Golden sunlight streamed in through the single window in Ember's room. She had been awake since five in the morning not only because sleep couldn't seem to find her, but her baby had also been restless all night, no doubt because he sensed Ember's own discomfort. Where the sky had been an explosion of light colors a few hours before, it was now a clear blue hue- the exact color that Jacob's eyes were.
Ember sighed and tore her gaze away from the window, only to find the golden bracelet winking at her from her vanity table every time the sunlight hit it. Starkweather meowed and lept out of her arms in one graceful movement. He landed on her vanity table with a muted thud and cautiously sniffed at the bracelet.
Deciding that a shower would probably make her feel better, Ember got into the shower and came back out in a record time of twenty minutes.
She knew what she had to do.
She dressed quickly and wove her hair into a long French braid. Starkweather meowed and rubbed himself against her legs, so she poured some kibble into his bowl. She headed towards to door, ready to leave.
She finally had her answer. She knew what she was going to tell Jacob, but there was still one person she had to talk to to be completely sure.
However, she hesitated by the door and looked back. The bracelet still lay in its place. Ember hurried back and swiped the bracelet off the table, shoving it in the pocket of her cardigan with one hand as she closed the door to her room behind her with the other.
Alec Lightwood ran past her at the same time. His pale skin glistened with a thin sheen of sweat and his black hair was plastered to his face, but his blue eyes were bright and alive.
It was perfect timing.
"Alec!" she called out, and the boy skidded to a stop when he heard her voice. Ember waddled over to him as fast as she could. He looked at her quizzically.
"You look terrible," he said, but not in a mean way at all. It was merely an observation.
"I've had better days," Ember admitted. "What about you? Not that I'm complaining, but you seem unnaturally happy this morning."
Alec grinned, and his blue eyes lit up when he did. Ember thought it suited him.
"I beat Jace at hand-to-hand combat," he said proudly.
Ember smiled. "Now there's something to be proud of. I would drink to that, but I'm neither twenty-one or in the right condition to drink."
Alec laughed. The sound was like a cross of a sneeze and a cough, and Ember joined him in his laughter, but stopped abruptly when she remembered why she called him over.
"Alec," she began in a solemn tone of voice, "When it came down to it...what made you sure that choosing Magnus was the right thing to do?"
"I was sure because I loved him," he said without hesitation. "I didn't know it back then, but some part of me had to, and it was quite obvious what Magnus's feelings were towards me."
Ember's hand flew to the rings around her neck. "Do you- do you regret it?"
Alec smiled and shook his head. "No."
That was all Ember needed to know.
"Thanks, Alec. That's all I needed to know."
She gave him a quick hug and turned the other way before he could ask any questions.
She waddled back to her room, shut the room, and walked towards the window. Starkweather, who was now sleeping on the windowsill, opened one bleary golden eye and settled back to sleep.
Ember reached into her pocket and retrieved the golden bracelet from her cardigan.
"As long as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west," she whispered to no one, her voice echoing in the room.
Ember walked out of the room once again. Everything in her- from the way she walked, the stubborn set of her jaw, and the gleam in her eyes- they showed determination.
She walked the ancient hallways of the Institute and stopped at Jacob's door. She knocked, but received no answer. She kept walking until she ended up in one of the Institute's training rooms. A boy with golden hair stood in the middle of the room, a throwing knife in each hand. Black Marks covered his back.
"Jace?"
He turned around and Ember saw his wrist flick out in a blur. She ducked just in time, and the knife embedded itself in the wall next to her head. She stared at the knife, and then shot an icy glare in his direction.
He just smiled smugly.
Ember suddenly wished her baby would be born so she could finally take Jace on. She would make Jonathan proud, wherever he was.
"Again?" She yanked the knife free from the wall. Jace walked over to her, and Ember offered the knife to him hilt-first.
"Sorry," said Jace, though he didn't sound sorry at all. "I thought it was Alec."
"Right," she said sarcastically. "Because Alec sounds exactly like a girl."
"I'm glad you agree," he replied, and then leaned against the wall. He twirled the knife expertly between his fingers. "To what do I owe this visit?"
Ember opened her mouth, but then closed it as an idea popped into her head. She smiled wickedly. "I just came to see how you were doing."
Jace eyed her warily. "I'm doing fine."
"Really?" she asked. "I heard that Alec kicked your butt earlier."
Jace bristled. "I didn't lose to him," he insisted. "I got tired of winning, so I let him win."
Ember then noticed the red welt on his jaw. His stele lay on the floor.
"Mind if I draw an iratze for that bruise?" she asked. He grabbed the stele off the floor and handed it to her. She took it and pressed the tip to the place between his shoulder blades. The lines seemed to flow out of her. She recognized them just as easily as her mother tongue.
"How does it feel?" she taunted. "Jonathan Herondale-Lightwood, the boy with the Angel's gift, beat by a mundane girl with no angel blood? Beat by his parabatai, who has a lesser concentration of angel blood, during training?"
Jace visibly tensed, and Ember withdrew the stele as she completed the rune. The Mark glowed Ember's signature silver-gold color, and then slowly faded to its regular black.
"What did you say?" Jace asked. His golden eyes flashed angrily, and Ember knew she achieved her purpose.
She laughed and placed the stele back in his hand. "I'm just kidding, Jace."
Jace scowled and pulled his shirt back on. "Not funny, Valenza."
"No, not funny," Ember agreed. "Very funny. Jonathan always said it was easy to make you angry, if you knew how. I didn't know it would be this easy."
"So not only did he teach you how to fight, he taught you his father's mind games, too."
"Valentine did that?" she asked.
"Oh, he was an expert," Jace said bitterly. "Sebast- Jonathan and I learned from him, and I see that he taught you, too."
"So your secret weapon during battle is getting into your enemy's mind," Ember observed. "I'll remember that."
Jace raised a golden eyebrow. "For what?"
Ember grinned. "To kick your butt when I start to train."
Jace snorted. "Good luck."
Ember walked to the door. "I don't need luck," she said. "I was trained by one of the best fighters, and I have the Angel's blessing."
Jace tilted his head slightly to the side. It almost seemed like if he were studying her. "So that's why you're here."
Ember turned around. "What are you talking about?"
"You're looking for your lover boy," he clarified. "Jacob."
"Do you know where he is?" Ember asked, and Jace shrugged.
"He left a few minutes ago. I don't know where he went, though."
Ember sighed. "The one time your charms could actually come in handy, and you don't use them."
Jace smiled. It was a satisfied smile. "So you think I'm charming? It's relieving to know you're not blind."
"Jace!"
He laughed. "I don't think Jacob swings that way, Ember. My charms wouldn't have worked on him."
"Do you have any idea where he went?" she asked, ignoring his past comment.
Jace picked up one of his knives. "I think he was going up to the greenhouse."
Of course, she told herself. To Jace, she said, "Try not to cut yourself. Neither Alec or Clary are here to tend to your wounds."
She whirled around and walked out of the room hurriedly before Jace could throw another knife at her or chase her around the Institute.
He didn't.
"You must have a death wish," an amused voice said beside her. She immediately recognized it as Jacob's.
"Jacob," she breathed. He gave her a crooked smile and kissed the back of her hand.
"Ember," he murmured against her skin, his blue eyes never leaving hers.
"We need to talk," said Ember, and Jacob straightened, waiting for her to continue.
"Not here," she clarified. "The greenhouse, if you don't mind."
A flicker of worry fleeted across his features, but it disappeared just as quickly as it came.
"Sure," he said, and they slowly ascended up the spiral staircase until they reached the greenhouse. When they got there, Jacob led her to the purplish-gray glowing flowers. He knew they were her favorite.
Ember sat and took the golden bracelet in her hands. The precious metal was cool and smooth beneath her fingertips. She saw Jacob sit next to her out of the corner of her eye, and when she looked up, she saw him looking at the golden circle she held in her hands.
Ember took a deep breath.
"I've thought a lot about your...offer," she said. Much to her surprise, her voice was firm and unwavering.
Jacob ran a hand through his golden hair. In the one year she had known him, he actually looked scared for the first time. "And you have an answer?"
Ember nodded in response.
"May I know what it is?" he asked in a strained tone, and Ember lifted her brown-eyed gaze to his. He almost reminded her of the way Jonathan had looked when they first met...almost, but not quite.
She slid the bracelet onto her wrist, and Jacob's lips parted in surprise. His blue eyes were ecstatic.
"Is that a yes?" he asked.
"It's not a no," Ember said. "But it's not a yes either."
Jacob's brows furrowed. "I don't understand."
Ember toyed with her moonstone ring. "I won't marry you, but I'm willing to be in a relationship with you...if you'll still have me.
Jacob grinned. "Ember, are you asking me to ask you out?"
Ember felt herself begin to smile. "That's up for you to decide, Jacob."
"Then I accept," he said, and reached out for her. He cupped her face gently in his shaking hands. His eyes drank in her features, from the sweep of her jaw, to the shape of her lips, to her wide brown eyes. They stayed there. His eyes were full of wonder and amazement, and Ember felt her breath hitch and her lips part with their intensity. He brought his lips down on hers, and she was suddenly engulfed in the safety that was him. He tasted of summer and sunshine, of all things light and safe, and she felt content.
He made her feel rooted to the ground- safe and loved. Surely that had to be enough. Surely he could fill the gap Jonathan had left in her heart. Perhaps he could help her overcome her pain, the pain he had left behind. He would help her heal.
"What about your baby?" he asked when he pulled away. His forehead lay against hers. She could feel her hair stir as his warm breath danced through it.
"Did you decide the name?"
Ember nodded. "My baby will be born a Morgenstern. Once I Ascend, he will take my name, too. When he or she grows up, then he'll choose whatever name he wants to take, whether it be Morgenstern, Fairchild, or mine." She saw the disappointment that flashed across his face, and for a moment she felt guilty.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "You know I don't mean to offend you."
"I know," he answered just as quietly. He took her cold hands in his warm ones, warming her numb fingertips. "But it makes sense. Who knows-" he said with a smile. "Maybe one day he'll be an Ashwright."
Ember smiled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Our story has just begun."
Jacob grinned. "You are absolutely right."
Ember reached up for him, like a plant reaching towards the sunlight, and Jacob dipped his head and covered her mouth with his.
"Well finally!" a female voice said behind them, and they broke apart to see Clary and Isabelle standing behind a large bush of some sort.
"How long have you been there?" Ember asked them.
Clary held out her hands apologetically, but she was smiling widely. "Don't look at me, I was forced into this."
Isabelle, on the other hand, was typing away on her phone, grinning like a mad person while doing it.
"Izzy...what are you doing?
"Something," the other girl replied, and slipped her phone into her boot. "We're going to Taki's. Wanna come with your boyfriend?"
Ember jolted. Boyfriend. Did she ever even call Jonathan her boyfriend?
The question was discarded as Jacob's arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close. Ember's eyes flickered to Clary out of instinct. The redhead only smiled and bounced on the balls of her feet. Her flame colored curls bounced up and down as she did.
"I can't leave the Institute, remember?" she stuttered, and she heard Jacob chuckle next to her.
"Don't worry about that," he said. "I'm sure if Isabelle and I talk to Maryse, she'll let you leave."
Ember raised an eyebrow. "Have you met Maryse Lightwood?"
"Oh come on!" Isabelle plopped down next to her. "Do you really want to be stuck in here without leaving for another two months?"
Ember weighed her options. Leaving would be nice. Eating something that neither she or Isabelle cooked would be nice, too, but facing Maryse's anger outweighed the other options easily.
"Don't worry about Maryse," Jacob murmured in her ear. "You deserve this. We deserve this. Consider this our first group date."
"Group date?" Ember echoed.
"That would be awesome," Clary said with a smile. "Jace and I, Magnus and Alec, and Izzy and Si-" she broke off when she got to Isabelle and paled.
"Izzy," she amended.
Isabelle's smile was gone. "Why don't you just say his name? You're dying to, anyway. Izzy and Simon."
"The Daylighter?" Jacob asked, mildly surprised. "You're dating Simon Lewis?"
"Was dating Simon Lewis," Isabelle replied cooly. "We're just friends now."
Clary winced. "I'm sorry, Iz. It just slipped out."
Isabelle waved her off with a weak smile. "It's fine, Clary. I know it was an accident."
She stood up and faced Jacob. "Well? Are we gonna go talk to my mom?"
"Sure." He kissed Ember on the cheek and stood. "I'll come and get you once we have the okay."
"Okay," she answered, and watched as he and Isabelle disappeared down the staircase. She and Clary were the only people in the greenhouse.
Clary took the seat next to her. Her knuckles showed new cuts and her palms sported calluses, no doubt the results of her recent training. Her fingertips were covered with traces of different colored paints.
"So," Clary began. "Fairchild, huh?"
Ember blinked. "What?"
Clary faced her. Her green eyes were bright. "Earlier with Jacob you said that your baby could be a Morgenstern or a Fairchild. Why Fairchild?"
"He or she wouldn't just be a Morgenstern," Ember explained. "He has Fairchild blood, too. I think he would have a fair claim to the Fairchild name."
One corner of Clary's mouth quirked up in a rueful smile. "I think my mom would like that."
"Would Jonathan have liked it?" Ember asked quietly.
Clary paled. "I...I don't know."
Ember sighed. "I'm sorry, Clary. I shouldn't bring him up in front of you."
"Yeah," the redhead answered. "You shouldn't. Not now, anyway. I'm not ready."
Ember smiled bitterly. "You and I both."
"He loved you, you know," Clary said after a while. "He almost won the Dark War. He could have ruled the worlds with you by his side. You would have been his queen. You would have loved him, admired him- you would have done everything my mom and I could never do."
"No," Ember said. "I wouldn't have."
Clary looked at her with shocked, wide eyes.
"I wouldn't," Ember repeated. "I loved Jonathan, but I think I would not have sat by his side and watched him destroy the world. I would not have watched him torture those that I love. No promises of thrones or kingdoms would have made me do it." She lifted her gaze to Clary's. Her eyes were pained. "I couldn't have watched him rule with you by his side. We both know that throne wasn't meant for me. We both know who it was that held Sebastian's heart in the palm of her hand, if he even had one, and it wasn't me. I held Jonathan's heart. You held Sebastian's."
Clary bit her lip. "How do you know?"
Ember smiled. It was a broken smile, like a reflection in ice- broken, jagged, torn.
"My only love sprung from my only hate," she said as an answer. "Where there is love, there is also often hate. There's a thin line between the two, and they can coexist by each other. Sebastian could have been no exception, or maybe he did love you, but in his own twisted way. We both know he was twisted beyond repair. Maybe he thought you were his last chance at life, a real one. You shared his blood. Maybe he thought you were his salvation."
Clary stared at her hands. "I guess we'll never know."
Ember squeezed the Morgenstern ring around her neck. Her finger traced over the silver six-pointed stars. "What's bad is that I don't know if that's a good thing or not."
Clary smiled sadly. "I've often asked myself that, too."
"Does it get any better?" she asked quietly.
Clary shook her head. She still woke up during the night, screaming, crying- afraid. She had the same nightmare every night, and if she was lucky, she would only have blank, dreamless nights, though it was often the former option.
Because I've missed you, little sister. Have you missed me? Sebastian's voice echoed in her head.
I've never felt so...light, Jonathan's said, and Clary felt a crushing weight press down on her chest, making it hard to breathe, to think, to feel.
"No," she said numbly. "It doesn't, and I don't think it ever will."
Clary looked down into the small pool of water and ran her hand over it. Her image was distorted, and the only feature she easily recognized were her green eyes, her mother's eyes- Jonathan's eyes.
"I dreamt of a boy with green eyes in Edom," she said as she stared into her broken reflection. "He was kind, loving- he was Jonathan Morgenstern, my brother. That was who he was born to be, who he was supposed to be. He never got to, but I know he had changed. I felt it. He learned to love. He loved you enough to give himself up, his life. You changed him, Ember. You taught him how to be almost human."
"But it wasn't enough," Ember whispered.
Clary chuckled bitterly. "No. Almost is never enough."