I open the front door to see Knox standing there. He looks at me before looking at Brax. He looks him up and down before looking back at me. "Do you have time to talk?" He asks nervously.
"I don't actually, Knox. I just got back and I am exhausted," He nods slowly.
"I can just-," I shake my head at him.
"I didn't call you and tell you to come over. I don't even know how you found out that I was back in New York," He scratches the back of his head.
"Oh, um, I drove by when you were getting out of the car," I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.
"I don't have time to talk to you but I can make some tomorrow," I say looking back at him. He gives me a small smile. His gaze goes on Brax.
"Hey," He says. Brax turns to me.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Snowball," I give him a small nod. He walks around Knox and walks down the stairs. Knox looks back at me.
"He went to Michigan with you?" I cross my arms.
"Thanks for stopping by," He takes the hint and turns around. I let out a heavy sigh as the front door closed. I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge. I grab out a can of soda and open it.
"Is everything okay with you and Brax?" Creg asks. I set my drink down and looked at the counter.
"I think things with Brax are more confusing than things with Knox," I mumble.
"I didn't mean to interrupt what was going on in the bedroom," I turned and looked at Creg.
"No, it's okay," He nods slowly and clears his throat.
"So, Kelsey?" I smile.
"She is single," I answered his unspoken question. He grins.
"Is she looking?" I grin.
"I told her that I would introduce her to you and she got extremely excited," He chuckles.
"Go to bed, Muffin,"
The next day comes by quickly forcing me to address the situation with Knox. My hand shakes nervously as I open the front door to him. He gives me a warm smile. I give him the best one I can manage as I close the door behind him.
"Hey, Studs," He says softly. I walk towards the living room and sit down on the couch waiting for him to do so as well. He follows suit sitting with his face towards me. His smile falters a little as he searches my eyes. "What's wrong?"
Taking a deep breath and deciding to rip off the bandaid. "Knox, I'm not ready to get back with you. I'm not even sure if I want to. These past few months have been great. I feel like I can breathe. When we were together I felt like I had to be a certain person just to make you happy. I don't want to go back to that," He hums.
"So what exactly are you saying? That you don't want to get back together?" I shrug.
"I'm not sure what I want. But what I want right now is to just be friends. Do you think that you can be okay with that for now?" He gives me a warm smile.
"Of course. Just as long as you promise that you'll think about us?" I look away from him for a moment before looking back at him.
"I'm thinking about it but if we do get back together? You have to give me space to breathe and be myself,"
"Okay," I let out a heavy breath.
"Okay," He grins while leaning back on the couch.
"I missed you, Studs," I roll my eyes and shake my head.
"I missed you too,"
Two weeks go by in a blur. I have been working on catching up with school and work as Knox has been helping anywhere he can. I haven't heard much from Brax. A few messages asking me how my day has been but that is the most of it. I haven't seen him since the day we returned from Michigan.
Creg says that he is trying to keep his distance and give me space to think. I know that's what Brax told me but it kind of feels like he wants nothing to do with me. Or that he is regretting everything that happened in Michigan.
"Poppy!" I jump in my seat as I look across the table. Knox gives me a small smile while trying to hold in his laughter. "I called your name six times. Are you okay?" I look down at my sundae and clear my throat.
"Yeah, just lost in my thoughts," I mumble.
"Oh?" He says. I look up to see his eyes filled with hope. I give him a small smile.
"You were saying something about a party?" He nods while taking a bite out of his banana split.
"I am throwing a party tomorrow and I want you to come," I give him a confused look as I push my sundae away.
"A party? For what?" He leans back in his seat.
"I got the promotion from my father," I smile widely as I remember how hard he has worked for it.
"That's great. It's about time he gave it to you," He snorts.
"Yeah, well, it wouldn't have happened unless your father vouched for me," I tilt my head a little.
"Daddy? Why would he do that?" He lets out a small laugh.
"Because I am a damn good worker," I nod slowly.
"Yes, I know but he was really angry when he found out about the breakup,"
"Yeah, he and I talked after a conference call. I told him how sorry I was and that I was going to make it up to him. I told him that you and I were on good terms," I looked at the table with a small sigh. His chair scraping against the floor takes my attention as he gets up.
"Where are you off to?" He throws his almost empty ice cream away and comes back.
"I have to get some last-minute stuff for the party. You are coming, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I will be there,"
He smiles widely and kisses my cheek. I take a deep breath while watching him walk out. I walk out of the ice cream shop and walk two blocks until I get to my apartment. When I walked through the door Creg and Kelsey were laughing on the couch.
"Hey, Poppy," Kelsey says as I walk into the living room. I threw my purse on the ground climbed on the couch in between them and lay on Creg. He wraps his arm around me.
"What's wrong, Muffin?" He asks. I close my eyes.
"I am exhausted. I have been working and studying ever since I got back from Michigan. I am finally caught up and all I want to do is sleep," I wine.
"Oh, babycakes," Kelsey says while sliding my legs on her lap.
"Why don't you just go to bed?" Creg asks. I open my eyes to look up at him.
"I haven't been able to get a good night's rest since we came back. I lay in bed for hours waiting to fall asleep and when I do I am awake two hours later," He frowns, causing a crease on his forehead.
"Is there anything we can do to make it better?" Kelsey asks. I look at her and give her a small smile.
"No, I just need to take a shower," I get up off the couch and walk into the bathroom. I strip out of my clothes and step into the steaming water. I let out a soft moan as the heated water started to relax my muscles.
After almost an hour, I'm walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. Creg and Kelsey seem to have gone to bed. I sigh and walk to my bedroom. I open the door to see Brax lying on my bed with his shoes hanging off of the bed and him looking up at the ceiling.
My heart feels like it might leap out of my chest. I close the bedroom door and he sits up while his eyes go all over my body. He swallows harshly before looking into my eyes. "Hey, Snowball," He whispers. I tear my eyes off of him and walk over to my closet where my dirty clothes bin is. I set my old clothes on it
I turned around to look at him and his eyes were still on me. "What are you doing here?" I ask quietly. He stands up and slides his hands into his dark gray sweatpants.
"Creg called me and told me that you haven't been sleeping since we came back. I figured I would come here and try to see if I can't help you," I hum while crossing my arms.
"What would you do to help?" I am curious. His lips curl just a little.
"Well, there are a few things that I can try but I figured that I would start with just being here until you fell asleep?" I nod slowly.
"So two weeks of 'giving me my space' and here you are acting as though you haven't been ignoring me?" He looks down at the ground for a moment.
"Snowball, I kept my distance so that you weren't clouded by me," I scuff as he looks up at me.
"Clouded by you? What does that mean?" He runs his hand over his face with frustration.
"Most of the time when someone loses their virginity they get attached to the person that took it. I didn't want to be around to fog up your head," I let out a dry laugh.
"You think because we slept together I am going to think about you all the time and want to be around you 24/7?" He sighs.
"I don't know, Poppy. I haven't been in a situation like this,"
"A situation where you take a girl's virginity and not talk to her? You know how bad that seems?" He takes a step towards me.
"Yes, Poppy. I am aware of how bad it seems. But I didn't have much of a choice," I take a step towards him so now I have to look up at him.
"Why because you realized it was a mistake?"
"No, because I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be around you all the time. I can't sleep without you. I can barely think. I didn't want to have sex with you because I was already feeling this way before and now. It's like it's on a turbo setting that I can't turn it off. I didn't step back just because of you. I did it for myself too,"
My throat goes dry and my heart thumps so fast I am surprised he can't hear it. His eyes were laced with anger, sadness, and guilt. His chest rises and falls just as fast as mine. I can hear his heavy breathing.
He takes his eyes off of me and takes a deep breath. "I shouldn't have come," He murmurs. He turns and walks out of the room and I stare at the space where he was. Creg crowds the doorway looking at me.
"Is everything okay?" I shake my head.
"I think Brax just told me that he loved me," I breathe, still unsure of what just happened. His eyes pop.
"Are you sure?" I look down at the ground and close my eyes.
"I'm pretty sure,"
"Okay? Um, how do you feel about that?"
"I feel..." I had no idea how I felt. What if Brax was right? What if I was just clinging to the idea of being with him because he was my first? I know that I felt something for him before but who is to say that isn't because he is the only guy that I have ever done anything with?
"I feel tired," I finished. He sighs loudly.
"Alright, do you want me to lay next to you until you fall asleep?" I shake my head.
"No, thank you. I'm so tired that the moment I lay my head down on the pillow, I will be passed out," He gives me one of his best-concerned smiles.
"Okay, just holler if you need me," He closes the door behind him as he walks out. About three hours into laying in my bed, my bedroom door opens and I look over to see Brax walking in.
"Brax?" He takes off his shirt and shoes before walking over to the bed. I sit up and watch him. He looks at me.
"Lay down," He says softly. I listen while moving over a little while pulling up the covers. He climbs on the bed and slips under the covers. He turns to me and we stare at each other for a moment.
"How did you know that I would still be up?" I whisper. He looks into my eyes and gives me a small smile.
"Because neither of us liked that fight," He whispers. I shake my head.
"How do you know me so well?" He took a deep breath before pulling me closer to him so that I was in his arms with my head on his chest.
"I pay close attention to you for a reason, Poppy," I close my eyes and listen to his heartbeat. The sleep that I was so desperate for welcomed me almost instantly. "Good night, my love," He whispers so softly and quietly that I'm not sure I heard him clearly as I fall asleep.
I hear a soft knocking followed by the bedroom door opening. "Hey, man," Creg says quietly.
"Hey, um, Poppy is still asleep," Brax replies.
"Oh, good. I was hoping she might have gotten at least more than two hours of sleep. She hasn't been sleeping the best lately," Cregs softly.
"You should have called me earlier," Brax breathes.
"I didn't want to get involved. Whatever is going on between you two isn't my business. But you are a dick for icing her after what happened in Michigan," I scrunch up my face in confusion. I didn't tell him.
"Did she tell you?" Creg scuffs.
"You two were fighting quite loudly last night before you stormed out," Brax sighs.
"Yeah, I know that I was a dick. I just don't exactly know how to handle this. But I am going to make it up to her for the rest of my life if she lets me,"
"Good because she is worth it and then some," I smile.
"I know," It stayed quiet for a while and I thought about going back to sleep but then I really had to pee. "Why did you knock?" Brax asks curiously.
"Oh, um, Kelsey is leaving for the airport in less than an hour and she wanted to say goodbye,"
"Okay, I will wake her up,"
"Alright, thanks man," I hear the bedroom door close and the sound of feet on the carpet. The bed dips and lips go on my forehead.
"How long have you been up?" He asks quietly. I open my eyes and look into his eyes.
"Since you opened the door," I admitted. He looks into my eyes for a while without saying anything.
"You should have called me if you weren't sleeping okay," I took a deep breath.
"I wasn't sure how you were feeling. I mean after we came back things between us haven't been the same," He brings up his hand to pull a strand of hair out of my eyes before trailing his thumb over my bottom lip.
"I'll always be here for you," I look down at his lips and lean up to kiss him softly. His lips were still for a second before moving with mine. His hand finds my waist and grips to hold me in place.
I pull back a second later when I run out of breath. His eyes go on mine and he swallows harshly. "Not that I'm complaining but I don't think that Knox deserves to be cheated on," I roll my eyes and roll out of bed.
I slip on his shirt as he sits up in the bed. "Knox and I aren't even together," I say calmly.
"Oh, I figured you were?" I shake my head while looking at him.
"No, we are just friends. Although, now I'm thinking that you can't really be friends with your ex. And even if we were, he would deserve it. He cheated on me with Tracy so many times,"
"How did you find out?" He asks while getting out of bed. I take a deep breath.
"She cornered me at the mall a week ago confessing everything. And when I say everything? I mean details that I could have gone without hearing," He walks up to me and places his hands on my waist.
"How do you feel about it?" I shrug.
"It just made me realize that I rushed into things with Knox. I didn't really know him well enough before we started dating. I always did the talking," He looks into my eyes while listening and it makes my heart flutter. "Are you going to leave?" He gives me a confused look.
"Leave?" I nod.
"I have to pee. Are you going to be here when I get back or run for the hills?" He chuckles while pulling me to him and places his lips on mine. I kiss him back instantly with my hand on his chest. When he pulls back I am breathless.
"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to," I bite my lip while looking up at him. His eyes flared while he looked down at my lips. He takes a deep breath while looking back into my eyes. "Go pee and say goodbye to Kelsey,"
"So bossy," I mumble while letting go of him. He chuckles while dropping his hands.
"Why is Kelsey leaving anyway? I thought that she and Creg were talking?" I nod as I walk over to the door.
"She is moving here. So she has to go home and pack," He hums as I walk out of the room. Creg was walking out of his room but stopped as he saw me. His eyes went up and down my exposed body.
"Damn," He mumbles. I roll my eyes and shake my head.
"It wasn't funny the first time. It's not funny on the 12th," He chuckles.
"A guy can try,"