Dil Ki Sawalaat
(Questions Of The Heart)
"Apne dil ko ye zaroor sikhao, ke wo jo tabdeel nahi ho saktaa , us ko qubool karlo."
"You must teach your heart to accept what cannot be changed."
-sisterhood of deen.
* * *
The sun shone down brightly, washing the lush green grass with its radiance, as if reminding them that brighter days awaited them. The leaves of the tree that canopied them, swayed with the gentle tune of the wind, as if trying to soothe the two broken hearts that rested beneath its shade. The birds chirped and sang tunes, only understood by their own species, as if attempting to console the two lost souls, above whom they hovered.
Little children were scattered around the park along with their supervisors, some chasing each other, while screaming in glee, some sliding down the bright red, high slide. Smiles of joy etched on their faces, some played soccer in little groups, their innocent eyes, filled with determination. Some played cricket, tapping their little bats with enthusiasm, while the others swinged higher and higher, giggles of excitement escaping their little upturned lips, as the wind whipped their hair, making them feel like they were flying.
A family of six, happily occupied themselves with their picnic, under a huge shady tree. A young couple sat on a bench, along the river bank, far away from all the ruckus, conversing in hushed whispers. An old couple walked hand in hand, as they observed the activity around them. A middle aged woman rested on her blanket, lost in another realm, engrossed in the book that she read. An old lady, sat on a bench, her dog sat nearby, as she curiously observed the two young lads, sitting cross legged on the grass, a few feet away from her.
The two lads had caught her attention, as they were the only two that were visibly upset.
Surely everyone had their own fair share of problems, but not everyone here made it apparent.
When her gaze fell on the two lads and she saw how their shoulders were slumped in defeat, how they stared ahead, but at nothing specific, lost in their own thoughts, occasionally exchanging a word or two, her wise mind understood that they were going through a rough patch and they didn't really know how to deal with it.
She had been watching them for quite a long while now, and her curiosity was beginning to take control of her. Her legs were itching to walk towards them and ask them what it was that was troubling them and her wrinkled hands felt like patting their backs in consolement.
She wished to share with them her words of advice and inspire them with her words of wisdom.
Raees's eyes roved the inhabitants of the entire park, he slowly observed each adult and child, until his gaze fell on the couple who sat along the river bank, encased in their own bubble, sharing sweet smiles and secret laughter.
He heard his heart stuttering and he felt tears stinging his eyes once again.
Not very long ago he was in the same scenario along with his wife.
They seemed so happy a few months ago?
What went wrong?
He worked seven days a week, but after he tied the knot of matrimony, he made sure to ask Waqaas if he could work till half day on Saturday and Sunday, as his wife was from another city and she had no family nearby nor had she made any friends at the time.
During the week he worked right till seven or eight p.m, depending on how busy the shopping mall would be, but thankfully his boss accepted his request and allowed him to leave work at three p.m on wekeends, so that his wife wasn't left alone on weekends as well.
After a few months, she had adjusted to her new lifestyle and she even made some new friends around the neighborhood, but Raees still came home early on weekends, for he treausured and valued those two days they had to themselves and Waqaas would make sure to take over from Raees on the weekends, so he didn't have to worry.
One Saturday afternoon, as usual he was enthusiastically packing up to go home to his beloved wife.
Five years had already passed since their marriage, yet he looked forward to seeing her, as if they were still newly weds.
He received a call from none other than Farnaaz, urging him to come home immediately.
When he heard the panic in her voice and the way her voice quivered, he hurriedly informed Waqaas that he was leaving and before Waqaas could even reply, he sprinted out of the shop and into the parking lot.
He drove like a complete maniac that day and he was usually a very calm driver, but he didn't care, his wife was in some kind of trouble and he needed to be there for her.
When he reached his flat, he found her sprawled on the bathroom floor, tears covered her face, her hair was disheveled and her nose red due to all the crying.
When his eyes fell on her floral dress that was stained red and her hands wrapped around her stomach, he immediately knew what had happened.
He fell down on the floor besides her, his own heart breaking as he encompassed her in a hug, consoling both her and himself, as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
During the five years that they had been married, Farnaaz had experienced many complications when it came to conception, but after five long, tear filled and difficult years, she had finally fallen pregnant.
Their joy knew no bounds, both his family as well as her family were overjoyed, for he was the baby of his house and everyone waited anxiously for the last few grandkids and she was the only child, thus her parents supplicated endlessly for a grandchild.
She had carried the baby for three whole months, almost entering the fourth month.
Her excitement knew no bounds and she had already started purchasing some necessities for her little bundle of joy, but just as she was about to finish off her fourth month, she had miscarried.
They both had been devastated, Farnaaz more than Raees, as she was the one who carreid the baby in her womb, but they had accepted it as the decree of Allah SWT and they began supplicating for another baby again.
After her miscarriage two years had passed and still Farnaaz had not conceived and now she was beginning to lose hope.
When Raees had returned from work one Sunday afternoon, he had searched the flat for his wife, until he found her in the bathroom once again.
She sat on the edge of the tub, her face buried in her hands as her body shook with her cries.
His heart broke seeing her condition.
He settled besides her, consoling her and assuring her that all would be okay.
Once she had calmed down, with teary eyes, she had related to him what had transpired earlier that day.
"I finished my cooking and house chores early today, so I decided to visit our neighbour who lives on the third floor. Aunty Sameera, the old widow who lives all alone."
He nodded, listening attentively as he wiped away a tear that escaped her eye.
"We were just talking about usual things, until the topic changed to my pregnancy."
Raees curled his hand into a fist.
He hated it when people confronted his wife about sensitive topics.
"She said that I need to start looking after my health and not eat a whole lot of junk and that I need to make a stronger effort. She claimed that I'm not trying hard enough to have a child and that I keep letting my previous miscarriage haunt me and scare me!"
She burst into tears once again.
"Sh-she probably didn't mean to hurt me and was probably trying to advise me out of the goodness of her heart, but she struck raw wounds that still haven't healed!"
Raees held her close to his chest, stroking her hair and whispering sweet nothings into her ears as she calmed down once again, his own body silently shaking with anger.
How could people be so insensitive? That too an old lady who was supposed to approach the subject in a much wiser way!
He had dragged her with him to the nearby park, insisting that she needed some fresh air and a nice and soothing walk and just like how the couple before him sat, they had also sat on a bench along the river bank. Her head rested on his shoulder and his arm hugged her closer to him.
He joked and teased her till she cracked a smile and finally he heard her beautiful laughter that soothed his heart.
That was only a few months ago....and in a few short months, their marriage had slowly started to crumble.
He still didn't know how and when it had happened, but somehwere along the line something went terribly wrong!
A tap on his shoulder brought him out of his reverie.
"Hey where are you lost?"
Waqaas questioned, deeply concerned for his friend.
Raees blew out a breath, and in that one breath many words of pain were hidden, which he was unable to utter.
"I don't know what went wrong man!"
Raees finally voiced, dropping his face on his lap.
"She refuses to speak to me! She just chants the same thing,divorce, divorce!"
He cringed every time she uttered those words, his heart couldn't bear the weight of that despicable word.
He walked far far away from her whenever she would bring that cursed word on her tongue and only return home when he was sure she would be fast asleep, when he could see her as the Farnaaz he always knew and not the Farnaaz she had recently become.
When he could secretly admire her peaceful face, as she fell deeper into oblivion. When he could silently cry while kissing her forehead and discreetly supplicate for some kind of normalcy in their life once again.
While Waqaas attempted to think of suitable words to cosnole Raees, the old lady approached them on shaky legs.
She walked to the bench directly opposite to the one where they sat, curiously observing Raees and Waqaas.
Waqaas squirmed under the old woman's scrutinizing gaze, wondering why she suddenly decided to sit nearer to them.
When he became intimidated by the old lady, who still sat in silence watching their every move, he discretely nudged Raees, who lifted his head and looked straight into the old ladie's enchanting, grey, but wise eyes.
"Hello there young lads!"
She greeted them in a cheerful voice.
They both replied, slightly perplexed that a random old lady walked all the way here to make conversation with them.
"My name's Francina. I'm a regular visitor at this park, or should I say I have now become part of the family. I'm quite sure the birds and squirells in the park also know me by now, that's how frequently I come here!"
The two nodded, looking around for any squirrels their eyes must have missed.
.
As far as they knew they had never ever seen any squirrels at this park.
Deciding not to sit like a morbid person, Waqaas introduced himself and Raees did the same.
After making small talk, the old lady cut straight to the chase.
"Well, I have been observing the two of you for a long time now and I had noticed how sad and down you both seem, so I decided to have a few words with the two of you."
They both exchanged glances, both had a look of surprise on their faces.
They didn't know that their moods were so apparent to strangers as well.
"I'm not going to ask what it is that is troubling the two of you, but I just came here to let you both know, grimaces don't suit those handsome faces and let me tell you, you two are losing alot of good chances by hiding those mesmerising smiles!"
Waqaas cracked a smile and Raees snorted.
If only this old lady knew what he was going through.
It even hurt to smile!
"Let me tell you a story of an old lady I know very very well!"
Francina suggested, a sparkle in her gray eyes.
She had a different accent, but Waqaas couldn't place the accent.
He knew that she wasn't a local cocassion lady, she didn't look like a local white, neither did she speak like one.
"There was a young girl who was born and brought up in Portugal. During her teenage years, she moved to South Africa along with her family and finished off the rest of her schooling career here in South Africa. Adjustment was not easy at first, as she was from another country and also she unwillingly left behind so many loved ones, she was not prepared to part with. Eventually as time went on, she settled down in the new country and decided to make a life for herself."
Waqaas rested his back against the bark of the tree, listening attentively to the old woman.
He came to the conclusion that the lady had something beneficial to say and also it would be nice to divert his thoughts from a certain someone who was miles away from him.
"Once she had matriculated, she had decided to study in the medical field. It was always her dream to be a doctor one day, so she began making her dream into a reality."
Raees thoght the old lady needed someone to talk to, so he also swept his problems aside for a while and lent the old lady an attentive ear.
"One day her family decided to eat out at a new Portuguese restaurant that had opened up.
By then, she had already completed four years of her studies.
So they found a table and settled down, during the course of her meal, she caught the eye of a handsome young lad that kept staring at her since she had arrived.
When she realised the guy was trying to get her attention, she did her best to ignore him, but he was one stubborn lad!
He had followed her through out the whole mall and had finally found the opportunity to talk to her alone, when she had separated from her parents to have a look at the newest clothes.
When he had spoken to her, trying to convince her that he just wanted to be friends, she had heard his accent and to her surprise, he was a Portuguese too! This is what had urged her to become closer to him over the years and eventually they fell in love, or so she thought.
After she had completed her studies, he had proposed to her and she obviously agreed, as she had already fallen head over heels for him and she anxiously waited for the day he would propose to her. Eventually they got married and like most couples their first two years of marriage were the best.
A short while after their second anniversary, she noticed that her husband was beginning to slowly change.
He gave her less attention, he hardly complimented her anymore, he hardly spoke to her and he had started coming late from work.
This had concerned her greatly, for she had deep love for him, but she doubted that he still felt the same way. So she decided to follow him one day and that was probably the worst mistake of her life and the most heart breaking day of her life too!
She had found out that he was involved with another woman and after work he would pay her a visit, that is why he would always be late.
When he had arrived home that evening, just to confirm her doubts and not jump to conclusions, she had confronted him about it and much to her dismay, he had guiltily confessed his mistake and instead of trying to rectify his mistake, even though she was willing to give him another chance, a few days after that he handed her the divorce papers and they both parted their seperate ways."
Waqaad heard Raees's sharp intake of breath and when he glanced at him, he knew exactly what he was thinking.
The thought of his wife probably being involved with another man never crossed his mind and now that the old lady had mentioned it, doubt was beginning to fog his mind.
Could it be....?
" She was thirty seven at that time. She was heart broken, torn,shredded into tiny pieces, she cried and screamed and went ballistic, but nothing brought him back. She almost fell into a deep depression, she was on the verge of committing suicide, but her parents were her biggest support. They tried their best to convince her that it was not the end of the world, they advised her to be strong and to have faith in God and slowly that's what she started doing.
She realised she couldn't cry over spilt milk, her crying and grieving would not change the past. She would have to be strong for herself and for those who still loved her and most importantly she had to seek help from God. When she sought help from God and she began becoming closer to him, she found peace in her heart and soul and eight whole years later, God sent her David!"
Her eyes sparkled with tears when she mentioned her husbands name.
"I was forty five when I met David, by then I had already become accustomed to living as a divorcee. David was five whole years older than me, he was my parents neighbours son and a close friend of my fathers, despite their age difference, and he apparently liked me since I was a young girl, but never did mention anything to my father, as he knew I was already interested in my ex husband.
He had traveled abroad for some business even before I had married my ex husband and had returned seven years after my divorce, but his love for me was still deep rooted, he hadn't married and after his return, when he found out I was single again, he jumped for the opportunity and proposed for me.
To say I was surprised would be an understatement! I had already considered myself an old woman, my only son was planning to marry soon and here I was receiving a proposal myself. I had declined thrice, but he was adiment and my father advised me to give it a shot.
After a whole year of convincing me and trying to get to know me better, we finally got married.
I never regretted my decision, he treated me like a queen, we lived a life filled with happiness and love, we grew older together and I loved him with all my my heart, I still do.
So boys, my point of telling you this story is so that you both can take some lesson from it. You both are still young lads, you both have your whole life ahead to explore, learn new things and to experience different phases of life.
Don't waste your life away, crying over the past and regretting what was done. Like I said before, fretting over your past doesn't change your present or future, but learning from your past and taking each step of life with faith in God and hope for better days is what will help you move on and feel better too!"
Both stared at the old lady in deep thought, she seemed abit curious first, but all she really wanted to do was share some wisdom and make them feel a little bit better.
Waqaas smiled, thanking her for her advice.
"So when do we get to meet Mr David, the knight in shinning armour?"
Francina chuckled, her eyes glistened with tears.
"I'm afraid that's not possible, as he has passed on, a year ago."
Waqaas bit his tongue.
Sometimes he really had to watch what he said.
He bowed his head in shame.
"I'm sorry for your loss "
She smiled.
"Oh, don't be, he has left behind ten years of beautiful memories. While I do feel his absence, the memories we shared keeps me happy!"
After that day, the old lady became a good friend of theirs and as she had assumed, they soon shared their stories with her as well and ofcourse she advised Waqaas not to chase after what was never meant to be his, and she urged Raees to get to the root of their problem and try and make their marriage work.
* * *
She held her throw close to her, trying to prevent it from flailing all over the place, as she stepped onto the cable cart that would transport them to the table mountain.
She was slightly worried about exploring table mounatin in this weather, it was only a tad bit windy, but she feared that one of them would fly off the mountain if it had to get really windy up there!
She stood against the wall of the cable cart, not even daring to look out of the window as everyone else filed in.
She was afraid of heights and she was trying her best not to panic as the doors shut and the cart slowly started moving.
She didn't want to make her fear apparent infront of everyone else.
Her parents they already knew about her panic, that is why her father discretely held her hand, squeezing it softly, passing her a reassuring smile.
That didn't go unoticed by Ayaaz, he kept watching her every move and observed every expression.
He noticed she wasn't an optimistic person at all, she always seemed to be having a battle in her mind and it seemed like her bad thoughts always overruled her good thoughts.
She tried her best to portray herslef as any other normal girl, but if you looked closely, you would notice the silent reluctance and constant fear in her eyes.
He wasn't smitten by her or anything of that sort, neither was this love at first sight.
He was just curious about her, he wanted to know what it was that turned her into who she now was and he wanted to find a way to help her come out of this prison she had trapped herslef in.
He had heard tits and bits of her story, from his mother and youngest sister, but he wasn't sure what was the actual truth and what was fabricated, as stories that were not heard directly from the person who went through the experience, mostly consisted of two actual truths and eight lies that others fabricated while relating the story.
Every time the story spread some more, even more lies were addded to it, to such an extent , sometimes there was no truth left in the story, it just turns into a bunch of lies and exaggeration.
Once they had reached the top of the mountain, Bushra let go of her father's hand, but still stayed close to him, avoiding Ayaaz's watchful gaze.
She was always lost in her own thoughts, but she wasn't so oblivious to her surroundings, especially if someone stared at her like she was a difficult maths problem they were trying so hard to solve.
He looked at her with very scrutinizing eyes and she didn't like it one bit!
It reminded her of a certain someone, who she didn't want to even allow her mind to think of while on vacation.
After admiring the scenery from the top of the mountain, walking around for another half an hour and then returning back to the parking lot, they performed their Zohar Salaah at their hotels, ate lunch, then set off to further explore the city.
They had visited the point where the two oceans meet and Bushra was awed by how clearly you could see the difference in the two oceans.
One looked more bluish in colour and the other more greenish in colour.
They had stopped at a Masjid to perform their Asr Salaah and after that they decided to go to Milky Lane.
The place was packed with people at night.
There were nunerous places to eat and a few people entertaining the crowds with various stunts.
The adults found a spot at one of the halaal restaurants and Saaqib ushered their children to go for a walk while they ordered the food and waited for it to get done.
He smiled as they all walked towards the exit, chatting amongst themselves.
He was glad that Bushra's mind had been distracted from her sorrows.
Unbeknownst to his wife, or any of the elders for that matter, he hoped that his son would marry Bushra and give her the happiness she deserved.
She wasn't a bad girl, she just made a mistake, but that didn't mean she wasn't willing to correct her mistakes. She looked utterly shamed by what she had done, and that's all that mattered.
He had seen her silently supplicating in the dead of the night and his heart went out to her.
If she was seeking forgiveness from her Lord and Allah SWT had hopefully forgiven her, then how could human beings who were drenched in sin, judge her for her mistakes?
He was a smoker and his place of smoking was the living room balcony that overlooked the garden, not only had he witnessed her crying in the dead of the night, he had also witnessed the entire exchange between Bushra and Ayaaz and although the exchange wasn't exactly an amicable one, he somehow felt that they would make a good match.
He hadn't mentioned this to his wife though, he didn't even think of telling her yet.
Ayaaz was their only son and he was sure that his wife didn't want a daughter in law that was a divorcee.
His wife was very different to him, she would probably throw a fit if she heard his thoughts. Thus, for now, he kept his thoughts to himself and supplicated to Allah SWT to guide him and assist him in making the right decision.
* * *
She stood at the door of their accommodation, still shocked at their honeymoon destination.
She had been informed about the location before they left, for Daaniyaal wasn't that good at keeping secrets, but when she actually reached there she was amazed.
She had only seen Bora Bora in pictures and videos and she never thought she would ever visit the place and that too with her husband.
The water sparkled under the sunlight and it looked so much clearer than the Durban oceans back in South Africa.
As she gazed at the endless water and took a peek at the newcomers, who would be staying a few yards away from them, she felt two hands encircling her waist and pulling her inside.
Daaniyaal shut the door and she gave him an incredulous look.
"Why did you do that?"
"What?"
He smiled, when she shot him an annoyed look.
"Why did you pull me away from the doorway, I was enjoying the view."
She complained, folding her arms.
His smile fell.
"While you were enjoying the view, that young boy who was moving in with his family was viewing your face."
She shook her head, biting the insides of her cheeks to stop herself from smiling at his overprotectiveness.
"He was probably just staring at me because of the scarf on my head !"
Daaniyaal shrugged.
"Well, either way I didn't like him staring at you!"
She walked towards him, pulling his cheeks.
"You are too cute!"
Saying that, she quickly pecked his cheek, then disappeared into the room to unpack, but what she said while she walked to the room made Daaniyaal smile and filled his heart with love.
"I'm all yours okay, you don't have to keep worrying."
He plopped himself on the couch, a broad smile stretched accross his face.
Why hadn't he married earlier?
He could really get used to this marriage thing.
People made it seem so scary and so traumatic, but he was actually really enjoying being married.
If marriage included getting random kisses on his cheek from his wife and her uttering those words that she just did a few moments ago, he really liked this marriage thing, no, he actually really loved it.
With a small smile on his face and happy thoughts, his eyes fluttered closed and in the awkward position that he was, he fell into a deep sleep.
* * *
After unpacking their bags and hanging up their clothes in the cupboard, she took a long and relaxing shower.
She needed it after the tiresome journey.
Not bothering to doll herself up, as it would be dark soon and they would probably sleep early due to their tiredness, she slipped on her long sleeved silky pyjama top with matching long trousers, towel dried her hair and brushed it out, then applied some face cream and a thin coat of clear lipgloss.
If she was wearing pjs, she could still look presentable atleast.
When she stepped into the little living room, adjacent to the kitchenete, she laughed at the way her husband slept.
How did he even fall asleep like that?
His head rested on the top of the back rest, his arms stretched wide open, on either side of him and his long legs were stretched infront of him, one leg on top of the other.
Daaniyaal was really blessed when it came to falling asleep. He would just put his head on the pillow and within seconds he would fall into a deep sleep.
As for her, sometimes she had to count sheep, goats, buffaloes and cows and still, sleep would refuse to envelope her!
She brought the duvet from the bedroom, then slowly tried to drag his head down, so that he could lay comfortably on the couch.
With several huffs and puffs, she managed to drag half his body further up the couch.
She took a deep breath, then lifted his legs up.
His legs were too long for the couch, even though his legs from his shin onwards dangled off the hand rest of the couch, he looked a little more comfortable than before.
Finally she covered him with the duvet, only to see the duvet shaking with laughter.
She walked towards his face, annoyed with his antics.
"You were pretending to be asleep all this time, weren't you!"
He laughed his occassional throaty laugh, tickling her until she cracked up.
The little cottage, echoed with his laughs and her giggles and the stars in the sky twinkled in happiness at the beautiful bond they shared.
* * *
Assalamaulaykum lovelies!❤
Please shower me with love... darlings... this chap consists of 5 160 words! Probably the longest chap in this story!