JENNIE.
The hectic immigrating magpies that spurge the neighborhood every morning indicated the epitome of the new season in the country. The airy breeze, the crippling sun, the blossoming of the glowing lilac leaves of Jacaranda trees had always been a reminder that spring blooms more beautiful here in Sydney. But this time, the change of season did not just limit to the natural aspects, spring also transitioned me into something more cryptic, as it arrived.
Honestly, a lot has changed after a month. Perspectively speaking. I've become critical, severe, and apprehensive, but on the inside I was still breathing for her. No, I always breathe for her. I corrected. My haven, my salvation, my art, my masterpiece, my ever epitome of spring. I am still in love with her, of course. Rosé has become more tragically beautiful in my eyes ever since the last time we spoke, I've been fighting this struggle everyday. There are times I lie awake and regret the decisions that led me away from someone whom I always needed to be with. So you're asking me why do I detach myself from the love that has been the only essential element to my soul? Because, it was a hell of an abstract deal. And I don't step on void and unclear domains. Add the fact that she tore my heart in the middle of the pouring rain when all I thought was how will I finally say the word yes after the mental battle I have gone through with myself. That right there, turned the tables upside down.
But knowing myself, I know if Rosé pulls me back anytime, I won't even hesitate to jump in, and crash right into her again, and that scared me. I am torn between my guarded thoughts and my hopeless romantic feelings, and I don't know where to stand. Especially now that Scott has been added to this ever growing spectacle. . . He ridiculed me into his slyness, and I ended up trapped in this idiotic deal he planned out.
SO let me break this down. I was in the middle of a lament state of being when Scott promptly asked me out. He asked me out in one, seemingly harmless, date which turned out to be a f'cking trap.
"Date me, or I can just tell the whole school you're not the straight, ladylike student body president they grew fond of." I gusted out in response to his cretin words, just to hide the fact that what he said just got me really tensed inside. "Tsss. Go f'cking date yourself, you can't even come up with an actual threat." I taunted with an unwavering sage in my tone, trying my best to hide the actual anxiety that's already building up in me.
"Oh you want an actual threat, baby?" He suddenly advanced forward, with a smug attitude building up two times faster than his usual, which made me bonk into the car behind me, he then placed both of his arms in the sides so that I can't escape. I tried my best to maintain my fervent face, but failed when he leaned closer and nimble at my left ear. "Election is fast-approaching and I know you've been planning to stay on your throne to get that valedictorian title after. But you know I can always turn the tables around, remember who owns the school." he whispered. Shivers of fear cradled my skin, for the first time, this stupid jock has threatened me. Is he planning to boycott the elections? If I can't win this term, I would loose points that could qualify be as a valedictorian candidate, and it has always been the final goal of mine all throughout high school. I would definitely be in misery if I can't do that valedictory speech which was my parent's only wish.
"Damn, I hate the fact that you're able to use your Dad's power over school, a brat like you doesn't deserve that kind of privilege." I retorted with a snap. He distanced himself to look into my eyes and smugly smirked, "Sorry to disappoint you."
"Why are doing this anyway?!" I irritatingly asked and shot a dubious look at the blonde. He surprisingly released a sigh and wavered his head down, signaling me that he's going to reveal something personal, "My dad wants me to stop being a crackhead and make the right decisions this senior year. You know decisions like, dating the student body president and pass all of my exams, something like that. " he replied with honesty echoing throughout his tone. I actually didn't expect that he would be this open, this is creeping me out. "But in what part of dating a student body president can you find the right decision in there?" I retorted back a question. Honestly, I had instances where I've met Scott's father, Mr.Jenkins. It was either I receive certificates from him for winning national academic competitions or congratulating me backstage after a play, he is a warm person with great nobility and generosity in his heart. A total opposite of Scott.
"Well newsflash for you Jennie! You're like the only popular girl in school since kindergarten and the amount of sovereignty and influence you have over the school is none other. If I could brag you about my dad then he would stop pressurizing me into this." He further explained, I recognized his need but it didn't made it tolerable.
"Tell me honestly, that's not all that there is to it, right?" A quick change of expression formed in the face of Scott. Bingo. I muttered in thought. "What do you mean?" His eyebrows arched in question. "Remember ninth grade?" I responded back a question again. He crunched his face trying to pinpoint to what part of ninth grade he should remember, and when he did, he saw the light. "You haven't moved on from her, haven't you?" I followed up. I saw his eyes growing dim, and a light frown formed on his face.
"Honestly It's hard to, you know, especially when I see her everyday in school." He sincerely replied."Woah, and I thought you were just a stupid jerk who never cared. I didn't know Jisoo had cut you deep." I said in shock, realizing that his intimate feelings for my bestfriend has never burned down. "I didn't know too, until it was too late." he uttered in contrition.
"But you should just get over it, Scott. Jisoo's the happiest she's ever been, you know she's dating someone right?" I said with two eyebrows raised, he nodded in reply. "Yeah, I know. That's why I need someone like you. At least. So that I could finally forget."
"You are hopeless, Scott. You're just hurting yourself even further, dating me can't help you." I blunted out. "What better choice do I have? You are my last chance." He rebutted in certainty. "What do I even get from all of this?!" I exclaimed, I haven't seen any benefit on my part though. "Well, you can get that valedictorian title you've been dreaming of." he quickly replied.
"Date me or deal with the consequences." He recomposed himself and stated his ultimatum. "No." I replied with confidence. "Well If you won't, I can f'ck with Rosé instead, right?" he shamelessly asked. "F'ck you." I had enough and cussed at him so hard, "I can let you choose. F'ck you or f'ck Rosé?" I squished both of my hands which were on the sides as I shot a death glare at Scott for making me choose between choices I couldn't choose. All I know is, Rosé shouldn't be a part of this mess. "Don't you even dare touch a finger at Rosé!" I warned him. Surprisingly, he smirked, as if he was expecting my reaction, "So, it's f'ck you then." He quickly retorted back with a kiss on the lips. I was bewildered. The strange taste of him formed an icky sensation inside my stomach. It was flabby, nasty, and disgusting, not a spark of enthusiasm greeted the butterflies inside me. This was nothing compared to Rosé, because nothing will ever compare to her luscious saccharine lips, the only thing that I defeat myself with. So I tried my best to let go and remove his lips from mine, "Yuck!"
"I'll drive you to school tomorrow." He said after detaching his lips from mine, and walked away. Leaving me alone in the vast parking lot. Dammit, what have I gotten myself into.
So after that, I've been entitled to date Scott, and it's been almost a month now but it's still the talk of town, and I wish I could just kill myself whenever I see the look on Rosé's face when I'm with him, but you know, I couldn't do a thing. I've been also distant to Jisoo and Samuel lately since I can't really tell them what happened, all of my friends are already feeling the disconnection between us, and I also hate myself for that.
...
After school, Scott always drives me back home, which means I've been using my Porsche very often now. I met Lisa at the kitchen counter while she's eating a banana, she's in her dance attire which means she just came from practice. "I thought you were gay, why were you with a guy just now?" Lisa greeted me with question. I settled my bag at the table, "None of your business." I replied as I quickly grabbed a banana from a plate in the table.
"I thought you were going to date Rosé." She didn't stop pushing me with questions. I flinched my eyebrows. "I thought so too."
"No wonder why she's been so awkward. . ." Lisa tilted her head up with her thoughts were up in the air. I quickly looked at her direction, "What?"
"You don't know? Rosé's a member of our dance squad now." She declared like it's old news. "Your dance squad? Like the Sydney Uni Dance Crew?!" I was dumbstruck, Lisa excessively nodded, "Yeah, she auditioned like less than a month ago or so, and she's hella good."
"Why haven't you told me?" I sound irritated. "Hello? You keep hanging out with that Scott all the time, I can't even catch up with you at night." She rebutted. "You should've at least told me that Rosé's a dancer now." I exclaimed, "What's the difference? You're with Scott now!" She rebutted again, I stood with my mouth shutting at once, I see no point of winning that argument.
Timingly, Mom entered the kitchen area, dressed in her comfortable breezy ruffle dress in fading red, it was so not her. "What's up, mom? You look springy today." Lisa creeped a grin on her face to amuse mom. "Oh, stop it Manoban." Mom smiled in obvious amusement. Gosh, these two. I thought.
"Listen." Mom's change of tone dragged all the goofiness away, "We'll be having guests tonight. I've invited them over to join us for dinner. So better dress yourselves for the occasion." She announced. My sister and I both stared at each other with confusion and curiosity, "Family dinner? All of a sudden?" Lisa asked. "Do we know them?" I asked in continuation. Mom shot a familiar look at me, I started overthinking. "Seems like Jennie knows them very well." Mom replied, "You know the Park Family next door?" she added. F'ck no. I mentally cursed. And I just felt my eyes blustering wide open, along with a frantic gasp. Lisa did the same.
"I got the chance to get together with their parents, and they are actually a lovely couple, so I thought we should invite them to dinner since we never had the opportunity to officially welcome them to our neighborhood." She further explained, "But mom we never do welcome-to-the-neighborhood dinners in the first place!" I said in capital, which means I am freaking panicking. Rosé and I will be breathing the same air in a closed distance for a long time, and I'm not sure if I could handle that kind of torture just yet.
"That's why we're starting it." She replied with great composure. I wish I could relate but no, my system was so uneasy and tensed, I could not think straight. Clearly none of this is going well on my part, I don't know how to communicate with her again, I don't even know if I can survive long eye contacts with her. How can I save my sanity after this?!
ROSÉ.
"NO FUCKING WAY!" I gasped in shock as I placed my hands on my mouth. "Hey, watch your language young lady!" Mom warned me and I mentally scolded myself as I tilted my head down. I was still in panic inside. Dinner? With Jennie's family? Are you kidding me?!
"Go and be ready, there's still four hours until eight. The Manobans would be expecting us." She prompted at us, and all I could do is frown while Alice just triumphantly smirked as she watches me in pain from the situation. What a good sister. I sarcastically thought.
I just got home from dance practice, with my body all tired and sweaty, and this is the kind of news I receive after I've arrived. It literally just makes my armpits sweatier, and that's not even good. So I dragged myself upstairs to change and squealed so hard insid my room out of frustration and nervousness. It's been a month since I've last talked to Jennie, and don't get me wrong, I love to talk to her again but not in this kind of way. It's a joint family dinner for pete's sake! It's like throwing yourself into the flames of hell.
It's been almost a month since I gave Jennie the space she needed, even if that space meant she would be dating Scott after. I was in rage when the news broke all throughout the University and all I could do at that time was just declaim and rant at a safe distance, but later on, I didn't care anymore. I said I'll wait, and I'll live up to that promise, no matter how hard it gets. But seriously though, I was going to choke Scott to death if Jisoo didn't stopped me.
...
Even though I was forced to be ready, I still had put effort on what to wear for the occasion, because it's still Jennie Kim that I'll be seeing tonight, that thought alone caused my entire wardrobe to be in a mess after digging all through my dresses. Luckily, I managed to find a sleeveless black and pink rose tea dress which was fit to the waist, it accentuates the body structure of my back. I paired it with black interlaced sandals which was a comfortable pair to wear. After I checked myself in the mirror for the nth, I quickly went downstairs to meet the rest of the family.
Everyone was dressed formally like we were about to do the greatest event of our lives. Our dining area lived up to the amorous and feeble atmosphere, the big crimson red carpet complimented our varnished wooden floor and, on the walls, hung all the black and white framed portraits of our family, topped with our little dim glowing chandelier on the ceiling. Our huge mahogany table stressed its three-handed candelabra center piece with white roses surrounding it to heighten the aesthetic. Abundance of food welcomed my sixth sense, my ever-favorite Arabian pasta was present along with Hoissin Pork Rissoles, Chicken thigh fillets, and of course mom's Australian versions of bimbimbap, Kimchi fried rice which Jennie really likes, and Gamjatang. Everything was mouthwatering. Obviously, mom wasn't prepared at all. I sarcastically commented.
After seeing all these drastic preparations, my heart couldn't stop beating fast. My armpits were abnormally sweaty again. "Hey, do me a favor." Alice gently elbowed me, I turned, "What?"
"Please don't make it obvious that you're gay when Jennie comes in." She blurted out in a teasing manner, and I elbowed her back out of irritation because she might be right after all, "Oh shut up, unnie!" I retorted, and she poured out a light giggle.
After a few moments of nervously standing and waiting, the anticipated knock on the door finally came. Dad rushed to the front door to get it, and we followed at the back. I just felt the earth played in slow motion again without reducing the fast beating of my heart. When the door finally opened in a slow pace, lo and behold, my Jennie Kim.
She was beaming under the light of pure beauty and magnificence; Jennie was wearing a gathered sleeve mini dress with a transparent accent along her collarbones. Her thighs were so prominent in my eyes, I didn't know it was that thick the last time I saw it, but none the less, she still managed to take my breath away. I was excessively blinking my eyes trying to cope up with the heaven-like reality that I was experiencing but she made it worse when she made her cat like eyes met mine, I suddenly felt a supernova-like sensation explode in my insides as I was trying my best to save my last piece of my rational thinking, but then again, I failed. She was too exquisite to not tremble underneath her presence. As expected, all these have made me realize one thing, my feelings for her were still very strong and dominant, and how much I try to defy myself from falling, I still fall anyways.
Everyone was greeting everyone with warm hugs and kisses on the cheek except for me and Jennie, we just awkwardly bowed at each other trying to create a more amiable atmosphere, but I know that she knows that this erotic tension between us was never going to leave. Even up to the dining table where everyone was settled on their seats chit-chatting, the fume of heat between our stolen glances was still prominent even from our crossed distance. It was very very alarming, I tell you. But I was still glad that I have the whole night to stare at those lovely pair of eyes and that gorgeous lips that I've been missing.
...
The erratic family conversation has begun as dinner was being served, my plate was only full of untouched Arabian pasta, since I lost my appetite after seeing Jennie again. All the siblings including my sister, Alice and Lisa's were just quiet and listening to the elders talk. I was about to yawn out of boredom when the topic redirected and refocused to me,
"Oh yes, our youngest Rosé works really hard when it comes to her academics. She never fails to surprise us with her outstanding performances in school, and I'm so proud of her for quickly adjusting to her new University here." Mom pridefully described me, as I cradled myself into embarrassment. "No wonder why, her and my Jennie here gets along really well. I think they were friends long before right? I'm just glad she gets to have friends like Rosé." Mrs. Manoban quickly commented. Huh, friends. if you only knew. I mentally huffed at the irony of the real situation. On cue, Jennie and I stared blankly at each other, not knowing what to make out of those comments. "We're also glad that Jennie actually made Rosé comfortable around the neighborhood, it made her feel more at ease." Dad quickly added up and I quickly nodded in agreement, all smiles were on everyone's faces. Although I already feel the awkwardness.
"Yeah, Jennie helped me a lot. I'm thankful. . ." Words suddenly blurted out my mouth without even giving it a thought, Jennie snapped me a wide-eye look but I didn't stop, I looked her deeply in the eye, "I'm thankful that I got the rare opportunity to be friends with her, and to be friends with her friends, to go out with her trips. She made me forgot all the bad experiences I had in Melbourne and gave me a fresh start, and I don't know how to be thankful enough." I tried my best to create those words as non-malicious and non-romantic as possible, but I hope Jennie can see through my eyes and smile that I wish I could tell them more, because she will always be more than the words that I could ever say.
Suddenly, Dad ordered me to go get the last course for the evening, which was the dessert. I was going to rush into the kitchen when Jennie insisted to help me, and boy did my armpits started sweating!
...
As I pulled out the Lamington out in the food counter, I noticed Jennie was staring right across the kitchen, I suddenly felt conscious again, the intense atmosphere started to build up, "What are you looking at?" I casually opened the conversation, hoping she would nicely respond. "Nothing." She shortly replied, "It's just - It's been awhile since I last stared at you like this." her continuation just made my heart bounce a little higher than the usual. "By awhile you mean, a whole freaking month." I managed to jokingly reply, tracing out a nervous fading laugh.
I was slicing the fluffy sponge cake into pieces when I felt Jennie's altering presence near me, and again my whole body trembled. "Let me help you with that." She positioned herself at my back and leaned closer as I felt her body heat on my spine, she slowly slid her left hand into my left hand which was holding the knife and placed her chin on my shoulders to get a clearer view. She repositioned my slicing angle, and gently guided my hand in cutting the pieces. "You should be careful in slicing cakes." She added as she attentively guided my hand in slicing. Honestly, I was in the verge of arousal after I felt her luscious touch over my sensitive skin, I was just stopping myself from pinning her into the wall and suck the life out of her again. Damn, Jennie Kim will always be such a tease. I thought.
We were on that position for awhile, it was a painfully slow process since I was blushing too hard inside, but I breathed out a deep sigh as we finished cutting the last slice, "Are you okay? You're sweating too much." Jennie shot a worried look at me, I wiped the sweat stains remaining on my forehead, "Yeah, you know why." I answered, it took her awhile to figure my answer out, but gladly she got it. "Oh, I didn't know I still make your armpits sweat." Jennie flashed a gummy smile at the thought, and all I could was adore over her cuteness.
"I know, even after a long time my body still remembers you." Shit. I shouldn't have said that. I cursed mentally after realizing the wrong choice of my words since the atmosphere transitioned into a sultry and provocative one, the intense feeling was viced. "Really?" And I swear I just Jennie biting her lips while shooting a dubious look at me. "Oh no, it's not what you think, what I meant was. . ." My words faded, when Jennie started advancing forward, leaving me to bonk at the ends of the kitchen table. "What did you mean Rosé? "That voice. Her low, seductive, and husky voice echoed through my ears for the first time in a long time, and I just felt the tingling sensation rushing inside of me again. My system went haywire as Jennie leaned closer, as she looked into my eyes. "What - I meant was-" I choked at my own words, as I lured myself with Jennie's ever luscious lips. I want to give in and kiss her so bad. Ugh!
"Jennie...what are we doing?" I asked in a faded whisper as I felt my sanity wither away from the great lust that I was feeling, the sensation, the excitement, the hotness was all that mattered at that moment. "I don't know, you tell me." Jennie replied with the same tempting whisper. "Fuck it." I cussed after finally crashing myself into her lips again.
She was taken aback by the force that I applied but managed to compose herself again as I continue to devour her impudence, and just like those flames reignited our weary desires. The kiss became steamy as I engulfed my mouth over hers as she allowed me to enter her mouth and taste her ever sweet tongue. Our dynamic push and pull sequence were fully synchronized and we satisfied each other with our inner flavors. Her alluring sweet scent was still there, the juicy taste of her mouth never fails to send shivers down my spine. She was ever more captivating and enticing, the kind which you fall in love hard with.
We finally detached ourselves when we ran out breath, I just realized that we just had a dangerous makeout session in a family dinner occasion. I never missed Jennie so bad, now all I want now is to be with her for the rest of the night, while I try to hold her and feel her warmth again. "I missed you so much." Jennie muttered in an almost whimper tone. A smile grew on my face, I knew I wasn't the only one struggling here.
Can the universe for once consider the sanity of our souls? Can you just let us be in love this time? I want to fight for this again, I want to fight for Jennie again. As much as I could wait, I still want to so bad, I want it right now. So with a heavy pant I managed to speak again, gathering all my inner strength, and with our foreheads colliding, along with brimming eyes full of passion, I said in a sincere whisper, "Jennie, Sleep with me tonight . . ."
....