P
ain.
Pain was all he felt.
What's worse was that he did not only feel the pain of now, he felt the pain of then.
The past and the present fused with one another, making it infinite time worse.
He was traumatized by actual and explicit physical pain.
He felt his sweat trickle down, his blood dripping from all over his face and body and pain afflicting him from all within the nerves.
He squeezed opened his eyes, his vison was blurred and with all the little vision he had, he took in his surroundings.
Hell, he was in hell.
That was why he was drenching in sweat. But why did not he burn already?
Wasn't fire supposed to burn you to ashes? Then why wasn't he burned or dead already?
Was this really hell?
Ugh, what was wrong with his mind? Why couldn't he analyze things just yet?
He forced his eyes to open again, while pain was shooting him to death.
Still, nothing. What? Why couldn't he recognize things?
Hurt. Everything hurt.
Like before, he was going through the same old cycle of life.
Dammit!
He tried clearing out his vision by squeezing his eyes shut and open. Suddenly, he took in the surroundings.
Dull, yellowish-green light emitted through everywhere and the pungent smell of dirt and blood hit his nostrils.
He cringed in disgust.
Ah! He knew exactly where he was.
The basement. The darkest hole of the town.
And it wasn't just any basement. It was the prison's basement. And it was his basement.
The devil's basement.
The anesthesia was slowly cutting him loose, its effects fading off his system making him gain more and more of his consciousness.
He felt the sharp steel around his wrist, as he tried to break free from them.
Damn, he was cuffed!
And so were his legs.
Ugh, the devil actually knew him all well!
He sighed.
And within a lightning he felt the strike of a similar yet new sting on his chest.
It had hit harder than ever.
Oh, my guilt, and so you are back to your nest.
Why did you fly away?
Guilt was his dearest.
His senses awoke a little more when he heard footsteps approaching him. His head was dipped low towards the ground, his arms and hands were not in contact with his nerves, and he felt his legs numb.
How much of anesthesia did they injected him?
The only organs that were connected to his soul were his heart and mind.
His mind was in a web, ventilating his surroundings while his heart beat steadily.
He had his cool.
He stretched his eyelids to see his face but couldn't. He then smirked. Good he didn't he see his face or else that person would've been dead.
Good work, anesthesia, keep going.
Good work, guilt, keep going.
Good work, heart, keep going.
Keep my cool until I get this over with. Do not in any attempt let my guilt fly away. Keep it caged and keep it steady. Put it before yourselves and never let go!
Please.
In a jolt, the said person, grasped the front his hair and harshly tilted his head upward toward the former's face.
"Now, now. What did I tell you about getting yourself into trouble?" His voice was laced with anger and disgust.
Abed remained silent. He knew very well to play his game.
"Hmm?!" The man thundered. Loud enough for walls to crack.
The man's grip on his hair tightened as he punched Abed's stomach and he in return growled in pain.
Blood spilled out from his mouth and he spat the remaining on the man's face.
"I seem to not remember what you had told me, Rick." Abed spat.
Anger boiled in Rick and he kicked Abed in his crotch which made him groan in pain.
But Abed didn't fail to sense and notice that, as the chair moved a little backwards, the steeling of one the leg's cuff loosened a little as one of the screws popped out from its place.
How old was this place, again?
Sweet move, Rick!
As Rick was about to kick him, he jolted up with all his remaining power and energy, making all the screws spread out from their positions, letting Abed's legs to break free.
Oh, now the job was done. Breaking free from the handcuffs was easy as a pie.
He angrily broke the link from the cuffs and instantly punched Rick everywhere he could possibly punch.
He needed to blow off some steam.
He needed to feed off his desire.
He needed to feel satisfied.
He needed to let out all of his anger.
Sure, it was unfair, that Rick was showered with all of his anger, but Rick kind of deserved it.
Like, the world is always unfair.
Rick was all bloodied but luckily alive.
Oh, thank God!
Abed then leveled Rick's face towards his,
"And did not I promise you my wrath, that if you were to ever come between my matters?!" His whispered, while his voice was full of anger and danger.
Rick gulped, but he didn't really have the nerve to word something out or even motion something out.
He was way too injured.
Abed hit his head hard towards the cold floor, stood up from where he was kneeling and headed out from this hell hole.
Not really caring if Rick had already taken his last breath.
And that how cold he was.
*** *** ***
After showering and fixing up his wounds, he headed out to the hospital.
The trip to the hospital was fast and silent.
Silent as in, there were no internal warring or voices that were freaking him out.
But as soon as he stepped out, the overwhelming guilt stopped him from entering the building.
Ugh, he can't do this.
How will he face Kalim?
He nearly killed Kalim!
Most importantly, how on earth will he face Meera?
He feared how she might react at the sight of him.
Oh God, please have mercy on me.
He promptly felt a strange string pull from within his heart.
It beautifully felt sweet.
A peaceful combination of sweetness and hopefulness.
Why, why did he keep doing this? Why did he keep hurting people and then regret it?
Surely, how does it feel to regret each and every decision you have made in your entire damned life?
He just wanted to get this over with, so he entered into the hospital, his heart beating fast while all of his guilt was consuming all of him.
Oh God!
He asked the receptionist for the room number and for a split second, for no reason, he feared if the receptionist would say that the patient had passed away.
"He's in room 76, level 4." She instead said.
He mentally sighed.
Oh, how paranoia was filling up within him!
With courage and fear in his hands, he went to the location of Kalim's room. As he was in the corridor, towards the end, he saw Meera, sitting right outside of his room, with her head in her hands.
He felt sad.
How he was abomination to the world.
How because of him, others had suffered.
How because of him, not only his victims faced his wrath but also those around.
He steadily walked towards her and she immediately lifted her head up, her eyes widened at the sight of him and it was replaced with anger and disgust.
Senselessly, he felt an immediate intense sharp stinging feel on his cheeks.
Then again.
He opened his eyes only to realize that she had slapped him, twice.
How did he get so absent minded?
How much of the anesthetic doze did they inject him?
He didn't turn cold or dark or angry, as of that moment he acknowledged that he deserved more than just two slaps.
He deserved the worst of worst, the lowest of low, the darkest of dark and the coldest of cold.
"GET OUT." She screamed while tears were flowing down her cheeks like a waterfall.
He remained quiet and casted his gaze downwards.
She fisted his upper part of his shirt and started hitting him unconsciously.
But he didn't protest or stop her.
He simply let her blow the steam off her.
There were so much pain and anger and hatred in her.
And she needed to let out.
So, she let them all out on Abed.
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE." She screamed like a madwoman, and then realizing how hoarse and dry her voice got, she lowered her tone and whispered,
"You don't deserve to see him, you don't deserve to be near him and you don't even deserve to say sorry." She sobbed harder and started throwing punches on his chest.
"You don't deserve anything, Abed."
Abed caught both of her hands ever so softly, she tried breaking free but Abed's grip was hard but not hurtful.
"I know. Meera, I know." He whispered back.
She then put her head onto his chest and he engulfed her into his arms. She sobbed hysterically, and he hugged her tighter.
"I know sorry won't change anything." He whispered to her, but he knew she didn't hear him as her cries were louder.
*** *** ***
Meera and Abed went to college together, they were good friends and Abed had always helped her in studies and such.
They distanced shortly after graduation and from then on things got dry and different.
When Kalim and her got married, they met couple of times after that and never again.
Meera knew what kind of guy Abed was but she didn't know his deepest sins and mistakes.
And nor did Kalim know.
Both of them knew that Abed can be very dangerous at times but they didn't know that he could so much of extremeness.
They knew Abed had a temper of the highest level, but they didn't know that his temper was the sole reason for his sins.
They knew beneath all his darkness he had light, but they didn't know that light was all he lacked and all he never had.
They knew that Abed had his imperfections, but what they didn't know that he was far, far from perfect.
Imperfection was his middle name.
Darkness was his first.
Guilty was his last.
~~~
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