Rey turned around, following the feeling that lead her to find him standing behind her.
The desert girl looked down at her hands, remembering her skin against his. Her hands inside his. His palm against her cheek. Her fingers tracing his scar. A space in her chest seized up, tightened and ached for that intimacy again.
Rey felt free just by the thought of it. She felt left out of the cage of unknowing. Trapped to always be confused with who she was. With Ren, he made her feel like. . .herself. As the person she wanted to be. But that also made her wonder if how she felt every time she was with him, she was betraying the person she was supposed to be. The hero who didn't fall for the villain. The protagonist who didn't betray her friends to spend a few spare moment with their enemy.
"Ben," she whispered, a little surprised he was there after what happened last night.
Rey closed her eyes for a quick moment, not anticipating for her voice to sound as if he scared her. She only thought that she might had made him angry for turning away from what might have been. For simply explaining what was holding her back from what she could have. And it was clear as crystal that she knew what he wanted, that there was nothing holding him back. Except her.
Rey pushed all of that aside. She sensed he was nervous. She picked up that Ren was also a little frustrated but it wasn't pointed at her. Something happened on his end. Something making him. . .afraid? And it didn't have to do anything with himself. That feeling was different from when she sensed his emotions for the first time. When she picked up his fear.
Rey staggered up to him, heat rising inside her cheeks. She grit her teeth together, wondering if it was only awkward for her to be close to him again.
Ren didn't acknowledge her hesitation. "I don't have much time," he told her, his voice unwavering unlike his feelings.
"Okay, what is it?" She expected him to go on about another nightmare, but then he glanced to his right, his eyes looking at the closed doors as if making sure they stayed that way.
Then his fixed back on her and he revealed, "The First Order has knowledge of your location."
It was as if he blew a hole in her. "What?"
"The First Order knows where the Resistance is."
Of course they would find them. They'd never stop trying to find them. The Resistance would never be comfortable wherever they are. They were never going to stay hidden from them forever. The First Order would not simply relax on finding what little of them was left just because Kylo Ren was Supreme Leader.
That was when it hit her. The man who was once her swore enemy was acting as if he was her ally.
"Wait, why. . ." she started, but paused. Rey was unsure if she wanted to hear his answer so she cleared her throat and asked again, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Rey, think about it," Her name coming from him brought her fully aware of whatever he was about to say. She felt the weight of his hands on her shoulders. "Join me now and I will guarantee you safety from the fleet."
Another blow.
Rey felt her hands and knees start to tremble. Her idea of them finding good terms because of everything after the throne room—he ripped that all away.
Now she knew Ren never gave up on all of that. He never forgot who he was. Who she was. What happened being the balance of it all? To forgetting the Resistance and the First Order? To find a common ground? To find the middle and have a chance?
And he originally wanted to destroy it all. He wanted to destroy everything for there to be basically nothing left to rule. All that she knew will be gone and he was just going to allow that. He wanted that? He wanted her to want that?
"I cannot believe this," Rey spit out under her breath like the fire boiling up her blood.
His brown eyes were infatuated with her hazel. He seemed so sure of everything it almost scared her. Ren ducked his head down to get to her eye level. He simply continued, "I promise you, Rey," he searched both of her eyes, "you will not be harmed."
"No," she could barely whisper. Her lungs felt like they were shrinking, her chest tightening. She shook her head and rolled her eyes as if he were some spoiled child needing reprimanding. "I. . ." Rey's eyes widened when she thought about it again. The fleet! "I have to warn the others!"
Just as Rey turned away, Ren fastened a hand on her wrist, gripping on to her so she wouldn't leave him again, like last time. "Rey, wait, you're not listening to me," he squeezed her wrist, gently, so she could redirect her attention. "Join me and you and I can—"
"For the last time," she said, trying to wiggle herself out of his grip, "I will not join you, Kylo Ren."
Rey couldn't miss it. She saw the hurt flash in his eyes, but it was replaced with the same hardness when he blinked again. It was the only sign that he was registering how she felt with what he was saying. But he wasn't giving up. "This is to keep you safe."
Rey stopped struggling. She looked deep into his eyes to see if he meant it. After what she asked of him, he hoped he didn't. But he didn't even blink. Ren's expression was solid, unchanged, long enough to give her the chance to snap out of his grip.
Rey leaned in a little bit forward so she could tell him right to his face, "I can keep myself safe."
Rey took her wrist back and rubbed the spot his fingers pressed down against her, making the skin slightly red. She looked down in disbelief.
Ren rolled his eyes, wishing she'd pushed through her mentality to understand what he was truly offering her. "Rey, this doesn't have to be the dark side versus the light," he told her. "This could be the era of you and me. The two of us. We could have it all. . .only if we stand together."
"What happened to the middle?" she wondered. "You say this isn't about the dark side versus the light, but you still want to rule the galaxy. Do you really expect me to still join you? Why should I have to join you?" Rey shook her head. "So, you don't want to join me, fine! It wasn't about turning you."
Ren was visually skeptical. "Oh, really?"
"No."
"It wasn't about making me join you and your pals at the Resistance so you can claim victory against the evil First Order?"
"It wasn't!"
He scoffed.
"It was about finding a friend," Rey claimed. "I thought I actually found one in you. I thought I had Ben."
For a long time, Ren stood there, staring at her, as if he didn't see her anymore. Rey wondered if he wished he could have his helmet—that he abandoned to her knowledge—just so he could hide his face from her in this moment. "You're making a mistake."
Rey let out a sigh, giving up. She was too exhausted to argue anymore. She didn't want to fight him again before they drew weapons. It would only end until something ended up splitting into two. "I have to go."
Rey tried to walk away, but Ren took her hand into his and he fell on his knees swiftly, yet so smoothly and every event next happened right after the other.
Rey's heart skipped a beat. She felt her stomach doing flips. She raised a brow in confusion, knowing it was unlike Ren to get on his knees and beg—that would really look like he was acting like a spoiled child. "W-What do you think you're doing?"
"Rey, I'm sorry for what I've done to you. All of it. I'm sorry letting Snoke invade your mind," he told her, squeezing her hand. "I'm also sorry I let him lay his hands on you," Ren shook his head, leaning it down as he pressed their entwined hands against his forehead, "but I killed him."
Rey's mouth fell agape, unsure about this particular move. It clearly had to be a tactic he was using against her. To use her weakness. Her empathy. She was certain whether it was another desperate attempt to convince her to join him. It was always mind games with him.
He always wanted her to rule the galaxy with him. For her to be at his side. He'd try any kind of manipulation to convince her to do so. This wasn't Ben she was talking to. He would want her, only her. Ben was the only one who offered her comfort in her time of loneliness. Ben was the one who came to her to talk about nightmares. Ben was the one who held his hand to her cheek. He was kind, compassionate, gentle.
But this was purely Kylo Ren.
Rey shook her head, feel the knot in her stomach twist into a coil, filling up with rage. "Don't—"
"Listen to me, okay," he begged, barely at a whisper. He lifted his head up, his eyes aligning with hers along with all the planets in the star system. "I'm the Supreme Leader now. You and I can reset a new foundation throughout the galaxy. We can lead together and have it all. Balance."
Every word was a stab to the chest. "We can't," she contradicted him, feeling her heart break all over again to have to disappoint him. "I won't." Rey sniffed and she heard it for herself. "I won't do it. I don't want to take your hand because I don't want that. I want you, Ben. I want to take your hand." She felt her nose get stuffy. She was getting all emotional. Great! Now he knew whatever this play he was performing was working on her.
But it seemed something gotten through to Ren, because he stayed silent.
If and only if Rey chose to side with him (because she thought of it back in the throne room) she wondered why her. Why her out of any other girl in the galaxy? She was useless. She came from nothing. He even pointed it out (though he didn't mean it that way) and it still haunted her. So she had to ask, "What even makes you think I'm worthy of your offer?"
"Rey," he said her name as if it were the last breath he'd breathe. He looked up at her as if she was the only thing keeping him sane. "Rey, you're worth all the stars and solar systems and galaxies combined."
Rey pushed back a whimper, not wanting him to see that she was falling for that either. But he sounded honest. No, it's just a trick!
Wasn't it?
"You don't want me," is all she can bare to say. It's what she had to let herself believe.
Rey dearly wanted this game he was pulling off to end. For him to change his facial expression that he wore to trick her and just give up.
Rey tried to leave again when she yanked for her hand back, and in doing so, Ren grabbed her other one. He squeezed her fingers and mentally begged for her to look at him. And she sensed it—the despair, the desperation. For a moment, she allowed herself to believe him. Only for a moment.
And yes, she had to admit, there was a part of her that could tell his proclamation seemed more than a simple mind trick. That what he was saying was serious. It mattered too much to be some ploy.
In fact, if they still have the Force bond after Smoke's death, that must mean something itself. That at least it wasn't his mentor that was controlling this connection after all. That what they have was beyond anyone's control.
That this was Rey, sensing Kylo Ren feel something between his words. Something behind his offer. He did want her to join him.
Because. . .
"Please, Rey, you don't understand. . .you were right." That was all it took for Rey to go still. "I-I am. . .lost. I'm broken." Ren barely got the words out as if they hurt him to say them. She was ready for him to break out in laughter, saying he was unable to keep a straight face.
Rey waited, and waited, but his expression didn't change. Ren swallowed the lump in his throat, he sniffed and she knew this was pure, raw emotion.
A tear streamed down his cheek so quickly it barely left a trail, but she caught it, and that when she realized, he truly was broken. He was falling apart, right in front of her eyes. "I need you. Only you can put me back together. The Force brought us together for a reason."
"I think it did, too," she agreed.
"Rey, please."
And there it was. That word again.
Please.
The desert girl scoffed, as if she can allow herself to fall for the sight in front of her. "The Supreme Leader on his knees. . .for a nobody?"
"No," he proclaimed, "just a man on his knees for the woman he loves."
Rey sucked in a breath, feeling her heart racing, feeling the organ beat and beat hard against her chest so fast and so loud she thought she didn't hear him correctly. "What?"
It felt like a slap to the face. She was waiting for him to trick her, but after last night. . .he really wouldn't, would he? Ben wouldn't lie to her.
But this wasn't Ben.
Though they looked identical.
Maybe she rather have him be tricking her this whole time than for him to feel this way for her. Maybe she didn't really want to hear what she expected for him to say. . .which was this.
"You. . .you love me?"
"Haven't I proven it enough?" he quoted her.
"You continue to talk about your want of ruling the galaxy. To build something new. That's what you want, isn't it? You only want me to be a part of it?" Rey lifted her eyes to the ceiling, shaking her head, feeling small again. "And I am. . .no one."
"Rey, you will not be just a part of it. You are it. My plans for the galaxy will amend to nothing without you."
"Because you need my power."
"You say that now, but I know your past as you know mine. I've seen your weaknesses and your vulnerabilities. I've also firsthand seen your strength as we fought against each other and beside one another." He surprised her with this list. "I know that you come from nothing. But I know you are more than what you came from. I know you in ways one else ever will." Rey forced herself to look inside his eyes as he said it again, "so, yes, in spite all of that. . .I love you."
Rey felt her knees tremble again. They wavered as she was overwhelmed by all her emotions. Not only did she feel a heaviness in her chest, but her thoughts were confusing her all the more. She questioned the person kneeling in front of her. How was she supposed to trust what this person claimed? How was she to expect to respond as she felt so perplexed? This wasn't love. It couldn't be. It was too complicated.
And sadly, she knew a part of Kylo Ren did love her.
But that wasn't the love she wanted.
"I know," Rey replied, sorrowfully. "I—"
Rey was interrupted by a First Order general called for their Supreme Leader from down the outside his quarters. Ren slowly rose to her feet, as if finally breaking himself out of the trance he was in. And she knew just as well as him that he had to go see what the guard needed before he ended up barging in on them.
Ren glanced over his shoulder at the door, thinking how he would tell Rey he wasn't leaving her with many options, but when he turned back around, she was gone.
AN: Hello, my lovely readers! I have been paying much attention to all the different fan's speculations about these two since the movie came out. I hope this has been enticing all of your interests. I am excited for your reactions as I continue this story. I am about halfway in so get ready because the climax is coming soon! Thank you for reading!