Blake's lips press against mine and there is an explosion, my skin is on fire and there is fireworks all around me. Before I know what I am doing I am on top of him, straddling him with my hands is his hair as his lips move against mine. It's a hungry kiss and I need it just as much as he does but it's not enough.
I need more and as if he can hear my thoughts his tongue brushes over my lower lip making me moan and he pulls me tighter against him. His tongue sweeps over my lip again and this time I gasp giving him full access to my mouth. His tongue presses into my mouth and the feeling is amazing, he slows down the kiss and it's so sensual I feel like I could explode.
Blake was not kidding when he said he was the expert at kissing, not that I know anything about it he is just much better at it than Will. Will. Shit. My brain kicks into gear and I realize that I am kissing Blake, no making out with him.
In my panic I do the first thing I can think of and bite his lower lip, hard. When he starts to pull away I shove him and jump up from the bed. I run to the kitchen just to put some distance between us. What the fuck just happened? Did I really just kiss Blake, did that just happen?
I hear him enter the kitchen but I don't turn to look at him, how do I face him after what just happened. He kissed me but I didn't do anything to stop it until we were deep into it and Will how could I do this to him? He is so nice and everything I want in a guy and normal, we just started hanging out and now I go and fuck it up like this.
"Wendy..." it's just a whisper.
"Leave me alone, please just go," my voice shakes and I don't know if it's from unshed tears or anger but I don't want him around when I find out.
"Wendy can we just..."
BANG!
The mug I threw against the wall narrowly misses him and showers down to the floor in little pieces.
"Fucking Leave!" I yell at the top of my lungs.
I hear his footsteps retreat back in the direction of the guest room. What have I done? Why did he kiss me? All we ever do is fight or rather I fight with him and he tells me bullshit stories about protocol and then goes and breaks it himself. I am so confused.
I clean up the mug and send my mom a text to tell her that it's safe to come back home. I head down to my room and decide to take a shower maybe the water flowing over me will wash away this feeling of dirtiness I have. Like what we did somehow made me impure.
I stand under the water and let it flow over me, I stand there long enough for my parents to come back, long enough for them to go up to bed, long enough for the water to run cold but the feeling won't go away. I keep replaying it in my head scolding myself for letting it happen. As I climb into bed I pray for the sweet oblivion of sleep to take this feeling away.
I don't know what the feeling is, it's not sadness and it's not as strong as anger almost like disappointment, at myself maybe. I'll just sleep it off and hopefully in the morning it all just feels like a bad dream. I change into my fluffiest pj's and get into bed.
The sound of a motorbike wakes me up in the early morning hours but I ignore it and go back to the blissful nothingness of sleep. Later my bedroom door opens and a tiny blond person comes in, I scoot over, lift up the covers and wait for her to climb into bed with me. We sleep like that for about another hour until she wakes me up asking for food.
I make my specialty, scrambled eggs and toast, some would argue that it's the only thing I know how to cook, they would be right. I really suck at cooking, it just doesn't come natural to me and it is not from lack of trying. My mom is a great cook but I gave up trying to learn from her after the fourth time I burned rice, just plain rice.
After breakfast and clean-up we spent the day lounging around in our pj's, in my room watching old Hanna Montana episodes from the box sets I made my parents buy me as a kid. Soon it's time to get dressed and get Joey from Tad's house.
"Okay Jessie remember what I said?" I ask as we pull into Tad's driveway.
"Joey might have a headache from drinking to much grown-up juice so we need to be very quiet."
We have this talk every time before I need to pick up Joey from Tad's house, which luckily is not that often mostly just after they win a big game, if they loose Joey spends the time afterwards with the fam. I sent him a text and a few minutes later a slightly rumpled up Joey walks to the car and gets into the passenger seat.
"How you doing?" I ask softly
"Fine mostly as long as I don't need to do anything that requires balance," he says in an even softer voice, it must have been some party.
"So just relaxing at home then?"
"Yes, please," he begs so I drive to MacD's and then home.
"I went to the park with mommy and daddy last night because Addie had something to say to the mean boy that sometimes stay at the house," Jessie happily informs my brother while eating fries.
"You okay?" he asks me with a mouth full of chicken nuggets but concern on his face.
"Yes why wouldn't I be?" I do my best at pretending that it's true.
"Maybe because last time there was a midnight park trip we came home to you crying and sweeping up a broken mug." He's got a point.
"No this time was less eventful," I lie.
The last time was because of a party I wanted to go to. Missy and I got invited to a house party the weekend and seeing as that almost never happens we really wanted to go. Blake said no and I tried to reason with him but he kept to character that time and refused while in a military stance.
I scream, I yelled and I plead but it all fell on deaf ears. My frustration finally got the best of me and I threw a cup at him, not unlike last night, but he just told me he was going to give me some time to calm down and left. That was when I started crying but those were tears of anger directed at the emotionless robot that ruined my high school experience.
He was not an emotionless robot last night when he kissed me, the unwelcome thought pops into my head. I need to stop thinking about last night, he was drunk and I was upset, like a usually am with him, and things just got out of hand. It will never happen again, in fact last night did not happen at all.
The rest of the day was spent eating MacD's and watching movies. My parents went out for dinner and we all praised my mom in her stunning blue dress. Jessica fell asleep on the couch and I carried her upstairs, Joey hadn't fully recovered yet. After I put her to bed I decided to go to bed myself seeing as how tomorrow was Monday meaning I had to wake up 30 min earlier than usual.
"You know you can tell me whatever it is that's bothering you. I might not have any experience with boys being assholes but i am a decent listener." Joey offers as we leave Jessica's room.
"Thanks Joe but there really is nothing to talk about, we had some words and as per usual nothing got resolved but there was no tears," this is all true I am just leaving out the parts that I will be suppressing for the rest of my life.
When I wake up the next morning I feel surprisingly refreshed, I get dressed in record time and my hair doesn't fight me at every turn. Today might even be a good day, my spirits stay up all the way to the breakfast table.
"Did Agent Grey come home last night?" are the first words I hear as I enter the kitchen.
"Yes but he left very early again this morning he must have something important to do," my mom answers Mike's question.
We have our coffee-less family breakfast, chatting about the upcoming week and everyone's plans and activities. My mom reminds me that I need to take Jessie to ballet on Wednesday and Joey that he needs to take her to gymnastics on Thursday. After breakfast I go back to my room to get my stuff when I see a note on the floor in front of my door it had one word written on it.
Sorry
I crumple up the piece of paper in my fist and head over to the trashcan to throw it out but at the last minute I change my mind. I straighten it out as best as I could, fold it into a square and place it in the back of the Peter Pan book on my nightstand. I will throw it in his face at a later time in life, that's why I am keeping it and no other reason.
On the drive over to school Joey is quiet, probably struggling with his own thoughts, mine keep going back to the note. Sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry that he kissed me or that he acted like such an ass the night before? Was he sorry that he kiss me, did he regret it and why does the thought that he did bother me so much?
When I get to school I say a quick goodbye to Joey and walk over to my locker where I know Missy is waiting. Joey and I don't really interact at school, he has his friends and Blake scares away all my potential friends, the exception being Missy, and we just don't run in the same circles.
"Hey bitch, how was your weekend? Mine was fucking lame, my dad had some important douche over and I had to suck up to his socially awkward daughter most of the weekend." Missy really doesn't like the snooty rich kids of the people her father did business with.
"You know same old, same old," I tell her trying not to think of what happened this weekend.
"You had your first date ever and all you have to say for yourself is same old, same old?" she lifts an eyebrow at me.
Shit, my date with Will that also happened. I need to get my shit together.
"My date was amazing actually and I had my first kiss," I inform her truthfully.
"Spill."
I tell her about everything, the bowling, his cute speech when he got a strike and of course the kissing. I am busy telling her how he walked me home when I see Will walking down the hallway towards us. He is wearing khakis with a blue shirt the same color blue as my top, now we will be the couple who holds hands and color coordinate, how weird.
"Hey," I say when he reaches us.
"Hey," he answers back.
"That's my cue to go, catch you losers at lunch," Missy dismisses herself and head to the girls room, most likely to take a smoke.
"You never called me back," Will tells me as he takes my books from me and the takes my hand.
Shit, I completely forgot with everything that was going on. He doesn't seem to mad, he is still holding my hand so he can't be that upset,
"I am so sorry, I just had such a crazy weekend, my brother found out he might get a scholarship to Stanford and I was taking care of my sister on Sunday and there was this hole thing with Blake..."
"What hole thing with Blake?" Shit, shitshitshitshitshit. It slipped out.
"Nothing we just had a fight," I lie.
"Where you and Blake ever a thing?"
"No, no. It's nothing like that he just knows my dad and we don't agree on much so whenever he spends time at my dads we always end up fighting." I lie, again,
"Oh, you guys just seem like you dated, there is a lot of tension between you," Will says and I can tell he feels uncomfortable with the idea of me and Blake being together, as he should be.
"No we never dated, actually I have never dated anyone before so I will probably mess this up at some point but just bare with me," I try to steer the topic off Blake
"It's okay, I am a pretty forgiving person," he smiles down at me.