Chapter 16
The whole next week we were together much to my friends dismay. Sam was even looking at us disapprovingly. He had looked like he wanted to say something to me but never had the chance, because he could never catch me without Taylor. I shrugged it off. Maybe overtime they would try and accept it, and be okay with our relationship again like they had been at the beginning.
"You have a cooking project due," Mrs. Lorenzo said Friday in cooking. It was the last class of the day and we were barely paying attention. Taylor was tickling me behind my knee and I was desperately trying to stop him without drawing attention to myself. I was also trying to pay attention to what Mrs. Lorenzo was saying. "It's due Monday, I'll partner you up, and I'm passing around the instruction sheet now. You have to go shopping on a budget, but get enough food to cook meals and serve a family of four for the entire week. You have to calculate everything, including amounts and price. Good luck."
Mrs. Lorenzo walked around giving out the papers and assigning partners within each cooking group. As the noise level began to grow I slapped Taylor.
"Stop that!" I shrieked, not loud enough to get the attention of anyone outside of our group.
He smirked and tried to tickle me in my stomach but I hopped off my chair into Nick's lap. It was a complete accident, I had just been trying to get away from being tickled, but the smirk on Taylor's face disappeared instantly. I looked up to Nick's surprised face, but I could tell he was enjoying it and I quickly righted myself and jumped off of him.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." I was blushing now. "I just jumped to get away from him and kind of jumped on you without knowing I did. Sorry."
"I don't mind," Nick said smiling.
"Shut up, dude," Taylor said as I went to go sit next to him again.
"Taylor stop, it was an accident." I poked him in the stomach to get him to stop glaring at Nick. "Maybe you should stop tickling me."
I stuck my tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes but smiled and I knew I was forgiven.
"Okay, Nick and Liana, you guys are partners. Which leaves Kaya and Taylor as partners," Mrs. Lorenzo said and I beamed at Taylor. I was even happier because then I wouldn't have to work on it with Nick, which would have caused problems for Taylor.
"Wohoo," he cheered jokingly at me. I rolled my eyes.
"We can work on it later tonight, but first I have to help Hailey," I said.
"I'll come over after school then..."
"No, she'll be taking up my whole afternoon, it would be pointless," I chuckled. "She's really nervous, but anyway. You can come over after my parent's take her. Then they are going out to some fancy restaurant with the little ones and won't be back until late. I don't think they are bringing the little ones with them though, they might drop them off at my aunt's or something."
"Okay, I'll come over after then," he smiled widely.
"Sounds good," I said.
"And then I'll come over cause I'm right next door," Nick joined in laughing.
"Yeah okay Nick," I laughed but Taylor just narrowed his eyes.
"Chill, I was just kidding, man," Nick said holding his hands up.
"Baby, calm down. It was a joke," I said. What was with him today?
He sighed and looked away giving up. I looked at the stuff on the table that we still had to clean. "I'll go clean the rest of this," I said.
I walked over to the sinks and dumped our stuff in the sink. I expected Taylor to come up behind me but when someone started to help, it was Nick instead.
"Oh thanks, you didn't have to help," I said surprised.
"Whatever, just clean."
I laughed. "Will you and Taylor ever get along?"
"Not likely. Unless he suddenly changes his mind," Nick chuckled.
"That helps."
We were quiet for a bit and the only sound was the rushing water and the squelching of the sponges and dishcloths on the dishes.
"You shouldn't be alone with him," Nick blurted out.
I looked at him completely stunned. "One, I'm alone with him a lot. Two, why shouldn't be alone with him? Three, why is that any of your business?"
"You should listen to your brother is all I'm saying. Anthony doesn't like the kid at all," he shrugged.
"Anthony doesn't know anything," I rolled my eyes. "Since when have you become best friends with him?"
"We were always friends because I went out with you and because we knew each other for so long."
"Okay, well stay out of it Nick. I'm not your girlfriend anymore," I said and realized how harsh it was. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."
"It's true though," he said, but I could still tell how much it still hurt him and I bit my lip.
We finished the dishes quickly after that and then hurried back to the table. We all packed up our stuff and I stood near Taylor at the door waiting for the dismissal bell.
When it finally rang, Taylor and I were the first one out of the doors.
"I'll be over as soon as you call me," Taylor said as we made it to my car.
"Okay, see you later," I said pecking him on the cheek before getting into my car.
I drove to Janice's before I went home and picked up a couple of burgers to go. Hailey was going to be hungry and I wanted to surprise her with her favorite. After we ate I was going to totally pamper her and make her look simply amazing for the dance. I had already helped her pick out a dress. It was a spaghetti strapped black dress that didn't flow too much - it wasn't her style - it was gorgeous but age appropriate. It was simple, but it was perfect for Hailey.
I waited around to get Tanya, Hailey, and Damien off the bus. "Hey guys! Hailey? You ready!?"
"Oh my god, so ready! Thank you so much for this, Kay," she exclaimed climbing in the passenger seat next to me while the younger ones climbed in the back.
"No problem. I got everyone Janice's as a special treat!" I said and they all yelled the ten second drive home.
"Alright, let's eat. After this Hailey, nothing but water!" I instructed.
"Okay major pain in my butt." Hailey attempted being cool and I almost told her to get ready on her own, but I promised her I would help.
"Shut up and eat," I said evenly.
Once we finished with eating, I set up a movie for Tanya and Damien and dragged Hailey into my room where I started to set up everything to get her ready.
"Sit still and do as I say otherwise I'm not helping you and I'm leaving you half-finished." I threw her into a chair and started taking off the chipped polish that was on her finger and toe nails.
I put a muted shade of red on her nails and then started on her hair. I decided to curl it for the dance - why not try something different? Then I put on some light make-up that made her eyes pop.
The whole process took almost the whole afternoon. It was six, when I finally had her get changed and we went to present it to the whole family. The dance started at seven, but Hailey said she needed to be there early since she was on the dance committee.
"Introducing," I said to the rest of my family. We were all waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Hailey to come down and show herself. "Miss Hailey George!"
She walked down in her silver kitten heels and everyone clapped. Anthony was even there to witness this event. Hailey's smile stretched from ear to ear and I admired my work. She look stunning and I knew that Alex kid was the luckiest guy in her grade.
"You look great Hailey!" My mother gushed. "Let's get a move on, bye Kaya. Bye Anthony."
"Bye," we said together and in a rush everyone went outside and drove away leaving me and Anthony alone.
"What are your plans for tonight?" I asked him.
He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"What do you mean why? I was just asking so I would know if I had to deal with you for too much longer!" I shot back.
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Working on a project."
"With who."
"My partner."
"Who's your partner?"
"Taylor," I admitted defeated.
"Where are you guys working on this 'project'?" he asked skeptically.
"It's for cooking and here! Stop assuming things," I scolded him.
"Then I'm staying here to babysit you and make sure you kids work on your project." He was starting to irritate me, even though he was trying to be a good big brother.
I sighed. "We don't need a babysitter. We've been going out for a couple of months now kiddo."
"Don't call me kiddo and I know I was just kidding. I have a party to go to."
"Mr. Popular, of course," I teased him. He just laughed and soon enough I was left alone to call Taylor over.
He arrived in record time.
"Anthony just left, along with the rest of my family. So we have some peace and quiet to work." I led him into my basement. I already had my laptop and cooking instruction sheet down on the futon ready for us.
"Sounds good," he said as we sat down.
I sat cross legged on the computer opening the things we needed from our teacher's website. He sat facing me on my right side. We worked for over an hour before I finally looked away from the computer screen.
"We have a solid part done," he chuckled.
"I didn't think it was that hard." I laughed along with him.
"Yeah, do you want to stop now?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"No, we can finish Day two and three though, that way we'll have almost half done tonight."
He sighed. "Okay, but this is getting boring."
"I know but I don't want to fail cooking." I laughed.
"True."
We went back to working, but about ten minutes I was interrupted. Taylor started kissing behind my ear and he wrapped one of his arms around the front of my waist.
"Taylor."
"Mm?" He murmured against my neck as he continued kissing it.
I tried not to laugh but I giggled a bit anyway before I struggled for my composure. I could feel him smile against my neck. "Stop it, we have to keep working."
"I can think of something better to do."
"I know you can, but we need to get this done."
"We have the whole weekend."
"Taylor!" I exclaimed. It was really hard to concentrate on anything other then his lips creeping up my neck and coming dangerously close to mine.
"What?"
"Stop it!" I shoved him playfully but he didn't budge.
"No thanks."
I tried to work through his distractions but I finally gave in and turned to kiss him on the lips. I intended for it to be a quick kiss but instead we sat there for who knows how long lips locked.
"Back to work," I whispered once we broke apart. My face was still close to his and I was looking straight into his eyes.
"Do you really want to keep working?" His gaze was too intense - it made me want to look away - yet I for some reason I couldn't.
"Yes," I lied.
"Really?" His breath smelled amazing and I just wanted to taste it on his tongue again but we needed to finish this project.
I rested my hands against his chest. I looked as if I was going to grab his shirt and bring him in closer but instead I pushed as hard as I could and he rolled off the edge of the futon. I collapsed in giggles.
"You're in so much trouble!" He playfully growled at me and I kept laughing as he flung himself on the futon and began tickling me.
"Stop - Taylor - seriously!" I said in between laughs.
"Say you're sorry!" he yelled.
"I will! Just stop!" I was laughing out of control now and I hoped I wouldn't get hiccups.
He let go and I immediately stopping laughing and tried to catch my breath. "I'm sorry! And now I can't breathe."
"Aww, I leave you breathless." He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled.
I threw a pillow at him. "Shut up, let's get back to work."
"Whatever you say." He threw the pillow back but it ended going to the other side of the room.
"Go get that. You missed," I said sticking my tongue out at him.
"Of course my lady," he said getting up and doing a bow.
He walked to the other side of the room. While he was there something vibrated next to me on the futon. I expected it to be my phone but it wasn't, it was Taylor's.
"Taylor, someone's got a text message!" I joked picking it up and waving it around.
His eyes widened and he lurched for the phone but I was too quick and jumped out keeping it out of his reach.
"Give it back, Kay," he said holding out his hand.
I slapped it with my empty hand and danced farther out of his reach.
"It's from Kristie?" I read confused.
"Kaya, please." He pleaded, and I looked at his face. It was not only worried, it was scared.
"Why?" I said. I must have looked just as scared as he did.
I read the message and my mouth dropped.
I'm so glad you're the one I lost my virginity to. You really know how to work it ;) I'm glad you could fit me into your 'busy' schedule last Thursday. Saturday wasn't bad either.
I dropped the phone and let it bounce on the carpet. The world seemed to spin. I couldn't hold it together. For the first time in my life, I completely broke down. I couldn't feel anything; I never knew what feeling numb on the inside meant until this moment. I shuddered violently and uncontrollably for at least a minute before my body seemed to return to the numb state. I fell down to the ground unable to believe it. I was like a corpse resting on the floor. It was worse than anything I had ever experienced. I didn't know how I could ever muster up the strength to do anything but sit here frozen like this.
"Kaya? Kaya are you okay?" he frantically cried not knowing what to do or how to react. He came over and shook my shoulders. The fear was evident in his voice. "Kaya, say something."
The tears had silently been running down my face every since I read it. They started to pour relentlessly out of my eyes now and the sobs were hitched and broken. I looked up at him helplessly. I hadn't cried like this since I was a little girl, and here I was crying my heart out, and I had an audience.
"Get out," I whispered. Even as a whisper you could hear the pain leaking from every word.
"What?! Kaya, you're scaring me what's wrong?" he asked.
"Take you and your phone, and everything and get out!" I cried the tears streaming down my face. I got up, gave him his phone and started pushing him toward the stairs.
He barely moved and he wrapped his arms around me but I violently shook him off and screamed at him, "Go away! Get out of my house and LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"What's going on?!" he said panicked.
"Congrats, you finally got me to cry!" I exclaimed through my sobs. They were coming more often now and I was almost not understandable.
"What are you talking about?" He shouted.
"I thought you loved me. Then you get a text message from, Kristie, and I have to find out you're a lying cheating -," I was cut off by my own sobs. "Just get out."
"I didn't cheat!" he lied.
"Explain that message to me then," I said quietly trying to control my sobs to no avail.
For the first time, he read the message and his eyes bugged wide. When he looked up at me I could see the regret and guilt written in them and I got my answer. Taylor had cheated. I couldn't take any more of it and I ran upstairs tripping on some of the steps but still getting a head start.
I could hear him calling for me and racing up the stairs behind me but I didn't stop until I climbed the second flight of stairs and made it to my room. I slammed my door shut and locked it. I was on the floor sobbing and crying harder than I ever had before. How could he have such a strong effect on me? How could he crash my whole world in a single second?
My heart throbbed painfully. I felt as if someone had just shot me and left me here to bleed. I wasn't numb anymore, but I wished to be so. The escape from the pain would surely be preferable.
I heard pounding on my door. "Kaya let me in. Let me explain."
I couldn't answer, drowning in my own tears.
"Kaya, I swear, I didn't." I could hear the guilt evident in his voice still. Another gun shot went through my chest and the pain intensified. It did indeed hurt worse that he was still lying, even though he knew I could see right through him.
I still couldn't answer him nor did I want to. He jiggled the door knob and banged on the door again. "Open this door, please."
I dragged myself over the edge of my bed and grabbed a pillow that was strewn on the floor and curled up against the bed. I didn't have the energy or the will to pull myself up into my bed. The pain crashed over me in extremely potent waves. There was no escaping it.
I desperately wanted to sleep. When you're sleeping, you don't feel anything. You're just there, there's no hurt, no pain, no anything. It's like a peaceful oblivion. I closed my eyes yet the tears kept coming same with the heart-wrenching sobs. My chest ached and I felt queasy.
How could everything I believed in destroy me? Did he even mean it when he told me he loved me? Was I not enough? How did I fall for his games? Taylor was everything to me, and now I just felt cold. I shivered violently again, and pulled myself tighter. I was so cold I had goose bumps, but they weren't the type I had gotten Monday. Everything felt like ice. Inside and out.
I ached all over all the way through to my finger tips. Taylor wasn't making any more noises and I figured he had left me for good and that brought on another round of hysteria. A couple hours later I heard someone at my door and I stopped my broken breathing to listen.
"What are you doing?" I heard Anthony ask.
"She won't open the door." I hear Taylor answer, his voice was groggy as if he had either been sleeping or crying; I couldn't tell which. He had been sitting outside my door the whole time to hear my breakdown.
"Why not?"
"I don't know but I'm worried about her, she was crying her eyes out and freaking out. It was bad," Taylor said, his voice sent knives up and down my body. It was the loveliest sound in the world, but it reminded me of all the lies that I had believed.
It also reminded me how much I was in love with him.
"What did you do?" Anthony growled. I heard a thump and I wondered what was going on, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it.
"I - I, she thinks I cheated!"
"Did you?" Anthony was clearly pissed.
I thought if there was room for me to feel anything but the agony that ripped through me, I would be happy that Anthony really was the older brother he always told me he would be.
"Yes," he admitted and I clapped my hands over my ears. I didn't want to hear more but their voices were so loud. "It was a mistake, but I love her."
"I love her too. She's my sister, and if you know what's good for you, you'll leave right now and never come back," my brother threatened.
"Dude, just let me talk to her. She locked the door so I can't get in and she won't answer me." Taylor's voice was pleading.
"Not a chance. You're not going to hurt her more then you already have. Leave." His voice was low and menacing.
I heard some ruffling and footsteps and all was quiet outside my room for a second and I was grateful. I didn't need any more audiences. A couple seconds later, I heard footsteps against and a light knock on my door.
"Kaya, are you okay?" Anthony's voice was quiet. I shook my head even though he wouldn't be able to see. He knew I was there because he could hear my crying. After I didn't answer he spoke again. "I'm going to unlock this door if you don't."
He waited again and then I heard scraping as he reached for the key on top of the door frame.
I looked up at him as he took in the sight. I tried to imagine what I looked like but my brain couldn't focus, it was trying to shut down.
He cursed. "God, I wish I did kill him. Kaya, speak to me are you okay?"
I just shook my head again. He picked me up bridal style and placed me on my bed. I rolled over so I didn't have to see his face and he didn't have to see mine as he sat next to me. He covered me with my blankets and just sat there with me. I couldn't even care enough to make him go away, so he sat there with me while I cried and cried for the entire night.
Finally exhaustion took over and I fell asleep my cheeks still glistening.
I woke up the next day still completely freezing. I looked over to see the sun peeking through my closed shades. I figured Anthony had closed them, because I wasn't in any shape to do that the night before. Everything hit me again at a crippling strength and I balled up again somehow hoping that it would keep me together longer.
"You're up. Stop crying, please. I thought you would never stop," Anthony said walking in my room. "I stayed here all night and I just went to go get some food. Want some of my banana?" He walked over and shoved the banana close to my face.
I just squeezed my eyes shut hoping to keep the tears in.
"I can't remember the last time I ever saw you cry, Kay," he said quietly on a serious tone. "You know, I'm your brother, and that's pretty sad that I have never seen you really cry."
I didn't answer again.
"Kaya please talk to me." I just shook my head. If I opened my mouth I was sure I would go back to breaking down and I desperately wanted to avoid crying. I had a massive headache and it made me hate crying even more. The pain hadn't lessened, only intensified since last night. "Talk! This is scary, please."
"I'm fine," I lied. My voice cracked and came out without much volume.
"You're sure as hell not fine!" He exclaimed but I could see he was relieved I talked. "I told you over and over again, Kaya. I told you he was no good! Now look at you, you're a mess. I tried to protect you, but you wouldn't listen."
"If you're going to sit here and yell, it's only going to make it worse." The pain was clear in my voice every time I tried to speak. "So just go if that's what you're planning on doing."
"No, I'm sorry. I just am so mad I could kill him," Anthony said. "I called Sam, he's coming over soon."
"Why did you do that?" I asked. I realized my voice sounded dead and I didn't put the anger into it that I wanted to. I tried again with a little success. "Do you think I want to see anyone right now?"
"He's your best friend, what else was I supposed to do, he knows you better than anyone!"
"Except for Taylor." I said taking a couple deep breaths hoping to keep my composure.
"Stop it right now."
"But it's true. He saw through me when not even Sam did. He made me cry, when I haven't in forever."
"Kaya, shut up." Sam came in rolling his eyes, even though they were filled with worry. I sat up straight and brushed through the tangled mess of hair that was connected to my head.
"Hi," I said quietly. He came over and wrapped me up in a hug and I held on to him like if I didn't I would fall black into a black hole.
"How you doing kid?"
"I loved him." I said balling my hands into fists on his back. "I still love him."
"I know."
Sam sat with me and talked with me for the rest of the day. I told him everything about me and Taylor and I didn't hold back. I told him how he made me feel and how I still felt. I told him how my heart felt like it had been shot repeatedly and was bleeding inside of me and how the pain was getting worse with each second I was away from Taylor.
I told him that without Taylor, I felt worse than knowing that he cheated. Without his touch, I was freezing. I was used to him being there all the time and I had loved always being in his warm arms, feeling like nothing could hurt me or touch me. I had forgotten how it had felt to be cold, but now I couldn't remember how it felt to be warm. He left me frozen.
"It's going to be okay." Sam reassured me.
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"For not saying I told you so. For being here."
"That's what best friends are for." He smiled and I attempted one back but it came out as more of a grimace.
I looked at my phone finally and I had about whole bunch of missed calls from Taylor along with voice mails and a couple of texts from people like Jaida and Nikki. They hadn't heard yet, but I didn't want to be the one to tell them. Everyone would be so happy that he hurt me, just so they could say that they were right.
"Do you want me to tell them?" Sam asked.
"Yes, I just don't want to see anyone this weekend. At all." I let my head fall.
"I understand. I'll come over tomorrow though," he said giving me a hug. Then he was gone and I went to go to pieces again in silence. No matter how much Sam would try, or Anthony, the pain was unbearable and I clawed desperately for an escape.
I cried myself to sleep again, and I felt a pattern in the making. I couldn't even bring myself to call Taylor because I knew at the sound of his voice I would cave in. I was right when I realized I loved him, I told myself that I loved him too much and this goes to show I was right.
When I got up Monday I had a headache. It seemed to be permanent from all the crying that I couldn't control. I groaned and put on some jeans and a sweatshirt. I straightened my hair like normal and added a little make up. I couldn't do more than that.
I dragged myself to school and I was grateful that with my being early, Taylor wasn't there yet. Sam, Nick, Jaida, Nikki, and Jason were there though. I put a smile on but I didn't try too hard to make it convincing. Normally, it was easy for me to hide my feelings, but for some reason it was too difficult.
"Hey girl!" Jaida exclaimed.
"Hey guys," I said.
Sam came and gave me a hug, and whispered in my ear, "I told them."
"Thanks," I whispered back.
"Are you okay?" Nikki said hugging me. She looked genuinely worried.
"Not at all," I whispered looking at my feet. There was no point in keeping up the charade.
"It'll get better. Think of it this way, it was for the best," Nikki tried.
I didn't say anything and pulled out my phone acting like I got a text for a distraction. Jaida changed the subject and everyone turned their attention to her. I could still see the side-long glances thrown my way from everyone as if they expected me to go crazy and run around screaming. They had to give me more credit, it's like they didn't know me at all.
"Hey." Taylor's voice said from behind me and a nasty shudder rocked my body. I was torn between wanting to turn around and kiss him or break down crying. "Kaya, can I talk to you for a second?"
Everyone's eyes focused on me. Color rose in my cheeks, and I didn't know what else to do but say yes and follow him away from the group.
"You didn't call me back," he said awkwardly.
I nodded my head and bit my lip. He looked so handsome and cute when he was distressed. I had to focus. I could feel the agony play across my face and I saw him watching it.
"Listen, can we talk about this?" He pleaded. "I'm sorry."
My heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. It was throbbing longingly at his words wanting to believe they were true.
"I have nothing to say," I breathed.
"You know I love you."
"I don't know anything anymore." I couldn't meet his eyes, they were too powerful.
"Kaya you have to know I love you."
"Then why would you cheat?" I was dubious to say the least.
"It was a mistake. People make mistakes," he shrugged. "But don't give up on me now." He returned to being intense. He tried to coax my chin up to look at him but I stepped back out of his reach.
"Don't touch me." My voice broke and I was extremely embarrassed. "I-I have to go. Goodbye."
"Kaya wait!" he called but I was already tearing through the halls and into the closest girl's room. Luckily it was empty.
I went into the farthest stall and slammed it shut, locking it and fell to the ground with my head in my hands. How was I supposed to see him all day? It was going to be torture. I thought quickly. I called in sick to the school and waited until the bell rang until I emerged from the bathroom. I made a break for my car and went home. The tears came again and wouldn't stop, as if I had saved them all up for all these years until someone had the audacity to break my heart. When he broke my heart, he broke the dam holding the tears in and I couldn't fix it.