"Theo, wait up," I called as I hurried over to him.
I didn't sleep at all last night. Everything Henry had said continued to just ring in my ears. How could he not tell me the whole truth when that's what he had asked of me.
"Hey Ren," he teased using my dad's nickname, "How was your date with Henry? I saw you two yesterday after school."
"Come by the house today, okay?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow curiously at me.
"Why?" he questioned and I shrugged.
"Come by and you'll find out," I insisted as I walked into the classroom.
"Alright," I heard him agree as I made my way to the end of the class where I usually sat.
***
I was listening to Vance Joy when my mom yelled saying she was allowing Theo up. I lowered the volume on my laptop and peeked over at the door to see him climbing up the stairs. He made his way into the room and held his hands out.
"I'm here. What's so weird that I had to wait till I came over?" he asked as he made himself comfortable on the edge of my bed.
I stood up and shut the door. I could not let my mom find out that Theo had been doing things too at one point.
"Now you're really starting to worry me," he commented with a laugh.
"Why?" I questioned.
"What?"
"Why did you start doing things?" I made more clear.
He took a deep breath. "Henry said things he shouldn't have, didn't he?"
"You sat there and had me expose my deepest fears to you, Theo. You pushed me to do it and then you lied about your own. You think I wouldn't have found out sometime?"
"No. I didn't think any of it was relevant, Lauren. I've moved passed it. I've grown up. I'm no longer a victim to any of it," he said using a very stern tone.
"I'm not a victim. I choose to do what I do. It's my choice," I made clear hating it when anyone ever used the term, "victim".
He chuckled, "Well then lucky you and if you are choosing to cut, you're selfish and just crying for attention."
"I am not crying for attention," I snapped back.
He shook his head no, "Fine. How long have you stayed clean for then?"
I folded my arms across my chest.
"Exactly," he said as he stood up and made his way across the room, "I'm going home because I really don't need to be arguing with some girl who can't even do it for herself."
"A week," I blurted before he could open the door.
"A week?" he asked as I turned around to face him.
"A week," I agreed.
I pulled up the bottom of my hoodie and revealed the scabbing on my hip.
"Why did you run from our discussion in the bookstore then?" he questioned as he took a seat on the chair I had been sitting in when he walked in.
"My dad walked into the store," I admit.
"So?" he asked and I shrugged.
"He had tried to give me the sex talk in the car right before getting there and seeing me in the rows with a boy might have set off another talk," I explained in one breath.
He laughed extremely loud this time. "Seriously?"
I nodded weakly and he leaned back in the chair.
"Doesn't he know it's kind of late for that talk? You're seventeen, eighteen years old, right?" he asked.
"Lauren, sweetheart," called my mom from the other side of the door.
"Come in," I replied as I looked over my shoulder at her.
"I have to take Billy to his soccer game. You going to be okay staying?" she asked.
"What! She promised to come to the game!" shouted Billy from across the hall.
She looked over her shoulder into Billy's room, "Billy, shush. She has a friend over."
"I'll be fine, mom. Billy, I'll be there before the game ends," I assured and my mom smiled.
"Bye Theo," she said and Theo waved as she shut the door behind her.
I really wished my mother was more of an old-school parent right about now. Then again Dr. Felland did make it clear that she needed to give me my space after the hovering incident. She told mom that if she wanted me to become more social than she needed to let me make my own choices, those choices being friends. She said it didn't matter the gender, race, or age, that she had to let me do it on my own.
"Bye, Billy!" shouted Theo.
That's when we heard a thump come from behind the door.
"Bye!" Billy chirped back and I laughed weakly.
"I was six too once," clarified Theo about knowing he was behind the door eavesdropping, "So what was this sex talk about?"
"More than I needed it to be," I replied as I took a seat on my bed.
He smiled, "Please be more specific. I want to compare notes."
"Oh god," I announced as pulled my legs up onto the bed so I could sit cross-legged.
"Whenever you're ready," he insisted.
I rolled my eyes, "Let's just say I have a prescription on my mom's nightstand for birth control whenever I feel ready to take it."
"Let me guess. Dad has condoms?" he asked and I chuckled.
"You're so dumb," I commented and he smiled again.
That's when I noticed the retainer lining his teeth.
"Again just comparing notes," he replied, "How did your ex feel about your cutting?"
Snap. Snap. Snap.
I quickly looked down at my hand to realizing I was pulling on the hair tie.
He looked down as I did and then rolled the chair closer to the bed. He grabbed my wrist, despite the fact that I tried to pull away, and ripped off the tie again.
"How did your ex feel about your cutting?" he asked again.
"My best friend, parents, psych, school staff and you are the only people who know about my situation," I answered stroking the redness the tie had created on my wrist.
"How did you hide it then?" he questioned confused.
I took a deep breath, "I didn't date a lot. When I did get asked out on dates, I kind of made sure to bring my best friend with me. She always had a new boyfriend so she loved going on double dates."
"Wow, Go boys in New York," he chuckled as he played with the ripped hair tie, "I mean boys here have just been swooning over you."
"Henry mentioned the same thing. I guess I'm the shiny new toy that everyone wants to get a turn with," I said and he nodded confirming my statement, "It's different in New York though. You're a nobody in a sea of nobodies so you kind of just blend in with the walls."
"We don't have a lot of skyscrapers to blend into," he replied, "So the sex talk was technically called for?"
"Oh my god, Theo. Let it go," I laughed and he bit his bottom lip.
"Fine. Are you and Henry a thing now?" he asked and I shook my head no.
"I don't think so. We hung out after school. That's it," I said as I fixed my glasses.
He leaned in towards me, "Great."
"Great?" I asked leaning back away from him.
He nodded and looked down at my lips.
Oh god. No.
Before I could do anything else though, he kissed me.
He tasted slightly of cigarette smoke along with something sweet that I couldn't quite figure out. His lips were soft against mine. He wasn't aggressive about it like I had assumed most guys were. It wasn't as overwhelming as I had anticipated my first kiss would be.
He pulled away slightly causing our noses to rub against each other.
"I would really like to do that more often," he whispered.