. I was stunned, shell shock by this news. How could I tell him without him tearing this house apart? He needs to know. Not that he would care; would he care? She's his daughter after all. He can't really deny it.
"Z-zayn." I slowly dragged my feet to the living room where my friends had snapped out of their thoughts and were all facing me with curious expressions.
"What's the matter. Bird?" Zayn quizzed me, wrapping his arms around Sophia as he lay down and pulled her back into his chest where she lent on him staring up at me.
"Your. Your child is ready to enter the world."
*
*
*
[Caitlin]
Where the hell is he? He has to come. I'm not delivering my daughter without him beside me. No way. I'll hold on. I don't give a damn if she's killing my vagina and stomach. I'll hold on, she can wait a few more hours can't she? Dammit. STOP HURTING ME.
"M'am you're ready. You're going to have to start to push now." Clara tells me in a calm tone but I still want to rip every single strand of her pixie cut jet black hair. She didn't mean to be on my bad side, but my daughter was literally killing me right now I can't control my emotions. I feel like a train is ramming into my vagina and some obese person is using my stomach as a trampoline. Actually that only describes a quarter of the pain I am feeling right now.
"No. No, I. I'm not. I-"
I attempt to climb off the bed but I am pinned down by four different doctors. They are acting crazy, even though I'm the one who is insane. I'm the one who's in the middle of her water breaking, and I want to climb off the ward bed and walk all the way back home. Where the hell is he? He needs to be here.
"M'am stay calm. It's going to be fine."
But it isn't going to be you dumb idiot. You don't understand what sort if mental and physical pain I am going through right now. I love a man that would never love me back half the amount I love him. I've had to look after myself, my house, my job, and my unborn baby for nine bloody months ALONE. No help, do you understand how hard that is? It seemed like I would die in the process, but here I am. Soon to bring my daughter in the world but I want the first thing she sees to be her beautiful father. That's what I want. Not to see her sweaty fat mother, I want her to see her stunning father and hey damn you for not helping mummy but love me because I'm all cute and so loveable. I would like to think that that Sophie girl is no competition to me but then I would be lying to myself.
She's everything I've wanted to be. She's beautiful, kind hearted, has people who will protect her and keep her safe, is funny, is nice, is well fed, is well looked after and most importantly...
She has Zayn's love.
That's all I really want, forget everything else. I want him to love me the way he loves her. I want him to look at me the way he looks at her. I want him to laugh and smile, the way he does with her. I want him to say my name and has his heart fluttering the way it does when he says hers. I want him to stare at me for long time and tell me I'm beautiful. I want him to wipe my eyes when I'm sad, and protect me when I'm sad. I want to be the first thing he sees when he falls asleep and wakes up. Why can't it be me, and not her?
Why does life have to be this way?
I've done so much for him. Why doesn't he see that? Why is the only person he see, is her?
All I want is his attention.
Just for a little while.
((for once i actually feel sorry for caitlin - idk about you. are you guys ready for zayn jr yet?;) what are your views so far and what's your fav moment(s) of this book and do i scare you? comment and vote for an update ily-Tanisha xo))