Chapter 6
Bleed
"Bench! Oh my God, I'm very sorry for being late!" Hindi ako magkandaugaga sa paghingi ng paumanhin kay Bench dahil late ako sa aming lunch meeting.
If my secretary wouldn't remind me about my lunch meeting with Bench, I bet I wouldn't be even here right now. I was completely pre-occupied with loads of paper works that my mother wanted me to review. If those papers were sea water, I can say that I was literally drowning.
Nahihiya tuloy ako kay Bench. Siya na nga lang ang nadamay ko sa kayabangan ko na hamunin si Jace at ng kanyang Engineer pagkatapos ay ako pa ang late.
"Slow down! It's okay..." He chuckled and stood up from his seat to pull a chair for me.
"Thank you." I smiled at him while sitting down.
"You're always welcome," he said before going back to his seat just ahead of me.
I averted my gaze to the glass of water in front of him that was almost empty.
"Kanina ka pa ba rito?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"For about twenty minutes or so..." he answered.
I gasped and felt sorry once again. "I'm really sorry, Bench," I apologized. "I needed to finish some papers before I can leave the office. I admit that I kinda lost track of time... I'm sorry."
He shook his head and smiled. "I told you, Zarina, it's okay..." he assured. "I actually never thought that you'll come. Masaya na akong nakarating ka. Nagbaka sakali lang din ako."
Napakunot naman ang aking noo. "Bakit naman akala mong hindi ako dadating?" tanong ko sa kanya. "Ako kaya ang nag-imbita sa'yo rito."
He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. "Thought that your message was some kind of prank or something."
"Well, it's not my nature to make someone wait just for a prank, Bench. And besides, I called you out for a lunch today because of business. I'm serious," I cleared things out to me.
He nodded. "I know," he said. "That's why I still came and here you are... sitting right in front of me."
Bahagya naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya at nagkunwaring naging abala sa pagtingin sa menu ng gusto kong kainin ngayon.
"Anyway... I never thought that you'll actually consider me as the Engineer for your first ever project," he suddenly spoke again.
Muli naman akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya.
"Actually, there'll be two head Engineers for this project," I informed him. "The other one is Architect Sy's partner, Engineer Isha Horan. She's a part of his team. Does her name ring a bell?"
Tumango-tango naman si Bench. "Of course, I know her," sagot niya. "She's done a few remarkable projects with Jace. It's actually a rumor that Jace can't work without her as the Engineer so I'm not surprise that she's also a part of this project."
Napataas naman ang aking kilay. "Jace can't work without her as the Engineer?" ulit ko. "Is that a theory or a fact?"
Muli siyang nagkibit-balikat. "Theory? Well... it's just a rumor, Za. We don't know if it's true or not. But since Jace is a professional Architect, I don't think that his greatness is hiding behind that phenomenon."
Napansandal naman ako sa aking kinauupuan at pinilit na lang ding kumbinsihin ang sarili sa kung ano rin ang pinaniniwalaan ni Bench. That's just a rumor, Zarina. You know how people love to make gossips. Hindi sila nabubuhay nang wala 'yan.
But then, as I remembered how Jace was willing to back out from the project without any hesitation just because I didn't approve of Engr. Horan at first, I didn't know what to believe now.
Muli ko na namang naramdaman ang pagkirot ng aking batang puso.
Mula pagkabata ay ganitong-ganito na ang pinaparamdam sa akin ni Jace sa kabila ng pagmamahal at adorasyon na ipinapakita ko sa kanya, kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa ako nasanay ngayon. Siguro dahil hindi na lang 'to basta masasakit na salita galing sa kanya kundi alam kong may totoong kompitensya na.
The thing is... even if I'm willing to go all out against that competition, I would still lose because from the start, I know that this is a losing battle.
I was just really stubborn to continue chasing him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba kasi hindi pa ako napapagod sa kakahabol sa kanya. Sa ngayon ay hinahantay ko na lang ang puntong iyon para tuluyan na akong tumigil sa pagtakbo at hayaan na siyang mauna kung saan talaga siya nararapat mapunta.
"Are jealous with Engr. Horan?"
Nabigla naman ako sa tanong ni Bench na siyang nagpabalik sa akin sa realidad.
Sa tingin ko'y napakagaling ko talagang umarte dahil natural ang naging pag-iling at pagngiti ko.
Zarina Cashe Rivadelo, best actress! Someone should give me a damn award for acting like a veteran.
"Then what's with the sudden expression?" he curiously asked.
"Napaisip lang ako nang dahil sa sinabi mo..." panimula ko. "I was just thinking if it was a right decision to let Jace be the Architect for this project. May ganoong hidden power pala siya."
Natawa naman si Bench. "I told you, Za, rumor," paglilinaw niya. "Jace is very capable."
Yes, he is. He is very capable of breaking my heart without even moving a finger. His stare can even cut my heart into two and make it bleed.
Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako at saka binalikan ng tingin ang menu. Bahala na silang dalawa! Kakain na lang ako!
"By the way, I'll pay for our lunch today," Bench told me.
"Ha? No. It should be my treat," agad kong pagtanggi.
"Come on, Zarina..." he tried to persuade me. "This is the first time I was given a privilege to eat alone with you. Let me pay."
"Pero kasi, Bench―"
"Zarina, please..." he stopped me from countering him.
Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. Kung iyan ang gusto niya. SIge! Hindi na ako tatanggi. Libre pala, e.
I discussed with Bench a brief background of our company―its vision and mission. I also shared to him my goal and what kind of changes I wanted to be done in our company as the next President of the company.
"I really think that your themed waterpark will be a great step for your first project," he told me while staring at me with full adoration in his eyes. "Thinking that this will be just your first step... I want to see what kind of projects you have under your sleeves for the future."
"I have no plans yet..." pinangunahan ko na siya. "Sa ngayon ay gusto ko munang magfocus sa isa."
"It's a good thing that you're focused and driven." He kept on nodding.
Bigla naman akong napalingon sa waiter na dumating at dala nito ang aming pagkain. Tahimik naman akong napalunok habang tinitingnan ang putaheng inorder ko. Hindi pa man natatapos ang waiter sa paglapag ay sinimulan ko nang kainin ang paborito kong white creamy pasta with lobster and extra melted cheese.
"Thank you." Si Bench na ang nagpasalamat sa waiter na nagdala ng pagkain namin.
My plate wasn't even half empty when my phone rang, displaying my secretary's name and number as the incoming caller.
I didn't want to be disturbed while eating, but she could be calling me for an important matter. It was not the right time to be ignorant.
Kinuha ko naman ang aking cellphone na nakalapag sa lamesa na sinisilip ni Bench. I excused myself and stood up from my sit before answering the call.
"Hello..." I answered the call.
"Hello, Ma'am Zarina. I'm sorry to disturb your lunch po," paghingi niya ng paumanhin. "Nandito po kasi si Architect Sy. Ang sabi niya po sabihin ko raw po sa inyo. Importante raw po."
Nalaglag naman ang aking panga at nag-umpisa na namang bumilis ang tibok nito.
All I wanted to do right now is to dash down to the restaurant's parking lot and got inside my car to drive back to the company but I didn't want to be rude to Bench.
Si Jace naman kasi, e! Magpapakilig na nga lang, ngayon pa napili. Hindi ko pa nakakain ang steak na inorder ko bilang main course.
"Tell him to stay there, Rose! I will go back to the company. Ten minutes," I quickly said before ending the call.
Bumalik ako sa aming table at agad na ngumiti si Bench sa aking pagbalik. Hindi niya pa nagagalaw masyado ang pagkain niya.
"Uh... Bench..." nag-aalangan kong pagtawag sa kanya.
"Is there something wrong?" tanong niya at may bahid ng pag-aalala.
"Well... My secretary called me. She told me that something urgent happened in the company. I need to go back now," I lied.
"Oh..." He sounded disappointed. "I understand. You can go now. I'll pay for our bill."
"I'm really very sorry for cutting our lunch early, Bench. Babawi na lang ako sa'yo sa susunod. Treat ko naman!" sabi ko bilang pagpalubag loob.
"It's okay, Zarina. I really do understand. You don't have to compromise," he assured me and smiled.
"No, Bench. I insist. I will treat you next time," I insisted because I was really feeling guilty.
"If that's what will make you feel good then... okay," pagpayag niya. "But I'll make sure to treat you at the same time."
Ngumiti naman ako at tumango. "Sige ba!"
Bahagya naman siyang natawa. "Sige na at baka kailangan na kailangan ka na sa kompanya ninyo," sabi niya. "You want to make your parents proud, right?"
My heart suddenly warmed up with his line as I nodded in agreement.
"Salamat talaga sa time, Bench. I'll text or call you. Ingat ka," nagmamadali kong sabi at halos tumakbo na ako paalis upang makabalik na ng kompanya.
Habang nasa elevator ako papaakyat sa palapag kung nasaan ang aking opisina ay napasapo na lang ako sa aking noo nang makita ko ang oras. Sabi ko ay sampung minuto lang pero na-late ako ng tatlong minuto.
I was half running without even acknowledging my employees greetings just to rush down to my office.
Kita ko namang napatayo si Rose nang makitang paparating ako. Hindi na ako huminto sa harap niya at dumiretso na sa aking opisina nang wala naman akong naabutang Jace na naghihintay sa loob nito.
I was still catching my breath from all the running I did, when Rose also entered my office, carrying a clearbook.
"Uh... Ma'am Zarina..." Parang nag-aalangan pa siya sa pagtawag sa akin.
"Nasaan si Architect Sy? Nasa banyo lang ba?" tanong ko at umaasa pa rin na naghihintay sa akin si Jace.
Damn, Zarina! You're being so pathetic again.
"He already left with a woman named Engr. Isha Horan five minutes after our call..." she answered,
Agad namang bumagsak ang aking balikat sa nalaman.
"He's with Engr. Horan earlier?" paninigurado ko.
Tumango naman ang aking matapat na sekretarya. Sana ay magsinungaling siya ng kahit kaonti lamang para kaonti lang din ang sakit.
"May kailangan pa raw po kasi silang tingnan na site sa may Cavite kaya umalis na po sila," sabi niya at saka inilapag ang clearbook sa aking lamesa. "Ito raw po ang portfolio ni Architect Sy. Iniwan niya na lang po para raw po hindi na niya kailangan pang bumalik."
Nanatili naman ang aking tingin sa clearbook habang unti-unting nanlalabo ang aking paningin dahil sa pamumuo ng aking luha.
Tangina... Nagmadali pa talaga ako.
Sino ka ba naman para hintayin ng isang Jace Sy, ha, Zarina? Nangangarap ka na naman. Ayan ka na naman, e!
"Makakaalis ka na, Rose. Magt-trabaho na ulit ako," sabi ko na lang nang hindi tinitingnan ang sekretarya ko. "Don't let anyone in without my permission."
"Yes, Ma'am..." Agad niyang pagsunod sa utos ko.
As soon as I heard the door closed, I finally let my tears escaped from my eyes.
When will you ever learn, Zarina?
How many times does he have to make you bleed in order for you to notice your wounds and scars that he had caused you since the day you lose a strand of your nerve when you declared your feelings for him?
I knew that this love was taking my sanity from me. It's not allowing my brain to function completely and know what I truly deserve.
Muli namang tumunog ang aking cellphone sa gitna ng aking paghikbi. I got the phone from my pocket and saw that it was Jace who was calling me.
I bit my lower lip so hard that I can feel it almost bleeding.
Lumapit ako sa aking lamesa at inilagay sa loob ng drawer ang aking cellphone.
Kung gusto mo akong makausap, bumalik ka rito!