-Louis-
Ever since the fight I had with Chelsea in my dorm room last week, nothing's been the same. Now instead of uttering a smart remark to one of my comments, or telling me to leave her alone, Chelsea just stays silent...avoiding eye contact with me. We haven't talked since the fight. The only time I get to hear her voice is when she's with her friends and she doesn't know I'm around. Whenever she notices me, her face turns somber and her voice goes silent. I would give anything to go back to when I could hear Chelsea laugh...and me be the reason why she's doing so. To have her roll her eyes at me with a smirk plastered on her face as she playfully hits my arm because i just told a corny joke. But that's never going to happen...and it's all my fault.
"Being a hero twice in one day, huh"
I replay Chelsea's words in my mind
I smile softly as I think about when she called me a hero..something I thought I was never capable of being. 'Hero'; a word that never meant that much to me..until Chelsea said it. My smile quickly fades away as I pull myself back into reality. Things are never going to be the same..ever.
"Come on Lou" Derek says, pulling a shirt over his bare chest "You can't stay in your room forever. Go to a party or something."
I turn over to lay on my back as I scoot closer to the pillow at the top of my bed, resting my head on top of it
"I don't feel like going to a party" I say, holding my phone over my face as I scroll through my newsfeed
"You've gotta go do something" he slides his shoes onto his feet
"What's the point" I say quietly, my eyes still attached to my phone
"For gosh sakes Louis" Derek gave me a pitiful look, his eyebrows furrowed. He turned around as he held the handle "at least go do your report you have to have done. The one on Poe. You don't want to give Chelsea another reason to hate you"
I watch as he leaves. I exhale deeply, sitting up on my bed. Derek's right, I better get that done.
I slide my phone into my pocket and exit my room. As I turn in the hall, I see Chelsea walking towards me, her eyes focused intently on the book she held in her hands.
In a split second, I made the decision I was going to talk to her
"Chelsea" I say, reaching my hand to rub the back of my neck
Her eyes quickly jolt up from the page. She slowly stops as she sees me. I could tell she wasn't going to speak, so I took that as my Que.
"What brings you to my floor?" I attempted to make Conversation
Chelsea looks away from me. I could tell she was contemplating on weather or not she was going to reply. She sighs loudly before looking back at me.
"I had to unscrew a picture frame from my wall and I didn't have a screwdriver. Monica let me borrow Derek's, and I'm returning it" she says, pulling out the small tool from her bag
"What picture was it?" I ask, trying to mentally picture all the photos she had hanging on her walls.
She pauses once again before giving me an answer
"The one the four of us took when we were at the park" her voice was quiet
My mind takes me back to that moment
"Come on, you're next" I say, grabbing Chelsea's hand, drawing a fancy mustache on the side of her slim finger
"That tickles" she giggles softly, watching me closely as I draw on her skin
"Done" I smile at my masterpiece
Chelsea and I hold up our fingers to our face, trying on our new facial hair
We burst out in laughter at the sight of each other
"Picture time" Monica says, holding her finger up to her face as well
Derek crouched in close to us, leaning into the picture
"Say cheese!"
"Louis....Louis?" I snap about of my flashback, my eyes now focusing on Chelsea. My heart sinks as I realize she was taking down that picture...as if to erase the memory..a memory that I wouldn't want to forget for the world.
Whether it pains me to think about it or not.
"That was a good picture, wasn't it" I say softly
She nodded, her gaze shifting away from me "Listen, I didn't know that you were going to be here. I-..I'll just come back later"
"No need. I'll make sure he gets it" I smile slightly, holding out my hand.
She stares at me for a moment before
placing the screwdriver in my hand
She turns around without another word, taking a step to leave
"Wait" I say before she can take another
She reluctantly turns around, her eyes now locked with mine
"I'm almost done with my half of the project..we could finish working on it together if you'd like"
She shook her head gently "I don't think that's a good idea"
I nod in response, feeling defeated at her answer
"I've gotta go" she says softly, stepping backwards before turning around to leave
When she rounds the corner, I restlessly run my fingers through my hair, letting out a sigh. I pull my
Phone out to check the time, and decide to go eat at the dining hall
I sit in front of my food, wondering why I even wanted to eat, I'm not even the least bit hungry. I haven't had my normal appetite ever since-
"Man" Derek drops his fork, leaning back in his chair "eat your food"
"I'm not very hungry" I shrug
Derek groans, running his eyes before roughly placing his fists back on the table. His eyes now solely on me
"Louis, how many breakups have you gone through, huh? How many times have you done something wrong in a relationship and the girl dumps you and never talks to you again"
I open my mouth to answer, but Derek speaks instead
"There's no way you have a number because its too many to count" he states.
I can't help but feel kind of offended by his words, but I realize he's right. One hundred percent right.
"You got over them in what...twenty minutes?" He gives me a look "you weren't even dating Chelsea. You're letting this ruin you"
"Chelsea's different. I don't really understand it myself" I say, now leaning in the back of my
chair as well. I feel like a girl talking about my feelings like this with Derek. Admitting that Chelsea has in fact ruined me in a way no other girl has...no other girl will. Derek's right. I've never
Acted this way after a break up, but that's because I've never felt this way after a break up...i didnt know i was capable of feeling this way...and it's killing me.
"I don't know what's wrong with me" I interject "I'm acting like a little girl. Guys with lip rings and tattoos aren't supposed to act this way" I joke in an attempt to lighten my own mood
Derek laughs under his breath, leaning back over the table to finish his meal. I finally pick over my food, eating what I like.
-Chelsea-
"Don't just throw it away" Monica says, pointing to the picture I had taken off my wall earlier that day.
"Well I don't want it on my wall. It's kind of depressing waking up every morning and having to look at it."
"I'll take it then...it can go on my wall. I'm always here anyway. You won't have to worry about seeing it. Besides, it's too good of a picture to just trash it"
Monica stays quiet for a moment before clearing her throat, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear "Derek said you ran into Louis when you went to return the screwdriver" I couldn't read the expression on her face
"..Yeah" I reach up and place a calendar over where the picture used to be
"He was really depressed at dinner-Derek said" she continued
"Monica, why are you telling me this" I frown
"I don't get it" Monica says, standing up from my bed "it's like...it's like you aren't even mad at Louis anymore." She begins slowly pacing back and forth, her arms crossed "you're just sad. And it doesn't make sense. You're sad that you aren't with him and you miss him, but you won't let him get close to you again..even though he desperately wants to" she stops walking and stares at me, her eyes searching mine "what's stopping you? Being with him made you so happy. You have the chance to have that again Chelsea"
I take a moment to soak in what was just said. My heart aching every time she says Louis
"I don't really know what's going on Monica" I groan, tugging at my hair slightly "he irritates me to no end, always bugging me and making my life harder..but I just can't forget him..I can't forget all the fun times we had, his British accent and his foolish, foolish tattoes" I rant, taking my turn to start pacing "His stupid lip ring that he constantly plays with that it totally unsanitary." I go on "I hate him, i hate him so much. but I love him at the same time" I stop in my tracks, my mind repeating what I just said at full speed
I love him at the same time
Love
"You love him?" Monicas eyes focused on me
"No" I shook my head "no, I don't love him" I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her..or myself
"You said you lo-"
"I don't" I interrupt, not wanting to hear her say it "I didn't know what I was saying. It was a slip of the tongue..that's all"
I can't believe I said I loved him..I don't. I don't love him. I can't love him